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Eddie's Wife865 09-12-2017 11:34 AM

Feeling a little confused
 
My husband has a friend that is a girl ( woman she is like 50ish ) She used to like him like many years ago. I met her like back in the spring before he got incarcerated and she seemed like she didnt like me much. Well long story short my husband and I was having issues and we was separated and he was with ANOTHER woman , but we got over ALL that when he went in and are doing well, actually better then ever. My problem is I got a message from " his friend" who is friends with this WOMAN he was with when we had issues and his friend wants to write him. She told me she wouldnt do it without my ok. Well I didnt want to seem like a B**ch, so I said sure but I dont want any messages to be relayed about HER FRIEND. Im sure some will say im being petty and I even asked my husband about it and he says im looking into it more then what it is, but its that gut feeling im having. HIS FRIEND wont add me on any social media, but will message me when she needs something and she always give me the cold shoulder so to speak. My husband said she is just a strange character and I just dont know how to take her, which I dont. My thing is What should I do , should I take the chance and let her and him talk and maybe she relays messages from HER FRIEND or should I lay down the law.. im so confused on what to do cause my husband and I are doing great but im not dealing with NO DRAMA and I feel this will start some. I mean he has been in now for 4 months and she just now wants to write?? Makes no sense

Crazychick12 09-12-2017 12:05 PM

I say you just have to trust in your husband that anything innapropriate will not be tolerated. It has to come from him cuz if you tell the friend she may not take it serious or figure just jealous wife ect. What you feeling makes sense because of how standoffish the friend is and that makes her motives seem unclear so I get you. I don't see a problem letting your husband know your fears but he gotta handle it. Keep us posted

Eddie's Wife865 09-12-2017 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazychick12 (Post 7662391)
I say you just have to trust in your husband that anything innapropriate will not be tolerated. It has to come from him cuz if you tell the friend she may not take it serious or figure just jealous wife ect. What you feeling makes sense because of how standoffish the friend is and that makes her motives seem unclear so I get you. I don't see a problem letting your husband know your fears but he gotta handle it. Keep us posted

Thank you so much. I was thinking I was crazy for thinking I should even wonder about this, but im so glad you see My issue cause it is her being standoffish. I am not a jealous wife, well I probably could be if it called for it , but I do trust my husband and you are right I do need to just let him handle it, but I will explain to him my fears with hopes he doesnt think im crazy and absolutely I will let you all know how it goes..thank you again!!

nancyginnm 09-12-2017 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie's Wife865 (Post 7662382)
My husband has a friend that is a girl ( woman she is like 50ish ) She used to like him like many years ago. I met her like back in the spring before he got incarcerated and she seemed like she didnt like me much. Well long story short my husband and I was having issues and we was separated and he was with ANOTHER woman , but we got over ALL that when he went in and are doing well, actually better then ever. My problem is I got a message from " his friend" who is friends with this WOMAN he was with when we had issues and his friend wants to write him. She told me she wouldnt do it without my ok. Well I didnt want to seem like a B**ch, so I said sure but I dont want any messages to be relayed about HER FRIEND. Im sure some will say im being petty and I even asked my husband about it and he says im looking into it more then what it is, but its that gut feeling im having. HIS FRIEND wont add me on any social media, but will message me when she needs something and she always give me the cold shoulder so to speak. My husband said she is just a strange character and I just dont know how to take her, which I dont. My thing is What should I do , should I take the chance and let her and him talk and maybe she relays messages from HER FRIEND or should I lay down the law.. im so confused on what to do cause my husband and I are doing great but im not dealing with NO DRAMA and I feel this will start some. I mean he has been in now for 4 months and she just now wants to write?? Makes no sense

Ummm how old is your husband? Just asking because I don't "let" anyone write to him. He's a grown man and can make big boy decisions all on his own. I seriously don't have the time or desire to monitor who writes to him.

Eddie's Wife865 09-12-2017 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nancyginnm (Post 7662407)
Ummm how old is your husband? Just asking because I don't "let" anyone write to him. He's a grown man and can make big boy decisions all on his own. I seriously don't have the time or desire to monitor who writes to him.

Well, he is 44 and im not LETTING anything , she came to me and asked if it was ok, I suppose out of respect maybe cause not many women do that anymore. Some just try and start crap and run with it . If he wants to write her cool, but im just confused with WHY NOW and thats WHY im confused of how im questioning the whole thing. Of course he is grown and can do his own thing, however im not about to sit by quietly after having to put our life on hold and know that someone else is writing my husband to try and start drama AGAIN. I mean am I in the wrong for that??

miamac 09-12-2017 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie's Wife865 (Post 7662413)
im not about to sit by quietly after having to put our life on hold and know that someone else is writing my husband to try and start drama AGAIN. I mean am I in the wrong for that??

I suppose one could view it as polite and above the table if the woman wanted to ensure it was OK with you to write, but there are theories about that which don't negate ill intentions, as well.

This is really on your husband to handle. Any drama that comes your way is because he invited it in. If he can't keep that at bay, he shouldn't be writing her.

nancyginnm 09-12-2017 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie's Wife865 (Post 7662382)
My husband has a friend that is a girl ( woman she is like 50ish ) She used to like him like many years ago. I met her like back in the spring before he got incarcerated and she seemed like she didnt like me much. Well long story short my husband and I was having issues and we was separated and he was with ANOTHER woman , but we got over ALL that when he went in and are doing well, actually better then ever. My problem is I got a message from " his friend" who is friends with this WOMAN he was with when we had issues and his friend wants to write him. She told me she wouldnt do it without my ok. Well I didnt want to seem like a B**ch, so I said sure but I dont want any messages to be relayed about HER FRIEND. Im sure some will say im being petty and I even asked my husband about it and he says im looking into it more then what it is, but its that gut feeling im having. HIS FRIEND wont add me on any social media, but will message me when she needs something and she always give me the cold shoulder so to speak. My husband said she is just a strange character and I just dont know how to take her, which I dont. My thing is What should I do , should I take the chance and let her and him talk and maybe she relays messages from HER FRIEND or should I lay down the law.. im so confused on what to do cause my husband and I are doing great but im not dealing with NO DRAMA and I feel this will start some. I mean he has been in now for 4 months and she just now wants to write?? Makes no sense

Quote:

Originally Posted by miamac (Post 7662418)
I suppose one could view it as polite and above the table if the woman wanted to ensure it was OK with you to write, but there are theories about that which don't negate ill intentions, as well.

This is really on your husband to handle. Any drama that comes your way is because he invited it in. If he can't keep that at bay, he shouldn't be writing her.

My thoughts exactly. It's best to let your husband handle the situation.

Eddie's Wife865 09-12-2017 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miamac (Post 7662418)
I suppose one could view it as polite and above the table if the woman wanted to ensure it was OK with you to write, but there are theories about that which don't negate ill intentions, as well.

This is really on your husband to handle. Any drama that comes your way is because he invited it in. If he can't keep that at bay, he shouldn't be writing her.

Yes you are right and he even said he wasnt worrying about writing her cause most of his past is the reason why he is in there now for a VOP. They wasnt worried about him then when he could supply all their needs, but now wants to write. So I am leaving it on him cause as I have said him I trust ALL DAY LONG.. it just seems weird.. maybe I am over thinking it

AndyS 09-12-2017 03:22 PM

I agree your husband is an adult and can write anyone he wants HOWEVER you can have an opinion about it. If it makes you uncomfortable he should listen to that and respect it. I find it weird she all of a sudden wants to write too. You can't control or monitor who he writes to but if he goes against something you aren't comfortable with that's disrespectful to you. Something is fishy with this. Trust your gut.

JustBeingMe67 09-12-2017 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie's Wife865 (Post 7662382)
My husband has a friend that is a girl ( woman she is like 50ish ) She used to like him like many years ago. I met her like back in the spring before he got incarcerated and she seemed like she didnt like me much. Well long story short my husband and I was having issues and we was separated and he was with ANOTHER woman , but we got over ALL that when he went in and are doing well, actually better then ever. My problem is I got a message from " his friend" who is friends with this WOMAN he was with when we had issues and his friend wants to write him. She told me she wouldnt do it without my ok. Well I didnt want to seem like a B**ch, so I said sure but I dont want any messages to be relayed about HER FRIEND. Im sure some will say im being petty and I even asked my husband about it and he says im looking into it more then what it is, but its that gut feeling im having. HIS FRIEND wont add me on any social media, but will message me when she needs something and she always give me the cold shoulder so to speak. My husband said she is just a strange character and I just dont know how to take her, which I dont. My thing is What should I do , should I take the chance and let her and him talk and maybe she relays messages from HER FRIEND or should I lay down the law.. im so confused on what to do cause my husband and I are doing great but im not dealing with NO DRAMA and I feel this will start some. I mean he has been in now for 4 months and she just now wants to write?? Makes no sense

I don't understand why if he knows this bothers you why he would want to be involved with her in any way. Talk to him and tell him how this really makes you feel and ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned.

Hopefully, he will rid himself of her if she is just a "strange character". Incarceration is not easy and when you have things and people outside the relationship that have the potential to cause problems, you clear shit up and get on the same page, ASAP.

onedayatatime13 09-12-2017 07:40 PM

I am glad out of respect she asked for your permission. Hopefully it means she doesn't want to cause problems.

Is your issue with her or because she is friends with the other woman? Or both? I just hope her intentions are real.

Talk to your husband about everything. Gauge his reaction. Ask him questions and express your concerns. Take it from there.

Mrs_Tudor 09-13-2017 08:59 AM

It is difficult to do suggestions on your own. You will spend too much time sitting around getting into your head. My man and I had such sort of a story. It was actually an ex-girl coming around and apparently trying to rock the boat. So I sent a message to my man that this girl tries to talk to me (through facebook), he called me up and we talked this out. I told him how I felt (she tried to rock the boat) and he said that he totally understands, that he does not want her to go crazy over nothing, and that he would write her and let her know that she shall leave us alone. I never heard back from her.

Especially in days like these, it is important to be honest to your man, and let him know your feelings. No matter how well you think you know each other, nobody can read the other's mind, and men are not necessarily the best gender to interpret women's subtle hinting methods. He needs to get your feelings right away, so that there is no drama later, with him saying: Why didn't you tell me at first place?
You don't need to "let anything happen" oder "allow" anything. It's up to him and to support his decision, he shall understand your story first.

Eddie's Wife865 09-13-2017 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 (Post 7662473)
I am glad out of respect she asked for your permission. Hopefully it means she doesn't want to cause problems.

Is your issue with her or because she is friends with the other woman? Or both? I just hope her intentions are real.

Talk to your husband about everything. Gauge his reaction. Ask him questions and express your concerns. Take it from there.

I sorta thought that if she asked for my permission then maybe it was just a friendly gesture, but then as I say she acts weird when it comes to me. I have tried to get to know her and even be her friend , but nothing has came from it. I have been told I can be intimidating cause im like 6'1 and I dont trust many.
No my issues isnt with her at all, its I dont trust her being friends with the other woman and me thinking that she will be writing my husband for THE OTHER WOMAN. Thats where my issues are right now.
I have spoken with my husband about it and even he doesnt know why she acts like that towards me cause he said that she claims to like me. He thinks im reading too much into it, but there is just part of me that thinks its just weird and he has told me before that if I dont want him talking with her he wont. So that does make me feel better if she does try to cause issues.

xolady 09-13-2017 11:46 AM

I'd have issue's with her also. I have to say my husband had a slew of female "friends". But knowing his history I had a huge problem with the one's who weren't my friends also. Not like you can do anything about it except voice your opinion and hope he respects you enough to not be in contact with the X.

Kimimi 09-13-2017 02:12 PM

I wouldn't worry to much about it if he hasn't wanted to write her all this time he probably won't write much now just because she wants to. With the history I would just ask for honesty from him and that he set boundries with her. It's ok to tell him what you would want and expect from him. If I were you I would tell him if she brought up this other woman that's would expect he simply say there is no reason for our letters to include this person she is no longer part of my life. Period..if he does that she will probably stick to just being friendly in letters. Im lucky my guy does his time alone he shuts out the outside except two family members and me. It keeps things very drama free.

maytayah 09-13-2017 02:16 PM

I would say it really doesn't matter who writes to him or what they write about because if he is a happily married man and isnt opening any doors then nothing will come of anything.
Trust him to deal with any drama.

Eddie's Wife865 09-13-2017 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xolady (Post 7662626)
I'd have issue's with her also. I have to say my husband had a slew of female "friends". But knowing his history I had a huge problem with the one's who weren't my friends also. Not like you can do anything about it except voice your opinion and hope he respects you enough to not be in contact with the X.

Well technically when him and I got back together he told me this friend was all for him and I working on our marriage. I always wonder though WHY she is shady as hell towards me. Ok, maybe I am intimidating, but Im a likeable person. I give many that 1 chance, its up to them if they abuse it. So yeah maybe I do have issues with her. I feel she has Ulterior motives and if it comes down to it and she tries to pry and cause issues then I will show my bad side. It just gets to me that even his family wont check on him, so that was why I was like sure she is your "friend" why not. I have wrote him and told him my concerns, so we will see.

Eddie's Wife865 09-17-2017 10:52 AM

UPDATE: So I have spoken with my husband about my issues with the woman writing him and all and he said he totally understands and wouldnt want me talking to anyone or writing anyone else either. Because if I have time to write someone else or talk with someone else then I could be writing him , which is 100% correct as the same for him. So at least we are on the same page. I know his time in there is hard and im trying my best to make it a little easier for him. Thanks to everyone for listening


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