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Old 04-12-2011, 06:40 PM
milovany milovany is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: michigan
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An answer to the using question. When I was writing and receiving letters and experiencing the intensity and all of the emotion and love, I did not ask myself was he using me. And luckily my friends although they could not relate to what I was doing supported my decision. I did meet him before he went in but no we did not really know each other. After he got out, I got him some clothing and personal items as he had none and no I couldn't really afford it but I didn't want to leave him like that either, so I happily did that (and no he did not ask). And I drove him and I fed him and I tried to navigate my way through his mood swings. Slowly and steadily he established himself and became more stable. He became more busy with his recovery and his church and had less and less time for me, I did my best to roll with that as it was best for him. After he got a car of his own, he really stopped comiing around and then I started to ask myself if he had been playing me all along. I rode that roller coaster ride of doubt and feeling a fool and not very good about myself.

THEN I found PTO and I read stories from many forums and I started to come to terms with everything and have begun to wash the doubt away.

You know what in answer to your question? Are you giving something that you want to give to somene that you want to give it to? Because there are no guarantees in this life, much as we try to have the answer up front to protect ourseles from pain. Sometimes people will do crappy things and mean it, sometimes people will do crappy things and not mean it and LOTS of the time things just go sideways for no apparent reason.

PTO stories and thank all of you who share them has enlightened me to remember that we are in the moment. Doing something that makes someone happy also makes me happy and that happy doesn't always last forever, sometimes we just share soe moments. Isn't that enough?
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