the "closure" myth -- how death row can prolong the pain of victims' families
 

found this at salon.com


The "closure" myth
Death penalty advocates claim victims' families need it -- and deserve it -- in order to move on. But some of those family members say dealing with death row issues for years only prolongs their pain.

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By Michelle Goldberg



Jan. 21, 2003 | When Illinois Gov. George Ryan commuted the sentences of all the state's 167 death row inmates to life in prison earlier this month, the media was flooded with the searing cries of victims' families. "My son is in the ground for 17 years and justice is not done. This is like a mockery," Vern Fueling told the AP.

This sentiment of Feuling and others like him has become the flash point for critics of Ryan and for death penalty supporters. Discussions of possible retrials, or even of the grisly details of the murders committed by some of the men and women now suddenly off death row, took a backseat to another concern: How will the victims families feel?


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The "closure" myth-Salon.com

There's some really significant arguments against the dp here. I've always been anti-death penalty because I don't believe that it's right for society to kill people who kill people. People say, "What about the victims' families? Don't they have a right to see these people die just as their own family members have died?" I could never really formulate a good argument against that viewpoint. This articules does it quite articulately.

It's only human nature to want the person who hurt your loved one to pay for it. I know I would if somone took my child from me. But how I see it, what we want may not always be what is right.

I think you have to consider two different things here. The first is that not every MVS wants the killer of their child/partner/friend or whatever put to death. That doesn't always mean they feel the same way about Richard Ramirez. I know an MVS whose own mother was a murderer and she spoke up in court and pleaded with them to save her life; yet the daughter remains a moderate, case by case pro. I also know that Cathy Henderson's daughter Melissa Bradshaw DOES want her mother to be executed for killing Brandon Baugh. People are people, and one size doesn't fit all in justice or in human nature.

Secondly, the fact that the legal system in the US - more so than in any other country I know - is run for the benefit of the lawyers. They will file appeals on the most trivial crimes with no real evidence simply to make more money. There are corrupt cops, corrupt prosecution and defence counsels, witnesses for hire, experts for hire - the whole justice system in the States is a mess. As someone who loves America very deeply, I find it incredible that their prisons are so brutal, so corrupt and so mediaeval in their way of doing things. I find it even more incredible that the US justice system is so slow, so incompetent, and so fundamentally flawed that only a radical overhaul and return to first principles would cure it.

The pain of an MVS would certainly be lessened if they did not have to go through years and years of delay, circumlocution and inefficiency. Julie Baugh is an acquaintance of mine and she has told me that she cannot see why it takes so long for the Cathy Henderson farce to be resolved (it still isn't, of course). Pros overuse the deterrence claim (I never use it myself because it doesn't deter psychos, fanatics or Mafia killers) but antis too overuse the innocence claim. The fact is that one of the fiercest antis I know, who works tirelessly for prisoners rights and has spent thousands of dollars assisting them with their legal defence, told me that she'd only come across 3 people that really did seem innocent.

The point is that there are good arguments for and against the death penalty. Unfortunately - and both sides are guilty of this - we only ever tend to hear the bad ones.

Interesting that your signature is Oliver Cromwell, the Butcher of Ireland. He never, of course, beseeched himself that he may be wrong.

I think the arguments are valid and it was a question I asked on another post here, about "closure" for the victims. I'm inclined to agree with the psychiatrist who says the best way to move forward is through forgiveness. Not easy, I know, but it's the best way anybody can heal. I don't think any decent-minded person can get "closure" - or anything else for that matter - from seeing another human being killed in their name.

The DP is a ritual. Renny Cushing says killing the murderer deprives the victim's family of the possibility of relief through forgiveness because it memorializes the revenge stage of grief, and removes the object of possible forgiveness. The death row chaplain in Korea washes the feet of the convicts, they wash his feet, and he invites murder victims family members to partake in the ritual. This leads to transformation in the hearts and minds of those involved. Execution is a destructive ritual. It spreads the harm. Reconciling rituals are constructive. They help people pass through the phase of revenge.

shalom
big julie

Unfortunately, the United States has a fair-sized subculture of "professional victims". This by no means consists solely of the victims of crime (though Nicole Simpson's family are a lovely example of that group), but seemingly anyone who has ever felt slighted in a professional or academic opportunity, a social situation, or anything one might care to name.

What once was derided as "having a chip on one's shoulder" is now a peculiar (and at times profitable) cottage industry. As the never-satisfied victims make the rounds of talk shows, write their books, and file lawsuits, not only does closure never occur, but the wounds (real or imagined) are continually reopened. New ones are created. And in the end, someone who should, at some point, have "gotten over it", lives out a miserable life which could have been productive and fulfilling. The truly sad thing about it all is that in the end, the ultimate victimizer of such people is....themselves.

dave,

Oh, I get it, the victims are really to blame. Why didn't I think of that?

big julie

I think he was referring to frivolous lawsuits and ambulance chasing lawyers that have created a victim mentality.

That too, but primarily I was referring to people who, rather than grieving an appropriate time and then living productive lives, make a career out of grieving in public, appearing on talk shows wearing black (with large religious symbols generally in evidence) and whining about how everything is hopeless now and would someone please buy their book, see their movie, contribute to their legal fund, or do whatever to insure that they profit handsomely from what must almost certainly at some point become an act. Oprah Winfrey has made a career out of it (to hear her talk, she is utterly miserable despite commercial and financial success beyond the dreams of most, not to mention a personal life which has nothing special about it--but, she was abused as a child [she claims] and so "will always be a victim"), and often has similarly-minded people on her show to keep the machine running and the money flowing.

There is a point where one must get on with one's life, and accept that which cannot be changed. A harsh truth, but a truth nonetheless, and not one which places blame anywhere. Criticism of immature and manipulative behavior is not blame, merely acknowledgement that it exists and that one does not approve.

I completely agree with Dave. I don't think he was saying that "the victim is to blame", rather he seemed to be saying that people make a profession of being a victim. They probably don't even realise that they are doing it but, by something awful happening to themselves or a loved one of theirs, and then milking the sympathy/suffering vote, their probably otherwise mundane life suddenly takes on new meaning and people begin to take notice of them. That fuels the revenge/woe-is-me stage but means they don't move on to the acceptance stage. They're stuck in grief and anger. And as long as they stay there they will never move on with their lives or get over what happened. they will live their lives in the shadow of the event and, effectively, waste their own lives as surely as their (murdered) loved ones lives have been wasted.

The surest way to get over something and move on is not to hate. Sure, you can't erase what happened. And you mourn the person you've lost. But channeling all of your grief into hatred is just going to cripple you for life. Hating someone achieves nothing and resolves nothing.

My thoughts exactly. Unfortunately, our present society not only indulges but rewards financially those who hang onto and make a great show of expressing never-ending grief--the more noise, the more sympathy and money. As you say, not all who end up in that emotional trap are doing so deliberately, but there are precious few to remind them that they are trapping and, as you say, effectively victimizing themselves.

Unfortunately, stories of people "getting over it" do not make for bestselling books, nor do they keep Oprah's ratings high. A rather insidious fact of life in our media-driven culture.

My ex was on death row for 26 years before being over turned to LWOP. He has now given up on his family, his relationship and his future, he has also put himself into voluntary isolation because he was so used to being on his own on the row. On the row he feared nothing and wasn't afraid to die if it came to it, LWOP parole is like a slow death for him. Most of the guys we knew who were executed were at peace with themselves when they died and it was a release for them. If victims families want justice, I don't see how executing can be justice or closure.

Well I just Happen to write this guy and even before him I have always been against The Death penatly Sure some people might have thought its right but me No!!! He has owned up to his crime and thats still not enough I personally know what she is going through My grandma was killed by her ex after the trial was over we were done but this lady is trying to make his life a living hell which I think is wrong:angry: He done the crime and now he is doing the time she shouldnt be going on tv trying to stop people writing him or other inmates.She needs to make peace and move on:argh:

Forgiveness is best. I have much respect for the people that have the strength to forgive the person that took the life or lives of people they love.

Whether the government decides to spare the life of the criminal is another story. Even if the victim's loved ones don't want the offender to be sentenced to death, they rarely have a say. Dealing with Death Row appeals is a roller coaster ride for all involved. The appeals (whether some valid evidence to sway the case in a different direction or the frivelous tries to hold off setting a date) aren't easy to deal with, I imagine. Especially if a date is set, a stay happens, and then more appeals.

I do want to say that not all police officers and people on the government's side of the system are corrupt. There will always be a few rotten eggs that will try and spoil the whole basket, but not that many.

It is harder for some to move on after having their loved one taken away by a cruel act. Some do let animosity overtake their hearts instead of trying to forgive. It also takes some a lot longer to come around and forgive. It all depends on the nature of the crime and how that specific loved one feels. Especially with the relationship they once had with the deceased.

I do think it is shady of loved ones that make a career out of being a victim. Especially ones that constantly go on shows constantly (and get paid) or write a book and have the money go personally to them and not to some sort of charity or fund in the victim's name.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting about what happened. The loved ones will never forget. It is up to them to forgive. Just like some that mostly support the inmate(s) (for various reasons) and don't want to be judged for doing so, it is up to the friends and family of the victim to forgive on their own terms and their own time without being judged.