HELLO LADIES I HAVE AN UPDATE FOR YOU AND I AM AFFRAID IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD ONE. WELL YES MY BABE IS HOME AND THE RIDE HOME WAS GREAT WE EVEN HAD TO STOP BEFORE WE GOT HOME TO UM, WELL YOU KNOW. BUT ONCE WE GOT HOME AND REALITY SET IN THAT HE IS NO LONGER "LOCKED UP" FOR SOME REASON EVERYTHING STARTED GOING WRONG, I DON'T KNOW WHY. THE FIRST NIGHT WAS AWSOME, AND WE DID THE DAM THING, BUT THEN HE STARTED TO NOT COME EARLY AND ON SATURDAY NOT AT ALL, OK OK HE WAS WITH HIS FAM BUT I AM HIS FAMILY NOW AND MY SON IS TOO, CHRISTMAS EVE WAS BAD WE WERE ARGUING AND THEN FROM THE THE 23RD TO NOW IT HAS BEEN BAD, HE DOESN'T CONSIDER MY FEELINGS AND EVERTIME I TRY TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR IT, IT THIS GOES ON ANY LONGER HE WILL BE RIGHT BACK AT HIS MOMS HOUSE WITHOUT ME AND THAT WILL BE IT. I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THIS AND BEFORE IT DRIVES ME INSANE I WILL LT HIM GO AND DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, WITH ME. I AM SORRY TO GIVE YOU ALL SUCH A BAD UPDATE BUT YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW I AM FEELING. I CRY ALL THE TIME AND WE DON'T EVEN SLEEP IN THE SAME BED ANYMORE, AND IF WE DO IT'S AWKWARD. I HAVE JUST ABOUT GIVEN UP ON THIS RELATIONSHIP. IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT WOULD HELP US GET BACK ON TRACK LET ME KNOW. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
:confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused:

While I haven't had a man come home and I have no idea what it's like, I just wanted to throw it in there that you've got to allow some time for adjustment. He was just locked up, and then thrust back into the outside world, he has a lot of adjusting to do ...
I hope everything works out for you, ya'll will be in my thoughts and prayers ... :(:(

Sure some have a more difficult time than others adjusting but common courtesy is common courtesy. I am sure you made your plans together long before he came out and it sounds like in the short term anyways he's not living up to his end of the bargain. Let me just say that if Sebastian had done that I would have been devestated so I totally feel you honey. Communicate your feelings to him in a non confrontational way and give him a set amount of time and goals to achieve within the relationship. I hate to see you put your life on hold if this is not to be while at the same time I don't want you to be filled with "what ifs" by not making the effort. Please know that whatever happens we are here for you. Please keep us posted.

Hugggz,
Patty

I would have to agree that adjustment takes time. Also communication and respect is very important. If you can't talk to him and if he doesnt' want to listen or try then I don't know that anything will work. Try to discuss this with him. Dont fight with him, but try to have an adult conversation with him about your concerns...remind him that you only want the best for him, but you can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself. Good luck and keep us updated!

Oh sweetie I am so sorry you have been having hard times. My man has not come home yet but what I am guessing is that you both will need time to readjust. I mean imagine if you were locked up and then BAM you were free... The last thing you would want is someone telling you what to do or when to do it. The only request Pat asked me for when he comes home is just to let him be for a couple of weeks. That sounds worse then how he said it but he explained that sometimes when you have CO's constantly telling you what to do and then you come home and you wife/girlfriend just wants to get back to the family life and starts talking to you about doing things it can cross 2 wires that should not be crossed and it is kind of a negitive reaction. They had to take it from the CO's and they don't need to take it from you! Granted CO's and their wife/girlfriend is a big diffrence but they need a little while to re adapted to the real world. My only suggestion is to kick back and roll witht the punches. Too much emotion too quickly can be overwhelming for them. It will all balance out just give him time w/out trying to work everything out Now, He will either sink or swim you know! Just bite your tongue and give him some space. I know he probably like most men in jail promised the world to you when he came out so your expectations are high, but give him some time to adjust and always know there will be good days and bad. If you have a bad day don't carry it into the next day. for now ((((((((HUGS))))))))

Take care and I wish you luck

Well, I dont think I can say very much since I havent had to go through this myself. But I agree that adjusment is needed, after being locked up, and having to live by restrictions pretty much every hour... mentality and attitude do tend to change. I think you should give it some time, and try... and I know it must be really hard but try to be patient. It's only been a few days and I'm sure that you two can try and sit and compromise. I know the that you love hiim very much, but just try to talk to him, and have a good communication. If you need anything feel free to pm me gurl. GOOD LUCK, AND TAKE CARE!

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going good. Like someone else said give it time . Maybe it will work up. I don't understand whats up with these men. It seems like there has been lots of threads. where the man has turned into a complete a$$ once he gets out.. Now that you look back was there any indication he was going to act this way?

THANK YOU LADIES FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE I WILL TAKE IT AND USE IT. I AGREE THAT I HAVE TO TAKE IT 1 MINUTE AT A TIME INSTEAD OF 1 DAY, I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO LET TIME TELL AND IF HE WANTS IT TO WORK IT WILL AND IF HE DON'T THEN IT WON'T BUT I WILL JUST TAKE DEEP BREATHS AND PRACTICE MY PATIENT EXCERSIES FOR NOW, THAT'S ALL I CAN DO. I HAVE SEEN THE GOOD MAN HE CAN BE AND I KNOW IT IS INSIDE OF HIM BUT HE NEEDS TO LET HIM COME OUT. I WILL KEEP YOU LADIES INFORMED. THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING.

NO LUANN NOT THAT I CAN RECALL, BUT IF ALL THIS TIME WE HAVE BEEN WORKING ON OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT A GAME TO HIM, THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE SEEN IT. I FOR GOT TO TELL YOU LADIES, HE DID DO SOMETHING REALLY CUTE THOUGH FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT HE GOT MY LIPS TATTOOED ON HIS NECK, FROM ONE OF MY LETTERS I SENT HIM. JUST THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE YOU ALL A LITTLE CUTE NEWS.

Well Nancy I am sorry to hear things are not going as planned. Try talking with him. Communication is the key to every relationship. I know it will all work out for you in the end. I wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better.

hi there, my now ex got out oct 2003 and it just got progressively worse. when he first got out he was fine and working not drinking and with a few months he moved out now lives like a animal drinking not working, total liar, i had no indication whtsoever that this was going to happen. i feel very used as this was his third time in and he knew exactly what he was doing. i spent alot of money and time helping this man get his life together but i guess i was nothing to him as soon as he thought he was stable, he moved, within a month he had lost his job and went back to his old ways. i was devastated however this man is 40 and knows what he is doing. he will be off parole next month and he is on a loose parole so he got away with a lot. i dont have a good feeling about his future and feel that his time in prison or jail is not over. he probably owes me about 4000 dollars and i will take him to civil court to recover some of that money. he asked me in his letters if i would pay his restitution and fines and he would pay me back so in his own words it was a loan. a very hard painful lesson to learn and i truly hope in your case everything will be ok. this has just been my experience only.

take care and i am praying for you

carol

(((huggsssss)))) its not all cute when they come home..it's great one day bad the next..or so it was for me..he didnt consider my feelings..it was all about him..give it time..maybe that is just how they adjust..i hear alot of stories like this..and it happened to me too..maybe they just really need time to adjust..best of luck..just follow ur heart..

hi again i just wanted to add that i dont feel like this in general about men that are in prison, its just that i really didnt know this person that well before they went into prison and all i really had to go on was the letters and phone calls and what he said to me. i live in a small town and i refused to listen to people who had known him in the past and who tried to warn me off. i just thought they were jealous yea right!! not!! i was the only one and he comes from a large family and he has grown children that sent him money or wrote or had anything to do with him, that alone should have raised questions but no i was completly in love and no one could tell me anything. i suppose the signs were always there but i just refused to see them, my thinking was i could make a change in this mans life, however it did not turn out that way. if your guy gets out and has problems adjusting that is normal, with my guy he was in only 9 months three seperate times so he did not have alot of adjusting to do. in my case i just choose the wrong man, not becuz he was in prison but becuz he was not a nice person period. i dont want you ladies to get discouraged becuz i truly believe the majority of these men love the woman they are with.

regards
carol

I am so sorry to hear this Nancy. But maybe us woman spend so much time dreaming of a fairy tale happy homecoming that when things do not play out as scripted we get down and disappointed. I think one of my really good friends pointed that out in a group I have been a member of that she did that and it seemed to put so much pressure on her man. It is tough for us woman to not have high expectations, and get let down. Maybe he needs to adjust. But he definately needs to listen. Try to see if you can get him to set aside time to talk to you. Not tomorrow, next week, or next month, but today---tonight. And see if you can communicate like you did when he was locked up. I know that Nick is not home yet all I can do is imagine how I would do things...I hope things get better for you. Pls let us know. Love ya Angie

I cannot offer any advice to help your situation, but I empathize with you. Like others have said, it takes them awhile to adjust back into the real world. Prison is the toughest place any man or woman could be and it really warps their view on the world. It takes them awhile to adjust-some never do and they continually go in and out because prison life is the only thing they know. So, I would sit down with him and have a talk. Maybe he does need to go to his mom's house for awhile until he realizes how important you and your children are. Once he is adjusted it could be possible for you and he to once again share a bed without it feeling "awkward."

Just my two cents, keep us posted, and most of all do what's best for you. Stay Positive!

I'm sorry to hear this Nancy :( I hope that he just needs a little time to adjust to being in the free world again.I'm thinking of you and hoping things do work out.Please keep us posted!
HUGS

Hey Nancy, I have always enjoyed your posts so I just wanted to add my support/ I don't have much in the way of advice except that I think that this man truly loves you and it feels like there's just a lot of emotions riding on every moment right now. I don't think it's okay for him to not consider your feelings or not come home, but on the other hand I wouldn't make any major decisions right now because you're also on a bit of an emotional rollarcoaster right now. Take your time to sort out what you expect and communicate it to him clearly - maybe writing him a letter would be good, then it would take some of the pressure off of communicating in the moment. Whatever happens, we're here for you.

Jessica

Nancy

Besides being male, I haven't been in your position so cannot really give advice. I just hope it all works out in the end. I can imagine that even with good intentions it takes time to reach a level place. Good luck and best wishes.

Hey Nancy

Communication is the key. I have been saying that so much it needs to be my motto.

If your honey cannot communicate... goodbye Nancy, hello Mom.

WELL LADIES JUST A LITTLE UPDATE FOR YOU, EVERYDAY IT'S A STRUGGLE BUT I THINK IF WE BOTH PUT OUR EFFORT INTO IT THEN WE WILL BE OK. I LOVE THIS MAN AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT WITH HIM AND US TO COME THIS FAR AND LET IT GO FOR NOTHING I CAN'T DO IT. I HAVE STOPPED MY CRYING AND NOW I AM TO THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO FIGHT TO KEEP MY RELATIONSHIP, BUT IF HE FEELS THE NEED TO LEAVE BY ALL MEANS THERE'S THE DOOR I WILL NOT STOP HIM, BUT WE HAVE BEEN TALKING A LITTLE MORE THAN BEFORE AND NOW HE TELLS ME WHAT IS BOTHERING HIM, SO 1 MINUTE AT A TIME IS ALL I CAN DO RIGHT NOW, UNTIL HE GETS ADJUSTED AND GETS A JOB TO KEEP HIM BUSY. I LOVE HIM AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME, SO I WILL CONTINUE TO UPDATE YOU LADIES ON OUR SITUATION, IT'S NOT A PICTURE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP BUT WHAT RELATIONSHIP IS, EVERYONE HAS UPS AND DOWNS AND RIGHT NOW I THINK WE ARE A LITTLE ON THE DOWN TRYING TO GO UP. SO JUST SAY A PRAYER FOR MY BABE AND ME AND THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP GET STRONGER AND NOT WEAKER. THANK YOU LADIES FOR ALL YOU ADVICE.:thumbsup:

You know we are here for you Nancy. You are in my prayers and I hope all works out for you. You sound like a strong woman who has a great head on her shoulders. Good luck to you.

Nancy ~ thanks for the update, I've been thinking about you. I hope things continue to get better and better for you And your man and I'll be sending prayers your way. If you need me I'm only a PM away honey...

Much Love,
Patty

Hi Nancy, wow I'm shocked that he's home, that's a good thing. Now as far as things not going good since he's been home, I'm sorry honey! I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but like everyone is saying...you need to give him time to adjust to "the outside world." He's been like a caged lion in prison only to be finally let out. Of course he needs to respect you and your feelings, but give it some time and communicate without being defensive. I hope things really do work out because I know what you went through just trying to be there for him while he was in prison, and you deserve the best!