I'm just curious if you all think prison changes a person? My boyfriend just went in for 2 yrs and if he comes out still living the street life(drinking, staying out,calling other girls...) then i will have wasted 2 yrs of sticking by him! He has only been in a month and he sounds like he knows he needs to change... so just wondering, did your men change after they got out?

Mine did,he changed for the better! Before he went to prison we were split up but decided to work things out while he was still in(he was in for two years).He has been home a little over a month now and is a different person.Now he has his head screwed on straight and knows what he wants and needs to do and is actually doing it to be sucessfull and live a "normal life" no more crazy,drug,crime filled drama.
Its only been a little over a month but so far so good!

3 Days here .. but I agree with Cali ... so far so good. :rolleyes:

MyGuy has done some serious growing in the last 19 months he was locked down ... and I truly believe things are going to be different this time ... he knows if they aren't .. we won't be ... :eek:

I can't take the crime, drugs, lies and drama.... I'm a good person .. who loves him and has supported him emotionally and financially when NO ONE in his life has ... I think for MyGuy ... the answer to this question is YES ~ and definately for the better!

I truly believe we are all responsible for our own decisions and they must take responsibility for their actions/faults and only they can decide if they want a better life ...

I wish you luck emit.

:heart: I LOVE MYGUY :love:

Unfortunately, mine hasn't. He served 3 years, came out, messed up (and cheated on me). Then he went back, served another 2 years (all the while claiming that THIS time he really Has changed), came out and only 4 months later messed up again.

Considering that in CA 80% of all inmates released return in the next two years, it is safe to say that MOST do not ever change. Of course while they are doing the time they make all kinds of promises (because it's easy and they want the support!)

I don't think the core personality ever changes, but reactions and the way one conducts themselves might.

My baby isn't out as of yet, but he definitely knows he needs to change. He doesn't want to go back to any of that nonsense he was doing before he went in. He has a life planned out and he wants to stick to it. He wants a future and eventually, he wants a family. He knows that in order to provide for his family he needs to change and he needs to keep things real. He made some mistakes, but I'm not judging him on his past mistakes. In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing him grow even more. He understands that the lifestyle is going to be different and he just wants to make things right. He wants to make his family proud of him. I have all the faith in him that he will change. He too knows that if he goes back I'm gone. He doesn't seem to be looking for a way to mess things up with us. I have faith in that boy, he's a good person with a good outlook on the future.

Scary has been in and out and in and out for the past like 8 years....everytime he fills me with these "jailhouse dreams" of how things are gonna be different and how he's giving up his boys, the drugs, the street life etc. And almost systematically, everytime he got out he got worse. It was almost like he had a mentality of "I've done jail time...I can handle anything"

I can only speak for Scary but to my experience he is always sorry the first month he is in there...b/c he feels like crap and doesn't want to be there.

This is the 1st time that I think he is putting an honest, truthfull best foot forward. But I don't think it has anything to do with what type of lesson jail taught him...he's been in more counties in the past 8 years then a UPS truck....all it was this time was another county...jail is jail.

I think why he decided the reasons behind him making better choices was him finally admitting to himself that all this aggrivation is not worth it.....The love from me and our kids is far greater then the love his boys give him or any kind of street respect he'll ever have.

Don't get me wrong, if you read my other posts, you will see that is has been somewhat of a rocky homecoming, but it is all beginning to slowly smooth it's way out.

And I am not saying everyone would follow the path of Scary and keep going in and out. Just be careful in deciding what is reality and what is fantasy. It's not all of a sudden going to become Magic in Wonderland if it was Gansta's Paradise before. These men need to learn how to readjust their lives to learn how to deal with being back on the bricks.

And as far as Scary's friends, he never really cut them all off, he just makes better choices, and has selected the ones he wants to remain in contact with. And instead of them rolling out getting high and pullin all nighters. These guys now come to our house and watch Monday night Football, and pLay Spades on Saturday nights. And yeah they drink and sometimes stay over. But the way I look at it is that all of this, even in it's rockiness is 100% better then my days of sitting around on a Sunday afternoon hoping that either the cops or the coroner won't call b/c Scary is still out on a drug binge from the day before.

It's not sunset and a tropical island, but it's reality. Scary was runnin the streets and stealing cars when I met him 12 years ago....I am not going to turn him into something he is not. He's not ever going to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a scientist, but then again I knew that 12 years ago.

Now a days I admire him for his strength, and appreciate him for who he is.

So I guess I can say he didn't actually change......

He just makes better decisions now..........

My fiance changed before he went to prison. The fact that his offense was in early 2002 and he wasn't even arraigned to court until August of 2003 played a big part in that. We had moved out of state, started a new life for us and our family. I think that was the hardest part of him doing the time.

Now he has been home over 6 months and he is doing great as far as keeping out of trouble and such, but we still have major fights because of his attitude and some days are much harder than others, but we are taking it one day at a time and have faith that 2005 will be an awesome year for us.

I think it depends on the person and how bad they want to change. And if they learned from their mistakes. My husband changed before he went in. His was a fatal accident that involved a loved one. And he has already admitted that if someone hadn't of died that night he wouldn't have changed. Being in prison though has made him change even more than before. His words are "you never realize what you have until it is gone". He is so scared on going back I know I have nothing to worry about. He treasures his family now and will never leave us again.

Prior to my friend's arrest, he was not doing drugs, running the streets, etc. He was arrested for pre-meditated retaliation. Regardless of what happened, his actions caused him to go away for a long time.

I met him while he was in. He was in for 8 yrs before we met and was released 12 yrs after we met. During this time, we basically built a friendship. We lost communication and when he came home, he called me.

According to his family and friends, he has always been a decent person, kind hearted, loving, but has a temper when provoked.

From what I can tell, he appears more focused and determined to make it. I've also learned that they can not handle too many choices and un-necessary stresses.

If there is a change, it has to begin w/ them, for they are the only ones that can do this.

My story is similar to California sunshine: Not perfect, but so far, so good, although it has only been a month. I have been through 17 years of this, with him in and out (mostly out), but things were rough then, too, because of his drinking and drug use. He is so different now. Obviously, I heard more than my share of the "this has been my wake-up call and I'm never going back blah blah blah " speeches over the years, but I didn't get that this time. What I got was a different person who shows by his actions that he has had enough. He works, and is grateful for his job. He brings home his check. He comes home after work and doesn't want anything to do with the creeps he used to consider friends. He is cooperative with his VERY strict parole officer and doesn't act resentful that they dare expect him to toe the line. He just started going to AA meetings and enjoyed the experience- didn't even complain that they have a no-smoking policy! When I would try to get him to go before, he had all kinds of excuses like "my cousin went and it's stupid and all they do is find drinking buddies". (No doubt some do, but most are there for the right reasons and they find each other, just like the bad apples do. Again, I stress that it has only been a month, so we're not out of the woods yet, but it's also been a whole new life. As someone else said, just NOT having to worry that he's dead or back in jail because I know where he is means everything.