I have many friends on death row and only have their perspective on relationships and their lives with their significant other. I'm curious as to how you, as someone involved with a DR inmate, handles the time/distance...not knowing if they will ever get off DR...and if you ever have second thoughts about your relationship and how you handle them?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks in ad***ce. :)

Hey Sewergrrl,

For me it's very hard to deal with sometimes but I still don't regret the day I wrote to him. I used to tell myself that I would only wait for a certain amount of years and then I would give up but as time went by, I realized that if I did that then I would be giving up on him. My boyfriend is currently on deathrow in Alabama and this is about to be his 8th year there. Every year I get more and more scared because I'm not sure if he will get a new trial or be aquitted and be able to come home to me. He has an appeal coming up soon and I am very scared about that getting denied also. This will be his 5th appeal. But I pray everyday about it. If we are meant to be, then God will make a way for us to be together.:)

Thanks for asking this question Sewergrrl
Damaris F.

It's certainly not easy, the separation, the supervised visits, the all too quick phone calls, but i think the hardest is not being about to communicate with each other when we want to, having to wait until he can phone me and me never being able to contact him except by letter. the days turn to weeks, to months, to years and on we go, hoping for the reversal of his conviction, hoping for the new trial, hoping for an acquittal because without those hopes, where would we be? Hardest thing i have ever done is love him but it is a love that i wouldn't give up for anything or anyone else nor would i turn back from it even if i had know in ad***ce the hardships i would endure.

it is very hard especially for me as i live in london uk but i do not regret it i have found a very kind loving human being we have built something that not many people can say they have friendship openness honesty and now love he is waiting for his appeal has been for 3 yrs now hope this year he get the appeal hoping for a acquittal

i plan to marry my baby in 3 weeks nad hes on DR. i love him with all my heart and dont regret anything about our relationship. were very close...hes truly my best friend, and im willing to ride this all out with him. no one is sure of what the future holds, but at this very moment in time i am very happy and in love and i want to spend forever with my baby. no its not easy...the distance is not too bad cuz we talk all the time and i see him every week. but the love i have for him keeps me strong adn willing to hold on.

At times, it will be hard because you may be down and depressed and write him, then by the time you get his reply, you are in a totally different frame of mind. The waiting, and distance is hard, I have to say. But the love and support he has given me balances it all out. He writes alot, as well, about 4 5 times a week. So, that's better, I don't feel so alone then. But, it is easy, all to easy, to get caught up in the problems, bills and stresses out here, and lapse in writing, which really upsets him. Then, I have to play "make-up". But it's been 3 years. He is wonderful, patient and understanding most times.

It's very hard. Im in Minnesota, he's in Georgia. We cant have calls til February, so we live through our letters. He writes me 6 times a week, his weekend letters are always about 20 pages long! I've only visited once, but am going again in January. It's tough, but it's so worth it. Ive never known love like this before, we are truly happy, and that's what I hold onto.

He's had two death warrants signed, one in 2000, one in 2001. Both were stayed. I don't know when or if his appeals will run out, but he's been on DR for 9 years already. I try not to think of it very much, it's too painful. I live one day at a time, and pray for the day he is exonerated. He says he is innocent, and I believe him.

I applaud your bravery and determination, liberaldog. Not many people have the courage to stand by what they know to be right when so much of "society" tells them to do otherwise. But you're in good company here, because we've all learned to listen to our hearts....and never mind what anyone else may say or think. Anyone who has not "been there" cannot possibly know what they are talking about.

Well what can I say... I couldn't do it.

He was too "far" away. I was going crazy and loosing my mind over it. I missed him like mad and thought about him 24-7.
And I just couldn't do it. The physical gap was too big and I needed more.
So that's how it went for me...

It's hard...the fact that his visits are behind glass when there are some other inmates who get contact visits in the same classification status....but I don't regret it. Sometimes I think about what the reality of it is, however, there are times when I realize it's just one day at a time.

I find the lack of contact visits deeply troubling--any of you who have someone in Texas know what I'm talking about. Many other states allow visitors to hug, shake hands, kiss, or what have you, and seem to have no problems as a result.

Why punish the visitor as well as the inmate? That's essentially what's going on. I'll bet I'm not the only one who could really use a hug which, for the forseeable future, I will never be able to receive.

Well what can I say... I couldn't do it.

He was too "far" away. I was going crazy and loosing my mind over it. I missed him like mad and thought about him 24-7.
And I just couldn't do it. The physical gap was too big and I needed more.
So that's how it went for me...
hey in reading this post i know you wrote it awhile ago, but have read some posts since then and see that you are "involved" with your friend on DR. i hope all is going well. so now how do you feel? you thought you couldnt do it but you did. just goes to show we should never say what we cant or wont do.....

Hi!

Thank you for asking :)

But this post was sort of the last one of them - sadly.

I did go there - and we were involved for a short time - but I really couldn't do it and I had to let him down. I feel horrible about putting him through all of this - just because I couldn't figure out myself.
But I had to be honest - and it wasn't enough for me - to have a boyfriend half way around the world - locked up and that I couldn't see for more than a very limited time a year. Not to say - never touch, hold, kiss or nothing else.

I'm still going to see him - next week actually - and i still hope we will remain friends - he means the world to me - and I have known him for more than 3 years.

So that's what happened :o

hey in reading this post i know you wrote it awhile ago, but have read some posts since then and see that you are "involved" with your friend on DR. i hope all is going well. so now how do you feel? you thought you couldnt do it but you did. just goes to show we should never say what we cant or wont do.....

Hi!

Thank you for asking :)

But this post was sort of the last one of them - sadly.

I did go there - and we were involved for a short time - but I really couldn't do it and I had to let him down. I feel horrible about putting him through all of this - just because I couldn't figure out myself.
But I had to be honest - and it wasn't enough for me - to have a boyfriend half way around the world - locked up and that I couldn't see for more than a very limited time a year. Not to say - never touch, hold, kiss or nothing else.

I'm still going to see him - next week actually - and i still hope we will remain friends - he means the world to me - and I have known him for more than 3 years.

So that's what happened :o

Don't feel horrible, some people can't do it. It is a very hard life and I totally understand where you are coming from.
I commend you for being honest with him and yourself. Sometimes in life it takes us some time to figure out what we can and can't do.
I can tell by your words that you really care. I think it is wonderful that you want to remain friends with him.

softie

Hi!

Thank you for your sweet words - they warmed.

It's very difficult hurting someone you care so much about - but I hope with time everything will be fine for both of us. :)

Don't feel horrible, some people can't do it. It is a very hard life and I totally understand where you are coming from.
I commend you for being honest with him and yourself. Sometimes in life it takes us some time to figure out what we can and can't do.
I can tell by your words that you really care. I think it is wonderful that you want to remain friends with him.

softie

Hi!

Thank you for asking :)

But this post was sort of the last one of them - sadly.

I did go there - and we were involved for a short time - but I really couldn't do it and I had to let him down. I feel horrible about putting him through all of this - just because I couldn't figure out myself.
But I had to be honest - and it wasn't enough for me - to have a boyfriend half way around the world - locked up and that I couldn't see for more than a very limited time a year. Not to say - never touch, hold, kiss or nothing else.

I'm still going to see him - next week actually - and i still hope we will remain friends - he means the world to me - and I have known him for more than 3 years.

So that's what happened :o

hey i understand totally. it takes a lot of sacrifice in a lot of ways to be in a serious relationship with someone in prison, especially death row. no one can knock you for trying cuz you had feelings for awhile, but atleast you didnt leave him to find out you couldnt handle it the hard way. you were honest and youre still friends. i think thats what matters most.

Hi everyone...

I know I'm a mess - but things changed once more... :o I went to see him - and what can I say. I can't fight the feelings I have had all along - even though it so hard being away from him.
But I love him with all my heart - so we are going to give it another go.

Sorry for confusing you all - didn't plan all the drama...

Have you see him yet? Do let us know when you do and how the experience leaves you feeling, if you care to share.

Love may be the one human emotion that has moved mountains, built and toppled empires, written its mark large in every way upon human history. If your love is true....I think you just might find a way to express and keep it.

My every good wish to you both.

Thank you so much DaveMoff!

I never stopped loving him one bit - it just became too difficult - I was loosing my marbles not being able to see him or talk to him - just waiting for the letters all day long.

But I went and saw him - and that totally blew my mind.

I love him even more now - and he's with me no matter what.
We decided to give it another go - he still felt (feels) the same - and really wanted to as well - so I'm extremely happy about that. We had the best time ever together on those special visits and we got to talk about everything and became even closer. It was fantastic to see him - we could just sit there and not say a word - just staring into each others eyes - with big smiles on our faces! :)

So I'm with him - in thick and thin - there's no other way it can be - because I miss him like mad now - but if I'm not with him I'll miss him even more. And he makes me feel so special and safe with him in a million ways.

Thank you for asking - I hope I can go back soon - need to get the money together though - maybe I should sell some more stuff!! LOL

Take care and all the best to the two of you as well.

XXXX, Anne-Kathrine

Have you see him yet? Do let us know when you do and how the experience leaves you feeling, if you care to share.

Love may be the one human emotion that has moved mountains, built and toppled empires, written its mark large in every way upon human history. If your love is true....I think you just might find a way to express and keep it.

My every good wish to you both.

Hi everyone...

I know I'm a mess - but things changed once more... :o I went to see him - and what can I say. I can't fight the feelings I have had all along - even though it so hard being away from him.
But I love him with all my heart - so we are going to give it another go.

Sorry for confusing you all - didn't plan all the drama...

No sorries honey. Love does that and especially loving someone on DR. It is an emotional roller coaster.

I am so happy that you got to see him and that you both are going to try again. I wish you all the happpiness in the world.

I am so happy you got to visit and you both had a good one. Sometimes all it takes is looking in to the eyes of the one we Love for our hearts to burst and we know how much we really do Love them.
When ever you have those hard times know we all will be here for you.

Hugs
softie

Thank you SO much - it is difficult - there's literally an ocean and loads of top security between us.
But we are here with each other - I carry his heart and he carries mine.

XXX, Anne-Kathrine :)

No sorries honey. Love does that and especially loving someone on DR. It is an emotional roller coaster.

I am so happy that you got to see him and that you both are going to try again. I wish you all the happpiness in the world.

I am so happy you got to visit and you both had a good one. Sometimes all it takes is looking in to the eyes of the one we Love for our hearts to burst and we know how much we really do Love them.
When ever you have those hard times know we all will be here for you.

Hugs
softie

Thank you SO much - it is difficult - there's literally an ocean and loads of top security between us.
But we are here with each other - I carry his heart and he carries mine.

XXX, Anne-Kathrine :)

I am so happy for you honey. Love will carry you both through.

Hugs
softie

it is so hard at times,iused to wish i had never gotten involved with mine, but i did and would have it noother way now even though i lost who i considered my best friend july 2005, he gave me so much in the way of love, joy, friendship i used to think i got more from my 5 year friendship with him, than he got but through my friemndship with him i continue having friends on the row and of course i have my love their as well,

I really give it to all those who are loving and waiting for someone on DR.Not knowing when or if they are coming home, it takes a lot of power and strength To stay strong and commited to inmates in that situation. Personally I couldn't do it, If my man was on DR or even just doing life, If i see no Possiblity of parole, then i would have to just move on it's to hard for me and our daughter. It takes a lot of will power and i applaude all of you.:thumbsup:

How could I not love him or be there for him?! We are one.

when I first wrote to him I wanted only a friend and told him with the very first letter (he to said he didnt want a relationship of more than friends) I ever wrote we hit it off and I wrote him everyday we had so much in common then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks over my head I was in love I finally told him because I didnt want him in the dark as to how I was feeling and told him if he wasnt comfortable with my feelings we could stop everything he said how long have you known I told him a few months then he told me he was glad I said something because he would have hated to die and never known my feelings and never be able to voice his feelings to me because he was just so afraid to be shot down by me that he would have never told me for fear of being hurt it has now been about a year and I am blissfully happy and so is he,he tells me all the time I wouldnt change what I first did by writing him I am happier than I have been in years

How could I not love him or be there for him?! We are one.
:clap::clap::clap:
Thats exactly how I feel about my man. We are a MWI couple and I love him dearly. I cannot imagine life without him now. I also have a pp who was on Death Row but has now won his appeal and no longer faces being executed.:yay:
It can be hard being in love with someone on the row but the good far outweighs the bad. This man brings so much joy and love to my life, how could I possibly not be there for him?:rolleyes:
He is my heart and that makes it all worthwhile! :dance:

:love::love::love:

Well i try to visit every other month, i write daily and other than that I just try to keep busy. If you dont have a life of your own, then you would probably go crazy.........and the lonliness and isolation! Just cause they are in prison, doesnt mean you have to be. Its possible to love someone and do everything for them and have some "me" time. Besides, its not health to make your significant other "everything" in your life. It can work if you really want it to.

This is certainly not an easy situation as far as relationships go.. I visit as often as I can, and we decided this past week that I'm going to move closer to him. which will make things easier in that way.
You can't help who you fall in love with... He stole my heart and I've never looked back! We connect at a level that other people long for..
I will always stand by him and support him in every way.. and like the ladies before me said... We are one... how could I not.....

If they don't allow the wife to hug and touch its really is a violation of her constitutional rights. Its considered punishment toward the woman. This is why conjuical visits were established. Each state laws are different. But who is going to lobby the legislatures to change this practices. Most of the time people in these situations are to busy appealing ect. So this is not addressed. But like in america if a enough law abiding voters got together and lobbied there congressionman and senators they would provide better and more contact visits.

thank you ladys for sharing this with us. it takes a special person to have this kind of relationship. i admire you all for being so strong and so true to your loved ones.

Damaris.. you a good woman.Everything happens for a reason.

My man was on death row for 27 years and I was involved with him for 9 of those years, he was overturned in 2003. We have been together for twelve and a half years now and I'm just thankful he is still alive. No one knows what the future holds but hope and prayer is a very powerful thing.

Well, my man is on DR and has been for 25 years we MWI. We have an awesome relationship, he is the most caring, loving and patient man I have ever known, and I've been married three times. I've always had to do everything myself as far as household stuff and the kids stuff in all my other marriages, so as for all of that there's no difference. But one of the hardest parts is the times when I really need him or to talk to him I can't just go to the next room or even call him when I want. But of course the worst is not having here with me in the evenings, but as long as we call talk before i go to bed that is enough. If I sit and think about my life and my past marriages this one is no different (because they weren't here either) except my man on DR shows my in more ways than any of the others did that he loves me and he listens to EVERYTHING I say and makes me feel like a queen and I have NEVER had that. I love him and I will always love and be here for him.

It is very hard... the seperation kills me, I cry everyday, I pray every hour, and I love him more every minute ... God is good, soon he will help us end this DR...

It is very hard... the seperation kills me, I cry everyday, I pray every hour, and I love him more every minute ... God is good, soon he will help us end this DR...

Queen, that is exactly right!!!!

In some ways, I am just glad that me and my man MWI because having a life with him out here and then having him taken away would absolutely kill me. My heart goes out to all of you strong, loving women/men that had a life with them before going behind the walls. I think that is the only thing that keeps me in ckeck, us not having a life together before the walls. But don't get me wrong I would give ANYTHING to have him here with me!!!!!!! People might just blow it off when someone says that they have found their true love or the love of their lives. I've been marriage three time and I think I might have said that a time or two, but this relationship, this man on DR is more of a man than any of them that I have met or married!!!!

Time/Distance.............I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! BUT.........I have to look at it this way.....................we are always excited to see each other and we always have something to talk about......................We have a far better relationship then any of my three marriages and we lived and worked together!!!!!!