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Patty 02-11-2006 05:03 PM

Met While Incarcerated Introductions
Welcome to the "Met While Incarcerated" forum. Please tell us as much or as little as you like about yourself so we can all get to know and support one another better. Please use this thread for introductions ONLY.


Patty 02-11-2006 05:12 PM

Hi my name is Patty and I originally met my man during the Summer of 2003 via a misdialed call from County jail. We hit it off and began writing and talking on the phone and in December of that year I came face to face with him in a crowded visiting room.

We did 14 months together before his release. Things were great when he came home although the conditions of parole and lack of employment opportunities became a burden very quickly. In January 2006, 16 months after his release he went back to prison and will max out and I find myself waiting again in this next chapter of our lives...

It is often said that these types of relationships don't stand much of a chance. I have to say I've never been fond of being a statistic so perhaps that is why I try harder, not to mention the fact that he is worth it. I could go on and on but I'm gonna give others a chance to introduce themselves. I look forward to getting to know everyone who "Met While Incarcerated".

All the best,

Ravenslove 02-11-2006 05:41 PM

Ok I'll go first most of you know I met my man while I was a c/o in the institution were he was. That was over two years ago. The full story is in another thread. Patty you are right there is a whole new set of issues when you meet your man while he is down. First and foremost alot of people think just because you met him that way he can't love you. He is using you. The usual stuff we all hear. But that can be percieved two ways. He also didn't disrespect us by commiting a crime while in a relationship. Didn't choose crime or drugs over us. So there are good and bad either way you look at it.

Thanks for making this forum. I look forward to many good threads.


whiskeylullabye 02-11-2006 05:51 PM

I met my fiancé through a pen pal ad. I did not respond to the ad hoping for a relationship, it was the exact opposite, I was looking for a friend who wouldn't judge me. I found my best friend and soulmate. We haven't met yet, but I plan on going out there this summer, and moving to be closer to him so we can start our life together when he gets out.

We have been together for over a year now, and are engaged.

Many people think I am crazy because of this relationship, but when there is a connection as strong as the one we have, you can't deny its exsistance. I have faced a lot of critizism all over the place because of our relationship and the circumstances surrounding it, but I wouldn't have met him if it wasn't for this.

I'm glad to see that we have a forum where we can talk about issues that pertain to this kind of relationship!

Raydani3 02-11-2006 06:11 PM

I also met my fiance while working as a deputy in our county. I worked at the jail he was incarcerated in and he was one of the trusty's. I used to pick on him and he thought I was so stuck up. I would go out and smoke in the rec yard where he was housed and even though he hates cigarettes he would come out and sit with me. We started talking and when he was shipped to prison I quit working at the jail. When he was released from prison, I went with his mom to pick him up. After a short friendship, we began what has turned into the most powerful relationship other than motherhood I have ever been a part of. He recently went back to jail and has since been transfered to prison. He is up for parole right now and if he is denied we will not be reunited until 06-09-07. We have been unable to visit each other during this 10 months of his being in jail because of the county jails "immediate family only" rule. Once he is finally released we will marry and become "joined at the hip". He is my best friend, my soulmate, and a big part of my future.

rottn 02-11-2006 06:21 PM

5 years ago I answered a pen pl ad and began what was a 3 year relationship with a lifer in Michigan. The relationship was hard due to the different states we were in. It ended for alot of different reasons, but not because of the time he had to do.
2 years ago I began communicating with Kevin, who is my guy now. Things developed with us steadily and we've been through some bad things together. We were looking for his release last August, but the parole board didn't see it that way. He's due to be released this August. We've had quite a few things come up, but we have the type of relationship that just moves on through it all.
I look forward to hearing the stories from everyone and seeing this forum grow.

KateUK 02-11-2006 06:22 PM

Hi all :) I'm with whiskeylullabye (apologies if i spelled that wrong - its 12.18am here lol) anyhow, i got bored one night last summer, was surfing around the net, and landed up on a prison pempal site. Tell you the truth - my best pal's husband was 'inside' (as we say) for 12 months over here in the UK. Anyhow, was looking around for a UK penpal site - couldnt find one and google kept bring up US ones - so being nosey, i popped in - two days later sent an email off (they forward them) and Adrian replied.
At the time, was going through a REALLY bad time with my ex (the childrens dad) and a couple of letters later - i poured it all out (court and custody was looming) - Adrian was just SOOOOOOOOO caring and understanding and came out with sucj FANTASTIC advice and support that a bond developed.
Looking back i feel SO selfish - there is HIM stuck in a cell and going through all that he does, and HE was supporting ME !!!

Well, things calmed back down here (the ex got zero contact) and it dawned on me - this guy had been SO selfless and caring - like NO-ONE had ever been for me before.
Well - as the months went by, we've got closer and closer and well....time will tell (and BOY do we have LOADS of that - he's not up for his first parole until 2019) :D

Kristina20 02-11-2006 06:28 PM

Hello all I met my mom threw his grandmother,my mom and her are good friends.I didnt even want to write him but they kept telling me how lonely he was.Writing him was the best thing I ever did,He's not only the love of my life,he's also my best friend.

littlelisa73 02-11-2006 06:40 PM

I'm lisa and I ment my sweetie billy thru a penpal ad. we've been talking for a few months. we are waiting to hear the decision of his first parole hearing. we have so much in common and am looking forward to knowing him on the outside.

Ronnie 02-11-2006 06:48 PM

Good Evening! I am Ronnie and I met my husband, Nuro, thirteen years ago inside. I was visiting my cousin. My cousin and I walked into the photo room to have our pictures taken and there he was. He was the "picture man" that day. Our eyes met and we were smitten from that point on.:D He slipped me his number without my cousin knowing and 6 months later we were married. We have been living this life, loving strong and going strong since.:thumbsup:

timeforchange 02-11-2006 07:28 PM

Hi everyone. I met my man through a friend. (We wont go into that right now.LOL:) LLOOONNNGG story:) ) We have been talking for 3 years almost. I still have not met him face to face but hopefully that will happen sooner then later. Its hard to believe that I can miss him as much as I do, without ever "meeting" him, but I do. :) When we started talking I definately was not looking for a new relationship but I fell in love, what can I say.:D Now I can not imagine my life without him in it. Some things are just meant to be, I guess. ;)

Ravenslove 02-11-2006 07:31 PM

Ronnie, I have seen you around and had no idea you met that way of have been together that long. How romantic!

I love reading your posts.


ps how are you losing your weight and keep going your doing great. I always check your ticker.

Hello to all the other people on this forum. It looks like it will be a fun ride here.

BlueEyes01 02-11-2006 07:36 PM

Hi there I met my pal through a member of a pen pal site and she had asked me to write him and I did, we started off real slow, just getting to know one another and our feelings grew gradually. Its not something that happened over night. And for those who say "you don't really know your man" well... I think we can all come to the conclusion we know our men pretty well, people on the outside sometimes dont even know their partners very well. We now have been talking about getting married and all that good stuff. I am planning to go visit him in June I think, it will be my first visit. I cannot wait. He is my best friend. And I cannot see my life without him. And no one can tell me different :)

Rox73 02-11-2006 07:45 PM

Hi everyone

Love this forum :)

I met my Erin through a penpal ad.
12 years ago I was in college taking a few psychology courses and this one particular course was "criminal psychology". The students and teacher were talking about how cool it would be to have the insight of a prisoner into the prison system in the US - if we could somehow start writing to one. That was before the internet so nothing happened with this back then.

Well, I was browsing on the net one night over 3 years ago and stumbled on a prisoner penpal site and instantly remembered that class I took. Browsed through about a 100 ads and Erin was the only one who caught my attention, both because we're the same age and also because he was incarcerated in the same year I lived in the US.
So I wrote him, told him about the course I took a long time ago and if he was willing to answer my ignorant questions, he replied more than willing to - said that he liked my interest in this. So we gradually became very good friends, I went to visit him and we fell instantly in love at that 6 hour visit.

I've only seen him face-to-face this one time but we have been dedicated to each other ever since. He will get out this year or early next year. He's going to work and go to school when he's released. I'm going to finish my school and we'll take it from there. That will give him time to readjust to society on his own terms and it will give us time to evolve our relationship gradually into a "normal" relationship without too much pressure on him.

I love this man with everything I've got and obviously we want to be together yesterday - but we don't want to be part of the break-up statistics so we decided to let time work with us instead of against us. Either it will work out this way or it won't. But we're optimistic :D

robs_angel 02-11-2006 08:00 PM

Hello all !!

Rob and I met while I worked at the regional jail in the medical unit :) We talked non stop for months til I decided to quit to be with him. Before I did he asked me to marry him on his knees in booking in front of COs lol they all knew us and that we were going or were together they for the most part was happy for me!

We are to be getting married this year we are hoping! I cant wait! He is my soulmate and I knew that from the first time we met! He makes my heart melt! I love him more than words can say!

So, hello to all who know me and Hello and welcome to those that dont!!

Sarah Moats
A.K.A DUBZ baby girl

BlueEyes01 02-11-2006 08:26 PM

I forgot to say I think its really great we have this part of the forum where we can come and talk and help eachother :) Im sure Im going to need it. :)

Rob's Angel Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

kim48 02-12-2006 07:26 AM

3 years ago

I've been a member of PTO for a long time. I originally met my guy when a friend's daughter asked if I wanted to write an inmate. We started writing 3 years ago this month. He is a lot younger than I, and several times, for his "own good" I tried to call off our relationship and I tried to move on, but I always ended up hearing from him, and writing to him again. I finally admitted to him, and myself, that I love him and now things are finally great between us.

In the beginning we had a lot of problems with requests he made of me, but I set him straight, and at times, lost contact, but we have talked it through, he has apologized and we've moved on.

I have met him when he was closer to where I live. Now I will see him again when I can. We talk on the phone several times a week and I write him every day. We have plans for the future.

So, there's my introduction! This is a good forum where those of us in this situation can talk.

Rostonhall 02-12-2006 08:01 AM

I just found this forum. Thanks, Patty, for pointing me in the right direction.

I met Tony through replying to an ad in my Amnesty International magazine. It was for one of the many organisations that befriend those on Death Row. They were asking for writers who could make life a little better for someone who had nobody in their lives. I was given Tony's name and address and promised myself there was no way I was going to fall in love. Famous last words!! As the months passed I realised I was falling for this guy, and I was convinced of his innocence. When he asked me to marry him in 2002 there was no hestation on my part. I'd found my soul mate and nobody could convince me I was wrong. Tony asked that we waited until after we knew what Ryan was going to do, and we are both sorry we decided to do that. In 2003 Menard stopped all marriages. If we hadn't waited we would be legally husband and wife now, As it is I changed my name to his 3 years ago and I'm accepted as his wife and down as his next of kin in all records.

As Illinois inmates aren't allowed overseas phone calls we have to rely on the mail service to keep in touch but as I get over 2 or 3 times a year that's really not so bad. I could move across the pond but your lack of health care puts me off doing that, plus Tony really wants us to live in England once he's exonerated, which he will be, it's just a question of time!!

Tony is younger than me and sometimes that does concern me but once we're together it doesn't matter at all. I only worry about it when I'm not with him and he gets quite annoyed with me if I mention it, so I don't anymore.

PTO keeps me in touch with what's happening in Illinois and I'm very pleased I found it.


mrsdragoness 02-12-2006 09:25 AM

Hey everyone!!

Well, 8 years ago I got a letter from a stranger. He had my name and address as he was friends with my ex b/f. When he found out that Scott and I were not together any more he wrote me a very nice letter. I answered with anger, pain and was just plain rude to him.

The next day I felt guilty about being so nasty to a man who was simply asking for a pen pal so I wrote back and apologized. We actually fell in love before we even had pictures of each other. We met close to a year later and that only cemented our relationship and love.

We married in 2000 and have gone thru some tough times, but what ever happens we get thru it. Mr. D will be home in May so those unknown steps will take place. I know everything will be tough, but we'll make it!!

I'm looking forward to this forum and talking about the unique things we share here!

Snowbaby62 02-12-2006 10:17 AM

Hey everybody, as some of you already know I met my guy while he was incarcerated and I worked as a nurse at the facility. When I joined PTO, I knew nothing of being in a relationship with an inmate, the roller coaster ride I had willingly, by falling in love, had just climbed on. And a roller coaster ride it has been, I learned so much through you all here and through him there. I am glad this forum is here for us, thanks to everybody who answered my posts, gave me information, gave me support, who replied to my PM's, esp you Patty...I will continue to come back here to offer support and information even after he comes home...


AaronsBeautiful 02-12-2006 10:24 AM

I have been with Ike for 6 for 6 months i had answered a pen pal add and he kept writeing me and telling me that i would never be disappointed. he kept writeing me and asking me when i was going to come and see him and i would never answer him. so i called myself sneaking down there with out him knowing i was coming. so i went down there the guards there are kind of rude i enjoyed my time with him but i was upset cause we did not get to take pictures. the camera guy was out playing ball instead of in the visiting room doing his job. anyway i am off track. i wrote him and 4 others i got his letter which he was the one that i hoped to be with and look at me now i have him. he tried pushing me away and everything after awhile he just quit doing it.

Phil in Paris 02-12-2006 11:05 AM

I was sure this forum wasn't here yesterday !!! Obviously it was opened during the European night while I was sleeping like a sweet lil angel. :D

Hi everybody :wave:

I'm Phil and I met Joey beginning of March 2002 on a penpal ads website. It was a rainy afternoon and I was surfing the web from one site to another the same way you move from one word to another when reading a dictionnary.

It was something very unusual for me, I didn't know inmates could put ads on the net and actually I didn't know ( care ?) much about inmates. The only thing I had ever done was to fight against the DP which was eventually abolished in France in 1981. :)

Anyway, the curiosity killed the cat so I clicked on the first URL, and there he was. :D They were displaying some pics of inmates on the homepage and Joey was one of them. And he was THE ONE. :D I then clicked on his pic to read his ad, and that's where I found out that not only he was cute but he was also gay. :)

His ad was about his age, the reasons why he was incarcerated, what he liked and that he was looking for friend and not a lover since he would be released in 2012.

I was not looking for a friend let alone for an incarcerated lover :rolleyes: but I decided to read the other ads and ended up spending like 2 or 3 hours on this website !!! :eek: :rolleyes: Of course I would keep checking Joey's ad again and again. :p

Then I started a letter then stopped then start again stop start and so on.... He was looking for a friend and at this point I had no idea whether I would be ready to commit for a long term penpal friendship. Writing letters seemed awkward to me as I usually called or e-mailed people. Also I wanted to be sure I could be a true friend, not one who's writing for like 2 or 3 weeks and then stops because he's too lazy or has something better to do. So I did not write the letter. I did it on the following day. :p I almost thought about that the whole night and then I wrote him a 2 pages letter. :)

I got his answer on March the 19th. I was in Le Mans attending an antics fair in the morning and when I got back to Paris in the afternoon there was this strange letter with this big red stamped mark on it "mailed from a state correctional institution". :)

I read his letter over and over. He was so surprised to get a letter all the way from France. :D I answered him the same day and it all started... :) We fell in love end of May and almost 4 years after we are still together. :)

I visited him for the first time last November (it was AWESOME !!!) and will come back next May. :)


thunder 02-12-2006 11:37 AM

Hello everyone.

Some of you might know that I met my friend when I visited the prison w/ my job (1990) for a community outreach initiative. I must admit, at first I was not too impressed w/ him. I thought he was arrogant and pushy. A week after the event, I received a letter from him at my job. I was shocked. I replied b/c I did not want him to think that I thought he was beneath me. Don't ask why this mattered. :)

Prior to meeting him, he had been in 8 ½ years. Over the course of the years, we communicated via writing only as friends. As the years progressed, we began to exchange feelings of love. Once this occurred, I visited him.

We kept in touched, talked about our feelings our future, etc. Somewhere along the way, I became weary and only focused on the friendship and lessened my visits and correspondences. He always told me that whenever he came home, he would look for me. I thought, yea right. I just knew that I would have been married when he came home, b/c he was looking at an additional 10 years, etc.

During this time I had been in several relationships; however, for some reason, they just did not cut the mustard; even though they had good jobs, well off financially, had their own homes, businesses, etc. I just couldn’t connect and was not interested in marrying any of them.

Well, 12 years later (2002), he was released and he did call. I was surprised when I heard the message, especially when there was no operator in the background. :)

He was pre-released to a half way house I visited one week after his arrival and we talked as friends. Well, we began to re-connect and decided to start off as friends and see where things would lead us.

What’s so strange about all of this is because a few years prior to meeting him, I attended a singles retreat at my church; only b/c the committee that I was on had sponsored the program. One of the female speakers stated that some of us in the audience would marry men who had been in prison. Man, when she said this, I got so angry b/c I felt the nerve of her and why would she say that to us, b/c she was not providing any hope. I automatically shut her out. She went on to say that we needed to pray our husbands out of prison. I thought, such foolish talk.

A few years after the singles retreat a female minister ran a revival at our church and stated that some of us would marry men that had been incarcerated and that we needed to pray our men out of prison. Talk about seething. Again, I became angry and felt that they were not providing any hope, for why would we want men who had been in prison (this was my thinking before my encounter w/ my friend). She was speaking from experience, b/c she met her husband while he was incarcerated and stated that great men come from prison.

I never thought about those two meetings until a few years ago and had to laugh. :-) Seeing as though I was one of the women in the audience who ended up w/ someone who had been in prison. I was able to inform both of the women that their words had come to life and what I thought about their words when I first heard them. They laughed. :)

When I look back on things, I realize that God has a great sense of humor and was preserving me for one that he had ordained for me. I have no regrets w/ my choice and am extremely happy that he is in my life. Now, there are days when the man works my nerves, but I love me some him. :)

I know that he is my soul mate and daily, I thank God for allowing us to me. I often tell my friend that I am grateful for his badness, b/c this is how we met. :) He has been consistent from the time we've developed our friendship/relationship. He is a man of his word.

He is a wonderful man and I would not change him for anything in the world. When men try to talk to me, I automatically let them know that I am with someone and would not do anything to jeopardize what I have with him. I know that he’s a gift; therefore I am extremely appreciative of what I’ve been blessed with.

Oops, didn’t mean to bore you or post to much but when I saw the thread, it brought out so much in me.

Patty, as always great post. You always provide posts that get us to think; therefore, providing therapy sessions. Girl, I owe you. I know my tab w/ you is over due and high. I'll see you at my next thearpy lesson. You probaly wondering when am I going to get up off this couch. :-) Well as long as he's on parole, I am quite sure I'll always need some type of therapy. :-)

Have a great day everyone.

babygirl350 02-12-2006 02:54 PM

Well actually I met my husband quite by chance. I had been writing a friend of his whose ad I answered. There was never anything more than friendship with us, as I was not interested in him only to write him and perhaps try and cheer him up as he has no family alive on the outside.

Anyway during that time, he sent me my husband's picture as he wanted me to have some copies made for him. Which I did and sent them back to my pen pal.

I always would ask how he was doing and if there was anything else I could help with to let me know.

Well my pen pal moved to another prison and our relationship soured and I knew it was over between us.

So, I wrote my husband just to inform him that we had broken up, but if there was anything that I could do for him, to just let me know and I would try to do it.

I got a letter three days later, asking me if I would write him since I was no longer involved.

I thought why not, I love to write and perhaps I could help him out with friendship as his family lives in another state and had only been to visit once.

Well the letters just kept getting longer and longer and they were more like novels.

I found myself sharing and caring and opening up to him as if he was a long lost friend. Here in Kentucky you can only be put on a visiting list twice a year during certain months. So, I believe it was somewhere between 5-6 months before I could visit. Then things really blossomed.

That first visit was kind of scary for me, but we had both seen pictures of each other, so due to a nice group of visiting officers, we had a really great first visit.

I can't really say it was love at first site because I certainly was not looking to get married again. I had been divorced for 22yrs by then and quite comfortable with living alone.

But you know how it is when that love bug bites, it bites hard and we were married the following year.

I love my husband with all of my heart and I only wish that he were home with me. It is so tough leaving him behind each week.

This too shall pass though, because they can't keep him forever. Long enough, but not forever. I long for the day when my phone will ring and he will be on the other end telling me to come pick him up.

Really he said he had thought about surprising me and just showing up at my door. I told him don't even think about it. As if he could really find me as he hasn't a clue about the area and they certainly don't have access to maps in there.

I thank God everyday for this chance to love again and be able to share my love with another caring person who loves me equally back.

Who is next? Great forum Patty. Thanks for giving birth to it.

LovingYou 02-12-2006 04:03 PM

he knew my then husband. We would talk on the phone (platonic) and write letters. It was based purely on friendship. I was always there to hear him out when he had a bad day or whatever and he was there for me too.

Last year my ex left us for another chick, and he comforted me. Months later we admitted that we like each other and we're getting married sooner than soon. We never did anything inappropriate when I was still married.

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