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MoReNoLuVzNoTtY 02-25-2004 07:06 PM

Did you grow up in an abusive environment?
I was just wondering if I am alone on this subject???
I was unfortunate to grow up in a very abusive home. My mother and father were always fighting with each other, and we(my older sister, and younger brother) felt the results first hand.

dallaswife2b 02-25-2004 07:20 PM

Yes my father was abusive towards my mother for twelve years and I was in two abusive relationships and in turn, turned to violence to get my point across in those relationships vowing not to be like my mother. Until I realized how scared, controlling, and insecure I was and gave myself a reality check and I am an unserstanding sweet person who doesn't have to be scared of herself and others I can be me without the fear of someone hurting me because of that.

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY 02-25-2004 07:22 PM

...sounds alot like myself;)

Phil in Paris 02-25-2004 08:10 PM

Nope. My parents are divorced, and I have a step mother. My mom and dad never argued or fought or whatever, and we had and still have family dinners (Christmas birthdays etc ) with both my mom and step mom. I guess I'm lucky I was raised in a loving and peaceful family.


haswtch 02-25-2004 09:05 PM

I was raised by a mom and dad who loved each other and us very much and knew how to show it. Often I feel like I am in a tiny minority that way. (Not neccessarily here, but everywhere!)

cwmram 02-25-2004 09:25 PM

I too am a minority from a loving family - my parents were together for 30 years, till my mother passed from cancer. My Dad has been blessed with another wonderful woman, whom he married a year and a half ago. ALTHOUGH my husband is from an extremely abusive family - the kind that just takes turns abusing everyone on both sides and all over the place. They are simply disgusting. Thank God Chuckie is one of the gentlest men you will ever meet!!

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY 02-25-2004 11:42 PM

Growing up I had LOVE, but I also had HARD LOVE. Things are alot better now that I am older, and my parents DO love each other - always have, but it's just that Life's Road was often bumpy. I love my family and I have learned so much from them(GOOD AND BAD!! Just because I grew up in an abusive Home does not nessasarily mean that I grew up in a Home with out any LOVE.

francis 02-26-2004 02:26 AM

hey, well put MoReNoLuVzNoTtY-

i think that for those who have not been in the situation, often don't realize that a big part, actually of abusive situations is LOVE. Unfortuantelly, that is often why those who grew up in this kind of situration believe love and abuse go together. As one gets older hopefully through perhaps therapy, or one's own journey come to know that there can be love without abuse.

It is not lack of love that necessarilly causes abuse, but rather a conditioned way of responding to situations, poor coping skills, rage issues, jealousy, possesiveness, weak ego, fear, control, sometimes depression, sometimes alcohol and drugs are involved which can cause anger, violence, paranoia etc.

and, it is often pasted from one generation to another..

but, i would venture to say, many who have abused would not say they didn't love the person they were hurting..

i, too, grew up with some abuse..
but, much has changed for the better1

best and peace-

mrsdragoness 05-08-2004 09:22 AM

I can't even recall my parents ever having as much as an argument! I'm the youngest and my sisters are 8 & 9 years older than I am.. at our mother's funeral I mentioned this to the minister and my sisters agreed. We were blessed!

rottn 05-09-2004 02:47 AM

I had a father that worked 16 hours a day to feed 13 kids, and a mother that drank a gallon of vodka a day to deal with 13 kids, and 13 kids that went through their time as a punching bag.

rtee 05-10-2004 01:20 AM

I had the best parents in the whole dang world...but.

I was born with a childhood illness that was very painful. Back in the 60's it was thought not to give children pain killers cause it might turn them into a drug addict. My mother and a nurse would hold me down while the Doc did his things. Don't know if I can say ABUSED, but traumatized for sure.

I have been a very violent person. No more detail than that I felt alot of anger. Don't think I have mellowed out cause I still feel that anger. Now I simple recognize that feeling and pay attention to what I do. Sorry if that sounds too easy. When your mad for 30 years you get used to those feelings and they become normal feelings. So, to keep myself from going berserk, I have to feel must be stupido.

Elmo_26 05-10-2004 01:40 AM

My mom was with a man for years while I was growing up. Who used to beat her so bad that he almost killed her. Now she suffers from a head injury that keeps her from being able to have a semi normal life. I was 4 years old when this happened but i still have memories of a lot of it.

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY 05-10-2004 01:31 PM

Dont you hate it when the moments you remember the most in life; are the one's you'd like to forget.

MiamiChica22 05-10-2004 01:45 PM

I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional, I was both verbally and physically abused. But I have determined that the cycle of violence will end with me and not be passed on to my daughter.

MoReNoLuVzNoTtY 05-10-2004 03:00 PM

:thumbsup: Thats right Miami Chica!! The cycle stops here. :yes:

imissrondale 05-10-2004 10:31 PM

i actually had a slightly rough childhood my dad and mom were alcholics and my dad beat on my mom alot my dad was even addicted to cocaine at one time it was horrible till i was 17 and moved out ever since then i have not seen them fight or be abusive and they actually barely drink now but as a kid it was pretty bad something i never want my children to go through my one brother actually beats on his girlfriends now do not know if it is just him or seeing my dad do it

spideriixs 05-11-2004 10:13 PM

Hmmmm... abusive? Let me just say... I haven't seen/spoken with them in over 12 yrs.... and they live less than 5 miles away. LOL... some people really shouldn't be allowed to raise children. I can name two. :yes:

woundedangel 05-11-2004 10:13 PM

YES.........VERY VERY ABUSIVE...physically,emotionally and sexually...
I have protected my children but unfortunatually their father is an alcholic and we are both guility of giving and taking emotional abuse from each other........My spouse blames me for my childhood abuse and now because of this statement and his drinking we are separated.........My first love accepted it as "OUR" pain and has helped me get to where I am today, otherwise I wouldn't be here.....

I am healing but the scars are "VERY" deep and while others try to forget I try to remember so I can continue to heal and go on with my life.........

I have a poor relationship with my parents (my choice) and my siblings dont acknowledge I exist..... :( :(

I have put the matter in Gods hands and am going on from there...........

Mrs.Barnes 05-12-2004 03:35 PM

My father is a very good man, he took care of us kids when my mother wasn't around, even after their divorce, and all of the kids weren't his, from her previous marriage. When Papa remarried, his new wife was as nice as could be, until she became pregnant with my younger brother. It seems that as soon as she found she was expecting, it seems that my brother and I could do nothing right. After my little brother was born, things got even worse. I was told at 10 years old that I was going to grow up to be a tramp, just like my mother, at 10 years old, I didn't know what a tramp was. Being pulled out of my bed at 6 am by my hair and told "get your lazy a-- out of bed and get ready for school, you lazy little bi-ch." These are just a few little things that happened to me, but it was much worse for my younger brother, and of course her son with my Papa could do no wrong. Papa worked two full time jobs, so when we told him what was going on, he just thought that we were making it up to get our way. He knows better now. I'm just glad that my baby brother never had to go through what my brother and I did, she treated him like gold. Now that baby brother is 18 and a father himself, and a very good one at that. Papa now knows what did happen when I was a kid, and he feels responsible for not doing anything at the time, but that was before child abuse and child abuse awarness became a public enemy and no one knew what classified as abuse. I am so proud of my younger brother too, he is one of the most kind, considerate, and compassionate people. So you see, the cycle doesn't always continue, we are a lucky success story and we are grateful for it.

Lucrisid 05-12-2004 10:37 PM

My parents did have their arguements, but all in all I always felt safe and happy as a child. My father's parents were alcoholics and were abusive. I have the utmost respect for my father who has NEVER failed to be the most kindhearted and loving friend to us. Sure, we did get our tails whipped, but I am sure we did deserve it.
So... whatever happened later on in my life had nothing to do with my childhood.

adonis4me2 06-15-2004 01:50 AM

Abused and Violence
Have you ever felt anger and just didn't know how to deal with it? It is like you blame yourself, like you didn't or couldn't do nuthing right. I am sorry that you had to deal with all of the abuse and the 2 relationships you were in. But you have more to live with.

Alynn528 06-15-2004 12:09 PM

I also grew up in an abusive home, My parents always fighting mostly b/c my mother caught my father cheating on her. I have seen my father beat up my mother having her on the floor while he punches and kicks her ( at the time I was maybe 9 or 10) my lil brother really didn't know what was going on. I remember one time we were in the car b/c my dad threaten to kill my mom and we were bout to pull out of the driveway and my father had his tool box and was bout to throw it in the windsheid and i was in the front seat Basically my house was CRAZy!! My mom and us kids even stayed at hotels nights but never stayed at the same one each night b.c my dad was out looking for us we even went to Tenn and we only had the clothes on our backs and like a few more clothes...its crazy. My dad was very abusive towards me would slap me or spank me. I will never treat my son that way...I never want him to grow up how i did...

sweetthang 06-26-2004 01:34 AM

When Cowboy went down I grieved. Then came the anger. The anger came and continued to come from depths in me I had no idea existed. When I started to look at the source of the anger, I found all sorts of little unresolved issues that I had never dealt with rather just filed them away somewhere waiting like a disease. Some were as simple as hurtful words that had been said or a birthday forgotten - stuff like that. Thrown in a big pile though, the effect was horrific when it all started to pour out of me. I looked at it, confronted the offender in some situations but the bottom line is that anger is a terrible thing that eats away at a person. Now I try to deal with it so I can move on without all the baggage.

az-tears 07-02-2004 10:06 AM

Thats all I remember about my childhood, was the weekend fights my mother and father had always ending with S.W.A.T at the house to take my dad away!
Then one time he shot my mom in the head in front of my brother and little sister and me and made us get in the car with blood all over us he just dumped my mom in front of the hospital and then took us kids to our NaNa's house.
My mother lived by the grace of God, But till this day she is a very bitter lady. My mom and dad have been divorced 35 yrs. But every thanksgiving I have to lesson to my dad say if he could do it all over again he would of made sure she was dead.He never spent a day in jail for it.He made my mom say it was an accident. Patty

amstaffdad 07-20-2004 04:19 PM

Violence, and abuse are learned behaviors, therefore they can be unlearned. If you use drugs other than prescribed for legitimate reasons or abuse alcohol you are committing violence against yourself. Most often folks seek out this comfort because its easier than dealing with the underlying problems to begin with (and most often are attributable to some form of abuse or violence perpetrated against that individual). I know this because this was me. If just one person reads this and seeks help for themselves then god bless them, because there is help out there for those that seek it. For those who have stopped the cycle of violence and or abuse from reaching their siblings and children, then you already are blessed, and know it.

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