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-   -   Is he just using you? (

Jossie22 11-04-2010 10:33 PM

I can understand this post completly,I love my baby.
But the pass 2 days my trust with him is rocky,I want to trust him but it's hard
and he had trouble trusting me before. Someone wrote me claiming him. Now im just lost. I spoke to him about it. He was honest and told me the truth about this person,and ow much he's sorry and loves me.But why let it go so long. I feel like he only told me the truth because he knew the girl found me on here. How do I get over someone like this?

hunnybear15 11-05-2010 01:38 PM

I was with my husband before he went in, so I know I'm not being used. But, just to add to the original post, I was talking to him on the phone the other night, and he made a comment. He said, "90% of the guys he's in with is just using their pen pals for money, letters and visits." He said, it's sad but true. It's sad to hear about the way they talk about their women pals...

chasiwassi 11-05-2010 04:47 PM

Honestly, I feel that if your being used you will somehow feel that in your heart. Your heart never lies, so its whatever you feel, and eventually whatever is done in the dark is going to come to the light. I was in a relationship with someone I knew before prison and stood by his side as he served his 11 years in prison, we were off and on but I was still there. However about not too long ago I found out he was writing someone else and they were telling each other they loved each other... I know right, WTF... but the whole time I felt like there was infidelity there... Now I have been talking to my MWI for about 1 month and 3 weeks and I feel like everything he tell me is totally honest, matter of fact he tell me everything even if it's not what I wanna hear. My heart is telling me he is soooo true to me and I feel it... Well hope that helps...

Mrs.Miner 11-07-2010 02:32 PM


Originally Posted by (Post 5755499)
No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.


lol gotta love that expensive phone sex! i think i may be using mine for that too. honestly, im sure hes using me, but weve been together for 2.5 years now .. long before he went in .. so i dont care, too much, that he is. i used him as a man sized sex toy before we began dating, so fair is fair lol.
that being said, id leave if he were using any other females.

HisSexyLove 12-27-2010 07:08 PM

Don't you think if someone KNEW they were being used they would leave LOL

Has26 12-27-2010 08:54 PM


Originally Posted by chozngirl777 (Post 5755464)
I think the post is pretty clear and its a valid question. Every one knows that society looks at girls who are waiting for someone that is incarcerated "fools, that are just being used and played". It's a sad truth, but it's reality? I'm very independent, I'm highly successful, and to be honest, I know I got it going on in the looks department and could get any guy i want. Every day I hear that I'm too good to stand by a man that's locked up, and I'm warned to not be taken advantage of. But what they don't know is that our relationship has grown more since he's been locked up than it probably ever would have when he was on the streets. I have no regrets, we're rock solid, and we make eachother happy NOW, and to me that is all that really matters. So with that, no I don't think my man is using me. :)

You summed it up quite nicely! I feel the same way about my guy. And he is definitely not using me. He never once asked me to send me any money. He offers to send me money!! Although, I still send him what I can from time to time. I am very lucky. He writes me every day, send me like 60+ emails a day, and calls me 3 times a day (morn, noon and night). Plus I visit him once a week. Like chozngirl I also feel like our relationship has grown over this time! I don't think we would have come this far or lasted this long if it weren't for these unfortunate circumstances. But with all of the communicating that we do every day, I think as a couple we are far better off than where I see my friends and their guys. Time apart either forces you to become stronger or reveals to you that you may not have had much substance in the first place.

Ms. Lovemuffin 12-28-2010 01:17 AM

Ms. Lovemuffin
I dont think it really matters if you been with your inmate before or after prison. I was in a relationship with a man for 4 years before prison. I took care of him 29 months. Visits, phone calls and money when I could. The day he walked out of prison he did what he wanted to do, Dispite the effort I put into his incarseration. Still today I love him very much but what I learned is that a man will be a man and do what ever they want regardless if you known them or just met them. I think you just have to be cautious and dont break your neck to meet every demanding need.

Originally Posted by CupCakeLove (Post 5755387)
I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.

Charlo612 12-28-2010 07:47 PM

I understand the thread fully, I been with my man for 5 years, we knew each other on the outside but never got together until, he went in. And he has always been supportive, but since of late, he has been calling me and the first thing he asked is did my dad or brother send the money? Most times, i am not even gonna front i feel like a messenger. Even though the money is not coming from my pocket, i feel like i am just running up a phone bill for him to either ask for money from his family, or complain that they havent sent it. This has been recently and he has never shown it before, maybe i am overreacting, because this is a new facility and he has nothing there yet. But i dont want to be naive either, after five years i dont think i am being used. But ya never know.

queen of king 12-31-2010 02:53 AM

I don't see how my man can use me. I don't send him money ever. He gives me money for phone calls, expenses for visitation, etc. I do give him my time as far as visiting/phone calls/letters. He has brought out the long ago writer inside me. Maybe I use him?

kittykat7 12-31-2010 05:30 AM

My story with my man is pretty complicated. We met over a year ago, but we really didn't start talking until about 8 months ago. We just messed around like two normal teenagers. And things started becoming more serious and we wanted to be with eachother. He was planning on moving to another state so we just decided to be friends even though we wanted to be with eachother more than anything. A few days after we had this huge amazing discussion about us, he went to jail. We then decided that we were with eachother and that we started dating the first time we told eachother we were in love with eachother (a few days before he went to jail). At times I think that he is just using me because he's in jail and he needs someone right now. But most of the time I think he's serious about me because we had so much before. I hope he's not using me and we will be together even after he gets out. I think it's really messed up when guys use girls like that or the other way around. It's not right to make someone wait for you and then lose interest when they get out. I hope not many women have that happen to them. And I think it is a normal feeling to think they are using you. But honestly, you won't know until they get out.

Tina Bee 01-03-2011 12:24 AM

Well I don't put money on his books, I don't put money on my phone to talk to him, and I don't write him letters. Yet almost everyday he calls me just so I can hear his pre-recorded voice say his name.

Neither one of us is using the other. There would be nothing to gain. We wouldn't be together now if our relationship was based on what one can get out of the other.

ladynwaitin 01-03-2011 02:57 PM

I do wonder sometimes. He's so full of lovey dovey, forever and ever gooey stuff, and that always makes me nervous. He's been that way from the start, but he knew he was going down when he met me and waited until the last minute to tell me. What does that mean? Only God knows.

And I do ANYTHING he wants or needs, but then, I haven't told him that I'd do that stuff for any friend . . . but probably not as much as I do for him.

The signs that he is serious is that he does seem to get jealous and he does say the sweetest things (I know he wants to keep me, but for how long) . . . but since he can't give me anything but words for now, I protect my heart with barbed wire. . . . Foolish way to be, but we can't be 21 forever . . .

one_luv 01-03-2011 07:15 PM

I think it's possible to love someone and use them at the same time. I think a lot of people are with their SO because of what they do for them (how many people do you know who stay married because of finances and the kids). I think the definition of being used is if the relationship would cease if you were to stop doing for him.

In my case, not a chance, but that is true love.

mrszrod 01-04-2011 04:59 PM

ok. we were together before he got on lock. we were very strong at that time. now also before he went on lock, he took care of me financially & emotionally. He did everything together. He did everything for me. he has been gone 2 1/2 mths, my truck hasn't been washed since he left. I had to pay for & pump gas for the 1st time a week after he left. I'm still having a hard time sleeping in our bed. So no, he did more than his share of taking care of me, he's not using me. Now, to say that it doesn't go on would be very niave. I look at those fools that use people & smh, cuz i know eventually karma will catch up to them

Longwait13 02-04-2011 10:40 AM

You have to take a chance on love. If youc lose your heart off to it because you are afraid of being hurt or used then you are going to miss out on some amazing experiences. The strongest reason I have for knowing that my man is not using me is the way he pours his heart out to me in his letters. I have never had a man express his heart to me in all my life. And when he calls it's all " I love you, I miss you!" The man never asks me for anything except 20 minutes on the phone. He is well worth it. So, yeah I'll take a chance on love. If I didn't I would of never met this amazing man.

NurseDown 02-04-2011 11:49 AM

I haven't read through every post on this thread but I'd assume that I am one of the few that can regrettably say that yes I was used. Not only used but manipulated for many many years. I was with my ex for 7 years. We were engaged, own a home, cars, I'm expecting a baby, ect.. Unfortunately I can say that only 3 years (give or take) were good and the rest were lies, abuse and a form of extortion through his manipulative ways. Even when he went in to start his bid I was waiting and trying to help him and fighting for his freedom. I even filed for a marriage license so that we could get married. He's only into month 4 and I realized through the help of some ladies on PTO that he doesn't love me or even care about me or the baby. All he cares about is himself and his future (minus the old lady and kid). After speaking to a counselor for the past few days, I started realizing that there is no shame in admitting that I was used for many years. I didn't do anything wrong to be ashamed about. Nor should I regret anything I did or the time passed because I had unconditional love for someone who is sick and twisted. Nor should I have those feelings of guilt because it's taught me a valuable lesson in life!!

Just goes to show that the saying "Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option" has never held so much truth or meaning to me! :pow:

canthelpbutwait 02-04-2011 12:23 PM

Lol, do you really think if someone thought they were being used they would stay...

LOVE&HATE 02-04-2011 12:56 PM

I like this question. Its reality. Sometime the using is not outright for money but for emotional reasons. I met my man before he got locked up and we were just friends while he did his bid we got close. I thought WOW I am really close to this man and while he was in I got these beautiful letters that talked about how much i meant to him and how he could not survive without me how he wanted to marry me and have babies. He got out and we stayed together but somehow he forgot about how much he wanted to marry me. He still wanted to be in a relationship but there was no longer the intense need. So guess what he violated his parole and has new charges. Now is talking about how stupid he was and how much he needs me. So yeah I will say I feel used. Do I think he loves me Yes I do he has proven it in other ways. But still I think they have learned to use people. Its a survival technique.

richieslady 02-04-2011 01:04 PM

I know that alot of people do get used & its sad but ive been to prison so game recanizes game lol as far as my man gose hell no i was in rehab when i found him ( he is also my kidz dad ) i had no money not even stamps to write him so no i do not think thats whatz up but i have been used befor in the past:-(

POOHSWIFE 02-04-2011 01:07 PM

No, he is not using me. My husband just recently went to prison 62 days ago. We been married 11 years and together for 12. We have two kids together. He always writes me and asks me how are we doing on money and if everything is ok. He worries about us and I tell him not to. He really does love us and wouldn't do anything to hurt us. If he is talking to someone else I don't know about. I would say yes, he is using HER.

jy_ty 02-04-2011 03:45 PM

I can honestly say that I know he isn't using me, nor would he ever. He has always been entirely too good to me, better than most people deserve so I am only doing my part to be there for him. We are getting married in November so I'm just getting early practice in on for better or for worse :)

Jasons-girl 02-05-2011 12:55 PM

Is he using me? Maybe. He is in a place where he has very, very limited access to resources (and he is a very resourceful man!). I'm one of the very few connections he has left to the outside world, so I suppose to an outsider, it could look as though J is using me since I'm giving him money, paying his restitution, buying him care packages and books, and passing messages to his friends and J is truly unable to reciprocate all of that because of where he is. The best he can do is to tell me that he loves me, to keep me updated on all important matters, and to take care of himself.

Do I feel used? No, I do not. I know who J is, and he is not manipulative nor is he the kind of man who uses someone. He is kind, generous, and has a big heart. He was already extremely reluctant to accept commissary money from me and only started accepting when he realized I wanted to take care of him and support him through a difficult time. I know that if the positions were reversed, he would be taking care of me and doing everything he could to help me out.

Edited to add: Our relationship has really grown during this time. More than anything, I feel well-loved. We building a rock solid foundation in the midst of this incredible challenge, and I know he genuinely appreciates how we are as a couple. I think all of this shows we're supporting each other, not using each other.

DP's Girl 02-07-2011 04:39 PM

I think it is a good question too. Many people both men and women have the feeling they are being used. Most times if you have that feeling it's because you are. It doesn't just happen when your partner is locked up it can happen to anyone in any situation. Personally I don't think I'm being used. We have known each other all our lives and were together for years. We moved on got married and divorced other people. Recently we reconnected through his sister. It is possible he is using me but I look at it this way you take a chance in every relationship. I would rather take a chance on someone I know has loved me for years and I have history with than someone I know nothing about. But at the end of the day nothing is guaranteed and I will accept the happiness he brings me right now and deal with anything else later.

DP's Girl

dreswifey 02-08-2011 10:10 PM

:confused:well i think its a fair question and we have the right 2 post whatever question we want on here but dont mean others have to reply.....

now with that bein said i know without a doubt mi man not usin me he is so very much in luv and so am I:)............But i would say if you not certain that hes not usin you and you wanna be put him to the test ladies put that ass on ice cold water then gut punch him lol not fareal ladies but ask the questions to get the answers you need.......GOOD LUCK LADIES I KNOW MI MAN COKIN HOME 2 ME MARCH 17TH 2011.....

LadyBlackz 02-08-2011 10:19 PM


For Sex... :clap: :haha: :ha: :blush: :p
He says he's only with me cuz I'm white and I got big boobs...I told him Well hey, I'm only with you cuz you have tattoos...:p
So were using eachother...:lol:
God I Love him! :kiss:

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