View Single Post
  #18  
Old 12-06-2017, 03:33 AM
JustBeingMe67's Avatar
JustBeingMe67 JustBeingMe67 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 5,378
Thanks: 866
Thanked 1,862 Times in 892 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dunksislife View Post
I was in a DV situation in the not-too-distant past. My "LO" (and I struggle to call him a LO) at the time told me he felt there were times when it was OK to hit or otherwise abuse a partner. The examples he gave were when the person cheated, talked to an ex (no sex involved) or when some other perceived egregious injustice had been perpetrated upon the abuser (which could be something as simple as breathing too loud or some other ridiculous thing). In my case, it was when I was in contact with an ex-boyfriend trying to get some perspective and remembrance of the person I was before my abuser totally railroaded my life. When he found out, he began hitting me in the face while I was driving. Two days later, he attacked me with a knife and held me at knife-point while I just waited for him to stab me. He broke my nose, left me with a bruise from my shoulder to my elbow and with mental scars that last to this day.

I am getting ready to go back into trauma therapy because I have found I am in no way, shape or form over what happened so long ago. I am almost apathetic to people and life situations. It's a shutdown coping mechanism. I still struggle with what my abuser said to me about me deserving the abuse because I "cheated" on him, not to mention all the other things he said about me being fat but pretty, useless, stupid, etc. You know, all the things they normally say.

It's to the point where it's affecting my ability to even love my current LO the way I should and the way we both deserve now. I'm trying to mitigate the damage and stop myself from killing this relationship before it even really gets a chance beyond prison walls.

Sometimes I just wonder, did I ever really deserve the abuse? I know what the obvious answer is, but I just wonder if he was right? Are there ever situations where being beaten and mentally abused are acceptable?
Your thoughts are in alignment with a classic victim of DV and getting into trauma counseling is VERY important for you and for any future relationships. IMO you should NOT be starting a new relationship with the mindset you currently have. It is NEVER, I repeat NEVER okay to hit someone you claim to love and care about.

It's best if you DO kill this relationship because 9 times out of 10, you will end up abused again. Get into counseling and make starting a relationship your LAST priority. Until you love yourself, nobody else will either.
__________________
Be Real, Be You
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustBeingMe67 For This Useful Post:
dunksislife (12-06-2017), xolady (12-06-2017)