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Old 09-05-2019, 02:19 AM
Lexanianna Lexanianna is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 282
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Talking Been home for 6 months now!

I used to be quite active on this site a few years ago. My fiancÚ spent 5.5 years behind bars and this site was one of my main sources of support, especially when I didn't have much support from my family or friends. He was incarcerated in Australia and when he was sentenced I moved back to Sweden to study (I couldn't afford to study in Australia) and could only see him once a year. I moved back to Australia when he was released.

My man has been home for just over 6 months now. The day of his release was nothing like I had expected. For over 5 years I had dreamt of this day, I hadn't seen him in a year and I expected to feel ecstatic! I felt nothing. It was like it was too surreal, I felt like I was dreaming the entire day and I couldn't actually understand that the day I had been waiting for for so long was finally here.
The happiness came later. Once it started to sink in I finally felt all those things, and there are still times where it just hits me. It's over! And then I feel so happy that I might burst!

The first month was great but also very hard. We were so happy to be together but he struggled. Being around people, going to the shops or to Mcdonald's was too much for him. The amount of people around him, the choices, the prices, the changes, it was all incredibly hard on him. He was constantly overwhelmed the first few weeks, and there was so much he had to do, from appointments with parole to centrelink, the bank, medicare and so on. And finding out that most things are done online now.
It wasn't made easier by us living with his parents. His mum is mentally ill and they were very abusive as he was growing up. I knew it was a bad idea to stay with them and I tried to disuade my fiance but I think he has always craved their love and when his mum begged us to live with them he said yes. It lasted less than two weeks. His mum is very demanding and also irrational. Not a good combination. She was great as long as everything was done to her standards, so loving and caring and talking about how happy she was constantly.
She had given us a laundry basket, then without telling us she swapped which basket was ours and which one was theirs. And when we unknowingly used the basket which apparently was theirs now she lost it at us and started screaming. This went on with different things and she got progressively worse. Eventually if we did something wrong by accident she would threaten us and she was constantly screaming at my fiancÚ saying all her health problems was his fault and he is a horrible son and he is the reason for her depression. I could see my fiancÚ was already so stressed by trying to adapt and on top of that his heart was breaking. At that time he honestly wanted to go back to prison.
The last straw was when 7am she cornered me. We were not allowed to have sex in their house, we even slept in different bedrooms with his dad sleeping on the couch in between our rooms, but she knows we had sex before he went to prison. So she cornered me when I was alone and started calling me names for having had sex before marriage. My fiancÚ heard what was going on and came to defend me and she then threatened to call the police on him and said she would make sure he would go back to prison. We left that day. Luckily I was living out of my suitcase anyway and my fiancÚ didn't have much so we just grabbed our things and left. All while she was screaming abuse at us. The next 24 hours was horrible, I stayed with a friend but due to parole my fiancÚ couldn't actually move out of his parents place so he was trying to get a hold of them, all the while we were just waiting to see if the police was going to come and send him back. She didn't call the police luckily and we were able to move into a granny flat together the same week.

After that things have gotten better and better. He got a job with a decent wage. The job is stressful and often difficult but he is dealing with it. Parole had already classed him as a low risk re-offender and actually decided to cancel his monitored parole after less than a month!! He is technically still on parole but they told us that he is free to do as he pleases, except leave the state without informing them first.
He is getting more and more used to being out and at this date I can't remember the last time he was overwhelmed. We often even forget he was incarcerated because we have created our own new normal. He is staying away from his old life and old "friends". Whenever someone has tried to make contact he has told them "Where were you when I was in prison?". He told me I was the one who waited for him and I am the person he will stick by. He decided in prison to get away from the criminal life. He proved it while he was in prison and he's proving it while out of prison.

We have had some massive fights along the way, usually because things were too much for both of us at the same time, we even came close to breaking up once. But communication is key and we managed to work through it and came out stronger together.

We are currently planning our wedding which will take place in February! We are keeping it very low key and casual with 20-30 guests, we want to get married soon but we are also realistic enough to know that planning a huge wedding would be too much for us to deal with at this point. Plus we are very happy to just have our most loved ones there on the day and be able to eat a lot of great food and have a great time without going into debt.
My dad started coming around to the relationship about a year before he was released and is now great support. The rest of my family came around much earlier. My family is travelling down to Australia for the wedding.
We are even thinking about skipping birth control after the wedding and just see what happens. He is turning 40 this weekend so it seems a good thing to start soon.

Things are going great. Waiting for him was incredibly difficult but we were always there for each other and our relationship grew through the experience. Him coming out was at first a massive rollercoaster and also very difficult at times.
But it was all worth it. I love this man with all my heart and deciding to stay with him through the hard times was the best decision I ever made. And in just a few months I am finally marrying the love of my life!
__________________
Together since 2010. Waiting since 2013.
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