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-   -   Been 2 weeks and I havenít received a call from my son. (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=706832)

NeedStrength77 10-21-2017 07:12 AM

Been 2 weeks and I havenít received a call from my son.
 
Good Morning,
The struggle is real. Itís been two weeks with no call, letter nothing. Iím staying busy with work but Iím frustrated. Iíve called the jail and from the looks of it they say heís okay. Itís just unusual to not hear from him at all.

Sighing

LynnD 10-21-2017 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedStrength77 (Post 7671895)
Good Morning,
The struggle is real. Itís been two weeks with no call, letter nothing. Iím staying busy with work but Iím frustrated. Iíve called the jail and from the looks of it they say heís okay. Itís just unusual to not hear from him at all.

Sighing

I understand your fear and frustration. Just hearing our childís voice allows you to breathe. It is too easy to allow your mind to think the worst. There are many reasons he may not be calling, not all bad. As my son adjusted, made friends, and got into a routine, the calls slowed. There were times when there was too much drama going on regarding the phone. There are times when they donít want to be seen on the phone with mom if they feel they may get upset. The phones get shut off as punishment or if there has been contraband issue. The phones have been broken for days. Breathe, pray, and write to him as often as you can. My son really appreciated the letters the most in the beginning. I hope you hear from him soon!

NeedStrength77 10-21-2017 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnD (Post 7671949)
I understand your fear and frustration. Just hearing our childís voice allows you to breathe. It is too easy to allow your mind to think the worst. There are many reasons he may not be calling, not all bad. As my son adjusted, made friends, and got into a routine, the calls slowed. There were times when there was too much drama going on regarding the phone. There are times when they donít want to be seen on the phone with mom if they feel they may get upset. The phones get shut off as punishment or if there has been contraband issue. The phones have been broken for days. Breathe, pray, and write to him as often as you can. My son really appreciated the letters the most in the beginning. I hope you hear from him soon!



Thank you so much for your reply. I am learning to just accept this is my current circumstance, and this to shall pass. I wrote him but havenít mailed my letter yet. I also sent him books. He knows my heart and I know his. It just sucks. In the end he is my EVERY DAMN THING.

GaReform 10-21-2017 03:08 PM

I know, I panic too when I don't hear from my son. The email kiosks have been out where he is so email has been spotty. He calls once a week & I just got the 1st letter from him in almost a month. He wasn't able to get writing materials til now since he had just been moved. LynnD gave good advice. I know the phone systems go down, they get lockdown or it's too hard to get to use the phone. Just let him know how you worry & see if there's not something that can be done to set up a routine that works. Hang in there.

NeedStrength77 10-21-2017 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GaReform (Post 7672018)
I know, I panic too when I don't hear from my son. The email kiosks have been out where he is so email has been spotty. He calls once a week & I just got the 1st letter from him in almost a month. He wasn't able to get writing materials til now since he had just been moved. LynnD gave good advice. I know the phone systems go down, they get lockdown or it's too hard to get to use the phone. Just let him know how you worry & see if there's not something that can be done to set up a routine that works. Hang in there.



Thank you. I sent books and they have not been returned so hopefully he has received them. He knows his mamas heart. I will drop a letter this weekend. You hang in there too! Thank you for the response. Feels good to see that Iím not aline[emoji6]

fbopnomore 10-21-2017 04:58 PM

Are you able to visit him? It is not uncommon for new prisoners to have zero access to phones, or to be able to buy postage stamps, for what seems like forever. A visit, even if it is done over a TV link, will provide you with an in person look into how your son is doing.

NeedStrength77 10-21-2017 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fbopnomore (Post 7672050)
Are you able to visit him? It is not uncommon for new prisoners to have zero access to phones, or to be able to buy postage stamps, for what seems like forever. A visit, even if it is done over a TV link, will provide you with an in person look into how your son is doing.



I think I have to be put on a list but yeah itís bothering me now. I will look into that this week. Thank you.

NeedStrength77 10-21-2017 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedStrength77 (Post 7672057)
I think I have to be put on a list but yeah itís bothering me now. I will look into that this week. Thank you.



Weird because the first week or so he did call and now not one call I just donít get it.

fbopnomore 10-22-2017 05:02 AM

Jail lockdowns and the temporary loss of privileges because bad conduct, by being sent to the SHU, are the most common reasons why they suddenly stop calling. I hope you hear from him soon,

nygirl17 10-22-2017 08:16 AM

It could be just about anything at this point. Font stress to much. I'm going on day 14 of not hearing from my husband except one short 3 minute call and that's it. All I know is that he's ok but isn't staying where he's at. I'm beyond upset but am not letting myself stress out to much because there isn't much I can do on my end then what I already have. Hope you hear from him soon and yes this to shall pass.

NeedStrength77 10-22-2017 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nygirl17 (Post 7672230)
It could be just about anything at this point. Font stress to much. I'm going on day 14 of not hearing from my husband except one short 3 minute call and that's it. All I know is that he's ok but isn't staying where he's at. I'm beyond upset but am not letting myself stress out to much because there isn't much I can do on my end then what I already have. Hope you hear from him soon and yes this to shall pass.



Keeping you uplifted in prayers. Stay lifted love! Thank you for the response

nygirl17 10-22-2017 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedStrength77 (Post 7672282)
Keeping you uplifted in prayers. Stay lifted love! Thank you for the response

Thank you so much. Prayers to you and your son as well.

NeedStrength77 10-23-2017 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nygirl17 (Post 7672230)
It could be just about anything at this point. Font stress to much. I'm going on day 14 of not hearing from my husband except one short 3 minute call and that's it. All I know is that he's ok but isn't staying where he's at. I'm beyond upset but am not letting myself stress out to much because there isn't much I can do on my end then what I already have. Hope you hear from him soon and yes this to shall pass.



Thank you and I do hope you speak to your husband soon!

sidewalker 10-23-2017 08:39 AM

Its true that anything could be a reason for no phone calls.
Its very hard to figure out whats going on.
In my area......the local jail will allow them to make phone calls (collect of course)
But once they are in prison...its all bets off.
Broken phones, lock downs, being moved to ad seg...or not being able to secure a time to call are all reasons why he may not be calling.
I hope you hear from him soon.
so frustrating.

NeedStrength77 10-23-2017 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sidewalker (Post 7672523)
Its true that anything could be a reason for no phone calls.
Its very hard to figure out whats going on.
In my area......the local jail will allow them to make phone calls (collect of course)
But once they are in prison...its all bets off.
Broken phones, lock downs, being moved to ad seg...or not being able to secure a time to call are all reasons why he may not be calling.
I hope you hear from him soon.
so frustrating.



Itís heart breaking and Iíve called the prison twice this morning in hopes of speaking with his counselor. I am truly going crazy

NeedStrength77 10-26-2017 05:15 AM

Going on Week 3, no call, letter, resigned from my job, having nightmares,
 
Iím not doing a good job with maintaining. As the weeks go by itís becoming harder to deal with. The worry has now consumed my life. Luckily I donít live alone and have support. Iím gonna go see a therapist soon. Itís so easy to pick up bad habits again and Iím fighting the powers that be.

Devastated

fbopnomore 10-26-2017 08:58 AM

Stay strong and take care of yourself. If you don't, the prison experience will be much more difficult for both of you.

NeedStrength77 10-26-2017 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fbopnomore (Post 7673476)
Stay strong and take care of yourself. If you don't, the prison experience will be much more difficult for both of you.



Well it already is, but I hear you.

miamac 10-26-2017 09:37 AM

I'm so glad to hear you have support and that you're planning to talk to a therapist. Those are both really healthy coping tools. I can imagine it feels overwhelming right now and leaving your job means changes in several different areas. You've got a lot of adjusting to do! Be patient with yourself and know it's normal to feel ups and downs on this road.

In your post title it says you're having nightmares. This is something that helped me so I'll pass it on in case it may be helpful to you-- when I'm dealing with more than I can handle, paper becomes my best friend. I make lists of things I need or want to do so that 1) I don't have to ask my brain to hold the information, reducing my "don't forget!" stress and 2) I feel accomplished when I check something off. I also take a few mins in the evening to write. Some call it journaling, that feels too weighty for me. But I might write down a few things that are on my mind, even if they're not positive. The physical act of writing somehow helps me to let go and I noticed that I rest better when I do that.

Hang in there. :hugme:

NeedStrength77 10-26-2017 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miamac (Post 7673491)
I'm so glad to hear you have support and that you're planning to talk to a therapist. Those are both really healthy coping tools. I can imagine it feels overwhelming right now and leaving your job means changes in several different areas. You've got a lot of adjusting to do! Be patient with yourself and know it's normal to feel ups and downs on this road.

Hang in there. :hugme:



Thank you and I am

His_Queen13 10-26-2017 09:59 PM

Ok I read your previous post, your son is at a Fed prison. Not sure if youíre aware, he only gets 300 minutes of phone time a month? So one likely possibility (which happened to me during my husbandís first month) is that he ran out of time. It is easy to let your mind run. I would start writing letters. If he did get in trouble and is in disciplinary housing (another option) he is going to want to hear from you. I can promise you, a letter is a piece of sunshine ☀️ Just know your worry is also his worry. He is probably also worrying that he canít reach you. So just keep sending letters. Hang in there.

NeedStrength77 10-26-2017 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by His_Queen13 (Post 7673632)
Ok I read your previous post, your son is at a Fed prison. Not sure if youíre aware, he only gets 300 minutes of phone time a month? So one likely possibility (which happened to me during my husbandís first month) is that he ran out of time. It is easy to let your mind run. I would start writing letters. If he did get in trouble and is in disciplinary housing (another option) he is going to want to hear from you. I can promise you, a letter is a piece of sunshine ☀️ Just know your worry is also his worry. He is probably also worrying that he canít reach you. So just keep sending letters. Hang in there.



Thank you lord knows Iím trying.. [emoji1431]

GaReform 10-27-2017 10:08 PM

The unknown can drive you crazy. I didn't get an email from my son & I imagined all kinds of things. The system had been down but was repaired. When he called that weekend I asked him about the email. He said he had gotten mine but just didn't have anything to say. I think it was because he was feeling negative & didn't want to spend an email complaining. I let him know that I just wanted to know he was ok. I'm sure you just want to know the same for your son. They don't realize how we worry.

It's very possible that he is out of funds or there might have been phone issues. I agree that writing at least lets him know you're thinking of him & get concerned when you don't hear from him. Try to stay strong & do whatever it takes to keep you moving forward. We are here to help when it gets to be too much.

lizlizzie2 10-28-2017 05:02 AM

Does he have money on his account to be able to call? I don't know about other states, but in AZ I had to either send him money for him to purchase a phone card from the commissary or set up an account and keep it funded for him to call me collect.

lizlizzie2 10-28-2017 05:37 AM

Everyone else has given good advice in the threads on this subject, so there is nothing I can really add. I am posting just to share my own experience and to let you know we all care and we all feel it.

It is so hard. We want to hear from them to know they are ok. The phone rings and I am sure I am not alone in that first thought being the hope that nothing is wrong. Maybe I suffer from that first immediate thought because of him calling when a riot was going on to tell me he was ok, alarms blaring, people yelling, glass breaking, etc. - but he didn't want me to worry when it hit the TV news so he called me. lol. It didn't hit the news for 3 days. That was 2 summers ago and I worry about the next riot. Not an if, just a when in my mind.

In my last visit I learned for the first time in 4 years that when he calls, aside from the voice recognition system difficulties, he has to listen to a whole menu and pre-recorded offers of help in the event the inmate is being abused that he feels takes 5 minutes to get through. So when I don't answer or if we get disconnected (half the time the system doesn't connect properly after I accept the call) he has to go through all that again. By the 3rd time he usually gives up until another day.

In our state, depending on their classification they are limited to 15 minute calls and a certain number per day and per week. Loss of privileges occur for a variety of reasons, which we have been lucky enough to not suffer other than if the facility itself is on lockdown and they shut off the phones.

Sometimes, he is just busy. He has a job, college classes, mandatory classes within the prison, counseling. He has his own routine of working out, helping others work out, and being involved in some of the group activities - like softball playoffs. Then the time he spends in lines, such as to eat or if he has to go to nurse's station for a daily ice pack (last year he hurt his ankle). He has more to do than me (I am at home on disability). Then when he has the time there might be a line for the phone.

It's not going to take away your stress or fear, but just know that the longer they are in and the more adjusted they become, the routines imposed upon them, then there are all sorts of reasons why they may not call when we think they should.

I don't say this lightly. I am suffering from the I missed 3 calls last week - I was outside putting out the garbage and the neighbor came over to ask a question - i had left my phone inside; I was driving on the interstate coming back from a doctor's appointment with my specialist and my car doesn't have bluetooth or fancy stuff and it was impossible for me to talk and drive; and then I was in the bathroom. This week he hasn't called so I tell myself not to worry, but the worry is always there on an emotional level even though intellectually I am sure he is ok and he was just calling to talk and check in with mom.

I hope you hear from him soon. Please keep us updated and know you are in people's thoughts and prayers.


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