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Old 08-18-2011, 03:56 AM
MissLexy MissLexy is offline
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Originally Posted by karenacooper View Post
My husband(me) has also been dealing with meth and mental illness.He is bipolar and schizophrenic. It has been a very long and hard road, but I wouldn't change it because there is always hope.Which is a very sharp, double edged sword. I heard a line the other day and it fits so perfectly."the ones who are the hardest to love,need it the most" I read this browsing one day and it saved me.

This post is for husbands/wives of users. It is not for boyfriends and girlfriends or anyone else. If you are someone else, feel free to read and maybe something will help. However, my experience is as a wife with an addicted husband.
For all of you that are married to an addict: I assume you have all been given much of the same advice I had been given when I first started looking for help. I was told to leave him. I was told that I was enabling him. I was told that by staying, it meant I was codependent and I could never help him, that if I stayed, things would only get worse. I was told that our marriage would not survive. I was told to run away now while I could still have a life of my own. Among other things, good and bad, of course.
They were wrong.
I stayed. I helped. Yes, I suffered, but it was worth it. It was worth it because I have a clean husband, because my marriage survived, because we are both happy. It has been the hardest experience of my life, but I would do it again to get where we are now. Absolutely. Without a doubt.
If your decision is to stay, you need to know what you are getting into. Read, listen, study, learn all you can about meth, addiction, and recovery. Understand that the battle ahead is going to SUCK! Understand that it is going to hurt, that you will have to make sacrifices and that it will be the worst thing you have ever gone through. But like I said, I would do it again.
Yes, you can help. Yes, you can stay without enabling and being codependent. Yes, your marriage can survive.
Also, as yet another disclaimer, this advice is for those whose problem is meth. If there are other problems in your marriage, problems from before there was meth, then those are problems that will have to be solved or worked out otherwise. This advice concerns the present problem; meth.
Why didnt I leave my husband?
Because I dont believe in divorce.
Because I love him.
Because I was going to stay true to my vows.
Why face a decision that I have already made? On my wedding day I vowed that I would stay in this situation. I said I do, not I do if he does. I already made my choice.
I was an addicted wife, and I ruined our life due to meth. I've been clean 8 years now and all we have is hope to stay clean. One quote that sticks with me is... "In all things it is better to hope than to despair” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

its very admirable to stick by his side. I don't think I would have ever gotten in so deep if my husband hadn't left me. Luckily I found a great guy, even if he is an inmate right now...its only temporary
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