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Old 09-11-2019, 06:55 PM
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missingdee missingdee is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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I'll spell it out.

I put five figures into Dee. And no, not low five figures.

That includes bail, attorneys, money on the books, packages, and yes, on two occasions that I am aware of (and probably more than that that I'm not) my money went to cover drug debts to keep her from getting her ass whooped in there.

Would she have done better without the money? Probably not.

What did she learn from all that money?

That's easy. She learned that if she ever got into any kind of trouble, Eric would whip out the credit card and make it go away.

I'm not saying she would have figured it out if I didn't. Hell, she might be dead. I'm not really around right now save for if she calls or texts I give her some sympathy (and that's about it.) My wallet stays closed. My car stays parked. And her life.....gets progressively worse.

And that's okay. Because it's not my problem. Because I could throw another $25,000 or so (I lost track of the math but I'm sure I put that much into her if you combine every penny over 5 years. It might have been more.....) at the problem and it would do nothing for me and it wouldn't fix her.

I will always love Dee. If I knew for a fact that she was going to die of starvation if I didn't come buy her a hamburger, I might open my wallet a crack and get out of the driveway, buy that burger and ask her, face to face, "honey, are you tired yet?" And if the answer is "no" then I'd drop her back off wherever I picked her up from, give her the number for a homeless shelter, a couple of rehabs and a free clinic in the area in case she needs to see a doctor to get some medicine, and wish her luck. (There's more to it than what I say publicly.)

I know you're well-intentioned, man. I know you feel something for this girl and maybe she's feeling something for you. But when I speak from experience...I REALLY speak from experience. That's why I encourage you to use a world of caution and keep your head on your shoulders even if your heart's fluttering away.

All my love and all my money didn't save Dee. It might have kept her alive. And MAYBE ultimately keeping her alive will give her an opportunity to save herself that she wouldn't have had. At this point in my life, fewer things would bring me greater joy than to know Dee figured it out, that she found a way to overcome everything, that she got clean, that she got her head straight, that she got out of the game and rebuilt her life the RIGHT way. But it didn't bring "Happily Ever After." And in the long run, it would have killed me even if she lived.

That's why I also linked to NarAnon. Love her. Yes. Love her. And if it's good and she's doing well, then yeah, give her that support. Things have a way of working out the way they're meant to and maybe they break right for you and maybe they don't. But always, ALWAYS make sure you are taking care of you.

Missing Dee. Finding Serenity.

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."
-Thomas Jefferson
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