How much time I have until I can post in this forum is still unknown, but I always enjoy reading what others have to say.

I know its going to be hard when Chris comes home, but it really helps reading other stories. Even though I know how hard it will be a lot of what I read is NOT what I want to hear, but we all need to hear this. Even the worst details and experiences need to be said.

I really appriciate everyone who posts in here and keeps it real for the rest of us. Many of us think "that wont happen to me" so we arent prepared for what is to come. I believe that reading other experiences will help us all better prepare and have higher success rates.

I want to second TNC's opinion. I thought, before reading posts in this forum, that it was all glorious. Of course it is a happy time, but a hard time too. I know that a lot will happen and it won't all be easy! Thanks to everyone and their honesty.

I love to read the success stories.My sons have both been out and then gone back on parole violations. In my experience the longer the person has been in, the harder it is to re-adjust to the outside. Sometimes if the inmate is older and has deceided enough is enough, they may have a better chance.It all depends on the individual.

Sometimes if the inmate is older and has deceided enough is enough, they may have a better chance.
I think this is very true. Chris is pushing 40 and I know he is just plain tired of prison and the life that led him there.

I also agree that the longer someone has been down the harder it is when they get out. Chris has done about 13 years with a short 7 month break. Thats a long time and plenty of time to become set on prison ways, but as you said he's also at the age where he is tired of it.

I am confident that we will make it as we've made every other bump to get here, but it sure does help hearing other stories.

I was one who once upon a time had a vision that things were a piece of cake once they walked out those gates. I've learned a lot about what to expect from others in this forum. I used to think that after being away from people for so long when they get home they want to be with you every minute. I've learned its quite the opposite. I've learned that after being used to being alone it takes them time to get used to life as we know it. I think one of the most important things this forum has taught me is when they get in these moods its not personal. Now if he would have come home before I ever read other stories the first thing I would have thought is "what did I do" or "why is he pushing me away". I also know its those kind of insecurities that ruin a relationship.

You have all prepared me to better understand his needs. Not only will that make the transition easier on him, but on me as well

After being with my husband for over 30 years and this is the first time we have been seperated like this, I too thought his homecoming will be a piece of cake. We are not innocents to the system, my brother-in-laws have all done time. Several times each. My husband and I have talked about when he comes home he will have to make some adjustments, and I agreed and promised him we all will. So...one day at a time. I have not congratulated you yet TNC on your recent marriage. Congratulations. You and your husband look great! You can tell by the smiles on both your faces you are both very happy. God Bless!

Trust me it is hard work. There are good and bad days, but for the most part, the good out weigh the bad. My biggest frustration is realizing that he can think and do for himself, and to stop hindering his progress.

My biggest thing is stop getting angry w/ him when he leaves the house and just says, I'll be back. I can't stand this. :-) When he does this, in his mind, he is exercising his freedom to move when he wants, etc. I have to also stop worrying about his safety every time he steps out the door. I have to be careful, b/c he thinks I am stifling him. He often tells me that my concerns worry him so much that he is afraind to leave the house. I have to work on this.

You have to also be careful, b/c many times they take their cue from us. They have depended on us for so long while away, and when they come home, they still do, but they don't want to show it as much.

It's work, but anything worth having is worth working at.

Also, he's older 45 and did 21 years. Daily I thank God for his freedom.

Stay encouraged

Stay true to yourself and everything will work out for the best. Not every story has a happy ending, but that's the case in relationships where prison isn't a factor. Having my husband home hasn't been easy and sometimes it seems impossible. However, this was the case before he went to prison.

We've had our ups and downs. Heaven knows we're struggling right now. However, I have had to fight hard not to lose myself in the battles we face. Whatever happens, good or bad, I still don't regret standing by him. He is who he is and not always who I want him to be. That's a tough pill to swallow.

I still don't regret standing by him. He is who he is and not always who I want him to be. That's a tough pill to swallow.
I know that it wont be easy, but it sure does help following what each of you go through. It really does help one prepare for things. I really think that if you have a realistic idea of what to expect then you are better prepared to deal with them.


((((((HUGS)))))) and thank you to everyone

I'm glad the experiences here help :) I know my posts are usually pretty upbeat but lately I have been realizing how important it is to share the bad not only for all of you who have a loved one coming home but also for me to get it off my chest.
Honestly it is rough sometimes but the good has outweighed the bad thus far.More and more I'm finding I have trouble dealing with some of the rough spots like the limitations set by parole and how hard it is to get established again for him BUT the most important thing is he is free and we are working things out,striving to make a good life for us TOGETHER!

I wish everyone whose loved one is home now and also those that have a loved one coming home much love and happiness as well as strength to get through those rough patches that we all will face at one point in this journey or another!

I'm glad I have you all to share this experience with

thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate all of the stories so much. Joe will be home in 254 days - 8 months to go!! I am so nervous and scared and happy and anxious and scared and scared and scared. :eek: I am worried to death but with all the stories and advice here, both good and bad, it prepares me. I know this forum is going to be what prepares BOTH of us for the homecoming. thank God for this forum.

thanks especially to Danielle, Patty, and Lisa!! THANK YOU!! everyone has been so wonderful with their honesty.

appreciate it. :)

And even though your loved one is home you can still learn from other experiences. My husband and I have had a good homecoming. Here and there we have our problems. But I always keep my guard up. I know there will be other battles we will have to face. And reading other stories help me prepare if that situation were to ever come up for us. I believe this forum is definetly here for all of us.

It's hard to define exactly what makes a person stay on the right road. I'm not really sure if age has anything to do with it. Maybe for some individuals. But then again, there are people out there, we see them every day, they get locked up, do time, get out, and go right back to doing the same thing, that they were doing before.
I think it has a lot to do with what that person wants out of life. Some people actually don't want anything out of life, and others often choose the
wrong way to go. Some people are just followers, with no mind of their own. Then you get some of those people who just see the light, and know that they want only the best, for themselves, and their loved ones.
Ya know whats' frightening to me? I don't want to be one of those people, who spend their life, waiting, writing, visiting, hoping, .....one more time!

While my man's homecoming has been mostly good we've had our moments and I've most certainly learned so much from this forum. We need to keep sharing the good, the bad and the ugly, if it only helped one person it would be a worthwhile effort but I know that infact it helps so many. Next to my man this forum has my heart.

Best of luck to all of us,
Patty

I know my posts are usually pretty upbeat but lately I have been realizing how important it is to share the bad not only for all of you who have a loved one coming home but also for me to get it off my chest.

Exactly! This forum is helping everyone--those who's loved ones are home, and those who's loved ones are incarcerated!

My boyfriend is always telling me "When I get home, I'm never going to let you go!" I know what he is saying but instead of having delusions of him wanting to be with me 24/7, I know he will need and require his space! I thank this forum for showing me that he will need to do things in his own time...not according to my time line!