and I want him out of here! He is just using me and my kids. We have done nothing but fight. I am an emotional wreck. I am getting worse everyday. I thought I had mental problems before, now they are getting really bad. He doesn't want me to be anything but June Cleaver.

He pushes me away if I come near him, he won't touch me or make love to me. It's like I have a diease or something. It's all about him and how his poor ass has been in jail for two years. He sits up all night watching porn on the computer and spends all day sleeping so he doesn't even have to be in the same bed with me.

He feels trapped up here and this house I loved so much and thought was going to be such a good place, I just want to burn to the ground. I hate it here now because it is not a nice place to live anymore. And I am feeling really pissed about all I went through to get him here.

I talked to the kids and told them that I was going to tell him to call his PO and tell him he needs to find another place. My oldest started crying and stayed in his room all night. He is great with the kids(He knows how much I love my kids and he is using them to get to me, and that has to stop) but it is like I don't exist, and if I stay in this mess much longer, I'm not going to either. They don't understand adult emotions and what I have been going through.

He basically has been lying to me this whole time and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I wanted to be loved so bad I would believe anything and now my kids are the ones that are going to be hurt the worse.

I am sorry I don't have a better or happier story to tell, but he doesn't even want to try. All I see him doing is trying to find a way to get out of here and away from me. He is like a wild animal trying to chew off his leg because he is caught in a trap.

He has a lot of growing up to do and I see him right back in jail. I'm done and I am emotionally trying to work on myself to accept the fact that it is over, that it never was and it was all a game to him. A lot of people told me but I had faith and I believed. I have done nothing but cry for days. I am getting to the point where I really dislike him a lot and I don't even want him around me. He treats me like my ex did, and he is destroying whatever steps I have gained towards sanity and rebuilding my self esteem and he has to go. I am not going to let him take what I have left.

I went back and read your other posts so I might understand this situation better-it seems very one-sided.You are the one who has put forth all the worrying,effort and sacrafice.I don't see anything coming from him except waiting to get out.
I can't give you any advice here-only support.All I can say is if he really wants to leave,he will,and basically-unless you chase after him(does'nt seem likely)that will be it.I am sorry for all the time you have lost and that your kids are involved.
I have an extremely abusive ex.This isn't about me,but I understand what it is like to live with someone who tears you down.There are some things I will never get over,and I do not want you to end up like this.
I think he will end up determining the outcome of this relationship through his actions.I wish it could have been some other way,but it does'nt sound like he is concerned for your feelings.
You do not need an inmate,outmate,whatever,to be loved.You are loved,just look around you.You will go on,and be OK.
I will think of you
Octobriana

I am sorry you are going thru this. My only advice is for you to make the best of what you have now. Just keep in mind, he doesnt own your emotions, you do. What ever he does or doesnt do, dont let him get to you.

I really don't know how to respond to this post (which is a first...ha!) but your situation is definitely in my thoughts. You see so many happy "coming home" stories but I know that's not how it truly is in reality all the time. I hope that in time it does get better but if it's always been a one-sided relationship, that's probably never going to change. Best of luck to you and keep your chin up!

Awww Luna!!! I am sorry sweetie, but do whats best for you and your kids, now they may not see it as a good thing but in the long run they will understand.

I am sorry to hear that you have gone through this. I imagine you must be in so much pain. But girl you were on your own before. If he doesnt seem to care tell his PO he is homeless and needs a place and kick him to the curb. Let him fend for himself. If he doesnt love you like he should then its not your problem.....I hope I am not being to tough I just feel if nick did it to me he would be a little familiar w/BOBBIT you know Loraina she would become my idol. :) I hate to see these type of posts and I think he should be very ashamed of himself. Your strong you waited, get on with your life take with you what you have learned and grow. Love ya Angie

luna i am so sorry to hear this. honey it will be ok, it always is. focus an you and your children, they are most important, as you have already said. if he is going to tret you like this and put you in an emotional prison, its not worth it. you are better than that and deserved to be loved fully and completely, not this one sided deal. that will just drain you. keep your head up :) and we are hear for you, keep posting ~ashtynn

Darn Luna! I am sorry that you are having to go through all this termoil through the holidays, and just in general. I think you know what needs to be done, and that is put you and your children first, while you still have some sanity left. Good luck honey.

I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. All I can tell you is you need to focus on you and your children. As upseting as this may be....remember everything happens for a reason and it always works out. Hang in there and remember you have tons of support here. Good luck to you and your children.

Luna you are loved, I feel ya. You should set the standard of expectations. I know he is your husband but the state and you have joint custody so you control the shots here and I think it's time you trumped his hide with a talk and let him know this will go no further. Have a sit in with him and his po. He'll shape up or ship out. You can not afford to be his emotional punching bag and I don't believe you will be. He's taking advantage of you. As for the computer porn, put a block on it. That'll solve the whole deal. Good with the kids does not mean he can stay and abuse you.

Luna im so sorry this has happened to you i think this is a fear we all have! You are very muched loved by all of us on PTO:grouphug: take it easy follow your heart and if you need a friend, im here!

Luna I am so sorry that you are going through this. Everyone has says the most important part and that is take care of yourself and your kids first. Do what you have to do. You know you have so much love and support here. Keep your head up and don't let him get you down.

Salena

Luna ~ You are so much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. If things are truly as you say take the appropriate actions to rid him from your view. Your kids will be hurt but they will come to terms with it over time. I know this because they have a great mother in you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and if there is anything I can do for you please remember I am only a PM away...

Much Love,
Patty

Luna,
I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope everything works out for the best. Doesn't he realize what a Gem he has and how much you have done for him? Does he just need time to adjust? I was very surprised when I read your thread, I really thought you two were going to make it.
Hugs

I read your posting and felt so sad. No one deserves to be treated like this. Especially when you went the distance. As far as looking at porn all night on the computer and sleeping all day, put a porn lock on the computer. I believe someone else said that too! If he wants to stay up all night, tell him to get a job where he works night shift and do something productive! Please know you do not deserve to be treated like this. You are a good person who has had some misfortune in relationships. Even though your kids may not understand now, they will in the near future. Children are very aware of a parent being unhappy and mistreated. And it makes them sad, and sets the example of how they should live their lives. If he is unhappy, let him hit the road. Sounds like you may have to give him a boost because right now he has it made in the shade and sounds like he knows it. Good luck to you. You are in my prayers.

To add to my last post. My wife layed down the law well before I came home and she did talk with my po. I knew from the word go there was no bs going to go on and Bren woukd have been unhappy at having to kick my hide to the curb on one side, but reliefed to have her opportunity to continue on in the life she made for herself and our kids. Bren had a zero tolerance level for monkeyin around and playin her.

Luna i feel for ya gyrl no one deserves to be treated like that.I dont know this guys history but prison affects everyone differently.If some bad things happened to him while he was in and it was his first time it can change a person.Some people need time to readjust or even counseling.Have you tried talking to him and told him theres consequences to his current behavior?I dunno tell him you stood by for him and now this is the way he repays you?..............Maybe hes just a jerk..............

I am so sorry you are going thru this. There is no way to predict how things will be when they get home. I made it very clear that I would do this ONCE and I meant it. Bus was raised in a home with no boundaries and he didn't understand them real well before he was arrested. I had to make sure he knew where mine were - for me and our kids. He knew in advance what I expected. We have a saying at our house about investments. When you put money into funds, stocks, etc.. you do it as an investment and expect a return for your money. (Not in a selfish way. Time is often way more valuable than money.) It is the same way with relationships and even in ministry. Some returns are quick and multiply fast. Some take a while - some you have to write off as a loss - at times the quicker the better. I wish I had some good things to say, but sometimes we have to be strong. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest. I am sure if you knew then what you know now, you would not have brought him into your home. As far as the kids, they will figure things out - they are not stupid. They know what is going on. They may be upset with you for a little while, but will thank you later for making the right choices for THEM and YOU. You must take care of yourself - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You need to be healthy and your kids need you to be healthy. As far as the porn, that can be an addiction as well that has a tendency to lead to bad choices and bad behaviors. If he is not making strides to change and fullfill his parole, he is not serious about your relationship or the well-being of the kids. Don't beat yourself up over the oldest child, they had dreams too. I am sure they are disappointed at their dad not only because of no job, etc. but because he has hurt you. They have seen all you have done for this man and how he has acted toward your kindness. I am not an advocate of divorce, but women need to realize that all of life is a lesson. You are teaching your children how to treat others and how to be treated. I had a friend who stayed married to an abusive alcoholic so her kids would not be a "statistic" of divorce. However, both of her daughters perceived relationships on what they saw at home. They are both married to abusive men. In the end she learned that she taught them the wrong things. You are the one who has to make the decision, and don't be embarrassed if you have made a mistake - that is why they are called "cons". Once again, I am so sorry for your situation, but thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being real so that the rest of us can see the whole picture. You will be in our prayers.

((((Hugs)))) I don't know what advice to give to you.. since I'm going through some things myself and the whole family since Sam has been home.

Sam's girl

Luna,
I am so sorry!! I have been thinking of you and hoping things were going ok. If you are unhappy make him leave. You make him call the PO and help expedite the move.

You are in my thoughts and my prayers as well as your kids. Take care of you!!! The kids need you to be healthy in all ways. We love you!!!

ONE

Oh Luna, I am so sorry he is treating you like this! ((((((HUGS))))))) This makes me so sad, I remember how happy you were about him coming home. I agree that you should help with the move..call the PO so he can get outta there! I will be thinking and praying for you and your children!! I'm also a PM away. God Bless!

Luna-I am extremely sorry that you are going through this. Like you have said, you put all of this time and energy into this relationship and trying to get him home with you. You worked so hard with your landlord's and the po's to get him there thinking it would go OK. He is not working hard at all to try to make things work with you, and like you said your kids....But, EVERYTHING in life is a learning expirience. Please think of yourself and your kids first. He is not making you feel good about yourself as a person or mother or anything. He needs to know he cannot treat you like this, so if it is "safe" please call the PO and kick him the heck out. It will take time, but you can get through this. I know it doesn't make any sense now, maybe it never will. Please keep us here up to date if you need to talk, im me. And most of all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Luna Sweetie I am so sorry to hear this!!!
You are a wonderful person,we have discussed are emotions etc and I want to tell you please don't let this make you take a step back.Get him out of that is what you want or need to do.You deserve the best and must do what is right for you.You deserve to be treated like a queen because you are one Luna you have many people who care for you and value you for the wonderful person you are.
Hugs and lots of love being sent your way

You will be better off Luna.

It is his lost.

Hey Luna, Baby, you already know the answer and what you have to do. I once stayed in a relationship with a man for 4 years out of the 6 (unhappy). I felt I was doing it for the right reason which was my son, (who by the way is not his) but he helped me raise him from 2-8, so I used to use the child excuse alot, when emotionally, mentally, I was not capable of being happy in this relationship, I had to get out and I was the one feeling trapped, I never wanted sex, I hated coming home knowing he would be there, It was a matter of convenience to me, he paid all the bills at first, then we went to 1/2 and so I had a whole nother 1/2 of my check to spend on my son anything, and I had to realize my happiness meant more than the material objects I was able to obtain while being "trapped" with him. I absolutely hated him and stayed with him out of convenience, so maybe that is what he is experiencing, he know he can't keep switching his parole address and all of that, but he should be a man, as I was a woman and finally spoke up on the REAL. IF he sits and watches porn all night, but won't have sex with you- he's not feeling you (sorry, but I got to keep it real). Telling you as someone who has done the exact same thing. So, F him, kick his a** out and move on so you can be mentally stable for you and especially your children.
Kesha

I always do this, my mind is so one track, that I forget to say alot of stuff. But I also respect you ALOT for even getting on here being that honest with us, because we all know how it is to hear these unreal stories sometimes. So if you can be honest with us, you can be honest with yourself as well and I respect that 100%, nothing encourages me more than a honest person, so continue to be real and again, Kick his a** out. Are you laughing yet? I wish you would, at least smile. Life is too short for any of us to let a man steal our JOY.
Kesha

Luna Kesha is right. You are a great person and life is too short. Get rid of the garbage honey. I'll be praying for you.

Luna, I dont even know what to say...I have been looking for this thread and waiting to hear from you and how its going....I hate this is going this way. I just can't imagine how you feel...Girl he should be kissin your @$$ for all of the heartache and h*ll you have been through for him...especially with the landlord and the Christmas presents and all that.....JEEZE he needs to get off his high horse!!! Honey I hope you do what is right for you and your children and take care of yall...I know you will and you will be fine cause you are strong and you can do this...Keep us posted okay??? If you ever need me I am only a PM away!
~Katie

He sits up all night watching porn on the computer and spends all day sleeping.
This alone, is enough to drive a person crazy! You are a very caring, honest person, and I hate that he is treating you like this. :(

I hate it here now because it is not a nice place to live anymore.
I talked to the kids and told them that I was going to tell him to call his PO. They don't understand adult emotions.
I wanted to be loved so bad I would believe anything and now my kids are the ones that are going to be hurt the worse.
I understand exactly what you are saying, but the kids will be fine, if not better...they do not always understand our decisions, so as parents, we must decide what is best for our families. Please don't feel you have let them (kids) down. You have been an excellent mother! :)

He has a lot of growing up to do and I see him right back in jail. He is destroying whatever steps I have gained towards sanity and rebuilding my self esteem and he has to go. I am not going to let him take what I have left.
All the more reason to end it now. Do not sacrifice yourself for others, including your kids. Your kids need you, and you can't help them, or yourself, if you are destroying the steps you have made toward higher self esteem.

I know it will be extremely painful, but sounds like the pain is unbearable now. You have so much support...just look at all the posts! Don't look at it as "wasted" time, but as an eye opener for the future. Be strong! :thumbsup:

Lunachild
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I found your post very sad. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix everything for you.
I dare not even offer advice since I have, fortunately, no similar experience, but I can imagine how you must feel!
Everyone has said the most important part and that is take care of yourself and your kids first. You must be a strong person to have got this far so you will work it out. And you know PTO is always there to support you. My heart feels for you. Big Hug...wish I could do more

Luna,
I am so sorry that you are going through all this, but sweetie, you know what needs to be done! If you have already talked to him and he refuses to change, it's time for him to go..If he needs time to readjust to civilization, let him do it somewhere else, not there making you miserable.. Marcsbaby said it best.. " he should be kissing you *$$!! I can't even say that you should stay with him for the kids because it's best for them.. but I don't feel that is even right... If he's staying up watching porn, he is infiltrating your home with that trash and your kids may be exposed to it.. Whatever you do, we love you and we are here for you. God Bless You and stay strong!

Luna I have been following your posts for a long time. This is the most unhappy post I have ever heard from you. I am very sorry that this is turning into a nightmare for you. You went through hell and back for this man, and now it is time for him to go to hell! This is my opinion. Please feel better soon.

Luna, hon I am soooo sorry you are going through this. I too was shocked when I saw this thread, I so wish things could have worked out better. I know I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling, but just try to focus on your children and keep the faith that things will get better. I agree with the other ladies, kick his sorry a$$ out :mad: you deserve SO much better than this horrible treatment! Big ((((((hugs)))))) and we are all here for you! :grouphug:

Celene

So so sorry to hear this. He must have been quite the con artist because you are one bright lady...Someone will show up who deserves your love, his loss that it isn't him!

ugh! that's horrible- i don't know what to say except i'm sorry - and if he is going to treat you badly, you should just let him go - get rid of him - whatever you have to do! that totally sucks - but it will be better for YOU in the end and that is who is important here - YOU and your KIDS!

girlll...i feel like ur livin my life..except i ended my relationship

it's all u mentioned..my ex was so self-centered i did everything for this man u name it i did it and it was never good enough

he would fight with me everyday just fight fight fight i would always compromise and he would start another fight nothing was ever good enough

i couldnt take it anymore he didnt give me the time of day his boys got it all i got nothing and i stood by him for 2 yrs faithfully

it hurts knowin everything he said was prob a lie, he just did a complet change on me and became someone i never known he's not the man i knew before he went in he is titally different he has issues probablly more then issues

it hurts walking away it hurts so bad but its wut i had to do it was all about *him* and i had to do *me* i didnt want to i feel like i need this man but he treated me like a piece of s***

good luck ! its way difficult walking away, u get tempted because u feel weak without them but always remember u got a good heart, something he doesnt, u thought he did but he doesnt, u r the better person and u will get farther in life then he can ever dream off, pm me if u need me

girl, i am so sorry that you are going through this. i guess all home comings are not happy ones!! you have to do whats best for you and your kids. cause right now it seems like this is over. im just not understanding the porn thing, after 2yrs of being locked down, why would he look at porn when he's got you there?? thats just strange to me. he needs to leave if he dosent want to be there!! he should be worshiping the ground you walk on cause you have been there for him when he was down. you dont deserve this. you deserve someone who's going to love and appreciate you NOT use you. i say... field goal his sorry a**!! good luck to you.

Luna,

Try to look at the glass as half-full instead of half empty. You may be hurting and the kids will be hurt but you are taking action NOW instead of waiting for it to get worse. You have made a stand for you and the kids. Your home is probably still beautiful but it's had an "ugly" week. This will change when you get the leech out. You have learned from the time and hope you put into this relationship that you can be fooled and you will have this experience for reference when you meet somebody new.

I just hope he doesn't get afraid of losing his nifty little crash pad and start turning on the charm again. He may try to sweet talk you into letting him stay. Be strong and don't back down..you KNOW what he is.

Yep, the glass is half-full..don't let him empty it.

sorry hun that so sad i will keep you in my prayers :thumbsup:

I am sooooo sorry to hear about this! I hope that you do what is best for you and your kids!! I will keep you and your kids in my prayers!!!

Luna, i am so sorry......i ditto everything that has been said, you are an awesome woman, and bright...
i am really surprised he turned out like this..

but, really good riddens...from what you posted, tell him he has to go..

the place is under your name...i mean is there any reason you can't ask him to leave..

you deserve good healthy fun loving love...
the kids will be much better off without him as a role model....

anyone of us can be conned...some people are great at saying and doing all the right things...and, then snap the other, or perhaps real side of them comes out...either way...you can't be on that rollercoaster..

staying up all night watching porn and then sleeping all day...oh heck no!!!!
he sounds like he has an addiction..

a much better path will open for you!!
i am sorry you went through all of this!!
you know i am here for you
francis

Lunachild:

I am sorry that it is turning out this way.

I hope there is something positive that will come out of this. Maybe a lesson, maybe an experience that can bring strength and understanding in the future?

My life has been filled with mistakes...though I've never been in prison (OK, jail a couple times :o) or in love with a prisoner...sometimes I treat myself pretty badly. I criticize myself for the errors I have made even though they are done and nothing is going to change them. What I try to do today is to do the next right thing, not make the mistakes of the past again, and forgive myself and others for the lousy things that have happened.

I know today that there is lots of joy in the word. I hope that you and yours can experience some of it!

Merry Christmas!

Luna~
I'm so sorry that things arent' working out.It sounds like you are trying.And its' better for it to happen sooner than later because the longer he stays the more difficult it will be on your children.Your children are going to be upset and hurt but you know what children are resislent and they will get through this.I don't know how old your children are but in the long run in their hearts I know it's hurting them when they see you hurt and upset and they just want their mom yo be happy.Just stand your ground.Your a strong woman...I hope you and the kids have a great Christmas anyways,....:HUG: :HUG:

Luna I'm so sorry that he turned out to be such a jerk.. I always read your post and never would I have ever thought that this would have happened. You need to get this Man (boy) out of YOUR house!!! He played a game but he is the one that is going to lose!! I hope you know that you are a wonderful woman and he has no right to treat you this way. I would kick him out in a minute. he can find his own place to live. You need to not let him get to you, and break you down cause that is how they make it in the world is by walking all over people. I wish you the best. Your kids will make it thru all of this they would much rather see you happy then with such an a$$.

Luna,

I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.

You are too good hearted to be used like this. Woman pack his bags and send him hiking. If he cant see what a decent loving woman he had the chance to have in his life - then he never will.

You will be in my prayers and I hope all is well with you and kids soon.

You don't need the aggravation. You ran things while he was in, you can run things from here on out. One day you might meet a man, but I don't think he's it.

If he wants to sit around with porn, let him do it somewhere else. You were strong while he was in, and you still are. Stand tall and do what you know is right.

Porn watching freeloaders are easy to come by. Find someone who appreciates you, and have his PO help with his relocation.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Luna - Oh my god girl I am so sorry. You do not need to call his PO and help him find a place to live, you need to kick him @$$ to the curb. Pack his stuff and tell him to leave. If he refuses, call the police.

This man is disgusting and you shouldnt allow him to be in your house for a minute longer. I know the kids are going to be devestated, but they will bounce back. You have to do whats right for you. This is not healthy for him being here. Oh my god, he is such a looser.

I know you do not think you are strong, but you are an incredibly storng woman. You did it before by yourself, and you can do it again. I am here for you if you need to talk. Please pm me anytime! (((HUGS)))

As sorry as I am to hear you have gone through this, I am also proud to see a woman who is strong enough to walk away from a situation she feels she is "over" and in maturity -- BEYOND it. Atta girl, be strong, and do what is in your heart, keep listening to the intuition.

Luna ~ Just wanted to chime in again to let you know that I'm thinking of you, praying for you too. We are here for you. Please keep us posted.

Hugggz,
Patty

Luna, how are you since your post honey? I am so sorry to hear this. How hurtful!
You have given and if you truly feel he is being a jerk and it isn't just a re-adjustment "thing" then do what is best for you and your children. Life is short and do not suffer. Ask if he will go to counseling or something and if he refuses and puts for no effort, call the PO, pronto. I am so sad for you. I know this must be hard and it is everyone's nightmare of a situation.

You are a strong powerful woman who deserves only the best!:grouphug:

Ciao bella.

Luna,

I am so sorry that you are going thru this when you have supported him and given him your all. I know its going to be hard for the children but the quicker you do it the better. For he doesnt deserve the home that you have provided him with. He doesnt deserve to make love to you when he is not going to appreciate what you saved for him. I hope it all works out for the best.

Jillian

Luna:

You are too good for this man girl! Be strong honey and just know that is not LOVE. My prayers are with you & please know you are loved!!!

::besos::
Mari

Luna, I am sorry to hear how things are going for you. I have read through all of the posts and agree with them, mostly. This may not be a popular reponse, but I was thinking that maybe since he has only been back a week, that it is adjustment for all of you. Maybe he is having some problems, after being in prison for 2 yrs with being intimate with you and is watching the porn to try to do just that. I could be wrong, just an idea. Maybe he is angry with himself for being in this position in the first place and it is hard for a macho man to admit not being able to perform. He may be very afraid of that. It does not excuse his treating you poorly. Maybe the staying up all night and sleeping all day is more out of habit than avoidance. I say that because my son says that it has become easier to sleep during the day and stay up at night, to make it to another day since he has been in prison. Have you talked to him about your concerns? If not maybe you should try to. If you need someone there, then maybe you need to contact the PO to discuss the options. But all I can say is that whatever you do, make sure you do it because it is what you want long term and not just because you are upset right now. Because as everyone has said actions have consequences, even our own. So if you are not sure that you want it over for good, then tread carefully, because what you say or do could affect whether you get back together or not. What I mean by that is, if you need him to leave the house and get himself together before you can live under one roof again, then you need to say that and contact the PO together to find him somewhere else to go. If you don't care if you ever see him again, then kick him out and call his PO. Like I said my response may not be popular but it is another view point on the situation. I wish you and your children well and I don't believe that anyone deserves to be treated poorly. I also agree with what someone else said about kids learning from example and I know that your son could learn to disrepect you if he continues to see you being disrepected. You have a hard decision to make, but ultimately it is yours to make and as you can see you have alot of people who WILL back you up in whatever you decide. Take Care and God Bless!!!!!!:)
-Lisa

Luna how are you? I think about you all the time and hope you are ok!
I hope you come back here soon to let us know how things are and that you are ok! Love you girl

yeah, hello, luna? you out there hon?

Wow Luna, I'm so sorry things turned out this way.

I am sooooooooo sorry. I followed each of your ups and downs and always hoped for a good outcome. everything happens for a reason, I suppose.

I KNOW with every part of me, that you WILL find the strength to better yourself. GOOD LUCK!!! (((((((((HUGS))))))))