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Sherry1 06-18-2012 03:33 PM

Anyone gone or going thru this w/Mental issues?
I have been with my "ex" significant other for 21 years. Yes a long time. He was incarcerated for a majority of our time together. We met young and his 1st time away he did 10years. I was in love and did not want to be with anyone else. I decided to stay each time which believe it or not was my own decision. He has done two other bids in prison. He had never done drugs going into prison but picked up marijuana and cocaine at different times. When we met that was one thing that drew me to him that he was around people that were but did not do drugs himself. Recently he had only been out for a month or two and had to go to a rehab b/c he could not control the marijuana problem. He did kick the cocaine problem the previous time he was out. So the people at the rehab were trying bath salts (synthetic heroin or cocaine that could not be traced on drug tests) and that's when i saw him change. If you have not heard much about it, it was being marketed at shops like the novelty /head shops that sell the synthetic marijuana and sex toys etc. It was like the guy in the shinning movie that totally changes like jekyll and and hyde. He said i had people in the house when it was just he and i. He had me drive in the car as if we were following people or someone he thought I was cheating on him with and the hit me(not hard enough to stop me from driving) on the side of my head while i drove because he said i was not speeding up to catch up with them. After I got out of the car and ran because he scared me with these actions, he then tackled me like a football player and had never done anything to me like that before. He has accused me of being unfaithful and asking my famiily about whereabouts when I'm with him most of time outside of work. He thought people were following him, to and from my job. He'd say things about the "race is on" when he was driving in the car. When i was with him he'd tell me to speed up if a car was coming up w/bright lights in the lane next to us. As if he did not want it to be close to us? So these actions got so bad that he said goodbye without really having anywhere else to go and said he could not be home with all "those people" there. He swore I was cheating -totally wrong and i found out that a girl from the rehab that he slept with her. She bought into his story that I was doing him wrong. So sad and hurtful. I blame the illness, could be bipolar. He has also been around another unhealthy relationship both of these females are not even close to what his standards are. I'm embarrased for for him honestly. I am really trying to let go. So many things about who he is have changed, others have also noticed. I know I can't force it. He has done me soo wrong but I continue to say it is not the person I love. How do I really know if it will get diagnosed, and if he will ever get help. I have been around him again at different times where I feel I will be comfortable or maybe it's just my heart missing him. Then it always happens on a normal day that i'm caught off guard and he acts totally out of it. He will say disrespectful things that I'm a **** etc. I can not keep going thru the stress of good and bad - happy and hurt, like a roller coaster. More recently he did not return my call when was coming to where was if he needed a ride. He ignored my calls and knew I'd be worried, when he did answer he said how does it feels like I had left him hanging the same way (no). He had become spiteful. Never would he have been that way -even in a bad breakup situation. Sorry for rambling but I've had so much going on with this person that I still love. Any feedback is appreciated.

lisainengland 06-19-2012 04:26 AM

You cant heal him or cure him. He has to want to be clean and want to accept the help offered whether its to deal with what the drugs have done to him or bipolar.
If he is having these mood swings and recognises what he is doing then he needs to seek medical help and get a diagnosis and hopefully the correct medication.
It sounds like you have stuck with him through all the tough times and now you are trying to deal with this. Try and get some support for yourself from Nar - Anon. I am so sorry you are having to go through this :grouphug:

Sherry1 06-19-2012 04:29 PM

Thanks Lisa, I have gone to some Naranon meeting and it was helpful to open up. I did stick w/him through alot and thought if anything we'd always at least be friends. With his behavior now I don't even know our future.

lisainengland 06-20-2012 03:16 AM

I think right now you have to concentrate on taking care of you. Hopefully he will be able to deal with whats happening to him but until he does then I dont think you need him in your life :grouphug:

laneyb 06-20-2012 11:30 AM

Here's where tough love comes in......even if he were my son I would tell you to drop him immediately. The drug (and other) issues are his not yours. I have dealt with addicts for years - many successfully rehabbed, many not. At some point you have to say "enough". Typically I do not counsel on what that "point" is but frankly physical violence (regardless of how hard) should be the last straw.

My advice - drop him and don't look back. Don't answer calls, text messages or letters. If he unexpectedly arrives at your location call the police (a restraining order would be a good thing imho). I know it will be difficult but you will endure it and you will be better off for it. Your complete departure may be the catalyst he needs to get it together. Perhaps losing you will be his "rock bottom" and his saving grace.

Go With GOD my friend.

Sherry1 06-20-2012 08:15 PM

Laneyb thank you for the advise. I have been told I have to turn on that tough love. I will definitely do my best, i know it's best for me. i need God

Maya2007 06-22-2012 10:19 AM

Do you have codependency? That what it sounds like.

Sherry1 06-22-2012 06:53 PM

no addiction problems myself. I feel like I have trouble letting go because of our time together it's like not wanting change. I know in this case it no good and abusive etc. I need alot of support friends etc to keep me busy, imo.

WaitingOnJeremy 06-22-2012 07:23 PM

I know if people have mental issues then start using drugs it is double trouble. My ex husband always thought people were running out the door and one time he was beating up 2 invisible guys cause he thoughti was in bed with them. He was on pain pills and beer.....but the mental hospital says scizophrenic tendencies with substance abuse problems....when he took the meds he was good.......but of course that wasn't consistent so eventually I had to go. But I can empathize with all you said....but in your case if he never acted like that before it was probably the bath salts.....I have never done it but everyone I been around that has went crazy. One person laid flat on the couch and said I know its really not happening but I swear its like the swat team has us surrounded and snipers everywhere.......I mean why people want to do stuff that makes u crazy ill never know.

Sherry1 06-22-2012 08:14 PM

Thanks WaitingOnJeremy it helps to know others have been around such odd (crazy) behavior. I hope those head shop people realize the are ruining lives etc by continuing to sell this stuff. Kids and others just want to try things and don't realize what the effect may be just because of word of mouth.

Maya2007 06-23-2012 11:10 AM

Codependency has nothing to do with drug addictions, it has something to do with your addiction to him.

Sherry1 06-27-2012 08:58 PM

Maya then it definitely could be. I've got to be stronger

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