View Full Version : About Matt...

02-13-2003, 06:55 PM
Hello everyone, I just wanted to let ya know a little about my son Matt. Matt started using drugs as a young teenage. His Dad and I just about pulled our hair out trying to find help for him. We had insurance that made our life miserable trying to get him help. By the time we could get him into a rehab that was worth anything, Matt was hooked on perscription pills, like xannax, hydrocodone, pot, and later on oxycontin. Matt came out of rehab saying one thing and doing another. As time went on Matt started stealing to get money for drugs. He stole money from us our credit cards and would break into homes just to get money. After getting into trouble they put him into juvnille. He did ok for a while and went back to his old ways. My husband and myself felt so all alone. We just couldn't figure out what we had done wrong as parents and if he would ever stop. Matt feel into his old ways failed a drug test for juvnille and ended up in a place called Mt. View. It's just east of Knoxville Tn.. more than 2 hours away and nothing less than a prison for kids. Matt spent 8 months there and his 17th birthday. He got out and did good. He had a job and a car he loved...a mustang...He was out one day and wrecked his car. He was ok but he totaled the car. He was heart broken and insurance only covered other vechiles if he was in a wreck. This drove him crazy. He went back to drugs and started breaking into stuff again. He once again was back in jail....this time for 6 months. While in jail he did drugs on a regular basis and came out as bad or worse than when he went in. He was out for 5 days broke into a home and was caught so high that he didn't even know what had happened till the next day. He got out on bail and tried to get straight. but still couldn't break the cycle. In August Matt's court date came up and they revoked his bail. He sat in Chattanooga Co. jail till his true bill finally came back and was finally sentenced in Nov. of 2002. He was sentenced 4 years. Matt is now off drugs and trying to get his life right....I can only hope and pray as a parent that this is the one that taught him the lesson.....God knows I tried and everyone else in our family did too....unfortunatly Matt didn't try. I blamed myself for so long and so did his Dad and finally we realized we didn't do this Matt did and now he has to live with it and so do we. I've been down a long road but I see from sites like this we're not alone and people really do care. Well that's my story and I hope it can help someone or maybe someone will relate and I can help them.....It helps so much just to talk about it and I want to let "everyone" know it means so very much. God Bless

02-13-2003, 07:02 PM

02-13-2003, 07:25 PM
Thanks so much.......I really do appreciate it....yeah I think maybe that this may have saved his life.....I know it's hard on him, but he has to learn and I've learned a lot.....It may be hard on me him being locked up but at least he's alive and I was waiting on the call that said he was dead, and with the road he was on it was gonna happen.....I wanna help others as much as I can so pass the word around I'm here for who ever needs a should.........God Bless

02-13-2003, 07:28 PM
thank you for sharing your sounds like it has been awful for you these past few years...i just want to commend you for standing by your son. your support and love will make such a difference...ultimately, it is up to him to make the right decisions, but i also believe that the right decisions can be made easier and be more long-lasting with loved ones like yourself on his side.

take care,

02-13-2003, 07:40 PM
Pammie, it is good to see you here! You will find many people who know what you are going through-
I don't have a son in prison, but my boyfriend is, and it is all due to drugs. I won't go into his story, but he got hooked on drugs again while on parole, and was sent back for testing positive. I know that deep in his heart he believes that he will NEVER do them again.
It is SO hard and SO sad to have an addiction like that because it is always with you. And it is almost harder to watch cuz there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do to help! But, I think that your son, and my boyfriend, will be ok because they know where they will end up if they EVER pick up again. Know what I am trying to say?? Again, welcome to PTO, and please let us know how you all are doing!

02-13-2003, 07:50 PM
Hello. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry that you and you family has to endure all these hardships. You have come to a site that is filled with loving and caring people.

02-13-2003, 07:52 PM
Emme, I feel that family is so very important and I will stand by Matt. We're going to get to go visit next weekend. He's in Memphis and we're in's about a 6 hour drive and a over night stay.....He's my baby and I just can't see not being there for him. I just can't give up on him and I hope that he doesn't give up on his self, because your right it's all up to him......God Bless

02-13-2003, 07:52 PM
Pammie ,
Your son's story and my sons story sound about the same. My Matt got into the drug scene when I had to work nights. At that time I was a young single mom and had no one that would help. Matt and his brother were supposed to be looked after by a neighbor, but I came home early from work one night to find my sons out of the house somewhere and my neighbor not home. They were not together. Suffice it to say that that was the beginning of a long history of problems.Matt now sits in Attica, in New York.
I too, thought I was the guilty one. IF I had just been a better mom, if I had done more. But it is the truth that children grow up and make up their own minds about living their lives. All I wanted to say is that I know the hell you have been and are going through. I pray that things will get better for you and your son. I also hope that he will get straight before he ends up like my son....with a fifteen to life sentence.Good luck to your family.:wave:

02-13-2003, 07:56 PM
Hey Jeni, Sounds like your been down that road yourself.....God knows it's not easy and I hope that your boyfriend knows how very lucky he is to have someone like you to stand beside him.....Matts lost his friends and his girl friend over the drugs.....You must be a strong woman....You hang in there and if I can ever help ya just let me know....God Bless

02-13-2003, 07:59 PM
Hey Lulu, I've been down a tough road, but I'm sure you have too.....I just keep on going and try and do what I can to do my best to help others.....I appreciate your thoughts.....God Bless

02-13-2003, 08:05 PM
Hey Sherrol, Sure does sound like we've been down the same road. It makes you crazy and makes ya think if only I had done something else.....But as you said in the end you know there is nothing that you could of done short of running a chain thru the house and have them on the end of it.....God Bless ya sugar and I hope that your Matt has learned and I hope mine does learn.....You hang in there and if ya need me I'll be here.

02-18-2003, 11:38 AM
Hello Pammie

I am so very glad to see you here on PTO. You are a very strong woman to have dealt with this situation in the manner you have. Our sons and daughters are very special people who make mistakes. This does not mean that they are bad people, only that they make wrong decisions. Most of us do that at some point in our lives. It is just that some of us don't get into situations that lead to prison...

May God bless you Pammie.... I too have a son in Prison so I too know your pain very well.

My Love

02-18-2003, 03:26 PM
I really do appreciate the support....I guess as you also know being strong comes with the territory......I think all of us just have to do the best we can and know when we have bad days that we have someone to talk to....I haven't had many I could talk to about it...Just hope I can give as much as I recieve...God Bless....

02-18-2003, 09:16 PM
Hello from Memphis, Pammie. I know if my boyfriend's mother were here reading your post she would have been nodding her head right along with it. He is from Knoxville and is incarcerated in an Alabama prison. His crime itself was not exactly drug related, but would have never happened were it not for his drug and alcohol addictions. It's been a long road for him... he started drinking and using when he was 12 years old and any time he ever got into trouble, it was a result of his addiction problems. Like you, his parents have been through the wringer over and over again for years, and in the past year have had to deal with his younger brother turning up with an addiction as well (Oxycontin). My boyfriend was in and out of youth-centered rehab programs as a teenager and he had just barely turned 22 when he wound up in prison.

We were friends before he was locked up and I knew all too well what an incredible mess he was, I witnessed much of the havoc and chaos of his substance abuse firsthand. We were estranged for several years and when we found each other again three years ago, he had had some long periods of being clean with some relapses in between. The last time he was using again, I was there in his life this time as were his parents. He got himself into a pretty big mess and had to learn some tough lessons and go through a pretty long and hard period of getting himself back on track again. It's the hardest thing in the world to have to stand by and do nothing when your loved one is struggling with their addiction and the havoc it wreaks, but sometimes that's the only thing you can do is let go or else they'll never find their way out of it.

At almost 35 years old now he has had over a year now clean and sober again, put his life back together again, and things are really good and positive, we're even looking at possible parole this year and for the first time in his life he is actually making plans for the future. And his younger brother, who is more your Matt's age, is going on a year clean now as well and back in school and doing great. But we just take everything day by day, the rest of their family and I.

It's hard enough having to deal with drug addiction of a loved one on the outside, but it doesn't come even close to the frustration when your loved one's locked up and you know they're struggling. And really it's just as frustrating sometimes when they're clean and not using, because the mental struggle is so often still there... sometimes it frustrates me to no end, even as great as my boyfriend is doing, that being locked up he is mostly without the support he would have on the outside. Being locked up, all I can do is keep hoping and praying he continues to do well.

So I know a little of where you're coming from. You and your family continue to support and be there for each other, 'cos that's the best thing you can do for yourselves and for Matt. And remember there's always people like me, and Jeni, and many others of us here who have loved ones who have been thru that same struggle over and over again that you can count on to understand exactly where you're coming from.

I reckon the best wisdom I ever got from those support groups of family and friends of addicts (and something my boyfriend's mom, who is like a wellspring of Al-Anon information, she's the expert and been at it for years!) was what they call The Three C's - you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. Sometimes when my guy's been mentally struggling, I just remind myself of that... doesn't happen much these days, but I've been there. I'm always there for him to listen, but I had to let him get thru it on his own or else he'd never have found his way to getting better. I'm very glad to hear you say you and your husband finally realized you weren't to blame, because you weren't... I, too, blamed myself about some things, my boyfriend's parents thought it was their fault for years... but it's no one's fault. Drug and alcohol addiction is a disease, and as they say, a cunning and baffling one. There's no rhyme or reason to it. As long as you remember you didn't Cause it, and the other two C's... you've got it made. That stuff's a million times harder when your loved one is locked up and away from you and your support, I know. Believe me I know!!

Sometime when you're coming to Memphis again, PM me - maybe we can do coffee and have a little mini-PTO get-together. :) I think I know where Matt's probably incarcerated and if I'm right, my godfather was incarcerated there at one point and there are certainly worse places to have to do time... he certainly didn't WANT to be there but he said it was not too terribly bad. Take care and best to you and your family and Matt. :)


02-18-2003, 11:47 PM
My son sounds just like your son. They are drug addicts and they can only change, we can not make them change. I believe jail probably saved my son's life . It is nice to know where he is at night, eventhough it is in jail. Don't blame yourselves. You did not give those pills to your son and say "here, take these" Don't be too hard on yourself. I know it is so easy to say. If you ever want to email me, please do. My son is 23 and has been on heroin since age 15.
God Bless

02-19-2003, 06:23 AM
I could have written your story, it is so very similar to mine. My son is 19 and I think is going to be released soon (not sure) and as much as I want him home, it is so very scary! But, I like you, know that HE has to be the one to do it, we can't do it for them. There was one time that I had to have my own son arrested on dependency charges just so I could get him into a drug rehab (he was 15) because my insurance would not pay. It was either drug rehab or I was going to end up burying him and I refused to do that. Once I had him arrested, the courts sent him to a rehab for one year . Glad you found PTO and if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. Take care.

02-19-2003, 08:31 AM
Pammie, that is what we are here for, support. I can only imagine how tuff it is for you with a child in prison. You have much support here. Any time you need to talk,vent, please know we are here to hear you. :)

02-20-2003, 12:03 PM
Hi from Chattanooga, I would love to met you in Memphis when we come that way....maybe around April we could get together. Your right Matt is in Whiteville and Matt said it's not to bad, except for the guards treat them rough. It sounds like you've also been thru it with your boyfriend. I wish I could just take drug addiction and fix it forever for everyone. Once they get started it's so hard to stop. It seems that there are just so many people young and old alike that are there just because of drugs. We did everything we knew how to do to keep him away from them, but he just wasn't ready. I just hope that he can stay clean when he comes home. I pray that this teaches him something. Matt's a good soul and has a heart of gold, but he's gonna need will power to stay away from the drugs and his past......You take care sugar and we'll try and meet up in April....God Bless

02-20-2003, 12:10 PM
Hi Joyce, You are correct our stories sound almost identical. I know you must be worried about your son coming home. I worry about Matt coming back and falling back into old patterns and the same old people......I'll be saying prayers for you and keep you in my heart.....So many people just can't understand what you go thru with the fear and the anticpation you have when their that close to coming home. God Bless ya sugar and if ya wanna talk just give me a holler...God Bless

02-20-2003, 12:15 PM
Hi Lulu, Thanks for the means so much. It's hard on me and his Dad, but it's hard on anyone who has a loved one who is locked up. I know you must be a very strong person. If ya wanna talk just holler sugar......God Bless

02-20-2003, 12:56 PM
Pammie- I feel your pain from both a personal and a professional perspective. I have not had a child with an addiction, but I lived with a man who is an addict, and I feel like I have been to hell and back, but I have learned A LOT along the way. In some respects, I too feel that prison saved his life because it is the only thing that forced him to stop long enough to really look and evaluate what he was doing to not only his life,but also mine, and our childrens' lives. Knowing I unintentionally enabled him to continue on his downhill spiral for quite some time is difficult to swallow sometimes. But I think it has helped me in my professional work with clients with addictions and even more so working with their families. Thank God when we all realize we didn't cause it, we can't control it but we can COPE with it.

Welcome to PTO!

02-20-2003, 01:20 PM
Pammie... Joey didn't use drugs until he was 30 years old and it took just three months for him to mess up his life... I prayed for God to stop him... but please don't give him more that he could handle... He got 13 years and I pray everyday that he will see the light and turn to God for help... He tells me he is trusting God with his life... but I do worry that he is telling me what I want to here... I would be worried if Joey had gotten off to easy... So I have to trust God... I know God gave Matt the time he needs to get through to him and he will be alright once he gets out... Just as Joey will... We do what we can for our sons but there comes a day that they have to take responsibility for their own actions (and believe me it's not easy letting go) I am in to process of doing it as everyone knows... Like my other son Jimmy says God must think he is worth saving or he wouldn't work so hard trying to save him... Pammie thanks for always being there for me... Patty

02-20-2003, 01:26 PM
Hi Sherri, It sounds like you've been thru the wringer....I know how hard it was for us, but to have to get yourself and your children thru it must have taken a lot of courage and conviction on your part.....God Bless you for what you have done and will do....

02-20-2003, 01:46 PM
Hi Patty, I understand what ya mean by is he just saying what you want to hear....Lets just pray that he really means it. I know how hard it is to let go. It's so hard to let go and not beat yourself up for something that they did.....we feel so responsible as parents, but we can't let ourself go and forget that we need help too....This will get easier as time goes by and I'm not saying that it happens quick but it does get easier....I'll keep you in my prayers and I have Joey in my prayers too....Anytime ya wanna talk sugar I'm here and glad to be here for ya.....God Bless

02-20-2003, 01:58 PM
I agree 100% Nancy.....I've learned that I'm not the one who put the pills in his hand nor did I force him to take them....It's hard sometimes, but I've been going thru it for years....Matt started using drugs at age 12.....God Bless all of us Moms who just love their kids and have had to learn we're not the ones who did this to them........I also am grateful to know where Matt is....I hate it's jail. but he has a roof over his head, food and he's alive by the grace of God....I just hope that our children can stay clean and learn from this........God Bless ya sugar

02-22-2003, 06:09 PM
Hi Pammie,

Welcome to this wonderful place. I don't have a son in prison either, but my babies father is back in jail because of a relapse back in August. He went through treatment in April and was sober until then and within two months right back jail..he has spent the last 13 years in and out of prison, because of what drugs do and the action he takes under the influence. I threw him out and told him if he wanted to keep doing drugs then he couldn't be here and For awhile i blamed myself for him landing back in jail, facing yet another prison sentence. He tells me he is done with that lifestyle but we shall see what it's like when he's on the outside one more time. He can have the best intentions in the world, but it's not easy to live a sober life. He did it once, and was doing really good for awhile and then BLAM!!!!! I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and maybe u would want to look into Nar-anon or Alanon, it has sure helped me.


02-25-2003, 10:50 AM
Hi Sunnie, Sorry I haven't replyed before now, I've bee really busy and we had some extra money and we had a chance to go visit our son Matt out at Whiteville......It's a 6 hour drive and we have to stay the night in order to visit with him for any amount of time.....I hope and pray that your childs father can keep him self straight.....I just wish I had some kind of magic dust to keep them away from the drugs and alchol....I do a lot of praying that he does his time without trouble and comes home and can stay straight....God Bless ya sugar and if ya wanna talk just give me a holler.....God Bless ya...

02-25-2003, 10:54 AM
Hi Patty, How ya doin? Is Joey making it ok......I just wanted to check in with you haven't posted any in a few days. We had a chance to go visit Matt this past weekend. It's a 6 hour drive and we have to stay the night.....We got to visit with him for 4 hours and I was soo glad to see him....He was glad to see us too......Whiteville isn't to bad but the gurards have a really bad attitude.....Well I'm gonna go for now....Holler at me when ya need to talk.....God Bless ya sugar