why do these feelings haunt me? why can't i get used to this? am i going nuts? it's be 8 mos since my only child been locked up shouldn't i be over this. no i don't blame myself yes he put himself there no sh*t but does that make it any easier on me NO! he should be in his senior year of school i see kids same build blonde handsome knowing ist's not him still take a double look i see kids having fun just chillin wish i was still worrying about his driving. i hate this feeling. yes i'm a whinner whatever i know he has a short sentence i pray he gets it together i pray we can all keep it together some days is kinda tough. hurting cl someone's got it wrong the toughest job you'll ever love has got to be being a mom

Cheryl I feel all your pain and my husband has only been away for almost 3 months and I acnt get over what has happened either...just hang in there and come and vent here "This Too Shall Pass" and soon he will be home and you will be wrapping your arms around him...hang in there and know that you are not a whiner you are hurting...come to the live chat on tuesdays at 8pm central time. and if you ever need to talk email me!! KEep your Head up!!

Hey... no you aren't a whiner and you aren't going crazy... and I think/hope you have finally found a place where you will realize that there is SOMEONE out there who understands the pain you are going through.... We do!! I don't think the pain of having a loved one away from you by being incarcerated ever goes away completely.... even when they come home. I hope you will find some comfort and hope in sharing with others here on PTO....

Cheryl:

Boy, do I ever know how you feel. I have been in this situation for 12 years. Prior to that, I was in it 2 years. Since my son was 17, he has been prison on two different occasions. He also is a good looking, star football player in high school. He won all kinds of honors... He had scholorships to college....

I have questioned myself, blamed myself, blamed him, and every thing I can possibly do over the years. I now, finally, have some peace.

I will never stop loving him because inside he is a sweet, inocent child still even tho he is 37 years old now. I have watched him learn to manage his anger over the years. He was a very angry young man due to an alcoholic and abusive father. I have watched him find faith in God. I have watched him become a leader, giving programs to children who are on the verge of having something happen in their lives. Even tho he is still in prison, I am very proud of who he has become.

Find a faith in God.... Realize that he will get you through all situations..... Also, pray daily..... Ask for the strength to get through one day at a time.

My love and best wishes to you.


Donna

thanks guys it's sad but good to know they are others that don't think i'm nuts out there i pray for us all everyday thanks for listening cl

hi cheryl my name is janice i just got onto this site and read your letter, i have a son in a federal prison he is in for only 14 months, he has 8 years to go, belive me i know what you are going through, my only son to, the love of my life, all i know is that we must stand tall for them, let them know we are there for them no matter what, my prays are with you and if you need to talk pleaese do so anytime god bless all of us moms & familys god gives us the stranth to go on for them god bless janice

There are so many of us Mom's and Dad's out there who have had to and are going through this same thing. We have all sorts of feelings. We are ashamed that our child would get himself or herself into this type of situation. We wonder what we have done wrong as a parent.... We hurt because we watch our child go through major pain and agony and cannot protect them from it. We miss them terribly and what they could have become.

We must have faith that this is not the worst thing that could have happened to us. We may have a very special Human Being in our Child. They may have a very special Job to do on this Earth and this incarceration may be for them to learn how to handle bad situations in order to help others. Who knows why things happen.


All of us must gain faith that there is a Higher Power and believe that we will not be delt any more that we can learn to handle.


God Bless you all.... May the greatest Peace fall upon you and all the Blessings in the World come to you.

My Love and Prayers
Donna

there is this saying that we use alot. " we do the time with them". they may not alway realize that, but we do.
lulu

>>>and believe that we will not be delt any more that we can learn to handle<<<

Sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much :-)

CHERYL AND JANICE-YOU WILL FIND LOVE AND SUPPORT HERE --I THINK WE ALL FEEL LIKE WE ARE GOING CRAZY SOMETIMES--WE ARE FORCED TO FIND OUR OWN RESILIENCE, AND THAT IS EMPOWERING-BUT WE STILL NEED SUPPORT AND I AM SO GLAD ALL OF US FOUIND EACH OTHER HERE. AS A MOTHER, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW I WOULD FEEL IN YOUR SHOES-- I DO KNOW THE PAIN THAT THE SLIGHTEST THING THAT HURTS MY CHILDREN FEELS AND KNOW YOUR MUST BE MAGNIFIED SIGNIFICANTLY-HEY, WE LOVE YOU, ARE HERE FOR YOU--

SHERRI

Hi cheryl, Just wanted to tell you that I am also feeling the loss of my son. I hope that together we can help each other through this and help other parents too.

Going home to an empty house after work is a killer. Just thinking about it makes me feel like crying. While I am at work I can focus on my job but when I get i the car all the feelings start to rush in.

My son just start a three year sentence. How long does your son have? You sure have that right the toughes job in the world is being a mom. I never stop worrying I don't know how parents (or any one) does this day after day. This whole thing is consuming me and I have to be very conscience to focus on taking care of myself. Take care of yourself and don't think that you are a whiner. These are very trying times for all of us on the outside with someone on the inside.

Susan

SUSAN:

WELCOME TO PTO..... GLAD YOU ARE HERE.... IT IS SO VERY HARD TO BE A MOM AND WANT TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN AND TAKE THE HURT AWAY. WE CANNOT ALWAYS DO THAT.... I HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION FOR 12 YEARS SINCE MY SON WAS 24 YEARS OLD. HE ALSO SPENT 2 YEARS IN PRISON WHEN HE WAS 17. HE CAME HOME THEN WHEN HE WAS 19..... HE WAS OUT 5 YEARS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE MADE A BAD DECISION AND WENT BACK..... I HAVE WATCHED HIM ACTUALLY GROW UP..... THIS IS A HARD WAY TO GROW UP, BUT I HAVE REALLY SEEN HIM BECOME A DIFFERENT INDIVIUAL. HE HAS ACTUAL PATIENCE.... HE HAS LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGER.... HE REALIZES HOW IMPORTANT IS IS TO GIVE BACK TO SOCIETY.....

I WILL SEND MY PRAYERS TO YOU ALONG WITH CHERYL... MY HEART HAS BROKEN SO MANY TIMES THAT I THINK SOMETIMES IT IS SCARED SO VERY BADLY I CANNOT REPAIR IT... BUT, OF COURSE I KNOW BETTER.... PLACE THIS IN GOD'S HANDS..... HE REALLY WILL HANDLE IT FOR YOU.

MY LOVE

DONNA

Cheryl, Hi my name is Carla and I'm new to this forum. My son has been in the county jail for 6 months and was sent to the Gurney Unit (Tx) just a few days ago. I went to visit him , at the jail, and was told, "He's gone"! I couldn't even get them to tell me where he was sent, said I would have to "wait for him to write". Well he wrote Thank God, so at least I know where he is. I know the pain, as my kids (3) Odie being my only son are the good part of my life. Just wanted to let you know that just reading these posts and knowing that I am not alone, makes it more bearable. You all will be in my prayers..What a great forum!!

CARLA:

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU.... LIKE CHERYL SAID, THIS IS VERY HARD FOR MOTHERS. I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS FOR 12 YEARS. IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY AND IT WILL NEVER BE. I CAN DEAL WITH IT NOW BUT NEVER WILL IT BE EASY.

I SEE YOU ARE IN TEXAS TOO. I HAVE HEARD SO MANY BAD THINGS ABOUT TEXAS AND THE WAY THEY TREAT THEIR INMATES. IT'S BAD EVERYWHERE, BUT IT SEEMS TEXAS IS WORSE THAN ANYWHERE....

KEEP YOUR FAITH.... TURN THIS OVER TO GOD AND HE REALLY WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.

WHEN YOUR SON GETS PHONE PRIVILEDGES IT WILL HELP BECAUSE YOU CAN TALK TO HIM AND HEAR A VOICE. ALSO, HE WILL GET SETTELED INTO THE UNIT HE IS IN AND IT WILL BE EASIER FOR YOU BOTH...

MY LOVE TO YOU
DONNA

I agree that being able to talk on the phone helps a lot. you can talk about things directly, without having to wait for an answer for days. and it always feel good to hear them laugh on the phone. it might ease your mind. just hang in there, ok?

Cheryl, Hello I am new at this also and my son is in the telford unit in tx he has been there since he was 17 he is 23 yrs now. he got 25 yrs. i pray for him everyday . i know the feeling i havent been the same since his incarceration but i have 2 other teenagers and i have to keep going for all of them.

it is very hard when someone who is so young and often times in some ways very naive about things is far away from you and you can't help them or advocate for them. as parents we expect to be able to advocate for our children even when they are over 18 and it is very difficult not to be able to.
people are VERY supportive and non judgmental here and it is a great place to come and talk or ask advice.

To all of you moms and dads of prisoners, your being here has help me so much. The pain of my son being inside seems to be too much to bear sometimes. But when I read some of the posts here, just knowing that I am NOT alone in this mess somehow makes it easier. The caring that takes place at PTO restores my faith. I thank God I came in contact with you all. My heartfelt prayers to all of you along with my neverending appreciation for you just "being there", because it can be a tough place to be.

God Bless You ALL
Kat

Hi Cheryl,

I know exactly how you feel. And "NO," you are not a whinner. Anytime you need to vent, we are here to listen and respond. Without PTO, I probably would not have made it through these troubled times. Remember, we are here for YOU!! Take care! PEACE!

WE ARE ONLY A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF THE MOTHERS OF CHILDREN IN PRISON..... ALL OF US HURT IN ALMOST THE VERY SAME WAY... OUR HEARTS BREAK AND LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE WE GO THROUGH STAGES OF BLAME FROM US TO OUR CHILDREN.

FAITH AND LOVE AND HELPING EACH OTHER IS OUR ANSWER. IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL IF WE COULD ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK AND HUG EACH OTHER ONCE IN AWHILE, BUT WE DO HAVE THIS SITE AND WE CAN RELATE AND CRY TOGETHER AT TIMES.

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS ALWAYS STAND WITH ALL OF YOU

DONNA

Hi cheryl, I wanted to pull this back up for a few reasons. The first is kinda obvious; I was concerned how you were holding up. From the first post here, anyone could tell how you felt, and although your post is titled "no one understands" I think you indeed speak for many loved ones here. I think you said what so many have already said, or are saying, or will say in the future (not to wish that on anyone).

From the point of your thread, it was 8 months in and you still felt miserable. I think many of us here understand that pain; I can understand it from the inside, while most can understand from the outside. But I bring this back to see how things have progressed.

I am not anticipating a bright and cheery disposition; unless your loved one is out of prison, but what I think many of us might like to see or hear is that you are getting along a little better. We all know that the bitterness of prison doesn't really go away as long as your loved one is still behind the bars, but hopefully you have gained some control of your life and are dealing with it better than you did before.

It's important because whether a loved one is locked up for 6 months, 60 months or 60 years, life will go on regardless. The first initial days, weeks months, maybe even years, can be very trying. But sooner or later the parent has to be able to summon enough strength to face the days ahead. It is my sincere hope that you have reached this point. You have my best wishes.

How are you cheryl?

Looks like your son was released.

Yes? Let us know!

Tell us how you are please.

abner

My son has been in for almost 3 years. He has 9 more to go (unless we got lucky and hired a good lawyer this time), and I still have the same feelings that you do. I can't get over it, I can't sleep, I go through the motions of going to work and attempting to lead a normal life, but thats all it is , going through the motions. If I hadn't found the great folks at the PTO I would of gone crazy for real by now! Keep with us, vent when you need to and know that we are all here for each other. I pray for everyone.

My son went to prison sept> 15. He played football for 8 yrs. I wish I could go back to the friday night football games. I too am going through depression really bad right now, my counselor said I couldn,t let myself get depressed, it would be nice if I could flip a switch and not be depressed any more. It,s not easy that,s for sure.

HOw are you Cheryl?

Tell us please.

abner