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-   -   Women In Mwi Relationships Have Low Self Esteem, Do You Agree? (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277825)

tbrizing 07-06-2007 06:53 PM

Women In Mwi Relationships Have Low Self Esteem, Do You Agree?
 
For those of you who don't know, I met my baby while I was a CO at a correctional facilitly. I want to share with you some of the things I heard from other people and I would love your feedback just to see where your mind is. I would love to have the opinions of my fellow MWI, and all others as well!!!

1. Do you think women who met their men while he was incarcerated, is less attractive than the average woman?

2. Do you think that a woman who writes to a man as a penpal has low self esteem and is searching for trouble? Why would any human take the time and write to a man while he's incarcerated?

3. What about the women who met their men from that accidental phone call. Why would you accept a call from a man who is in prison when we all know the games that inmates play with the phone?

These are some of the statements I hear from people from time to time.

Anjewel 07-06-2007 07:15 PM

Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy....here we go again....

tbrizing 07-06-2007 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShoogaBritches
Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy....here we go again....

sorry, I didn't know this was a topic, im pretty new to the site. But thanks for your response

Ant's Girl 07-06-2007 07:37 PM

I think that women who meet or engage in MWI relationships have low self esteem, are less attractive, and must "like trouble" just as much as I think that:

1. Just because you are convicted of a crime must also mean that you must not be capable of engaging within a honest and good quality relationship. For example: I stole a car and I am in jail for grand theft auto. This must also mean that I will manipulate you, ask you to spend all of your money, and leave you for the 25 other women who come to visit me on the weekends that you do not. Yes, I stole a car when I was 18, and now I am 25. There is no way that I could possibly regret what I did 7 years ago as "people never mature as they age." This must also mean that since I stole a car and am now serving time, that I am not capable nor deserving of giving or receiving love.

2. That a relationship sholud either be "discounted" or validated" when considering the specifics of how, where and why a couple met. For example:
A) Since we met at "Disneyland," our relationship is "destined to succeed" since we met on the "happiest place on
Earth."
B) E-harmony must be a "good place to meet someone" since it is not only advertised on television, but people must take "personality tests which promise the hopes of a good match." (Good thing that it "isn't possible" to lie on a test.)
C) My neighbor looks good in his three piece suit and is well spoken. He even has a job and a car! This must mean that he will always be honest, will never lie, and that his intentions in "borrowing some sugar last Saturday night" were 100% legit! (How sweet is was..........JK)
D) We MWI- This means that I have low self esteem, I am ugly, and I like trouble. This means that he has no good intentions for me what-so-ever (based on his location and conviction) and that I am too stupid to know the difference between a good relationship and one that I am being manipulated.

3. "Love makes the world go around,"........................but must stop at all prison gates.


I know that I am being really sarcastic, but I am only trying to prove a point because I do not like it when society makes assumptions based on their own stupidity, a lack of information, and "fear." (Not talking to you, The Truth.........and please know that).

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have securities and insecurities. We all make mistakes and learn from them.................or not. We all take chances and some pay off............ and some don't. Some get heartbroken, some break hearts, and some.........just get some. (HA). Some are educated and others are street smart. What works for one will not work for another and what one considers as being out of the norm may be considered they only way for the next. Some take on more than a full plate while others dish it out. Some people wiegh more than others and osme have BIG HEADS. Some think that they know it all while others could care less. I could go on forever.

Who knows why we do what we do. This is life and so long as the way that I live my life does not hurt somone else, (in the way that their life is disrupted) then whatever I do (and how I feel) is on me. It doesn't mean that I am fat, that I have "issues" or whatever else society likes to think.

My philosophy is that when people have nothing better to do other than form an opinion about me, (a total stranger) the way that I live I why I live it that way, then I must have "more of a life than them," for I have more things to worry about other than what (or who) she is doing and why.

I am sure that this post has caused some to "form an opinion of me," and please know that I went a little overboard only to prove a point.

Jason_MyMiracle 07-06-2007 07:45 PM

I met my fiance while working at his prison so I too have heard all this and more.

1) I don't think looks have anything to do with it! These men are in prison for heaven's sake they aren't blind. I have never had an issue with my looks or anything like that. I work out and take care of myself. I have been told I'm rather attractive by more than one person. I have never had a problem getting a man on the outside so it's not like I was hard up for a man when I met my incarcerated fiance. Whoever came up with the notion that MWI's are fat and ugly and can't get a man on the outside has some flawed thinking going on. Besides what I consider fat and ugly may be another's idea of beauty and perfection.

2) I think anyone, woman or man, that takes the time to write to inmates is showing that they have compassion and understanding for others. I think you have to have pretty high self-esteem to be able to step outside your world in order to make someone else's life a little more pleasant. I don't see it as asking for trouble either.

3) People are brought into our lives in so many different ways and if a connection is established during one of those mis-dialed numbers I would look at it as God's will.

Sure there are gonna be tons of inmates that play the people they meet on the inside, but how is that so different than the games men on the outside play? A relationship is a realtionship no matter how it gets started. Just b/c my fiance happened to be in prison when we met does not mean that he totally forgot what females on the outside look like ya know? It's not like he instantly changed the type of woman he goes for as soon as the gate closed behind him. My man knows what he likes, TDOC hasn't changed that, and he knows he got himself everything his little heart has ever desired when he got me! ; }

tbrizing 07-06-2007 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ant's Girl
I think that women who meet or engage in MWI relationships have low self esteem, are less attractive, and must "like trouble" just as much as I think that:

1. Just because you are convicted of a crime must also mean that you must not be capable of engaging within a honest and good quality relationship. For example: I stole a car and I am in jail for grand theft auto. This must also mean that I will manipulate you, ask you to spend all of your money, and leave you for the 25 other women who come to visit me on the weekends that you do not. Yes, I stole a car when I was 18, and now I am 25. There is no way that I could possibly regret what I did 7 years ago as "people never mature as they age." This must also mean that since I stole a car and am now serving time, that I am not capable nor deserving of giving or receiving love.

2. That a relationship sholud either be "discounted" or validated" when considering the specifics of how, where and why a couple met. For example:
A) Since we met at "Disneyland," our relationship is "destined to succeed" since we met on the "happiest place on
Earth."
B) E-harmony must be a "good place to meet someone" since it is not only advertised on television, but people must take "personality tests which promise the hopes of a good match." (Good thing that it "isn't possible" to lie on a test.)
C) My neighbor looks good in his three piece suit and is well spoken. He even has a job and a car! This must mean that he will always be honest, will never lie, and that his intentions in "borrowing some sugar last Saturday night" were 100% legit! (How sweet is was..........JK)
D) We MWI- This means that I have low self esteem, I am ugly, and I like trouble. This means that he has no good intentions for me what-so-ever (based on his location and conviction) and that I am too stupid to know the difference between a good relationship and one that I am being manipulated.

3. "Love makes the world go around,"........................but must stop at all prison gates.


I know that I am being really sarcastic, but I am only trying to prove a point because I do not like it when society makes assumptions based on their own stupidity, a lack of information, and "fear." (Not talking to you, The Truth.........and please know that).

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have securities and insecurities. We all make mistakes and learn from them.................or not. We all take chances and some pay off............ and some don't. Some get heartbroken, some break hearts, and some.........just get some. (HA). Some are educated and others are street smart. What works for one will not work for another and what one considers as being out of the norm may be considered they only way for the next. Some take on more than a full plate while others dish it out. Some people wiegh more than others and osme have BIG HEADS. Some think that they know it all while others could care less. I could go on forever.

Who knows why we do what we do. This is life and so long as the way that I live my life does not hurt somone else, (in the way that their life is disrupted) then whatever I do (and how I feel) is on me. It doesn't mean that I am fat, that I have "issues" or whatever else society likes to think.

My philosophy is that when people have nothing better to do other than form an opinion about me, (a total stranger) the way that I live I why I live it that way, then I must have "more of a life than them," for I have more things to worry about other than what (or who) she is doing and why.

I am sure that this post has caused some to "form an opinion of me," and please know that I went a little overboard only to prove a point.



Preach Pastor!!!!! lol. Girl you said that. Man, I love my baby to death but sometimes people can be so rude to me!!!!!!!!!!!!! It hurts my soul to hear some of the things my own family has to say about me and my relationship!!!!! Honestly, I had to question my morals. I mean Im a very attractive african american woman, and I don't have low self esteem, not even close!!!!! But I did question who I was based on what others thought about my situation!!!!!

orchidia_168 07-06-2007 08:11 PM

:thumbsup: great one!
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ant's Girl
I think that women who meet or engage in MWI relationships have low self esteem, are less attractive, and must "like trouble" just as much as I think that:

1. Just because you are convicted of a crime must also mean that you must not be capable of engaging within a honest and good quality relationship. For example: I stole a car and I am in jail for grand theft auto. This must also mean that I will manipulate you, ask you to spend all of your money, and leave you for the 25 other women who come to visit me on the weekends that you do not. Yes, I stole a car when I was 18, and now I am 25. There is no way that I could possibly regret what I did 7 years ago as "people never mature as they age." This must also mean that since I stole a car and am now serving time, that I am not capable nor deserving of giving or receiving love.

2. That a relationship sholud either be "discounted" or validated" when considering the specifics of how, where and why a couple met. For example:
A) Since we met at "Disneyland," our relationship is "destined to succeed" since we met on the "happiest place on
Earth."
B) E-harmony must be a "good place to meet someone" since it is not only advertised on television, but people must take "personality tests which promise the hopes of a good match." (Good thing that it "isn't possible" to lie on a test.)
C) My neighbor looks good in his three piece suit and is well spoken. He even has a job and a car! This must mean that he will always be honest, will never lie, and that his intentions in "borrowing some sugar last Saturday night" were 100% legit! (How sweet is was..........JK)
D) We MWI- This means that I have low self esteem, I am ugly, and I like trouble. This means that he has no good intentions for me what-so-ever (based on his location and conviction) and that I am too stupid to know the difference between a good relationship and one that I am being manipulated.

3. "Love makes the world go around,"........................but must stop at all prison gates.


I know that I am being really sarcastic, but I am only trying to prove a point because I do not like it when society makes assumptions based on their own stupidity, a lack of information, and "fear." (Not talking to you, The Truth.........and please know that).

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have securities and insecurities. We all make mistakes and learn from them.................or not. We all take chances and some pay off............ and some don't. Some get heartbroken, some break hearts, and some.........just get some. (HA). Some are educated and others are street smart. What works for one will not work for another and what one considers as being out of the norm may be considered they only way for the next. Some take on more than a full plate while others dish it out. Some people wiegh more than others and osme have BIG HEADS. Some think that they know it all while others could care less. I could go on forever.

Who knows why we do what we do. This is life and so long as the way that I live my life does not hurt somone else, (in the way that their life is disrupted) then whatever I do (and how I feel) is on me. It doesn't mean that I am fat, that I have "issues" or whatever else society likes to think.

My philosophy is that when people have nothing better to do other than form an opinion about me, (a total stranger) the way that I live I why I live it that way, then I must have "more of a life than them," for I have more things to worry about other than what (or who) she is doing and why.

I am sure that this post has caused some to "form an opinion of me," and please know that I went a little overboard only to prove a point.


Ant's Girl 07-06-2007 08:20 PM

The Truth-

I feel you. I only try to question myself based on my own convictions and not based on the convictions of others.

When we were "little girls" did any of us say, (Me)

"Gee, I hope that when I grow up that I get married, have three kids, stay married for 15, adn then one day come home (after a vacation with the kids) to find that my husband left without word or warning, took everything (except for the kid's clothes and bedroom sets) and moved in with a "friend" from high school."

"I also hope that my student (age 15 and also a friend of the family since he was 9) will get shot and killed and as a result, I will write his older brother (who was locked up at the time of the incident) in an effort to offer him mutual support while also working through my own pain. I also hope that from that relationship, (friendship with my student's brother......who is now home) that I will meet "his cellie" and one day and somewhere down the road.............. develop feelings for him. What an ideal relationship that would be............one where visits are few and far in between (not to mentioned monitored) and I can't really be with somone who I like so much as a human being, that I can't help but love him for who he is. I love being "fixated" on my phone, and praying that he is able to call, or rushing to my mailbox with the hopes of receiving a letter, and I really like it when they go on lockdown for weeks on end, and once you find out and the "worry" subsudes a bit, (via a letter that took 12 years to get to you) you are then forced to "wait it out" until the drama ends. I love getting up at 3:00 in the morning, getting on the road by 5:00 in the morning, packing 25 outfits because I never know "which one" will be approved, (or disapproved) and driving for three hours to spend possible only one hour with him because the visiting room is so crowded that I will probably have my visit terminated.

All that.

Who plans for that? Nobody. Did it happen? Yes. Do i like the circumstances? No. Would I change a thing bout him? ((Other than his location) Hell no!

You can be "alone in a relationship" even though the person that you are involcved with is right next to you (back turned) in the bed. It is all about quality and I would rather have a relationship with a person that is locked up but of good quality versus some A--hole who is free to roam the streets.

Are there good guys (like the one that I am currently invovled with) who are free? Of course..............but has "life" placed them in front of me? No................but it did place my guy in front of me and though the circumstances are not ideal.............the quality of our relationship is.

Wobabi 07-06-2007 08:38 PM

They crazee as hell is what they are!
 
There are women who have low self esteem (they even say so themselves right here on PTO) that do all of the above,,just not ALL of the women who do MWI are,,some of us are freaks and some of us are rescuers, some of us are game players and emotional daters and some of us are individuals with a ton of issues that have nothing to do with our love life at all. And then some of us are just plain ok and absolutely doing quite FABU!
Like Guess who? Sike!:p

yzz aka Flygirlaa alias 07-06-2007 08:57 PM

I think I am somewhat calloused. I just dont care anymore.

I eat out daily so most of my fav restraunts know me by first name. I was sitting at Fridays, writing to a pen pal when the waitress sat opposite me and picked up his old letter to see what I was doing. I just told her straight up, I am writing to a friend who is incarcerated. The look on her face was priceless and she left without saying another thing. I have since went back and had her serve me and she will now ask me, "did you get a letter today? What did he say?" I just tell. Screw it. I am old, too old to be worried about whether she thinks I have low self esteem.

And if anyone thinks I am less attractive because of my prison involvement, oh well. I never have been one to define myself by others eyes. Not even when I was that 20 yo waitress.

BigDaddy72 07-06-2007 10:49 PM

Having low self esteem has nothing to do with MWI. There are people with low self esteem in every type of relationship. It's just convenient for people to try and understand MWI that way. It's easier to try and say well they must have low self esteem to be with someone in prison, than to actually find out the reasons for the relationship. It's just yet another lame stereo type.

KSNDJ 07-06-2007 10:53 PM

I think it all depends on the person..... regardless of if they are locked up or not. People tend to attract certain types of people regardless of where they meet them based on how they are not really the person's situation {in jail or not}

aussierebel 07-06-2007 11:38 PM

We all write for different reasons but to me they are the ones with the problems not us. if people dont understand they tend to label us. Everyone has a right to happiness wether in prison or not. I wanted to brighten up my pp day and it just so happened in doing so our friendship grew to more. The joy l get from his letter and sending him photo's and letters l would never trade for the world. I know who am and that is what matters to me.

niuyoricanpr 07-06-2007 11:49 PM

Well, all i have to say to them is "if you knew me you would immediately find out i'm far from having low self esteem" girl, with my looks you must be crazy!!!:D


Seriously, it doesn't even bother me. One thing is for sure, what i have with my baby couldn't find it out there. That's for me to know and for them to find out. Am i getting a little defensive here?

Baby_Blue 07-07-2007 09:04 AM

I too am MWI and I was also a CO. I have heard all of that nonsense as well and don't take any of it to heart. Yes I did get involved with an inmate in a situation where I should not have but that does not mean that I suffer from low self-esteem. Unfortunately my realationship did not last with him but those things happen, wheather they are in prison or not.

StarEyez33 07-07-2007 09:34 AM

As an MWI...tbis is all I have to say to whomever may wonder....I found who I found because I was supposed to find who I found where and how I found him. As far as low self esteem and less than attractive, I turn down men every day....Case Closed!

mrschris 07-07-2007 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tbrizing
For those of you who don't know, I met my baby while I was a CO at a correctional facilitly. I want to share with you some of the things I heard from other people and I would love your feedback just to see where your mind is. I would love to have the opinions of my fellow MWI, and all others as well!!!

1. Do you think women who met their men while he was incarcerated, is less attractive than the average woman? in many, many cases...yes.

2. Do you think that a woman who writes to a man as a penpal has low self esteem and is searching for trouble? Why would any human take the time and write to a man while he's incarcerated? she may have low self esteem...yes, or she may not. i don't think she's searching for trouble though. i think she's searching for someone to either fill a void in her life, or she's searching for someone under the belief that she can fill a void in their life.

3. What about the women who met their men from that accidental phone call. Why would you accept a call from a man who is in prison when we all know the games that inmates play with the phone? well i wouldn't accept a phone call from a dude in prison, but that's just me. i know the games inmates play...and i wouldn't want to find out if he was playing them or not. however, there are people that would accept the call. we all do things for different reasons. however, stranger things have happened and if it's meant to be it will be, whether it's through a phone call, or a prison hook up, or working there...or however.

These are some of the statements I hear from people from time to time.

i do think that many mwi relationships start off because the woman has low self esteem and the inmate is willing to do whatever it is he needs to do to get where he needs to be. however, there are those relationships that are genuine and sincere from the door...where both parties are healthy and just looking for more.

this question will always have mixed answers, in my opinion, because there are a mixture of purposes in mwi relationships.

shawnee77 07-07-2007 03:45 PM

I didnt look for a relationship from someone in prison, he was a pen pal. And like Big Daddy said you can have low self esteem in any relationship. This just happens to be where I met my baby . And just becuz he is locked up doesnt mean he isnt worthy of love. People makes mistakes everyday only difference is some of us dont get caught...I hate when people look at me like I cant find a man out here. I have 3 children, ive been there, done that and in all my relationships I have ever been in I will say that nobody has ever treated me the way my finace does. Love does NOT stop outside the prison gates ...not even the walls can keep me from loving that man!

RIANNE 07-09-2007 05:43 AM

No..I don't have low self esteem, my MWI was a penpal and I wrote him cos he was on a penpal list at my Christian Fellowship..I thought that since he wanted a Christian to write to I may as well be the one...our friendship gradually turned to love ....God meant us to be a couple, I truly believe that!:dance::love:

JazzyJFL 07-09-2007 08:14 AM

I fell in love with my sweetheart and thats that. Love is the only thing that matters in my opinion. And I have very high self esteem by the way.

Oceansdrm 07-10-2007 10:47 PM

I fell in love with my man and the fact of my self esteem has nothing to do with it but mine is very high I am very confident in who I am from the inside to the out ...

cherreeredd 07-11-2007 09:42 AM

I do not have low self esteem at all for me its the exact opposite...my fiancee is good friends wyt a friend of myne..I am tall wyt good hair big chest nice shape all the way around and 99.9% of men that i meet in the street only see my outter beauty not me as a person..so i was talking to my friend on the phone and asked hym to have one of hys homeboys wryte me about 1 week later I received a letter from what is now my fiancee. we wrote for about 3 weeks then I gsve hym my number then after 2 months of talking I sent hym a pic..he told me I was beautiful and that was it...we continued on lyke regular...I wanted a man to love me for me not my features or my preety looks!!!! and i have that now and wouldnt gyve it up for nytten in thys world

ZoeGirl 07-11-2007 01:55 PM

Me
 
For me, I know that this was a way that God forced me to take the relationship slowly. Usually I jump into things too fast. But with him in prison, I can't do that. We have to take our time. Through the slow progression of our relationship I feel closer to him that I have ever felt to anyone else. We share our lives together in letters, in visitation, and on the phone.
When I visit the CO's hit on me. Which is messed up because most of them are married.
I did see something rather disturbing on my last visit. A couple across from me was very touchy feely...but that's not the bad part. It was so incredibly obvious that he didn't care about her. I don't think he even looked at her once. All her cared about was that some chic was there rubbing on his nuts. Gross...
For her, I do believe it's about low self esteem. She was overweight and didn't have much respect for herself. I wanted to stand up and walk over there and punch him in the face. I hate people like that.

Jason_MyMiracle 07-11-2007 10:38 PM

ZoeGirl- Do you know if that girl you were talking about met her man before or during his incarceration?

cherreeredd 07-11-2007 11:59 PM

lol zoegirl thast messed up but hilarious that u wanted to punch hym in tha face classic!!


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