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-   -   Is he just using you? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=511166)

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 08:25 PM

Is he just using you?
 
I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.

LoveBuggy 11-01-2010 08:32 PM

Would anyone wait if they thought they were being used? I don't really understand the question behind this post.

For my relationship we 'use' each other pretty equally. Right now mainly for emotional support.

At the end of the day everyone just wants to be loved and those that 'use' women/men from prison have bigger problems than the women that are being used.

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 08:36 PM

I'm sorry!!
 
I thought that the question was pretty simple, so I do apologize. The question was: Do you feel like the inmate may be using you for money, time, letters, or anything else that he can get. I talked to a few women that felt they were being used, but didn't want to move on or didn't want to confront him with that...

Quote:

Originally Posted by GinaH (Post 5755403)
Would anyone wait if they thought they were being used? I don't really understand the question behind this post.

For my relationship we 'use' each other pretty equally. Right now mainly for emotional support.

At the end of the day everyone just wants to be loved and those that 'use' women/men from prison have bigger problems than the women that are being used.


CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 08:39 PM

@ Sleepaway_Camp. Do you not understand the post either? I see that you liked GinaH's comment....Just want to know just in case I wasn't clear and need to edit the post...

LoveBuggy 11-01-2010 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CupCakeLove (Post 5755413)
@ Sleepaway_Camp. Do you not understand the post either? I see that you liked GinaH's comment....Just want to know just in case I wasn't clear and need to edit the post...

I doubt you will get many responses on woman that will admit to being used. If I had the slightest suspiscion I was maybe sorta kinda being used I doubt I would say it on here.

Rejoice. . . 11-01-2010 08:47 PM

Lol! I'll answer. I was with my husband before he went away, not that that matters. No, I don't think he's using me.

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 08:55 PM

Ok
 
I understand your view. Thanks for your comments...

Quote:

Originally Posted by GinaH (Post 5755422)
I doubt you will get many responses on woman that will admit to being used. If I had the slightest suspiscion I was maybe sorta kinda being used I doubt I would say it on here.


chozngirl777 11-01-2010 08:59 PM

I think the post is pretty clear and its a valid question. Every one knows that society looks at girls who are waiting for someone that is incarcerated "fools, that are just being used and played". It's a sad truth, but it's reality? I'm very independent, I'm highly successful, and to be honest, I know I got it going on in the looks department and could get any guy i want. Every day I hear that I'm too good to stand by a man that's locked up, and I'm warned to not be taken advantage of. But what they don't know is that our relationship has grown more since he's been locked up than it probably ever would have when he was on the streets. I have no regrets, we're rock solid, and we make eachother happy NOW, and to me that is all that really matters. So with that, no I don't think my man is using me. :)

OoMiracleoO 11-01-2010 09:05 PM

What Chozngirl said!! And I will say this, if my man is "using" me, then he is damn GOOD! Lol

209CaLiGiRl 11-01-2010 09:09 PM

I will be the first to say that just because you were with the inmate before they went in does not mean that they wont use you. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years before he went in. we lived together and almost had a child together(i lost her at 5 months pregnant) and he did 8 years and we lost touch the first few years but the last 3 years we got back in touch and back together. He got out in March of this year and I went to pick him up, he was with me for 2 weeks then left me. I know now that he is with some other chick. He told me it was because of the no-contact order but who knows.......I had no idea I was gonna be played. I thought I knew him.:( NEwayz, now I am with a guy that my cousen hooked me up with(they are homiez locked up together) and I did not know him before he went in, and my cousen asures me that he would never hook me up whith an asshole, but because of what had happend with my ex I cant help but be alittle afraid.

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 09:15 PM

Hi
 
Now see that what's I'm talking about; you feel what I am saying. It's just something to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chozngirl777 (Post 5755464)
I think the post is pretty clear and its a valid question. Every one knows that society looks at girls who are waiting for someone that is incarcerated "fools, that are just being used and played". It's a sad truth, but it's reality? I'm very independent, I'm highly successful, and to be honest, I know I got it going on in the looks department and could get any guy i want. Every day I hear that I'm too good to stand by a man that's locked up, and I'm warned to not be taken advantage of. But what they don't know is that our relationship has grown more since he's been locked up than it probably ever would have when he was on the streets. I have no regrets, we're rock solid, and we make eachother happy NOW, and to me that is all that really matters. So with that, no I don't think my man is using me. :)


tee.dot.q 11-01-2010 09:18 PM

No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.

:shrug:

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 09:21 PM

I'm sorry!!
 
I'm sorry that you went through the pain, but in the long run, he did you a favor. That's why I think that it's important for us to not lose ourselves and continue to be independent....


Quote:

Originally Posted by 209CaLiGiRl (Post 5755480)
I will be the first to say that just because you were with the inmate before they went in does not mean that they wont use you. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years before he went in. we lived together and almost had a child together(i lost her at 5 months pregnant) and he did 8 years and we lost touch the first few years but the last 3 years we got back in touch and back together. He got out in March of this year and I went to pick him up, he was with me for 2 weeks then left me. I know now that he is with some other chick. He told me it was because of the no-contact order but who knows.......I had no idea I was gonna be played. I thought I knew him.:( NEwayz, now I am with a guy that my cousen hooked me up with(they are homiez locked up together) and I did not know him before he went in, and my cousen asures me that he would never hook me up whith an asshole, but because of what had happend with my ex I cant help but be alittle afraid.


CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 09:23 PM

Too funny!!!
 
I love it!! You're funny!! :D


Quote:

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q (Post 5755499)
No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.

:shrug:


tee.dot.q 11-01-2010 09:31 PM

I was being "cute" in my first point but on a serious note I will say that there is lots of using going on, on both sides of the fence. Inmates running games, folks using inmates. Free people using other free people. I think it all boils down to trusting your instincts and being reasonable. There is a really good thread in MWI about this right now, if you were more curious about those who met their partners while they were locked up. Lot's of factors to consider and I wont hijack the thread to list all of them - they exist in many threads on this site already.

I'll retell a story that a member here has told many times. Her neice, at the prompting of her family, married a "nice man" she met in church. That "nice church man" robbed her blind of everything she had, including the family home. I'm just sayin' - shit happens sometimes and in every place.

Also, at the risk of sounding harsh, many of the women who cry foul that they were used by an inmate should have seen it coming if they approached the relationship with eyes wide open. Not in all cases of course, but certainly in many.

Sweetswife 11-01-2010 09:37 PM

I have had more than one experience with incarcerated people. The first man was terrible and used me BEFORE as well as tried to during. He didn't last very long. Once he was released I ignored all contacts with him and hopefully he has disappeared off the face of the earth. My present experience is with my fiancee and he was a person of integrity before except for the instance that landed him in prison and even that was a messed up situation in which he was sold down the river because he was WITH people who were committing a crime and NOT PART of the crime (They had weapons in the car and he didn't know). He is an honorable man and has had no incidences while incarcerated. He is just there to do his time and get out and come home.

Geauxin'KraZee 11-01-2010 09:40 PM

Registered user
 
I'm with Gina on this! I too am very independent and a strong woman. I KNOW my man is not using me. Number 1, he knows how strong I am. Number 2, he knows I'm intolerant of stupidity and immaturity . Number 3 and all the other numbers he would have to be an idiot if he were to use me. I will blow my own horn here and you may think that I'm arrogant, but I am a damn good catch. As far as the looks department, like Gina, I got it goin on too! I am almost fifty years old and I take good care of myself. I know it wouldn't be my last chance at love if my man were to be using me. But I KNOW that he isn't . My opinion only, but I think if a man is using a woman, somehow I think she senses it. Call it women's intuition or gut feeling but I really think deep down inside most of these women know , they just hope and pray that they are wrong.

CupCakeLove 11-01-2010 09:46 PM

Really good point
 
You're right and have some really good points. I don't think that you're arrogant for saying that you're beautiful. :D...You're a strong woman just as I am. I don't play with Cupcake and we shouldn't....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liz 1961 (Post 5755545)
I'm with Gina on this! I too am very independent and a strong woman. I KNOW my man is not using me. Number 1, he knows how strong I am. Number 2, he knows I'm intolerant of stupidity and immaturity . Number 3 and all the other numbers he would have to be an idiot if he were to use me. I will blow my own horn here and you may think that I'm arrogant, but I am a damn good catch. As far as the looks department, like Gina, I got it going on too! I am almost fifty years old and I take good care of myself. I know it wouldn't be my last chance at love if my man were to be using me. But I KNOW that he isn't . My opinion only, but I think if a man is using a woman, somehow I think she senses it. Call it woman's intuition or gut feeling but I really think deep down inside most of these women know , they just hope and pray that they are wrong.


SpicaRigel 11-01-2010 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tee.dot.q (Post 5755499)
No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.

:shrug:

Tee....!!! SHUT---UP!!!:rolleyes:

morgiemm 11-01-2010 09:56 PM

Nope, I've never felt like I was being used. I talked to his mom on a daily basis and I have never once been asked for money or anything, just love and "we need a bigger house for the family with a jacuzzi :) " I think it's a matter of trusting your instincts and him too!!

Waitin4Kidd 11-01-2010 10:02 PM

Never have I felt used by him, we were best friends and on again off again boyfriend/girlfriend for years and both agree that our friendship is more important than our romantic relationship. Besides I never give anything that I can't afford to lose.

ChaplainJohn 11-02-2010 12:59 AM

Relationship has grown stronger
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chozngirl777 (Post 5755464)
I think the post is pretty clear and its a valid question. Every one knows that society looks at girls who are waiting for someone that is incarcerated "fools, that are just being used and played". It's a sad truth, but it's reality? I'm very independent, I'm highly successful, and to be honest, I know I got it going on in the looks department and could get any guy i want. Every day I hear that I'm too good to stand by a man that's locked up, and I'm warned to not be taken advantage of. But what they don't know is that our relationship has grown more since he's been locked up than it probably ever would have when he was on the streets. I have no regrets, we're rock solid, and we make eachother happy NOW, and to me that is all that really matters. So with that, no I don't think my man is using me. :)

I would like to ad to your comment if I may, yes many of times I have seen the relationships between a couple grow stronger when the man is incarcerated. Mostly because, (I think) that when the man is cut off from physical contact with his mate, his emotional relationship over-compensates for this. This allows him to more freely share his heart and be more open about doing so. (a real problem for a lot of us men) So ladies, if you reconize this, tell him. He'll learn just how important it is for the you to hear his heart and he'll learn that he needs to do this as well.
Just thank us for being so open. :)

goodkarma 11-02-2010 01:02 AM

Absolutely not!!! I was with him before any of this crap, I know my man better than anyone in this world. We are completely in love!

Tina 11-02-2010 01:34 AM

Nope :).

LittleWing13 11-02-2010 07:51 AM

Your post was perfectly clear. The problem is that it's a hot button...a topic that can conjure up a lot of high emotion and conflict here. I think a lot of women get used by dudes locked up....but I don't think that they realize it as it's happening, or they would walk away. Then again, some people are gluttons for that kind of abuse.

Personally, I was with him before which is the only reason I stuck with him during...still with him a year since being home, but re-evaluating the relationship for my own reasons.


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