OK in an update from yesterdays post, I did go out to dinner w/ SCARY last night....BIG MISTAKE!!!!!

I don't want to say it's his fault...but, I'm not too happy w/ him right now.

On the way to dinner, which I was "ify" about going to anyway, SHE called my cell phone!

When I answered, she said I didn't call to talk to you, I called to talk to him.

Obviously words were exchanged, I would say that are too graphic to post. I was furious. I told her he does not want to be with you!

Well some how or another I gave him the phone to set the record straight (for the 35th time), I could hear her voice saying "I'm sorry", "please don't hate me".

Well when everything came out, I found out why she showed up at our House. She was telling some of SCARY'S friends that the only reason him and I got back togerther is because he is with me out of PITY. That he feels like he owes me something, for all the dirty $hit he did to me in the past.
Apperently this infuriated him...he called her cell phone and left her a message saying, "I was trying to be civil, I was trying to be decent, but now you've crossed the line, you are trying to ruin me, and all that I have with Wendy(me)." Well, when she had no way of contacting him, she showed up, trying to apologize, but he wasn't having it.

Now back to last night, he swears up and down the street that he wants nothing to do with her. And that there is not 1 ounce of feelings there for her.
She however is claiming that this is not really the way he feels, that when I'm not around he is telling her that he loves her, and has never loved me the way he loves her. That he really wants to be with her, but is only with me for the sake of the kids.
I heard her say to him " I want you to do what ever makes you happy", hsi reply was " I am " " I'm at home with Wendy and my family". Twio breathes later she then says " Well I want you to be with me and be happy", his response, " well I want a new Escalade, and a million $$, but it ain't gonna happen."
She called several more times during dinner, I finally answered and asked her why she is so obsessed with him, she said "we are in love and you can't explain love, it just is." she said she would have to hear it from him personally to know that he really didn't want to be with her, so I gave him the phone and he did, along with several other names he called her.

NOW, my problem is, that as much as I want to believe him, he has burnt me so bad in the past, and had so many lies going at one point, he couldn't keep track. I know she sounds like a nut....but in the back of my head I just can't accept the fact that somebody is that crazy, or obsessed to be making all of this $hit up. I feel like she had to of had some lead or something to remotely think that he may want to be with her....

He says no...she's just crazy, and will do anything to split us up...

I need help, advice something...sorry this is so long, but I felt it was needed fo ryou guys to understand the whole picture of things...

Please help, I don't know what to believe anymore......

I feel like this girl knows the wicked witch ex my husband was with.... Maybe there is a psycho ex club we don't know about? Contact needs to be stopped with her period. Stop answering the phone, don't listen to any of her messages, just cut her out completely. Then, go with your gut after you've done that.

((((Scarysgirl)))) good luck!

Wendy, you are right about one thing, she is not obsessed for no reason at all. Men have a tendency of doing things we do not know about just as women can do the same. I don't want to knock your man in any way, but if he has done it to you time and time again, maybe what she is saying is correct and he is leading her on when not in your presence. I mean, if a guy were to tell me to leave him alone and he is happy, I would do just that, if I love him or not. Now if he is calling me leading me on, it may be a different story and yes I would make it known to the woman that this is in fact what he is doing, cause I would want someone to tell me.

While of course the obvious choice is that this woman is nuts. You can't overlook the possibility that when you are not around that he has a different tone. I do not know your man and am just speaking in general terms here but all too often a man will try to keep that back up babe hangin' on just in case things don't work out for him. He may not want her but he may feel that he might need her if something were to happen between the two of you. I know that sounds crazy but believe me it happens all the time.

What I am trying to say is that I think you are right to have your guard up, after all he didn't tell you she stopped by you had to hear it from a neighbor and that to me is cruel. I Know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear but I would hate to see you suffer more than you already have. It's time for some heavy duty soul searching. The best thing you can do is to find out what you really want out of life, where you see yourself 5, 10, 20 years from now and how does HE fit into YOUR world. Once you know that for certain then you can communicate to him what it will take to keep this relationship on course. Remember it's YOUR life!!!

Best of luck to you,
Patty

I am no expert just life experience. Everytime she calls I would just hang up, or put the phone on hold. Maybe you can get a relative to get a phone for you in their name, and have the bill go to their house. This way she wont have access to your #'s. I would not have ANY further conversations with her at all. Everything that was needed to be said was. Why continue to have these conversations with her. What went on in the past with your man and her if it did, or didn't is not important. What is important is you have a family and your love for him. I do believe what you NEED to know will all be shown to you in time. For now enjoy your man and your family, and stop letting this nut get inbetween the two of you. And yes some women do react like a psycho because some man told them they will be with them, or have made them some sort of half baked promise. Other women are just simply NUTS and half baked themselves. In either event don't worry yourself with all the particulars, just be happy your man is home.

OH, Wendy, I'm sorry, I almost forgot,
Yeah, her a** is definately crazy too though, because anyone bold enough to come to your house like that to get her point across, and calling your phone, she's either crazy or just out right don't give a s***. But still don't rule out what he is doing and saying to her behind your back to make her act this way. Put yourself in her shoes, you say he has burned you so many times before. While he was out doing the things he was doing to you behind your back, what was he telling you to your face? Think about it that way and maybe you'll be able to come up with a pretty good idea of what he actually is saying.
Kesha

THis is a very tough situation. i have also had someone tell me to my face he didn't want to be with me and in the long run we ended up married....(that would be Eric). So I am all about guys saying something and then turning around and fixing it. I think I just worded that real confusing. I am saying that I was in his ex's position. So I can see why you would be doubtful. I say all contact needs to be dropped with her and scary needs to agree to this. If you catch him talking to her or her calling the phone (maybe change the number) then I would really start to think he is lying. Good luck

I have been reading all your post and this seems to be turning inot a real BAD situation!
You never know what he is saying to her.... Unless.... Well my brother (not the one in prison) once put a mini tape recorder in his wifes car because he thought she was cheating-boy was she cheating! It is only like $50 at radioshack! Or maybe you can get a couple of HIS phone records-so you can see if he is calling her when you are not around!
Whatever you chose to do I would look into it-even if she is physco this is really odd!

How did she get your cell #? Maybe I missed something but I thought you got a cell and she didn't have the number and that's why she stopped by. If you did not give her the number, then she shouldn't have it. If he gave her the number, then that is whole extra can of worms. He should not give that number to her under any circumstances. If he did....then that would say a lot to me...like later!!

While of course the obvious choice is that this woman is nuts. You can't overlook the possibility that when you are not around that he has a different tone. I do not know your man and am just speaking in general terms here but all too often a man will try to keep that back up babe hangin' on just in case things don't work out for him. He may not want her but he may feel that he might need her if something were to happen between the two of you. I know that sounds crazy but believe me it happens all the time.

What I am trying to say is that I think you are right to have your guard up, after all he didn't tell you she stopped by you had to hear it from a neighbor and that to me is cruel. I Know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear but I would hate to see you suffer more than you already have. It's time for some heavy duty soul searching. The best thing you can do is to find out what you really want out of life, where you see yourself 5, 10, 20 years from now and how does HE fit into YOUR world. Once you know that for certain then you can communicate to him what it will take to keep this relationship on course. Remember it's YOUR life!!!

Best of luck to you,
Patty
I understand what your saying about the back babe thing, I've said this to him 1,000 times. This is his comparison, "I am lucky that I did not totally lose my family in all the wrong I did. I love you, and why would I consciously( as oppose to being on drugs) give up my family my house and all that we have between us, to go to a burn out(pot head), moron, who is immature, has no set goals for her life, and still lives with her parents.?"
Which I think is very logical, why would a normal person do that.
We also are in the process of buying a Duplex (second property), and are looking at buying a new truck after Christmas. We were supposed to somewhat elope in June, but as of this week he said, "I think we should have a real wedding and set a real date, you deserve it." (we were going to elope for 2 reasons, 1 we didn't think people that were pi$$ed he was in jail would show up to our wedding and 2, because of such a large family, the expense would be rather large)
Anyway, my thing is, why would he be making such large commitments with me, if he wanted to be with her even the tinest bit. So that's when I'm in his corner.
On the other hand, why is she persuing this so strongly? It makes my mind wander.....

How did she get your cell #? Maybe I missed something but I thought you got a cell and she didn't have the number and that's why she stopped by. If you did not give her the number, then she shouldn't have it. If he gave her the number, then that is whole extra can of worms. He should not give that number to her under any circumstances. If he did....then that would say a lot to me...like later!!
I've had the same cell# for a long time (about 4 years), she had it from before, from when he used to get drugs off of her. She used to only call the cell once in a great while, then once she got the house # she started banging that # off the hook, I changed once, she got the new # from her dad (works for phone Co.), now I have the phone disconnected, but my cell does not get service in the house, only outside, when she called the other day and got the voicemail she assumed I had it and was sending her to voicemail so she then decided to show up. She knows where I live because she followed one of our mutual friends to my house one night. She admits this....

Wendy, have Scary take out a restraining order on her...forbidding her to call or make contact...Dont you do it, have him do it...you can go with...if he wont do it then you have your answer...even if he is not messing with her he is enjoying the attention waaay to much. NOTHI*NG and NO ONE shoud be distracting him from his number one priority and focus...his family: taking care of them and protecting them

I see. I'll say this..you are a lot more patient than me!! Did you report her dad to his superiors? I would. And I would be getting a no contact order for myself. And I would insist that he do the same. Although if you do, and he's with you, then she shouldn't be there. And if he balks or has a problem with that...too bad. This has gone on long enough and I would be done with it. Nothing else is working. Same old same ole, telling her not to call or come by isn't getting it. Apparently she'll keep doing this forever. Again, get a no contact and slap some reality into her. Oh, and get a new cell # for sure.

I agree with Wingy. The first thought that popped into my head was get a restraining order for both you AND Scary. If she calls, she's violating it and should be picked up. Even if he is playing you, this chick is nuts. Protect yourself.

I only have two words to say: Restraining Order!

Thanks ladies for your advice.

My only problem w/ the restraining order idea, is that she never really threatens me or him. She is just a pain in the A**. She just wants to talk to him, kiss up to him, apologize, and plead her case of how she's a better girlfriend...

Any advice on this?

I still consider that harrassment and stalking; and she could also be considered a danger since she is acting psycho.

she may not be threatning physical harm but she is molesting you and there are laws against STALKING! Get the order and protect yourself and family.

I agree about the phone company. You need to report her harrassing phone calls, change your number and let them know how you think she got the last one. They will most assuredly have a talk with dear old Dad. Why would you give your daughter the number for her married ex-con boyfriend, anyway??!!!!!!!Yes, you can get a restraining order if she continues to harass you. I understand your unwillingness to trust your man under these circumstances, and stay alert, but I would say with the information you have posted, it looks more like her than him. The reason being, many women have affairs with married men, but they don't show up at the house, make repeated phone calls, boil bunnies on your stove, etc. Those are the marks of an unbalanced personality. She may be unbalanced enough to keep hanging on long after your husband has made it clear it's over. Anyway, take those steps to cut her out of your lives completely (MsAkbar is right- all that needs to be said between you has been said). If she still mysteriously has access to your numbers, I would look twice at hubby.