Sebastian and I have done alot of talking recently. Not that we hadn't before but it seems as though recently alot of issues have come up. Let me give you the short version:

~ My depo shot drama continues, breakthrough bleeding etc.
~ He was offered a job finally and couldn't take it because his freaking Parole Agent didn't answer any of his 7 phone calls to allow him the movement he needed (he's on house arrest)
~ Because he's yet to find a job the Parole Agent took away his Saturday movement which was "our" day
~ I have been having full blown panic attacks and ended up on the psych ward (just overnight thanks to some fast talking)

With all of this and other little stuff that comes up in our day to day lives I must say that I thank God everyday that my man is so patient, loving, forgiving. He is clear about what he wants and I am a huge part of that. I'm lucky, I know this even as bouts of depression have overcome me lately.

So why you may ask am I writing about this today? Well in part it is cathartic. It makes me feel somewhat better to get it out there. Also because we in this forum seem to be hard pressed to find the perfect homecoming relationship. Guess what? Nuttin's perfect we all have to find our way.

There have been times I have felt guilty and posted about it because despite the ups and downs I could honestly say things are going well between Sebastian and I and I just wanted everyone to know the same kind of joy. How unrealistic is that??? Recently because of my own insecurities, hurts from the past that have NOTHING to do with Sebastian I read some of the threads and my first inclination is to try and comfort the author, perhaps add a bit of advice and let them know I care and are here for them. Later I allow that "damn could this be me" fear creep in.

I've needed alot of reassurance from my man lately. He has given it to me over and over and I've no doubt he will continue to. In our case this transitional period has been harder on me, on that we do agree. I've talked to him about what I'm seeing around me and that I believe that the stress I've been under lately make me insecure. He tells me to have faith in myself, in him and especially in us. He's right and I know it.

If we continue on this path I believe we can make it. I know that there will be difficult times, there is also much joy as well. I hope that in posting this you will recognize that it is not always just the former inmate that needs to adjust but sometimes it is we the loved one who waited that need to regain some composure. It's a case of my man/woman/child/loved one is home NOW WHAT?

We can find ways to support one another if we try. I think that this forum has in a short time already been so helpful to so many at least that is what the feedback is telling me so please share your coping skills or ask for help that's what PTO is about.

We can do this,
Patty

Patty, even though Herb isn't home yet, I read alot of your post so that I can learn from you. You have such a positive outlook and you aren't afraid to say what you have done or are doing ie. panic attacks etc.....
One thing that I have learned from this forum is this: Not everything is perfect. We will not have a perfect little world when he comes home. His coming home is not promised to be a rose bed without some thorns, but it is how our outlook on it is.
He isn't even home yet and yet he is still reasuring me about so many things. The one thing that I will never give up on is the fact that my man loves me with all my flaws and for me. I have learned through all this that Herb actually loves me unconditionally. That kind of love is rare.

Patty I am grateful for you and all the others who loved ones have come home. My prayers will always continue for you all.

Love Jeanne

Patty,
Darlin', you have the right mindset and we are all proud of you. You and Sebastian are communicating and you both realize that you have to put some energy into making things work, not even things between you two, but things that effect you two, your surroundings and environment and the like. Many of us read you and I know I always enjoy it. Mostly because you paint a very real picture of success, not some fantasy or fairy tale. You stick with it and you can vent and ramble and just let it out to us anytime your little, sweet heart desires. We are here. Deep breaths, (and find a new gyno!;) )
Jenn

Patty - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.

You're absolutely right ... the transition isn't at all easy. Wayne was actually gone less than 2 years, but in that short time we both experienced a world of changes. At times, after he returned home, it was like being married to someone I didn't even know. What keeps us going it the fact that we know if we can survive the difficulty of him going to prison, then we can survive the transition of him coming home.

Once again, thank you for your words, your honesty, and your experience.

************{patty}}}}}}}}}} sometimes/often I think it would take an unthinking idiot- which you are not- to be serene, cheery, and unruffled by the world as it is right now. These are hard times for those of us for whon love is a priority.
I too have the experience- and he ain't even out yet- but I often feel like the "outmate" needs more workin' on than the "inmate." Kinda unsettling but shoot I guess growth is just like that. I thank God for mine every day. And for my HotLatina pal too.

Ladies ~ thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I think it is important for myself as well as for others to share truthful experiences even if they ain't all wrapped up with a pretty bow.

I spent part of the evening making a huge batch of pasta, putting together all the food I need for our Sunday dinner tradition so that I can just throw everything in the oven and be free to spend a couple of hours with Sebastian before family and friends arrive. I had considered putting the dinners on hold but in the end decided it was best for me to carry forward as it makes me feel good. I find I need to pace myself a bit lately. I'm okay with that.

It's good to have him home, far better than the other choice ugh. I remain hopeful, he sees to that. I feel blessed that I am doing this with Sebastian and with all of you.

Thanks so much,
Patty

Patty you are a breathe of fresh air in all of the gloom that is around.....You are an inspiriation. Thank you for being a part of this wonderful life. Love ya Jeanne

Patty is is so nice to come across someone who is REAL, and not afraid to admit that her life is not all peaches and cream. I went to visit my boyfriend yesterday and we have finally reached the point were he can call himself a "Two Digit Midget". That is prison slang meaning he has less than 100 days to go. We were discussing him coming home, and the options he has. The conversation went well. The drive home from the visit I began thinking. It finally hit me that he will be coming home before I know it. I kept thinking am I going to be understaing enough and supportive enough. Will him being in a relationship with me upon release be too stressful for him? Have I gone to enough Nar-Anon meetings to have become a sufficent partner to a recoverying addict? Will I have lost my mojo in bed? I could go on, but I wont. The insecurity monster took a hold of my life the whole drive home. He called me that night, and he sensed my insecurity. It upset him because he took it as I didn't beleive in him, or us. It made me feel bad. I don't think there is one human being in this world that has ever felt insecure at one time, or another. And nobody is perfect. I just have to remember that everyday I wake up I give life everything I can give it for that day. I just wanted to thank you for being real and not sugar coating life.

Ya know relationships like mine (having met him during his incarceration) are not supposed to work out, statistically. He was supposed to have been using me for companionship and the little things I did for him while he was on lock, yadda yadda...

That was not the case though. I am just a woman who met a man in a not so traditional manner. Neither of us has any experience in the situation we are in but both of us bring various experiences to this relationship.

He's been home about 4 months certainly not a lifetime but enough time for me to know that if we continue as we are we have a damn good shot at making it in the long haul. I believe the insecurities I have will pass in time. They are not caused by Sebastian but by past relationships I keep reminding myself of that.

I strive to be a good person and a good partner. I'm still working on myself and all the things it takes to make a great and lasting relationship. He brings me such joy...

Keepin' the faith,
Patty

I believe the insecurities I have will pass in time. They are not caused by Sebastian but by past relationships I keep reminding myself of that.

This is something that I can relate to. I'm sure many others can as well. My situation is a mix between yours and the traditional. I knew Chris, but never so much as kissed him on the outside. Our relationship started about a year after he was back in.

I have a lot of insecurities that often still TRY and haunt me. With lots of patience and understanding from Chris it gets easier to leave those things behind. It will be a long time before they are completly gone, but it does make is easier when you have a wonderful man. It takes a very special man to be able to help us deal with past pains. For that it sounds like we both have somethign to be thankful for

It takes a very special man to be able to help us deal with past pains. For that it sounds like we both have somethign to be thankful for


I couldn't agree with you more...

Ya know relationships like mine (having met him during his incarceration) are not supposed to work out, statistically. He was supposed to have been using me for companionship and the little things I did for him while he was on lock, yadda yadda...Patty
But seems cause you turnt that butt out you got his nose WIDE open!! Good for you girl. I'm happy for you and for anyone who can find real love in these oh so crazy times. I guess your insecurities attribute to the age difference and all the cute female playthings out here but based on what I know about age difference when the woman is older, like by more than 10-15 years, when a man is in love with an older woman he's in love with her without the b.s. That when he looks at his woman it's like he sees past the physical and sees her soul. It's your soul that captured him and that's why reguardless of what's walkin around out here, you got one who's not gonna do you wrong or walk away. He's happy Mommi and when a man is happy, he is set!! You bagged him -- go on witcha bad self!! LOL With a name like HotLatina -- let me find out you be walkin around the house with SHORT pink shorts on!! LOL

Very good for you girl -- I'm very happy for you and yours.