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-   -   Staying faithful to your man while he's locked up? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=398431)

katiesimmons 02-20-2009 10:31 PM

Staying faithful to your man while he's locked up?
 
Question. How do you stay faithful to your man when hes going to be gone a LONG time. What can you do? It bothers me bc I dont know if I can but I dont want to ruin my marriage and cheating is one way to throw it right out the window. What do you women do that have to wait for 20 yrs or so. Mine is only 2 yrs but I dont think that I can wait for him to come home!:confused:

DzBaby 02-20-2009 10:34 PM

As you can see in my ticker i have about 2 1/2 years left making a total of 3 years im waiting. I will admit it is hard! i remember i slipped and gave a guy my number but i immediately cut that off after 1 day. If you really love him and value what you guys share then you should be just fine. I dont want to lose what we have which i kno we would if i cheated on him. Just take it one day at a time. Stop thinking about the total of 2 years and just take it one day at a time :)

piercedkitten83 02-20-2009 10:39 PM

To me it's a no brainer. I honestly have no feelings for any other man in that way but Matthew. In fact, the thought of hooking up with anyone else repulses me.
I can't explain how I stay faithful - I just do. Because I love him and I know he is so worth the wait.
Having random sex with someone else will just leave you feeling cheap, used and awful in the end. Not to mention it will hurt your husband.
I think you need to ask yourself why you are feeling like you can't stay faithful to your husband.

Edit: oh I forgot to add, write him steamy naughty letters, and have him return the favor. Matthew and I do that all the time...We create fantasy stories and add on to them back and forth.

Waiting4him2371 02-20-2009 10:43 PM

DzBaby is right. I'm dealing with 2 years too, I think. Havn't found out yet. (But for sure a year or more) IAND IT SUCKS! No sex, no kisses, no nothing for that long! But heres the key help: YOUR MIND. If you want to remain faithful to your man, then you need to tell yourself that YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT. Period. Our minds teach us many things. Just throw all your confidence there and tell yourself it is what you are going to do because you love him. And to be honest, if you really loved your husband, you would wait. I know it's going to be hard (believe me. My mans looking at long time, too) But We can do it. Us woman don't have to have that kinda stuff to keep us alive. We can hold that kind of stuff off for a while. Sex is great..But its even GREATER with him, right? well if so you would wait because it will be all worth it if you do. Trust me.

JoshsGirl72 02-20-2009 11:23 PM

I have to agree with the others that have already posted on this topic. If you really love someone you will wait, no matter if it's 1 day or 20 years. Your heart doesn't choose who it falls in love with, so why would you let your body share yourself with someone other then your husband. Granted we all make mistakes in our life's, and he is having to pay the hard price of that. So why punish him and you more? Isn't it enough that he is locked up and you can't hold him when ever your heart desires? I have a little different twist in all this, I have never made love with my boyfriend Josh, yet have I had the opportunity to even be held by him seems how I met him after he was already in....however I can't ever imagine or dare to even imagine being with anyone else. I don't know how much time he has as of yet seems how he just signed for 6 years and he's done already almost 2. I could and never would ever consider being "unfaithful" to Josh in any way shape or form. I truly love him and in love with him...so if that means I have to way a few more days or even 6 more years for him to come home, I will. He, our children our family and friends are all I want and need. I am blessed to have them as well as the support and love from all of you. Take it one day at a time girl, and be thankful for the time you have had....most of us haven't been that lucky yet! Stay strong and remember we are hear for you! Your not facing this alone!

nevaeh2morrow 02-20-2009 11:29 PM

We still have 6 1/2 to go. The physical part obviously is missed but we have come to realize that there is much more to our relationship than that. The mental, emotional, support for each other in our every day lives, has gone to a whole new level. We know each other so well now. We have learned and are still learning what we each "need" from one another during this time and we just do it. We also love to do these things for each other. We spend our time living in the moment really and planning for the future and doing things now for the future which makes our time go by so much faster.

donutandpickle 02-20-2009 11:38 PM

My honey has a little less than five years left and already has been in almost four years. It hasn't been hard for me to stay faithful but it has got me depressed on times i'm just wishing I could hold him and sleep with him. I really don't know of any great advice on how to stay faithful because it is just a mindset you gotta have. If you are feeling weak watch what situations you put yourself in and when you are feeling lonely let your man know so he can be the man that is there for you so you don't go looking for that in another man. In your post you said he has two years so i'm sure that if you really love and want to be with him you will be just fine and it will be over with before you know it.

frontlinelady 02-21-2009 12:00 AM

I personally have done everything to keep my mind from going "there" for so long that now that he is coming home I pray that God will help me "take care" of him. I really do pray about it. I prayed about God keeping me complete and pure until he returns so I think it is proper for me to pray about that aspect of our marriage since we will be reunited. We started out with God at the center of our relationship, we have continued that so I am speaking the blessing of our Heavenly Father over every aspect of our marriage.

Temeron0926 02-21-2009 12:07 AM

I am not going to say the thought of staying faithful for 20 years isn't daunting, but after about 5 or so years, it wasn't so hard anymore. I,and this is MY opinion, think 2 years would be a breeze. I know you don't think you can do it, but trust me, you can! Stay busy, and when the mood does hit you, there ARE ways to take care of it. I know it is not the same, but it DOES help.

airmiles 02-21-2009 01:17 AM

We've done 4 1/2 years with at least another 15 1/2 to go. Like piercedkitten said, the thought of being with anyone else is repulsive. We're both older, both had kids with other people, both want different things from our marriage than just someone to sleep with and we have other things in our relationship that we cherish. Sex would be nice, but it's not happening so why even waste time dwelling on what you cant have when you can focus on what you do have and make it the best ever?

Jeremy's Baby 02-21-2009 01:58 AM

My man has only been in for a year so far and he has a little under 4 months to go so it's not as long as some of you ladys but being able or not being able to stay faithful was/is not an issue for me because first of all I love him so much but also because I don't even think about doing it.I think if you make it an option to cheat then you will be more likely to cheat, if that makes sense.It is will power plus I agree that if you love someone then you will wait.And also I know this is probablly weird and might sound a little cocky but when I see a guy/talk to a guy from work or school ,other than my bf, in my head I compare them. I think of how the other guy is different from Jeremy.I'll think about how this guy doesn't make me laugh and smile so much that my jaw hurts like jeremy does, and this guy doesn't understand my silly side and sense of humor like my man does.Then I'll realize once again how much I truly love jeremy and how I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with because no other man does compare to him. And I know it's different with sex because you can have sex with someone without loving them but it can definitly damage a relationship and in my oppinion losing my man to someone who doesn't even compare to him is not worth it!!

matthewsbabe 02-21-2009 03:18 AM

I have been waiting for my husband for 5 years now. I just keep busy spending time with the kids, working and attending school at first you feel like your not going to make but after a few months you get use to it I don't eve have the urge or think about it anymore.

BlueEyedEllie 02-21-2009 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeremy's Baby (Post 4445809)
My man has only been in for a year so far and he has a little under 4 months to go so it's not as long as some of you ladys but being able or not being able to stay faithful was/is not an issue for me because first of all I love him so much but also because I don't even think about doing it.I think if you make it an option to cheat then you will be more likely to cheat, if that makes sense.It is will power plus I agree that if you love someone then you will wait.And also I know this is probablly weird and might sound a little cocky but when I see a guy/talk to a guy from work or school ,other than my bf, in my head I compare them. I think of how the other guy is different from Jeremy.I'll think about how this guy doesn't make me laugh and smile so much that my jaw hurts like jeremy does, and this guy doesn't understand my silly side and sense of humor like my man does.Then I'll realize once again how much I truly love jeremy and how I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with because no other man does compare to him. And I know it's different with sex because you can have sex with someone without loving them but it can definitly damage a relationship and in my oppinion losing my man to someone who doesn't even compare to him is not worth it!!

i agree totally!!!!

JORGESBABYGiRL 02-21-2009 07:41 AM

Love is what keeps me faithful....a little bit of pleasure isnt gonna bring me what my man can for a lifetime. I cant picture myself with out him. Its not hard for me to stay faithful & weve almost completed this bid now all i got left is a little over 3 months

gabbygirl372001 02-21-2009 08:20 AM

I've been doing this for 5 years now. Ive been faithful the entire time. Im not going to lie to you, in the beginning, it was harder, but as time goes on, it gets easier. The way I see it, why would I want to waste something so special, on someone I don't love? 2 years is just a minute, you'll see, it'll be over before you know it.

Elijah's Love 02-21-2009 09:33 AM

i agree with what everyone else has said. We got a 15 yr bid and he doesn't even go up for parole for another 2 1/2 yrs but the idea of NOT being with him breaks my heart and is NOT an option for me so the idea of being with someone else is NOT an option either. BUT its hard, its REALLY hard. Especially when I see my best friends out with their "guy friends" and I'm like WOW I miss that.

Chellie 02-21-2009 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercedkitten83 (Post 4445559)
To me it's a no brainer. I honestly have no feelings for any other man in that way but Matthew. In fact, the thought of hooking up with anyone else repulses me.
I can't explain how I stay faithful - I just do. Because I love him and I know he is so worth the wait.
Having random sex with someone else will just leave you feeling cheap, used and awful in the end. Not to mention it will hurt your husband.
I think you need to ask yourself why you are feeling like you can't stay faithful to your husband.

Edit: oh I forgot to add, write him steamy naughty letters, and have him return the favor. Matthew and I do that all the time...We create fantasy stories and add on to them back and forth.

Exactly how I fell 100%. I couldn't have said it better myself. Staying faithful is actually the easiest part of all of this for me. I can make my own a$$ wet, really don't need a man that don't give a crap about me to do it. Nobody can make love to me the way my baby can...so why settle for less when I can just wait for the best.

BlueEyedEllie 02-21-2009 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chellie (Post 4446186)
Exactly how I fell 100%. I couldn't have said it better myself. Staying faithful is actually the easiest part of all of this for me. I can make my own a$$ wet, really don't need a man that don't give a crap about me to do it. Nobody can make love to me the way my baby can...so why settle for less when I can just wait for the best.

you are soo right!! if being faithful was all it took to have a perfect relationship, marc and I's would be perfect. to me that is soo easy. this thread reminds me of that 80's song by sinead o'connor, "nothing compares to you.."

Lonzo's Lady... 02-21-2009 11:06 AM

Alonzo and I lived together years ago but went our separate ways due to Baby-Mama-Drama and my insecurities and reconnected during his current bid. Since reconfirming our love and becoming engaged the thought of another man even seeing me nude repulses me. I love him with all my heart and that loves makes me want to share my mind, body, heart and soul with HIM and only him. I know in my heart this would hurt him even though he says he would understand and I could never ever hurt him this way. I honestly DO NOT miss sex; I miss HIS LOVEMAKING so even if I were to attempt to satisfy an urge I could never obtain what I really want and need without him...He openly respects and admires my devotion to him and my willingness to wait on him and I never want to lose that respect. We also get very creative with our "bedtime stories" and that and a couple of flicks we made together years ago helps as does the thought of what it will be like once he comes home. Just take it one day (or night) at a time and concentrate on what it will be like once he is free. Best Wishes...Marcia

Kyle's Gurl 02-21-2009 11:17 AM

I love my man and when I think of other men... it makes me sick. I've never felt the way I do about Kyle about any other man... the love I feel for him is strong. That keeps me faithful. However, his bid is short.. under a year short.. and he'll be home in 2 months and a week or so.

krayzie'swifey 02-21-2009 12:14 PM

I totally agree with evry post here. my husband/2/b has been gone for a total of what will be 7yrs and in the beginning it was difficult and i will admit that i did have sex with someone and at first i was ok because my man was acting like a true a$$ and so that was my excuse to do me. then in 2007 i decided that i was going to change my thought pattern towards his situation. i have always known that i love him to death as he does me. so i just told him he had two choices 1. get gone or 2. get with the program and get his act together. once we decided on option 2, we both recommited to one another. today i can say that i have stayed faithful. and in that time i have graduated with an Associate's degree and i will be returning for my Bachelor's. I guess the key for me was to find something constructive to pass my time .

mrsyasika 02-21-2009 12:35 PM

Absolutely
 
I could not imagine ever being with another man again:eek:

Peppermint 02-21-2009 01:52 PM

I am remaining faithful to my man, because I don't want to be with anyone else. And to me, he's worth the wait. I think you should first ask yourself why your having feelings about not being able to wait for him, and also if you really think you can handle being in a relationship with someone who's incarcerated. It's not easy, believe me, but you have to be able to ask yourself that. Only you can be the one to decide.

Cali310 02-21-2009 03:11 PM

What can you do to stay faithful to your man?? You stay faithful!! Not to sound rude but how or why did you get married?? This is not your boyfriend but your HUSBAND. You don't know if you can remain faithful?! For 2 years?! Only 2 years?! Apparently, you married for sex and not love. When you truly love someone you're not thinking about relations with another person. Real relationships are not to be based on sex but rather on love. Your husband is in prison and all you can think about is sex?? There are so many other things you could do: college, pick up a trade, culinary classes, join the gym, get a second job, church group, volunteer, etc. Making us women look bad, no wonder this men get nervous in their thoughts. Acting like sex addicts... we are women not men.

canthelpbutwait 02-21-2009 06:31 PM

bein faithful is the easiest part for me-
you said it yourself if u cheat ur relationship will be over so u need to decide whats more important a temporary moment of getten it wet i cant even say sexual satisfaction cuz to me if it aint ur hubby it aint satisfyen- or spenden forever with your hubby if u really luv him scratch that itch urself and call it a day


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