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Old 04-13-2018, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by SeekingJoy View Post
Thank you ItsMe81 for sharing your story and your absolutely right, we do this out of love hoping that they will change and make positive choices where the consequences are good and that they can have a better life. Because I sure am not doing it for myself as it is harder than crap.

My son is an adult 37 years old now; but still holding on to my faith and belief that he can change, so I hope you are right that he has some true realization that I'm sick and tired of his bad choices and that maybe it will be enough to propell him to really want a better life for himself and that he will start dealing and move in a positive direction to start fixing his problems, addictions, habits, thinking and quit blaming everything else including me and take responsibility for his life, his choices.

Glad your son came around, thanks again for sharing!
One of the nice things about my job is that I do get to experience change in others. It's depressing as hell to see a kid running afoul of the law for the first time and have him bristle the entire way through the process - the PSI is dumb, going to therapy is stupid, meeting with the PO is a waste of time, and if everybody (especially his parents) would just leave him alone, everything would be fine. These are the guys you shake your head at, know they will be lucky to stay out on bail without a few bail condition violations and failures to appear, and maybe even an absconding because taking off for Colorado or Florida is much more appealing than dealing with a drug or burglary charge or something.

There are the 70 year olds who still haven't learned, even when they have a car and a family (including a mom who's stayed alive to see him a free man) and a place to live. They still find themselves in court, awaiting sentencing on a new charge or a PV.

But sometimes there are people that totally surprise you. I mean, there's the 19 year old at the alternative school busted for trying to shoplift a bunch of vodka from the store where his girlfriend works who then turns around and sends you various notifications - graduation, wedding announcement, birth of a child. There's the 35 year old with a rap sheet as long as Kareem Abdul Jabar's wingspan and includes a hate crime and a sex offense who turns around and has the rights of his baby momma terminated because she's an addict who puts his brand new baby girl in jeopardy of serious bodily injury or death. He jumps through every hoop Children,s Services puts in front of him, gets a job, joins the union, gets a mortgage, and calls me once a year to let me know how well his baby girl is doing even though she's now a freshman in high school. There are kids now adults asking for referrals for real estate attorneys and business law attorneys. There are adults who've finally figured out how much of life they've missed out on by doing the prison thing who make a concerted effort to change and embrace doing something other than prison and crime.

It happens all the time. It sucks that it feels rare, especially when your brother is on his DUI 5 in Wisconsin and they are waiting to decide whether they are going to go after him for the drug thing again, depending on whether the Feds step in, again. From the inside - from witnessing and experiencing decade after decade of crime by my brother - that feels like nothing will ever change. From the attorney side, where I have access to the lives of more than just my brother, there is change. Look at that recidivism rate. It feels like a "cup half empty" statistic telling you the probability of him going back again and again. But the other side of that statistic is the "cup half full" portion - those who will never go back to prison again.

We have to deal with the reality of our loved ones being in prison. Again. And sometimes for a steep number of years. but it behooves us to remember - there is nothing given in this world. Going back again after this current hitch may feel like inevitable, but it's not. We must wait for the future to unfold, and play the potential and our own risk by the signs we see as they occur. Going back isn't inevitable. Even for my brother. Of course I'm not going to hold my breath, walk on eggshells, or change how I work. I'm not buying him birthday presents anymore and saving them for when he gets out. I'm not sticking money aside for him. He knows where I am and he can write. And I want more than platitudes before I start putting myself out there for him when he gets out.

But there is always the possibility this is the last time.
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (04-13-2018), ItsMe81 (04-14-2018), Nickel Timer (04-15-2018), Sarianna (04-14-2018), Weeeblee (04-22-2018)