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Old 04-17-2017, 08:57 AM
yourself yourself is offline

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chris is spot on

If you want any chance of having that condition removed, even gradually, he's going to have to stay clean and sober for a period of time that approaches anniversaries of his sobriety. This is good because it will show his dedication to his sobriety. At the same time, you will both need DV specific counseling with therapists that will write reports that say you are both capable of contact. It won't be live together contact, but contact that's much more supervised, including but not limited to couples therapy. But, most therapists are not going to sign off on that (they don't want liability transferred to them in any way, or to share liability with the state).

DV when there are multiple complaints of DV, when it results in prison time, means that it's going to take a lot of work to even start persuading the State that you should have any sort of contact, let alone actually lift that NCO. Alcohol/addiction problems take 8-10 attempts before they stick. Batterers usually never stop, at least not in that particular relationship, even when addictions are removed from the equation. People simply do not want to feel responsible for your death or serious injury, and that's what happens when they give you permission for contact - they feel responsible for what happens to you.

Was in the parking lot of a courthouse, courthouse attached to the jail/Sheriff's office one day. I was coming out from court, talking with another attorney when a man jumped out from between two cars and started swinging a baseball bat at the woman he "loved". The guy I was talking to turned pale because the woman was his client. He had been in court with her asking that the NCO be lifted, at least as far as transferring a child from one parent to another. Didn't work, but he asked. Battering partner didn't feel she'd done enough, got sick of being a good boy, and beat the snot out of the woman, right there in the parking lot, before everybody could stop him. And we did stop him. Complicated his old case substantially, as well as his new case as half the bar witnessed or participated in stopping the guy that day.

While most DV happens behind closed doors, the stuff that happens in public is startling, vicious, horrible. I remember the case Chris is talking about. I also know that this is a good story and reminder of DV, very public DV:
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
chris idoc (04-18-2017), patchouli (04-17-2017), trauma4us (04-17-2017)