Well, I haven't posted much in PTO as I have found more comfort in reading how others cope. But I find now that I need to share my current experience and hope that others can offer some insight. My man has been home 14 days. We had a number of problems leading up to his incarceration, including a brief jail visit for me and the removal of our 2 kids. The good news is that in the last 13 months I got my girls back, got myself back on my feet and am as productive and sassy as I was when I first met him 6 years ago. The other good news is that I do believe that I still love my husband, and I have loyally supported him through this mess.

The bad news is....I don't trust him to "do whatever it takes baby." I know it's only been two weeks, but he is so emotionally draining on me right now. He does not want to accept our current situation (we cannot live together due to various custody issues - and I have been adament about he and I taking it slow). I really want him to get on his feet to prove to himself (and anyone else who cares to judge him - which is every one from his PO, my family and society in general) that he is a valuable person. The problem is that I am helping him in so many ways and yet he still complains about our situation and just grinds on me endlessly about how somehow I should've changed this situation before he got out. Nevermind that I wouldn't be in this situation if he hadn't gotten arrested. He calls me constantly at work; he pages me 10 times a day; he shows up at work at my lunch hour and when I walk out the building at the end of the day; he whines and whines and whines. I have done EVERYTHING for this man - including going to jail for him, accepting 1,000's in collect calls, sending quarterlly pkgs, letters and endless other BS, not to mention for bucks I have saved and given him in the last 2 weeks to get him housing and transportation. I want all that to end and us TO MOVE ON....him to grow up and be a big boy. Is that too much to ask?

I am on the verge of calling his PO and telling him that he needs counseling or half-way house treatment for emotional instability. I might go insane.

Someone either tell me it gets better or that I'm guilty of the felony stupidity that got him arrested in the first place.

Sorry to be a groaner....but I have been an ace of a prison wife for the past year (and previous to our marriage as well) that I am just plain tired. Thanks for letting me vent.

BunkyG9

Been there :mad: been there :mad: been there! :mad:
First of all (((((((hugs to you))))))))0 cuz' I'm sure you need one right now.

Second, it doesn't sound as if he has a job. So that means he does not have any means of supporting himself which means he can't get on his own feet and he is still going to be relying on YOU. He needs to find a job--anything that pays money! No matter if it is awful or tedious, he needs to have something to start "creating" his resume. By "creating" a resume I mean showing that he has been responsible enough to show up for a job on a regular basis. That is the #1 thing people are going to look for in a job applicant: can he/she show up every day? Only then do they start to look at other qualities the applicant might have.

Look for any job-services places in your area, either state sponsered or private. Also places that do day labor (you show up-they pay you at the end of the day). It may be awful, but it is a paycheck and a means of himself getting on his own two feet.

Good luck to both of you.

Sorry honey, I feel ya on sooo many levels. They have gained freedom we're still in prison. You love him, I can feel that regardless so you're not ready to throw in the proverbial towel so deal with it the best you can. Might I add that the holidays fast approaching do little if anything to get on our last monetary nerve. Try to find some peace. Sit him down and lay down YOUR law, you have the right to be really freakin' nice to me buddy considering all I've done for you, etc etc...

These are difficult times even in the best of situations. My man is for the most part a gem. It is I who goes a lil crazy now and then but I'm honest enough to admit it and he's strong enough to be my man (ode to sheryl crow) . I'm sure that where there is love rhyme and reason eventually follow so do your part And make damn sure he owns up to his end.

Happy Holidays to you and yours,
Patty