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Old 05-04-2019, 07:47 PM
sm.boewer sm.boewer is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
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Originally Posted by Panda70 View Post
There is a lot of country songs we had for each other more from him to me. My fiance has had two marriages and both weren't good. His first wife he has two kids one is 18 and the other is 17. The 18 year old has respect problems and has disowned his father because his father and grandma had rules for her house that he didn't like. The 17 year old lives with her mom out of state. The second marriage she just wanted the money he brought home every week. The song good girl he says is his song to me I changed everything with him. It also helps because we work construction sometimes together and we love the same things. I hear those songs we have and I cry. It's not easy to be away from him like this it's very hard. I had to go get help from my doctor I don't like taking pills. When he gets home I'm done taking them. Send me a message if you want to talk privately
Hi- I would love to talk privately but I'm still getting use to this forum and I don't know how to send a private message. Anyway, I have a new reason to feel worried, I missed 12 calls from my boyfriend over a two week period because my damn phone is stuck in silent mode and if I am not looking right at my screen, I don't realize I am receiving calls. I am saving up for a new phone, but in the meantime, he all of a sudden just quit trying and I'm worried he feels betrayed, or blown off, and now he's just distancing himself from me out of anger. I did have his mother explain the situation to him when he called her, so at least he knows it wasn't purposeful. I really miss him and feel very lonely at night before falling asleep and whenever I am driving for some reason. It's weird, the moment I get behind the wheel and start driving, my mind floods with memories of our 6 years together and I am overwhelmed by both love and loss. We use to spend a lot of time driving together and traveling around the state, so perhaps that is why the car is so difficult. Listening to music is an absolute no for me, any song will remind me of him and I end up in tears with mascera running down my face! So now I am super focused on what my phone is doing in case he calls but realistically, I can't stare at the screen all day long waiting for a call, so until I get a new one, it will be hit and miss. At least I can get messages to him through his mom, which helps. This is a hard situation having someone in prison you love, and I am grateful for the support of all of you women who are great examples of how to remain strong. They need us to hold it together out here because survival on the inside is a full time job, at least in the prison my boyfriend is in. It's very old, no programs, and daily racial violence to watch out for. I am learning that the best way for me to support him in there, is to remain secure, self-reliant and stable out here. He just can't be responsible for ensuring my mental health and well-being and it isn't personal, it's just how it is right now, but he does what he can when he calls to say I love you. Thanks for the great insight and feedback
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