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Old 03-06-2018, 07:48 PM's Avatar is offline
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Cont'd (as i put mi phone charger in) i will now continue some more for all of you.Gracia.

During our 1st interaction today(first of 2 calls today/tonight)
He apologize multiple times, and was expressing how he "know" i am right and that i am "always right, and he is so sorry and he need me/love me,he really miss me."
He was telling me, that "life happens out here in the streets etc., " and the fact is that life just happened and he was slippin' meaning engaging in other things in "life"for which led him right back to prison on a "little parole/probation violation."I just listened as he asked me to do that without saying anything,and i let him speak about how "life just happens, and how hard it is, in the "real world." However, he had me to come home to and he know this,and all he had to do was "attend therapy on the inside of the halfway house"and do what was required of him,. and NO CELL PHONE/NO DRUGS inside and to continue this for five months for his INTERSTATE compact, to go through.

From the door( when i learned) he is right back in county jail and awaiting his "hearing" on VOP(violation) i had to made it clear to a man i TRULY did love so much i can't go back and rewind us as if nothing has happened.I gave him so much of mi time,was engaged, as we have for years literally planned so much however i can't just "go back and witness it all over again as i know he is really screwed up and how i would only be subjecting mi self to a life with "what is he doing/is he high or drunk today?"Is he really at his job?" Is he really clean? Is he out there robbing another gas station/liquor store, this evening? This is a man who admit to me as i posted here, "I can barely buy hygiene products at this halfway house, as i used to "in prison at James T.V. in Delaware, at least i was able to buy things." He then admits in January 2018, "The real world is harder than i thought." Yet, i was right here, to make sure he did not struggle like this, and i even had multiple job interviews by our (or what was our home)in a great area away from such negative life and his addicted-crack user mother, and all that is damaging to him.I can't be around that. I can't trust some 1 who is not going to get help, and sacrifice all i am worth and all i am about when he does not want to get clean and has known me now for years."No excuse for this, but he want me to believe "WE CAN'STILL WORK and be happy."

As hard as it was, because i simply adored him so much and he never gave me doubt for 90% of our almost 5 yrs, in each other lives, i really don't (even more so now)i do not, at all, regret making the hard decision to walk away since 2018 january as i had to leave him for reasoning already posted here in this forum "Now that he is home," hence, i am not looking back, and i will make this long and share all that has happened since mi last time here, on this specific topic.

There was no arguing (on my hand today, nor yelling.) "No need. I know i love myself too much and have so much going for me, that i will just keep moving on as i am doing, and i always said "Leave it in the lord hands,and if meant to be IF he was getting "real help/counseling,"and able to avoid a relapse, or not return to prison on a parole violation, then sure, maybe and showing me through action,but i am not sittin' around, waiting for that day to happen as he had several months to focus on the Interstate Compact Transfer to a new life/better healthier life he has not had in 29 and a 1/2 years, almost in his 30s,but chose the streets, yet again."
- I am now, putting mi phone charger in to continue mi new update.Gracia
#TAAS (there are always signs,so DON'T ignore them)
Lead with your MIND + not your heart.
CONSISTENCY,communication"is key.Without action, it just isn't real.

Last edited by; 03-06-2018 at 07:57 PM..
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