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Old 11-26-2019, 10:03 AM
Daughter_26 Daughter_26 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Hey everyone, just an update on my previous situation... due to all the great advice that I received I was finally able to break the communication barrier with my father. The waters are still a little murky because a lot of our relationship is so tied up in what is happening on the outside... things with his business (or what's left of it...) and things with my employment that are overlapping compounded with the fact that he has little to no control of any of it. When we do speak; although it's very limited, all he wants me to do is give him information and as you can most likely imagine that puts me in a very awkward place between wanting to be loyal to him / being a "spy" on my current employer and being the morally upright and ethical person that would never divulge workplace information.

I have become very proficient in playing "dumb" to everyone involved (both my father and my employer) but it's really starting to take a toll on my mental state and emotional well being. I know what is going on with both parties, I have the information that he is seeking but I am doing my best to try and do the right thing for myself and everyone involved. draining.

What I wish, more than anything, is that we could have a normal father/daughter dynamic... ask each other about our lives, what we are up to, how we are coping with this situation, bullshit, joke and all the other ways that I would imagine fathers and daughters talk.

I fear that the only reason I was able to break the communication barrier is because he wanted information from me; NOT because he really wanted to.

I think I was naive in thinking that being in federal prison would somehow change him; make him realize what the truly important things in life are and how precious relationships can be.

By the way! I totally realize that my expectations are sky high & that I'm sappy and way overly emotional... that's who I am and who I'll always be (I've NEVER really been accepted for it... always told that I'm "extra" and that I need to "shut it down") Hence this long post.

This might not even make any sense to the casual reader and trust me I know how complex it sounds.... I have to live with it and feel the two polar pulls every day. It's mentally exhausting and honestly I'm just glad I have an outlet to type it all out.
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choclgs (01-04-2020), patchouli (11-26-2019)