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Old 03-07-2018, 07:16 PM's Avatar is offline
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Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I don't know what to tell you as to what I would do!!!

I've proven to be really weak when I should have been strong.
But my love for my husband got in the way of my better judgment so I would probably have stuck by him.
It's always to say I know I'd walk away but it's not I always saw what my husband could be if under the right circumstances. Your fiance' has had a way harder start in life. Coming home then forced to deal with the same things that got him to prison is a huge road block to any successful out come. But for that he might have done well. Regardless of all you need to see if you want him back in your life. Good luck I don't think I would walk away, I always been the saint of lost causes!!!
God bless you, XO.Hola.
Gracia, chula. Good evening again XO. I hear you on that and this is why i was so happy God sent him to me/me to him vice versa, i knew what i was able to do without tryin' to "save a man."I know he always said, "with you i am able to stop being a bad person/stop being a criminal/never go back to prison.He would "leave out the words,no longer being an addict alkie, a drug addict."He never really talked bout this part but "showed me entire medical file since age 12 14,,"and other files of such DYSFUNCTION, thanks to "mom." So, yep. .. . he really is bad off. I knew he suffered. He is so beautiful(on outside) but he clearly hate himself on the inside still and is again suffering/messing himself up,but i can't save him,and i never try to. I knew again what he went thru as i publicly openly shared here and i never wanted his life to be darken again, just to continue to be his healing,and his bright light, after so much darkness...I knew if he "went by his bio-mom drug infected area, or "fall for her negativity/and or sweet sappy talk"he will be trapped, and he is and i can't watch that."He used to BAN her from visits and i knew it was true premised on her one time begging me to let him "remove the block"and for me to try to each time, "convince him to."
He knew by blocking her and others, he would be able as he put it, to be a "Free man." "Mom"(who he barely would refer to as MOM)she had shockingly willfully knowingly introduce him to weed/marijuana, at only pre-teen year of 11 and a 1/2 to almost 12,and used to go out and rob for "mom" all the time for her coke/crack/pills/meth/heroine from age 12 til 18 and a loaf of bread, the evening meal." He blocked her many times, and she would again want me to "convince him/lie to him to get him to "visit with her/to speak to her,," but I never did. He knew what would happen IF "mom" would see him and he did not want to fall back into such negativity in that area,or with "mom." He promised that NO MATTER WHAT happens he is not going to lose his "guardian angel/his compass/his focus and that's a life with me"nor he would EVER be returning back to those old projects,( because he is this year now almost THIRTIES by time he is free) and he know he will just end up right back in jail and being a dumb azz, who "no 1 over there in the hood care or love him,so he is going to avoid it while doing halfway house time to "get to our home in a different area,different state.

I never pressured him like the other addicts/people who yep are using him again.
He said he is STRONG like me + and would alway say 100x a day/night that it was I who he knew he would be "ok and happy with."He barely smile, his entire life. He told me all the time that, I taught him how to love and to be " happy and to be focus and to remain/become STRONG." Yet, he is in a prison situation again, hence, "he failed miserably in 90 days."Kicked out of the HWH. In jail again tonight.

James T.Vaughn Correctional Center's Correctional Officers(Co's) would say and i am talkin'about multiple CO's, would always say, at a visit/to calling the prison for diff reasons they would always say to me laughing/smiling saying:
"You're the reason he is smiling & OUT OF SHU for almost five long years and you are the one who will be able to f keep him off drugs/alcohol when he out, and why he will make it after locked up since age 12, 13, 14, the bbp(Big-Boy Prison) and i would smile at that.
I think he didn't want me to ever see this "side of him" so he would never talk about it much,and when he was admitting in December while home, at the HWH to me about: "I got high in prison as a going home present from a few inmates" i knew there, he was not going to be 1 who is going to get clean out here if you are already using drugs inside, and feasibly for a long time. I just don't at this time have anything left to give him (no more prison relationship time)i'm done at this point.
I loved him much because of the action and his "time" he would put in each day without asking, even from prison to show me how "serious"and loving/generous/gentle/caring he was as a man who i assumed was clearly ready for a change, without as he call it his "hood." I know GOD will show me IF he is still meant for me, then it will be and if not i am OK, i truly am. God bless you chula,and besos blessings and many hugs your way tonight."Thank you for caring.and all at PTO...G-night."
#TAAS (there are always signs,so DON'T ignore them)
Lead with your MIND + not your heart.

Last edited by; 03-07-2018 at 07:56 PM..
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