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ItsMe81 05-07-2018 01:58 PM

Living with Anxiety and Bipolar
 
I'm my worst enemy. I self sabatoge in order to try to protect myself which only leads to me hurting myself.* I over think.* My goodness do I over think and instead of helping relieve my anxiety,* I make it a million times worse. I push people away and these are people who really give a shit about me. I break my own heart and then lash out on people who don't deserve it.

I have yet to figure out how to let go of things beyond my control. I'm stubborn and my mouth often has no filter. I get scared of things actually working so I sabatoge them and run to people and things I know I shouldn't.

I've worked on myself a lot but I've stopped working on me and in doing so I've regressed. Living with anxiety and depression is hard. Not facing it and working on it makes life even harder.

Old habits are so easy to pick back up no matter how much you've worked on getting away from them and changing your life.* It's easy for me to just go back to drinking to not feel.* It's easy for me to become reclusive and it's easy for me to just go back to who I was. It's almost a comfort zone which in thinking about that sounds ridiculous because in no way shape or form is living like this comfortable.

Being a better person is freaking hard.* Being positive and changing thought patterns is freaking hard. It's not something you can do for just a little while and then stop.* It's a process that requires consistency. I have failed but in failing I've realized that despite my best efforts I can not keep from doing these things if I refuse to continue working on me.

I'm not saying all this for sympathy.... I don't need that. I'm saying this because I know I'm not alone in this and because I want others to know that they are not alone either.

It's moment by moment right now.* These are my thoughts and admissions. For those who are in my life and have been on the receiving end of all of this,* I'm truly truly sorry.* For those who stay even when I push them away,* thank you for not letting go.* For those who pick me up (over and over again), thank you for being there. For those who love me despite my inability to show you love all the time,* I am sorry.

I needed to vent. The struggle is real. There is a huge stigma about mental health.

onedayatatime13 05-07-2018 02:01 PM

I have anxiety. I was in bed most of yesterday. Didnt know why it came out, but it did. 9 pm I was wide awake and felt normal. Today I'm better, but tired.

It is very common esp in a post 9/11 world.

miamac 05-07-2018 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItsMe81 (Post 7719208)
I needed to vent. The struggle is real. There is a huge stigma about mental health.

Yes it is, but every time one of us shares, we break it down a little more.

Thank you for sharing. I could relate to so much of it.

Strange 12-11-2018 05:58 AM

My husband has bipolar depression he doesn't take meds cause u know how things go on there and we'll I worry because he hasn't been writing me like before and I try to have some hear my concern but they just say he is okay but no one knows him like I do .so who can I talk to .Nksp

cannedsud 01-25-2019 12:44 AM

I have terrible anxiety too. But I try to control it by writing through a blog. I decided to create a free website on https://www.hPage.com so I can blog my thoughts and feelings whenever I have bouts of anxiety. I would say, anxiety is a process. It never goes away, we just have to learn how to control it and how to cope with it and my way with coping is through blogging.

LifeTraveler 01-26-2019 03:38 PM

Hello! I moved your post to this forum because the one you posted in was for health issues for inmates. This forum is for us, the outmates...the ones who have to deal with our health and mental issues on the outside.

Having a mental health issue IS hard, and I can relate. As someone who has suffered from depression since an early age, it requires me to be vigilant with myself AND my thought patterns all the time.


It IS hard to deal with, BUT, if you're consistent in your work with yourself, you can overcome it, or at least learn how to deal with it. When I find things getting crazy in this life, I break it down into 15 minute increments. Then I start checking my thought patterns. Have you tried keeping a journal. It helps.


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