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Old 07-06-2007, 08:20 PM
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The Truth-

I feel you. I only try to question myself based on my own convictions and not based on the convictions of others.

When we were "little girls" did any of us say, (Me)

"Gee, I hope that when I grow up that I get married, have three kids, stay married for 15, adn then one day come home (after a vacation with the kids) to find that my husband left without word or warning, took everything (except for the kid's clothes and bedroom sets) and moved in with a "friend" from high school."

"I also hope that my student (age 15 and also a friend of the family since he was 9) will get shot and killed and as a result, I will write his older brother (who was locked up at the time of the incident) in an effort to offer him mutual support while also working through my own pain. I also hope that from that relationship, (friendship with my student's brother......who is now home) that I will meet "his cellie" and one day and somewhere down the road.............. develop feelings for him. What an ideal relationship that would be............one where visits are few and far in between (not to mentioned monitored) and I can't really be with somone who I like so much as a human being, that I can't help but love him for who he is. I love being "fixated" on my phone, and praying that he is able to call, or rushing to my mailbox with the hopes of receiving a letter, and I really like it when they go on lockdown for weeks on end, and once you find out and the "worry" subsudes a bit, (via a letter that took 12 years to get to you) you are then forced to "wait it out" until the drama ends. I love getting up at 3:00 in the morning, getting on the road by 5:00 in the morning, packing 25 outfits because I never know "which one" will be approved, (or disapproved) and driving for three hours to spend possible only one hour with him because the visiting room is so crowded that I will probably have my visit terminated.

All that.

Who plans for that? Nobody. Did it happen? Yes. Do i like the circumstances? No. Would I change a thing bout him? ((Other than his location) Hell no!

You can be "alone in a relationship" even though the person that you are involcved with is right next to you (back turned) in the bed. It is all about quality and I would rather have a relationship with a person that is locked up but of good quality versus some A--hole who is free to roam the streets.

Are there good guys (like the one that I am currently invovled with) who are free? Of course..............but has "life" placed them in front of me? No................but it did place my guy in front of me and though the circumstances are not ideal.............the quality of our relationship is.
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