Prison Talk

Prison Talk (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/index.php)
-   Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=44)
-   -   Is he just using you? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=511166)

Bella Is Famuz 02-09-2011 12:27 AM

If anyone is using anyone I believe we using each other. I use him to be my rock and my loyal husband and if he wants to use me for letters so he can use em as an escape out of that horrible place than thats fine with me. I never felt used.

Through out the years hubbys told me few of his dudes that were using females for whatever they needed at the time and Id always ask him why and just look at him in disbelief. He did say that even the hard ones in there that laugh and clown about the chicks and talk their crap is also the ones that end up actually caring for the chick too.

gatorsgurl14 02-09-2011 05:21 PM

We use each other, for sex. HAHA

E.RICA.RDO 02-09-2011 11:15 PM

no i dont think im being used, but hey its ALWAYS in the back of your mind.. i mean SO MANY GUYS use girls when theyre busted.. its hard to spot the REAL from the fake even if you were with them BEFORE they got busted.. it could all just be PRISON TALK.. you never know. u just gotta have faith, try to spot the red flags, and do the best you can.

MikesWifey 03-01-2011 08:42 PM

No! he isnt. We have been together nearly 10years and I have been looking for signs. I've been burned before in a prison relationship and I wont allow myself to be blind like that again. IF I hadnt met baby threw my brother, I wouldnt have EVER decided to be friends let alone anything else after the last experience.

passionfruit 03-01-2011 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NurseDown (Post 5942418)
I haven't read through every post on this thread but I'd assume that I am one of the few that can regrettably say that yes I was used. Not only used but manipulated for many many years. I was with my ex for 7 years. We were engaged, own a home, cars, I'm expecting a baby, ect.. Unfortunately I can say that only 3 years (give or take) were good and the rest were lies, abuse and a form of extortion through his manipulative ways. Even when he went in to start his bid I was waiting and trying to help him and fighting for his freedom. I even filed for a marriage license so that we could get married. He's only into month 4 and I realized through the help of some ladies on PTO that he doesn't love me or even care about me or the baby. All he cares about is himself and his future (minus the old lady and kid). After speaking to a counselor for the past few days, I started realizing that there is no shame in admitting that I was used for many years. I didn't do anything wrong to be ashamed about. Nor should I regret anything I did or the time passed because I had unconditional love for someone who is sick and twisted. Nor should I have those feelings of guilt because it's taught me a valuable lesson in life!!

Just goes to show that the saying "Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option" has never held so much truth or meaning to me! :pow:

Hey there...you sound so much better!!I've read what you were going through.. Amen!!! ;-) and its ok to love someone, it was too bad he didn't realize it...oh well his lost!!! Glad to hear your doing better..take care and thanks for sharing...

MrsZ-Unit 03-02-2011 12:19 AM

no and there are tons and endless reasons to back up why i KNOW he isnt using me....

bl6ckr0s3 03-02-2011 03:16 AM

Me & my fiance knew each other from our past even tho we met wen we were 12, we never really talked. I've asked him out 3 yrs l8r in hs wen i got a hold of his phone # from a friend who was good friend's w/ his sister. It was very hard gettin a hold of him cuz he was always going out @ the time. Knowing wat would've happened next, i realized next thing he ended up being in prison b4 I ever got the chance to get to know him on the phone. Being reunited 14 yrs l8r, & now we're engaged & closer than ever, it has crossed my mind whether he may b using me @ all?

But.......I would have a lot of hopes & faith that it's not like that @ all w/ him. He saw in the way I talked to him, the way i've treated him, the way I have cared about him all these years, the personal things we talk share & talk about, he knew that I was slowly falling in love w/ him. He knew that I felt love 4 him from all that. He has never felt that from n-e-body b4. He's had girls who tell him they love him, but he never felt it, considering may-b @ the time they weren't sure wat love was? Now he knows.....cuz he met me. I usually treat my guys very well during the relationship, but 2wards the end in the past relationships it ends up falling apart cuz I wasn't kept happy. It has crossed my mind that if i ended up being hurt, that may-b it would b karma coming back cuz of my pasts, but nobody deserves 2 b hurt. If somebody was gonna b hurt, better to know sooner than l8r.

I kno wat we have is real right now, thats y we chose to marry each other. We never chose to marry young or have kids young. We had enough experience in the past to kno wat we were lookin 4 & expect out of our partner. We have the trust, honesty, dedication of time, & sacrifice. My man has treated all his women well, all his women know he's a good man. Thats y he still has women coming after him, wen he tells em about me, they get pissed or jealous knowing that they can't have him. I've treated my men well enough 4 em to b faithful to me. I guess I did something right. I was the 1 who was never pleased in the end. I found 1 man who couldn't compare to n-e of my exes. I'm taking this chance of happiness as far as we can take it. Everything that happens whether it's good or bad, happens 4 a reason either way.

ladyelise 03-02-2011 03:15 PM

I have SEVERAL male relatives in prisons for Alabama to California and I will tell you without a doubt they use women. I don't condone it, but they do it. Some of the moms and other family members are in on it. These women will wire money to people they don't know and a lot of times it's the other woman. My cousins are nice looking physically with those exotic Jamaican and Cherokee features and some of these women they wouldn't notice twice if they were buck naked walking down streets. They've gotten some to bring in drugs and cell phones, beat up other girls, give COs money, pay child support, pay lawyers-some got caught some didn't. They all promise to be with them when they get out, one even has 4-5 different "wifeys!" My aunt once tried to tell this one girl don't fool with him and he told the girl he was adopted and she wasn't his real momma and the stupid girl believed him called my aunt and cussed her out! They constantly try to "out-do" each other with giving money and dropping gifts of PS3, clothes, shoes, xbox 360's and it never stops, even when they get busted. It baffles me to this day!

loving my jeff 03-11-2011 07:16 AM

all i can say is WOW!!! its sad to see ppl use others. it not only happens in prison, it happens everywhere. i have had several bfs use me. hell, they were so good with their words that they could get me to believe everything they said. eventually i would open my eyes and realize what was going on. just to point out, none of these guys were incarcerated.

the man i am with now is doing 15 months. do i trust him? yes i do. he has been honest with me rite from the start. we were not together very long before he got incarcerated. but we instantly fell for each other. he opens up and tells me things that he doesnt share with others. i also get to see a different side of him than what others see. he appears to be a tuf guy on the outside. but i kno this is not the real him. i feel lucky and special that i see what others do not.

do i think he is using me? the answer is no. i have put my trust and love into this relationship. i believe that he is a good man. he is both sweet to me and to my kids. all three of my kids like him. this is the first time that has ever happened. usually my kids, especially my oldest, do not like my bfs.

MIKAER 03-11-2011 10:01 AM

Manipulation is a survival tool for a lot of inmates. They get good at the sweet talk and tell women what they think they want to hear. They ask for the moon and expect to be provided for...What a lot of women view as love and romance is actually a defect in communication style of the incarcerated male---KINDA LIKE FALLING IN LOVE WITH A TUMOR!

When we first became friends with my guy, I began to address theses deficits caused by years of incarcerations I did not allow him to use sweet talk or manipulation and modeled directness in my communication. I set limits so he could learn boundaries... After 4 years I believe we have a healthy relationship. we have worked hard and most of all we have worked together to help him break the negative behaviors...

MR.GRUMPYZWIFEY 03-11-2011 11:54 AM

Hey
 
[hi,im new 2 diz n i wanted to ask u how did u do dat countdwn thing. I wanna do dat 4 my dude countdwn...ty...

shallowbay 03-11-2011 01:29 PM

I picked "he would never do that to me." My REAL answer is, he CAN'T do that to me. I don't do anything at all, that he would use me for. I can't send money often (maybe 3 or 4 times a year, and it is not much), I can't afford to always put money on our phone account, I can't afford to visit often...the list could go on. I write often, and he writes quite often, too, and never, ever complains or tries to get me to do anything. So, no. I really do not believe he is using me. What could he possibly be using me for? Letters? That's really not that horrible. ;)

chris2009 03-11-2011 05:08 PM

Can i put a bug in a listening ear. Have u thought about the fact that the inmate and his gf or wifey can both be in on using whomever? I have witnessed it first hand. My fiancee and i enjoyed the spoils of a woman who wanted my husband. She knew we wrer to marry but she kept coming to the jail to visit with his sister. My husbandtobe told me what she was proposing and i allowed her to provide for him/us. She assumed that i was unaware of it, smiled in my face while she thought she was stabbing me in the back as i new her well before he and i hooked up and got engaged. She hustled like a champ for about six months until the CO's started hating and told her that my man was giving me half of everything she gave him. The fact that she knew we were to be married did not phase her one bit until i snatched the wool off her eyes and she saw reality. She gave and gave then foud out i took and took. She gave our household an extra $3000 a month for close to six months. The way u do bottom feeding B's

MIKAER 03-11-2011 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris2009 (Post 6018228)
Can i put a bug in a listening ear. Have u thought about the fact that the inmate and his gf or wifey can both be in on using whomever? I have witnessed it first hand. My fiancee and i enjoyed the spoils of a woman who wanted my husband. She knew we wrer to marry but she kept coming to the jail to visit with his sister. My husbandtobe told me what she was proposing and i allowed her to provide for him/us. She assumed that i was unaware of it, smiled in my face while she thought she was stabbing me in the back as i new her well before he and i hooked up and got engaged. She hustled like a champ for about six months until the CO's started hating and told her that my man was giving me half of everything she gave him. The fact that she knew we were to be married did not phase her one bit until i snatched the wool off her eyes and she saw reality. She gave and gave then foud out i took and took. She gave our household an extra $3000 a month for close to six months. The way u do bottom feeding B's

My point exactly except I should have said Manipulation is a survival tool for a lot of inmates and their sick families

"Manipulation is a survival tool for a lot of inmates. They get good at the sweet talk and tell women what they think they want to hear. They ask for the moon and expect to be provided for...What a lot of women view as love and romance is actually a defect in communication style of the incarcerated male---KINDA LIKE FALLING IN LOVE WITH A TUMOR!

When we first became friends with my guy, I began to address theses deficits caused by years of incarcerations I did not allow him to use sweet talk or manipulation and modeled directness in my communication. I set limits so he could learn boundaries... After 4 years I believe we have a healthy relationship. we have worked hard and most of all we have worked together to help him break the negative behaviors..."

LoveBuggy 03-11-2011 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris2009 (Post 6018228)
Can i put a bug in a listening ear. Have u thought about the fact that the inmate and his gf or wifey can both be in on using whomever? I have witnessed it first hand. My fiancee and i enjoyed the spoils of a woman who wanted my husband. She knew we wrer to marry but she kept coming to the jail to visit with his sister. My husbandtobe told me what she was proposing and i allowed her to provide for him/us. She assumed that i was unaware of it, smiled in my face while she thought she was stabbing me in the back as i new her well before he and i hooked up and got engaged. She hustled like a champ for about six months until the CO's started hating and told her that my man was giving me half of everything she gave him. The fact that she knew we were to be married did not phase her one bit until i snatched the wool off her eyes and she saw reality. She gave and gave then foud out i took and took. She gave our household an extra $3000 a month for close to six months. The way u do bottom feeding B's

What does that say about your character? Not much.

esteli 03-12-2011 08:23 PM

these types who are users without regard end up paying high prices. you know their youth, their looks, etc doesn't last forever. it may seem you'll always be young but before you know it, you aren't and there they will be alone with no one to care for them because they've invested nothing in the real deal.

I've seen it happen with my own eyes. I've been through it all throughout the years and the most gorgeous of men never thought he wouldn't have his looks, and the swarm of women all dried up, there is no one, no one around.

MIKAER 03-22-2011 02:16 AM

I have a friend who was a co in a lot of prisons. She said the females are worse for scamming the men. She told of guys showing up to pick up the women with limos and champagne... She would have to explain that female had gone home with her husband and kids the week before lol...... Sad but funny.

ladyelise 03-22-2011 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CupCakeLove (Post 5755387)
I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.

CupCakeLove, you have stirred up a hornet's nest--girl, lol! Don't you know everyone on here is with their soulmate and will have the over the rainbow perfect ending when he gets out? Like anyone is going to say, "yes he's using me left and right and I want you all to know about it." Good try though, maybe next time or when it's on "when the relationship is over forum." Brace yourself, chica.

Beachhouse 03-22-2011 12:52 PM

I would hate to think that a friend is using me. Though I am kind of like the person who doesn't really have anything to be used for. I don't send money, gifts, or pay for his phone. We do have the phone set up so he can call me, but anyone else he calls he either pays for it or his family pays for it out of his own accounts he had before going in. In fact he doesn't like using my money, so uses the card he's paid for rather than the phone thing I set up, when he calls me. I do include paper and envelopes in my letters once in a while. So if anything, he is using me for my letters, which are strange and funny and distract him from where he is for the time it takes to read and a little longer. We are friends so there is nothing promised or no sweet talking and trying to get stuff in the letters.

Thumper3624 03-22-2011 02:11 PM

I dont agree that you will always be able to see if someone is using you. My situation is very different. I have been with my guy for 3 years we are both married I have been seperated the whole time and he just recently was seperated from his wife about 1 year ago. He got in trouble and I went to see him every week in the county jail. Then he told me his wife wanted to come up to see him. I told him if she came I wouldnt come up there anymore. She did not come to see him. Myself and his mother were able to bail him out. He stayed with me for the first month and then the second month he was back and forth at his moms house and my house. Then I heard he was talking to his wife again. I went with him when he turned himself in to the courts. But I still dont know what will happen when he comes home. He just went in March 4, 2011. Everyone says this is my way out. I think that he turned to his wife because she was there for him the last time he went to prison. I think he wanted options. I dont think its because he doesnt love me I think he does not trust that I will wait for him. Any opions are greatly appreciated on my situation. I am willing to show him that I will be here for him. But I wont accept him contacting her which I have already told him a letter.

LuViNnMiSSiN 03-26-2011 09:20 PM

I definitely believe he is using me. He is using me because he knows I've been the only person there for him and the only person who has ever believed in him and tried to help him in his life and push him, but because of my own problems at the time, things always got really messed up and things were gonna end pretty bad if he didn't get locked up again. He says he is glad he is locked up because he was on parole and he claims being on parole and know he has to wake up every morning to answer to someone (being on parole.. funny cuz thats how it is in jail!!) anyways.. he said that is a reason why he had a shitty attitude a lot of the time and couldnt be a good b/f... so now I believe he is using me and trying to hold me by a thread because he has NO ONE and he knows I'm a christian and i always forgive him and he knows I love him but after todays visit, i aint beat anymore. i love him and will pray for him but Im not gonna go somewhere and then leave in a worse mood then when i got there. my life is so good now and i just cant deal with the sucking the life out of me and making me feel so bad for him and him playing the sympathy card and the rough life card and me falling for it time and time again

LeStrange 03-26-2011 09:39 PM

He doesn't ask me for anything and we BOTH put money on his phone account.

WildCherryNikki 03-26-2011 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBlackz (Post 5951872)
YES I'M 100% POSITIVE I'M BEING USED...

For Sex... :clap: :haha: :ha: :blush: :p
He says he's only with me cuz I'm white and I got big boobs...I told him Well hey, I'm only with you cuz you have tattoos...:p
So were using eachother...:lol:
God I Love him! :kiss:



You are so funny, I love your posts!!

WildCherryNikki 03-26-2011 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBlackz (Post 5951872)
YES I'M 100% POSITIVE I'M BEING USED...

For Sex... :clap: :haha: :ha: :blush: :p
He says he's only with me cuz I'm white and I got big boobs...I told him Well hey, I'm only with you cuz you have tattoos...:p
So were using eachother...:lol:
God I Love him! :kiss:



You are so funny, I love your posts!! He sounds like my bf..

Soulyrical 03-30-2011 11:28 PM

The way I see it is, if he is using me then I am a willing participant. If I send money, I benefit also, because it goes towards us being able to communicate daily. I write him everyday, with pictures included. He loves to read, so me sending him books is not hurting me, it is only helping him improve himself. I have to just have faith & trust in him, & know that what I am doing for him is because I love him, if it were to all be some kind of game he was running on me, then that is on him & he missed out on a fabulous woman. He has straight up told me he doesn't want me doing anything that will hurt me out here financially. But he also knows that if I can't, I won't, & there is no hard feelings between us. He has never asked me for anything, everything I have ever done for him has been on my own doings. If a woman feels in her gut that something isn't right with her man, than maybe she should listen & back off on doing & see what happens.
May God be with & protect all of your men.
~Soulyrical~


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:59 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2001- 2019 Prison Talk Online