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-   -   Baby born while daddy is locked up? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=316929)

missingmitchsr 02-12-2008 04:58 PM

Baby born while daddy is locked up?
 
Was just curious as to how many women have had to go through childbirth without their baby daddys? I did and it was scary ,lonely and very stressfull. I am sure that there are more than just me to share this expierence. What did he think or how did he feel?

missingmitchsr 02-12-2008 05:09 PM

My fiance got locked up when mitch jr was 5 months old, shortly after I found out that I was pregnant with another baby. When I told him he was happy but also sad because he knew he would not be there to help me with either one of them for 5 or 6 years. I thought that it was the end of the world...my heart was broken cause he was gone and now I have to take care of not one but 2 babies by myself. It has been very hard and demanding for the most part but it has also been a daily reminder of mitch sr. I can't wait to show him how well I am doing with the boys and how much they are like him...Hoping we are able to see him soon. He has only seen the baby in pictures and he is 6 months old now...

ThatOneChick 02-12-2008 07:59 PM

My bf got locked up 3 months before she was born. I have no idea what he felt, I mean of course he didn't like it and I'm sure it didn't feel too good for him. It didn't feel too good for me either.

mrschris 02-12-2008 08:09 PM

my entire pregnancy was spent with my husband behind bars...and when she was born we were both ecstatic--but he took the cake--i've never seen a man cry both when he found OUT about the baby AND after she was born, but he did :)

the road isn't an easy one travelled but for those of us that choose to walk it it's extremely rewarding in many ways, sometimes upsetting in others...just keeping it real.

you aren't the only one walking the path--thank goodness i found PTO very early on in my pregnancy so i really wasn't ever alone.

MRSWALLACE23 02-12-2008 09:43 PM

I got pregnant while my hubby was incarcerated [yes, it's his baby--we made work release work for us]. He was at work release but the way it was suppose to work out he would have been home a month and a half before the baby was due--well he caught a new charge, which is a violation of work release, lost all his gain time, which would have had him coming home a month and a few days after the babys due date but our son decided to come early, sooooooo when he gets home it's the day before our son turns 2 months. He got to see me pregnant,he got to rub my belly, he had to deal with the vomiting, he had to deal with the mood swings, he had to deal with the sleepiness, but he did get the pregnant nucky!!! ;) He wasn't able to go to doctors appointments but he got to see ultrasound pics and the 3d ultrasound video clips and he was on the phone with me when I found out the sex. I was fine with the whole situation until after I had the baby. My mom was with me during labor so that was great, i didnt' feel alone. I had too much else to focus on. After the baby was born, I found myself sobbing quite often about his not being there but I've held on, I feel much better now and we are 25 days away from daddy being home. I'm looking forward to him seeing his son for the first time, to seeing him holding him, to see him take care of him, to have our first outing as a family, to attend church together, just make life work on a day to day as a family. Having that to look forward to is what keeps me going.

I have no idea how he feels. I don't think he cared to be in the delivery room, and if he was, I know he wouldn't have been looking down there. I'm sure he hates that he's missing out. He asks about what he does everyday he calls--he's only a month old, doesn't do much outside of eat sleep and poop--well he coos a little now and he stays awake longer and looks around more and he stares in your face. He missed 2 months but he'll have the rest of his life with him as long as he keeps his behind out of trouble.

MissingMyDaniel 02-14-2008 01:29 AM

My hubby was locked up 2 weeks after we found out I was prego and won't be home till our daughter is 5. I went through it alone and yeah, it scared the crap outta me not having him there. It really bit the big one, seeing the other new fathers come in to be with their women and babies. I never used to be a hater... As far as how he feels, well, he hurts deeply over not being here with us. And for the first time in his life he has regrets. I know my hubby well enough to say that it will be hard if not impossible fo him to overcome the guilt he feels. But that is just who he is, really old school. He is our protector and provider and not being able to do that eats away at him. In his mind it makes him less of a man. To me he's the greatest and I tell him that this is just a bump in the road. We'll get over it together.

missingmitchsr 02-14-2008 02:04 PM

Thanks to everyone responding to my post. It really helps to know that I am not the only one with this pain and emptiness...I do understand...my baby was born 2 months early and NICU was crazy alone...the nurses and other parents always asked me "wheres his daddy" I always replied with in our hearts. He was able to call everyday and pray over the phone with me about the boys which was expensive but how do you put a pricetag on sanity??? Thanks again ladies and God Bless you all!

eddiesgirl1 02-14-2008 04:08 PM

i have three kids 1 from a previous relationship and 2 from my husband. our little girl is 2 and my baby boy is 4 months old daddy had to go when he was just 7 days old.

mariaandtaylor 02-14-2008 05:04 PM

Our little lady bug was born one month after he was remanded. It wasn't easy but I got through it with his pictures by my side and I was blessed to have his family there to help me "push" through it. Thanks Mom! And sure enough the next day I asked to be released so he could see our beautiful daughter. Yes I made it to visiting. It took over a year before he finally got to hold her but at least he seen her through the glass. She is now almost 29 months and she looks forward in seeing her daddy every week.

missingmitchsr 02-14-2008 08:30 PM

I totally know what you mean about the pictures I have one above our bed and lil mitch has one he likes to show everyone....its sweet he tells everyone my dadadadada...lol he is only 16 months old and I want him to know who he is it also puts a face with the voice he hears on the phone so when we do finally get to visit he knows who he is or what to say anyways...God bless.

BRIAN'S GIRL 02-14-2008 09:38 PM

we have 2 little girls and sadly both were born when he was locked up an it was sad watching all the other dads with there wives and babies

JoeysGurl4Lyfe 02-14-2008 09:43 PM

i know how you feel in a way cuz our daughter was about a month old when my fiance get locked up and it is very hard and stressful...well good luck with everything and i hope everything works out for you congrats on the new baby

mrschrisfore 02-14-2008 09:50 PM

yeah both of my babys daddys were locked up , one was the night i went into labor and the other 2 days before the last one is still theere and has never held his baby just seen her through glass and she is a year old

nala08 02-15-2008 11:11 PM

Well yeah he will be locked up by the time our baby comes, he went in when I was 6 months pregnant our baby is due 05/01/08. He is not happy about it and neither am I, I just know I am gonna be upset because he wont be there when our new son is born. He did get to to go to some dr appts with me, he saw the sonogram and everything but he wont be there for the birth which is hard for me because he has been there for the our other two and it will be kinda sad but I am sure that I can deal with more than he will be able to to considering he has no control over seeing it at all. I am gonna record it though (something I never wanted to do)lol!

special_24 02-18-2008 05:04 AM

I had My son while his father has been locked up i was 7 months pragnant when he got locked up and we were hoping he get out before the babie was born he didnt as i thought and hoped for. its been hard on me dealing with his daddy (missing out on the birth of his first child missing his first crawls and missing out on so much of his babie) and knowing his going to miss out on so much more. i now its hard on all us mothers who have had r children while there fathers r locked up i feel us mothers with babies that r dealing with this sufffer the most.. he wants to see him and be with him so badd and i do to..:(

nala08 02-19-2008 11:04 AM

Since I have expereinced him being there and being so supportive with me when I had our other two kids to me its not gonna be the same. Like of course I am going to be tickled to pieces to have my new baby in my arms because I am so anxious to see him now its ridiculous, but a part of me wills till be sad because he wont be there to share that moment like he was able to with the other two. Since I am not really a big fan of his mother, I really dont want her there, like she can come the following day after my son is born, but I cant deal with her during labor. I dont know how I am gonna deal this will be the first time to spend the night in the hospital all alone after the baby is born. Man so much to get used to in this short amount of time.

lahill 02-19-2008 12:20 PM

i also had to give birth to my son while his father was locked up and it was such a painful experience. I was very emotional and it was hard. I felt so alone even though everybody (my family and his family) were there. I also felt like the doctor was wondering where is the father. It was terrible. The only good thing from that experience was my son.

pristock230 02-19-2008 12:41 PM

My daughters father was locked up when I was 10 weeks pregnant, it was very hard to go through it alone, granted I had a great pregnancy but it was still hard. Labor was rough without him there and the first 17 months of her life. But he is home now and things are great.

missingmitchsr 02-19-2008 07:44 PM

Thanks to all you ladies for sharing your stories! I find strength in you all! God bless you, and your families!!!
***God is in control***

lovin_sean 02-20-2008 08:24 AM

My youngest daughter's father was there for her birth, but he went in when she was one week old. He won't be out until she's 4 years old (she'll be 2 in June). Although he was there for her birth, it was a terribly emotional time because we both knew that he wasn't going to be around much longer. Some days I still just can't believe that she doesn't even know her "Daddy". He is over 3 hours away right now and we only get to see him every few months. I'm hoping he'll get transferred a little closer to home next year so we can see him more often, so at least he won't be a total stranger to her like he is now. The few times that we have been to visit him, she wouldn't even let him hold her:( .

nala08 02-20-2008 11:41 AM

I know that is something that I am afraid of is that he will too far away and that I wont get to visit as often. He is still in diagnostics right now, but depending on where he goes will depend on how often I can make it up to see him. I wish he were still 10 minutes away in the county jail, but oh well,I have to take what I can get and make it work the best wway I know how

TinkyWinky 02-21-2008 07:50 AM

My BD was in for about 9 months when my son was born. He called the hospital every day checking on me. I even have a picture of them two on the phone when my son was only 2 days old.

It was hard... so hard. I cried for days, but enjoy my blessing every minute (ok, I do wanna go crazy being a new mom and all). But the ultimate FATHER (GOD) is always there with you sweetie.

I cope by being the best mother I possibly can and giving him enough love for the both of us. It's hard on him I'm sure too, knowing he's contributing nothing right now, but you can reassure him that he can still be a father from there.

My BD writes my son and I save the letters. I will give them to him when he's old enough to understand.

Hugz

missingmitchsr 03-03-2008 05:36 PM

Thanks tinkywinky...you are so right! Hugz and God bless!

missinghim6 03-04-2008 01:28 PM

We have 3 babies and he was there for our middle one. Oldest one i was a month pregnant when he went in, got out a month after he was born. My youngest, I was 5 months pregnant and he got out 4 yrs after he was born. To all the women that are pregnant now and have to do it alone hang in there. It is rough at first but get's better.

Hisoneandonly 03-05-2008 02:07 PM

He will still be locked up when our second daughter is born, she is due in about 4 weeks. :( We had everything planned the labour plan involved him alot and now I'm having to figure out how to do this alone. Chances are he won't be able to even hold his daughter till he is sent to prison, and will have to get to know her through the glass :(.


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