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Old 01-01-2018, 07:02 PM
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nimuay nimuay is offline
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Hon, it sounds to me like you are so in need of being loved that you'll hold on to anything that sorta/kinda feels like love.

But.....

This isn't it.

You have to leave him alone to work out his own stuff. And you have to work on yours! Like accepting lousy behavior just because somebody "loves" you. Lousy is never OK, just never. And lousy behavior isn't love. You just don't know what love looks like in any of its forms, because your mother loved meth more than you, and your 'partner' loves himself more than you. You have to figure out how to love yourself.

And when your behavior doesn't measure up to what your best hopes for yourself are, you need to be able to change your own channel. You want to be able to understand why you did what you did, work out ways to improve what you were thinking and then step forward past your old self.

That's a whole lot of work, and you can't do it while being a good mom to your child and a nursing student and tangled up with him, too. That's like trying to eat the whole cow at once, when one hamburger at a time is about all any of us can handle.

So - you owe yourself first, your kid second, and then anybody else has to do for themselves.
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