I Am Looking For Advice On How To Get Unincarcerated In My Mind. I Am Still On Parole But My Last Long Stretch Ended Oct. 2001. It's Been Really Hard For Me To Adjust To The Outside World And Freedom. I Find Myself Butting Heads With People Because I Can't Shake The "prison Mentality". It Was So Simple In There. All One Had Was His Balls And His Word And One Was Only As Good As. In The Three Years That I've Been Out, Don't Thing I've Made One True Friend. Granted I'm Married But She Ain't My Friend Either. I'm Only Comfortable Around Ex-cons Like Myself. I'm Aware It's Stupid But That's How I Feel In My Heart. I Find Myself Missing Prison Not Because I Was Happy There But Because I Could Function There. Help Please.:(

I am sure all of this must be so hard on you. When my man comes home he will have done at least 35 years and I can jsut imagine how hard that will be. But in his case he will have a very good support system. It doesn't sound like you have found that. Have you considered maybe getting some counseling? You certainly will also get all the the support you want from all of us at PTO. Good luck and please keep us up to date on how you are doing. We do care. Happy New Year

Welcome to PTO. You have come to a wonderful place for support.
Glad you have found us. Is there any support groups in your area? That maybe a start.
Good luck to you and if you ever need anything please let us know.

Aloha, USOChino and welcome to PTO. I'm sorry that it's been difficult trying to transition out of prison. As as much as we love and support our people who have been incarcerated, unless we've gone through it personally we don't REALLY know what it's like to be "on the inside". Only another person who has gone through what you have gone through can understand. I see that with my guy and his friendships with others who were incarcerated with him.

I know that there are certain religious groups that have a thriving prison ministry. New Hope (they meet at Farrington High School on Saturdays and Sundays) comes to mind. How about checking them out? Also, not that you may need one, but there are 12-step groups that have members who are cycling out of the prison system. I'm also following up on an article that I read posted in this forum about a group using the model that's been successful in Californa. It's a group of ex-cons helping others coming out of the prison system. The article states that there is a group forming in Hawaii and I want to see where the group is at. As soon as I know more information I will do a follow up post in that thread.

Now, I'm going to have to be ni'ele (Hawaiian for inquisitive...all right, nosey) here. Why isn't your wife your friend? I know that between my guy and I, I don't pretend to have all the answers. And I know that I can't be his everything. But I know that I can love him just as he is and I can watch his back the best way I can. I am loyal, and faithful...sure, I don't have to agree with him all the time (and I don't, which makes for some rousing "discussions"). But I can "BE THERE" for him. I am my guy's best friend, and other than when I'm PMS'ing (LOL) I know that he feels the same way about me.