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-   -   How do women stay happy in these relationships? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=717575)

noeliz4life 05-06-2019 01:13 PM

How do women stay happy in these relationships?
 
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

jessesgirl1111 05-06-2019 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

There are good days and bad days. But EVERY day I love him.

onedayatatime13 05-06-2019 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

You adjust to life as it is. This is our normal for now. I don't sit around waiting. I have very full days. He always calls and writes, so no waiting there. Yes we are waiting for him to come home, but until then life goes on as if he was here.

keywii 05-06-2019 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

I have a lot of patients and understanding way before my man came into my life. I've always been a rider for what I'm loyal to. When we met I had been to myself 6+ years so the "waiting part" never was a big issue because I've done it. This my first time being in a relationship with a man that's incarcerated. The experience is a lot to bear when it's new to you. But as the years gone by it gets more bearable to manage. All that comes with being with a man that's incarcerated and cant have that fulfilling relationship that you desire. He wanted to wait till he's released to have something with me and truthfully I was agreeing. But our chemistry was way too strong to wait and we got together. I'm committed to him and our relationship. I can wait even though I have my good to bad days. He has been so supportive of me and being there to keep me going. He understands and he doesn't get mad he knows how hard it is to have a relationship when incarcerated. His true dedication is what keep our relationship strong and worthy. Which makes me ride for him even more I'm loyal to this man as he's loyal to me. He make sure of it and in return I do the same. I'll remain strong and committed to our relationship while he finish up the rest of his bid.

This definitely not for ALL!!!! It takes a lot to be truly committed to the relationship or marriage when your partner is incarcerated. You've got to deal with the up and down roller coaster of waiting..for the calls, letters, waiting for released and waiting for visits. He or she suffers right along with you as well. If y'all both are strong enough you'll be able to have the strength to get through it. True love has no boundaries and when the love is true/worth it. You or your partner wouldn't allow those walls to defined what ya'll both have for one another.

Londonf 05-06-2019 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

I know exactly how you feel! Itís like having a relationship with a brick wall . Cause you guys can barly talk . The lettrt take so much time and energy. Then you also have needs too and all that . Itís a lot holding a relationship while they are away

Londonf 05-06-2019 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessesgirl1111 (Post 7774876)
There are good days and bad days. But EVERY day I love him.

This , I love this line

MizzyMuffling 05-06-2019 11:30 PM

He's part of my life and I like it and that makes me happy. Through good times and not so good times, I don't want to miss out on his presence even if I could bitchslap him sometimes... :D
Plus... I have a good life, good job, etc.... and he's a really happy addition to my life.

Panda70 05-07-2019 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok? im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single. now im not as happy bc i want things i can't have, like him here! or just a phone call or a text when i want instead of waiting! it's always a waiting game, wait for the call, wait for the mail, wait for a text, wait for a visit, wait for realease day...its too much damn waiting!!

I don't like the waiting either but I love him and I will wait for his calls and letters and the visits and when he gets out I don't have to wait . You also need to stop and think what he is doing he's waiting for your visits and for your letters so he is waiting to. Believe me I wish we could pick up the phone and call them like we're use to but we can't. Everything is going to be okay that's what we say.

ILLINOIS.PAL 05-07-2019 07:16 AM

I keep myself busy with work, school, and my kids. Plus, we schedule our calls and visits so I always know exactly when he's going to call. As for being happy - idk, we get along so effortlessly it's hard not to be happy. The whole one or two calls a week thing really helps break my week down and gives me something to look forward to, so it helps time go by quickly.

MizzyMuffling 05-07-2019 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILLINOIS.PAL (Post 7774988)
I keep myself busy with work, school, and my kids. Plus, we schedule our calls and visits so I always know exactly when he's going to call. As for being happy - idk, we get along so effortlessly it's hard not to be happy. The whole one or two calls a week thing really helps break my week down and gives me something to look forward to, so it helps time go by quickly.


Effortless... that's the key to any good relationship. It's always work but it needs to feel effortless... :)

LifeTraveler 05-07-2019 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok?


It depends on how bad you want the relationship. How important is he to you? How important to him are you? A woman stays happy in these relationships by taking care of the things that are important to them at home and by taking care of herself.



If the waiting is too much, then perhaps a prison relationship is not for you. If that's the case, there's no shame in that. Maintaining that kind of relationship is difficult, and it's not for everybody.


Panda70 05-07-2019 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeTraveler (Post 7775044)
It depends on how bad you want the relationship. How important is he to you? How important to him are you? A woman stays happy in these relationships by taking care of the things that are important to them at home and by taking care of herself.



If the waiting is too much, then perhaps a prison relationship is not for you. If that's the case, there's no shame in that. Maintaining that kind of relationship is difficult, and it's not for everybody.

I agree with you 💯% on this and it is true very difficult. I'm going through this now a year and a couple of months to go. I love him so much and he loves me.

onedayatatime13 05-07-2019 04:59 PM

When you get to the place of acceptance, this is what life is like for now, it is not that hard. Somedays are harder than others. Some days are more nerve wracking, but overall I'm in a committed relationship with someone whose time and resources are limited.

noeliz4life 05-08-2019 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 (Post 7775054)
When you get to the place of acceptance, this is what life is like for now, it is not that hard. Somedays are harder than others. Some days are more nerve wracking, but overall I'm in a committed relationship with someone whose time and resources are limited.

all true! i just have to suck it up and let time pass and see what happens. a lot can change in 8 years. i guess i just have to take it one day at a time and watch it play out.

onedayatatime13 05-08-2019 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7775166)
all true! i just have to suck it up and let time pass and see what happens. a lot can change in 8 years. i guess i just have to take it one day at a time and watch it play out.

8 year is a very long time. In the beginning, it was watch and see. Certain behavior I would not tolerate. He could handle it as an adult or continue with the BS. Thankfully, he made very different choices. I'm proud of him for that. He didnt have to do any of it. For me, it is enough. We work as best as we can as a team to handle all of it.

We learned our minds are our worst enemy. Have to keep it in check.

If he was fighting, running games, in and out of the box... I couldnt do it mainly because I wouldn't be able to trust him when he came home.

Revenwyn 05-08-2019 03:39 PM

You have to have an extremely strong love.
You have to believe that you will not be as happy without his presence in your life.
He must be your future, not just an option for your future.
If you believe you could have a future with anyone else and be happy, you will likely not succeed in this kind of relationship.

He is my everything. He unfolded me, making me into who I am today. Everything he was I became. I have known him from the beginning of time and reading him is like reading a well loved book. He is the other half of my soul.

Panda70 05-09-2019 04:13 AM

Yesterday was my birthday and that is a day that your supposed to spend it with your special guy well last night I had a hour and a half with him on my birthday. It was nice but not like it's supposed to be. I told him when he gets out we will have a lot to celebrate

ILLINOIS.PAL 05-09-2019 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Panda70 (Post 7775291)
Yesterday was my birthday and that is a day that your supposed to spend it with your special guy well last night I had a hour and a half with him on my birthday. It was nice but not like it's supposed to be. I told him when he gets out we will have a lot to celebrate


Happy belated birthday!!!


One thing I find that keeps me happy in this relationship is every time I get something from him - whether that be a letter, a card, an email, or a call - it's like a nice little surprise that breaks up my week if that makes sense. Or, to reword it, there's always, always something to look forward to (including weekly video visits). So knowing, that each week, I'll have a couple emails from him, or we'll get to chat on the phone (Thursdays are our usual day - so tonight! Yayy!!! :D lol), or that this week I'll be getting a letter from him, or even that I get to see him through video visits on weekends - all of those things keep me going. Any communication with him is like getting a present all over again. It really, really has helped time fly. I mean, 8 months ago I never would've thought... but here we are!

Taliba00 05-15-2019 01:23 PM

Most marriages I've known weren't happy (sad to say) with both partners in free society and not facing any great hardships, so I think that happiness is not dependent on this or that specific situation. It is found in almost continuous striving for a state of mind and heart which seeks acceptance of every moment exactly as it is. It's the hardest thing in the world for human beings, who, I think, are by nature restless, always wanting more, or different, or 'better' (that's usually arbitrarily defined).

One has to ask oneself what exactly is happiness. For me, happiness is finding ways to love my family, wherever they may be. There is no greater joy than that found in a novel expression of love, care, concern, support and encouragement. I do this while he's incarcerated, and I'd do this if he were free and by my side.

Panda70 05-15-2019 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILLINOIS.PAL (Post 7775320)
Happy belated birthday!!!


One thing I find that keeps me happy in this relationship is every time I get something from him - whether that be a letter, a card, an email, or a call - it's like a nice little surprise that breaks up my week if that makes sense. Or, to reword it, there's always, always something to look forward to (including weekly video visits). So knowing, that each week, I'll have a couple emails from him, or we'll get to chat on the phone (Thursdays are our usual day - so tonight! Yayy!!! :D lol), or that this week I'll be getting a letter from him, or even that I get to see him through video visits on weekends - all of those things keep me going. Any communication with him is like getting a present all over again. It really, really has helped time fly. I mean, 8 months ago I never would've thought... but here we are!

I know how you feel about the calls, visits and letters. My eyes light up when he calls me. And I cry when I hear a song or get a letter because he isn't one for writing. I just found out today that if he has to another program after the class is done he will get transferred two hours away. I told him before he got incarcerated that I would not miss a visit with him and I told him again I wouldn't. My mom lives up that way and I can stay over at her house. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he don't have to do that program. If he don't he gets out in May of next year. I can't wait I miss and love him so much. In two hours I get to go visit.

MrsDClermont 05-15-2019 09:36 PM

I think of what Iím waiting for. This man has been such a huge staple in my life and heís worth the wait, we are worth the wait. I think of how I can choose any guy out, but is that going to give me what I know I have with my man? More than likely not. Thatís keeps me going everyday.

MizzyMuffling 05-15-2019 11:26 PM

The most important thing for me is that I'm happy within myself, have a good life and whatever the man does for me is only a positive addition to my already good life. I cannot depend on a guy who's in prison for a lot of things, they can give me warmth and love and some other things but he's just not here with me so I have to rely on myself and not on him.
When I read some of the posts here and on other threads I can't shake the feeling that some of those ladies depend too much on what the guys deliver (calls, cards, sweet words, etc.) and if he cannot deliver (for whatever reason) they almost fall apart.
We didn't put them in prison, that's totally on them, we can only (emotionally and mentally and sometimes financially) support them but we are not responsible for them otherwise.
I'm not "waiting" for him to come home and deliver, I'm waiting for him to be free and to start living his life again, if I'll be in it needs to be seen (it takes two to tango). As I've said in a ton of other posts: not sitting on packed boxes.
Don't share the shackles with him/her, live schackle-free :D

ILLINOIS.PAL 05-16-2019 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling (Post 7776330)
When I read some of the posts here and on other threads I can't shake the feeling that some of those ladies depend too much on what the guys deliver (calls, cards, sweet words, etc.) and if he cannot deliver (for whatever reason) they almost fall apart.




I wouldn't say I depend too much on what they deliver but man I'll tell you, when I hope for an email, and am 99% sure I'm gonna get one, and then don't.... I do feel down LOL ... maybe I do depend too much on what he delivers :hmm:

MizzyMuffling 05-16-2019 07:38 AM

My personal opinion is that some people (as in men & women) measure their happiness too much on what they are "getting"... instead of giving and what they already have. I realized during the last years of knowing my man who's in prison that I need to have my own life and try to be as happy and fulfilled as I can and then I can really appreciate the "extras" he's giving me and adding to my life. I don't measure my happiness on how often he calls, writes or what else he does for me. He actually doesn't write anymore (except cards for holidays/birthdays), he rather calls and during the last 6 months he could hardly call but you know what? It's not easy but I understand and I'm not down and out - I appreciate every life-sign he can give me and I know it'll be different/better once he gets moved to the new facilty. In the meantime I've been to the Maldives, Italy and enjoying my life and getting fat :D
And that's how I stay happy in this crazy relationship.. ;-)

a.rare.love 05-16-2019 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noeliz4life (Post 7774874)
how do women stay happy in these relationships? how do you settle for this and be ok?

im having a hard time finding my happy. i was happier single.

its too much damn waiting!!

I don't "settle 4 anything that i don't feel is "worth it."

Hola chica, and lol @ you sayin' "too much DAMN waitin' lol " i year ya. LOL I however do not look @ this as i am sittin' around just "waitin' for any man in prison. or in jail, county etc.,pero(but) rather for him to be out of a correctional facility to begin his life (as he say with some 1 like me)a "rare amor +
a real woman
, both things that he has NEVER in his entire dark negative life had for over 27 years... In any event, i really don't find this "waiting hard now as it is so effortlessly, and consistent on mi part throughout, as his, we both realize, this is a POC...(Piece of cake!)It's not hard at all as i was thinkin' @ first, it might be, and also for him. But, it really is not

I shall expound more below for you.

I've been so busy with (take too long to run all down here at PTO)but the more abridge version as i am always writing and a songwriter for decades, lyricist,author, a busy mom of daughters,since late 90s + 2000s) :)I am going for law jurisdoctor degree, advocate, an aspiring actress (auditions)i love to go on all over, whether i get a part or not, screenwriter, with a multi-biz, while starting a new brand of LOTION and make up line coming out (happy about that) and a growing-consulting business, and motivational speaker.

A Life Coach inspiring,and empowering many worldwide on relationships, to empowerment of women,an inmate activist, a bail-inmate reform advocate, to children grandparent advocate, elderly rights advocate, family causes,advocate, who get to travel when (few x a year) when i can. I just was in his neck of the woods again, (Illinois) just recent, further west coast and i love it, to get away when i can, and he respect that,and showing him i am still going to be livin', mi good suburbia, nice quiet DRAMA-free god-blessed life, while he is in jail while making sure he is straight, and doing OK, while in there."
-
That helps me to not feel so bad IF he is not able to call me or no mail that certain day, or if i miss his calls, and or can't text, as he can now text too only ONE assigned person with the text feature in IL, the inmates have in county jail and or while in a seg/shu/hole situation etc. i PREFER talking on fone than a text any day.So we talk so much. We prefer that,til he is free, via phone time,expensive, but is worth it for us."etc.video visits til he is able to be free, hopefully soon.


I always have prayer sessions, whether at the local church, and or at home." I am always doing something ya know, and making sure I do not allow mi happiness chica, to be defined, by a man in a jail cell or in the street." I have to stay busy have mi OWN vida(life) while he is doing his time,

and i am still livin' and being happy,whether he is in for another long year or 2 yrs,or not. I have my own outside interest and i pursue all of them."

-
When he is out of this mess? We will see, if he remain as wonderful in the real world we live in. We will continue to build, but take it slow, while growing, even this long time now, (currently @ a year and a 1/2)almost 2 years already." Just try and keep yourself BUSY. Best advice i can give chica, and it shall become easier.
:hugme:Hugs and Blessings to you tonight. PM me anytime." God bless you...Adios.


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