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Old 12-05-2017, 12:23 PM
dunksislife dunksislife is offline
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Originally Posted by missingdee View Post
I think when you become a victim of abuse you develop some degree or variation of ďStockholm SyndromeĒ where you begin to sympathize with or become co-dependent in relation to your abuser. If you havenít been abused, based on what I have experienced both with Dee and working with mental health clients and drug abusers in the past who have experienced both physical and emotional abuse, you are fortunate. It is common for an abused person to ask if they deserved it or wonder if what they experienced was acceptable or allowed in at least some circumstances (one of the best simplified examples of this phenomenon that I can think of is in Back To The Future 2 when Biff smacks Lorraine and she says she deserved it.)

Deeís ex-, as far as I know, never laid a finger on her but she often blamed herself and her own actions for the manipulative elements of his personality. It took YEARS of her seeing that I didnít put her down or threaten to use something of importance to her as leverage against her to get my way for it to fully sink in that thatís not what a relationship or marriage is supposed to look like, that a man isnít supposed to act that way, especially not toward the mother of his children.

So for you or I, who havenít been abused like that (or if we were decided to not put up with the BS and walk away at the first hint of trouble,) it seems like common sense. You really have to see it happen or experience it yourself to understand how people get there.

We are truly blessed, my friend, to not question whether or not this is normal and be able to definitively, fully say ďno, itís never acceptable.Ē OP is also blessed.....because she has the wherewithal to open up about what happened to her and ask for the thoughts of others. She is healing. And she is not nearly as likely to go back to her abuser or start with another abuser as someone who isnít at least seeking that insight. I wish her good health and a happy life.

I definitely developed a form of Stockholm Syndrome when it first happened. I defended him so hard and absolutely refused to help the DA's office prosecute him. Had I testified, he would have gotten 20+ years easily with his prior record. I was so traumatized that I shutdown and didn't want to relive or revisit the past. Due to certain circumstances with the case (no excited utterance, no victim to testify, etc.), his defense attorney filed a motion to dismiss and it was accepted by the judge. Because of me, charges including domestic A&B with a dangerous weapon, kidnapping and intimidation of a witness were dismissed. He served out a 6 month probation violation and that ends Friday.

Now I find myself faced with the past yet again. He is facing 7 felonies in another state resulting from another incident involving me. All are domestic A&B including animal abuse. He kicked my cat across the room and told me he would kill him by breaking his neck because I was a whore and was lying to him all the time. Ironically, that was the event that made me call the police. Seeing my animal cowering under the bed afraid to come out and then looking at my face in the mirror, I couldn't take it anymore and I needed help. Only to rebuff that help later on.

Did I lie to him? Yes I did. There's no excuse for lying, but I did it because I was scared of him and needed someone to talk to. I reached out to my ex because I trust him and he has always had my best interest at heart for the last 20 years.

I'm afraid of what is to come in the next few months. There are these times when I have these flashes of excitement over my LO coming home. More often than not, they are quickly muffled by feelings of sheer terror over having to face my abuser again. I think it's that very point that makes me not want to testify against him. I know he is a member of some hometown gang and that alone scares me. Some girl "ratted" on one of his brothers and she was beaten literally blind by another member. She never regained sight and is permanently disfigured. She was so scared she opted not to testify against the guy. He was convicted anyway.

I haven't gone to see my LO in months. Taking trips to see him used to be fun. Now I just feel nothing but dread and fear of leaving home. I had it under control for a while, but as Friday approaches, I am getting more and more freaked out and reclusive. And because of that, I know I need help.
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missingdee (12-05-2017), Sarianna (12-07-2017)