Well i am really trying to take this one day at a time, but this man of mine makes me so mad. He has gotten better at making me feel good and spending some time with me. It is a lot better than we he first came home.

What triggered this thread today is that i called my husband and asked him to call this girl and ask her if i could call her. Well the girl i am referring to is his so call baby momma. she wrote him a letter while he was in prison telling him that he is the father of her youngest child. the child is three. we met three years ago. she just now wants to threaten him by saying that she is going to put him on child support and things like that. Well the funny thing about the story is that she said the only way she will put him on child support is if he gets a DNA test. what kind of S**T is that. that makes is so obvious. she really don't know who the daddy is. i only wanted to call her to break the ice between me and her. she don't like me and it is for no reason. she tells him that she don't want any friends. i am not trying to be her friend, i am trying to make this an easy situation for the child. i know that if i had a child i would rather get along with the other woman than dislike her. but i guess that is just me being naive.

we have been married for nine months. he told me that baby issue is really not my business. i am hurt because he always just blow stuff off like it ain't nothing. he joking putting me on speakerphone and telling me to ask his cousin what the girl said. i don't have time for that, he is my husband and i want to be able to talk to him. but he want to play games and hang up in my face when i say take me off speakerphone. i am so confused. we have been so happy lately and everything has been going well, but it just make me so mad that he think i should not have a say so in things. this is our life now and everything that goes on does not just affect him, it also affects me.

my heart is hurting because i don't want to have to let him go behind this. this is something that can be resolve if he stop acting like a child and if he talks to this so called baby momma and let her know that i am not going anywhere, so she needs to stop acting stupid when she don't even know me. PTO what should i do? What am i up against? i thought i could take it, but now i don't know. i don't have kids, but i would do nothing more than love this child as if he was my own.

The matter of paternity can be resolved with a DNA test. He really needs to be the person that speaks directly with her. I wouldn't be pushing the issue of talking to her yourself it will probably just stir the pot up. In situations like these the adults need to keep the childs best interest at heart. I know the whole thing makes you uneasy that's natural but you have to be supportive, express your opinions to your man of course but in the end he's got to be the one to step up...

Best of luck to you,
Patty

First of all--the babys mom should have a DNA test, not your husband. She can get assistance to pay for the test. Sounds like the way she worded if she doesnt know who the babys father is. So if you arent sure if its his child---dont worry with her and her childish ways. When the test results are in and its his then worry with her. I wouldnt worry about her right now!!! As for your husband sit him down and talk with him about how important communication is.

Good luck
ONE

i do understand that he should be the one who should speak directly to her. but it is a crazy situation. he "says" he want to get a DNA test, but he don't want to be on child support. so if he gets one he is going to do it behind her back. if it is his and she finds out he got a DNA test then she will put child support on him. he don't have a job, and is afraid of going back to prison if he can't pay. but if it is not his, then everything is over. she is being hateful. he goes and see the child and even brought the child over so i could see him. but i don't want him to have to sneak the child over to see me that is crazy.


First of all--the babys mom should have a DNA test, not your husband. She can get assistance to pay for the test. Sounds like the way she worded if she doesnt know who the babys father is. So if you arent sure if its his child---dont worry with her and her childish ways. When the test results are in and its his then worry with her. I wouldnt worry about her right now!!! As for your husband sit him down and talk with him about how important communication is.

Good luck
ONE

Let me get this straight he wants a DNA test (they cost MONEY, by the way) and he is trying to get out of paying child support if infact the child is his? You are mad at the childs mother but I say your anger is misplaced. If this is his child he has an obligation to support him, end of story.

Patty

I think he should have some concern for your feelings and that you in turn should have some compasion for the mother. Regardless of how it happened it may very well have happened and there is a child involved here. You will have to learn to give the mother the respect she deserves if she is in fact the mother of your husbands child. It works better that way too, approach your man and just tell him you support him and have th respect for the baby's mother but that you need him to do what is needed to be sure, then go from there. But if everyone is acting dramatically I can gaurntee you it will play out like a soap oprea...hang in there its tough but take a breather and be prepared to deal with this. Come on you did time w/him you can be strong enough to endure this as well. Love ya Angie

maybe you understood me wrong or i stated something wrong. he wants to get a DNA so he will know. like i said, this child is three years old. the baby momma has been talking to his family all this time and never mentioned to him this is his child. they were even still friends. she said she say it is his child because her mother says the child looks like him.

i agree with you, he will pay child support, as well as emotional support. i believe in family. it is not that he don't want to pay, he just don't want to be in the system and if something happens where he can't pay, he won't return to prison. WE are going to take care of the child no doubt. i have already been shopping for the child. so he is going to take care of he that is a FACT. he also said that he can just take a DNA test once he is off parole. but, then it will be too late because the child will be attach and if it is not his then that will be hard on him and the child. so please believe, if the child is his, he will do more than pay child support because a check don't mean nothing if you still cant spend time with the child. he will be 100% involved in his child life if he plans to stay married to me. i don't believe in deadbeat dads. and what kind of woman am i to just let him neglect a child.

so i understand, i just don't want the mother to have problems with me when all of that is not necessary. everything i am doing is for the child and him. but if he thinks i don't have a say in things then i don't want to be around. he don't think i should be bothered by the issue because it ain't my business. maybe to some he is right, but to me he is not.


Let me get this straight he wants a DNA test (they cost MONEY, by the way) and he is trying to get out of paying child support if infact the child is his? You are mad at the childs mother but I say your anger is misplaced. If this is his child he has an obligation to support him, end of story.

Patty

It is definately your business. He should let you let the mother know that you support finding out if the child is his and respect her as the childs mother. I agree with you on that for sure. Love ya angie

Why does he have to wait until he is off parole, to do a DNA? I saw them, during visiting come right inot the prison and get it done. Waiting until he is off parole is going to make things all that much harder. I would get the DNA done and then start buying stuff. You'll get involved and it may not even be his and you'll have your heart broken.

Let me get this straight he wants a DNA test (they cost MONEY, by the way) and he is trying to get out of paying child support if infact the child is his? You are mad at the childs mother but I say your anger is misplaced. If this is his child he has an obligation to support him, end of story.

PattyI totally agree! If the child is his he should pay support. He sounds like the one with a problem, not the baby's mother. And I wouldn't want a man who didn't want to support his kids. He may turn around and do that to you one day. You need to talk to him.

First and foremost, it is your business. You and your husband are partners, and this situation also affects your life, your finances, your emotions, your schedule, etc., so he needs wake up and be grateful that you are trying to be supportive and not tripping on him over this. He is not thinking clearly on this- the DNA test, whether initiated by him, her or the court/child welfare, WILL cost money. They will require him to pay if she names him as a possible father whether he turns out ot be or not. (At least, that it way it works around here.) I never heard of a paternity suit causing anyone's parole to be revoked. He appears to be more concerned about being sent to jail if he turns out to be the father and fails to pay his support. That will happen regardless of whether or not he is on parole, so that is not a valid reason for delay. He is playing silly games instead of working out the problem, which is a bad sign. Sounds like the goofy crap my boyfriend would pull and then wind up back in jail again. He needs to be thinking about facing real life responsibly instead of trying to find ways to squeak through the back door. He seems to communicate all right with her- if he has brought the child around, the mother must have allowed him to take him, even though she didn't realize it would be around you. If they get along that well, he should be able to speak to her. It has been 3 years-why is she still jealous? Is there any chance he's stringing her along, hoping to convince her to hold of on the paternity test? Also, I know how difficult it can be for ex-inmates to find work, but how anxious is he to find a job? Is he just concerned that this will force him to be employed when he would just as soon not? You need to ask yourself some hard questions about him, because you sound like you have an excellent attitude towards all this, and I don't believe he appreciates it. The first step is to insist on the test- that way you will know your path. If it isn't his case closed- why endure all this drama for nothing? I think the previous posters are right- you sound like you are already getting attached to this child and it may break your heart. If it is, get the paperwork done and lay the ground rules. You are his wife, you will be there when the child visits, period. No need for childish sneaking around. He needs to maintain employment because he is a grown man. He owes it to himself, to you, and to the child if it is his. If he is making a sincere effort and something beyond his control happens, they will stretch out the payments. They are not waiting to clap him into jail if he is trying. That child is already 3- he deserves to know who his father is and doesn't need the so-called adults in his life acting younger than he is!!!

i agree with you, but it is so crazy around here. he will be getting the DNA test done. he is not going to let her know that he got it done, which is don't see why not. the child calls my husband daddy sometimes and he also call another man daddy. he really is looking for work. he actually already have a job line up which he will be starting the first week on january, which is in about two weeks. so he don't have a problem providing. he is already helping out with the child. i don't want others thinking he don't want to take care of his responsibilities, he is very affection when he is around the child. he just don't want to be tied to an agreement through the ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE, when he can do for the child. i don't think he is stringing the girl along. she knows of me, i have been around when they talk on the phone. but you can never tell, people can always have secret lives and others never know about it. but i don't feel as though he is leading her on, my heart says differently.

i spoke with his uncle on the situation, and he made a valid point. the problem is not the child's mother or the child. the problem is with us and with our communication. we need to work on us more before trying to fix a problem with someone else. and i totally agree with that.

you all have good points, i am just weighing my options. i am gonna stand by him, and we will make the right decisions together.


First and foremost, it is your business. You and your husband are partners, and this situation also affects your life, your finances, your emotions, your schedule, etc., so he needs wake up and be grateful that you are trying to be supportive and not tripping on him over this. He is not thinking clearly on this- the DNA test, whether initiated by him, her or the court/child welfare, WILL cost money. They will require him to pay if she names him as a possible father whether he turns out ot be or not. (At least, that it way it works around here.) I never heard of a paternity suit causing anyone's parole to be revoked. He appears to be more concerned about being sent to jail if he turns out to be the father and fails to pay his support. That will happen regardless of whether or not he is on parole, so that is not a valid reason for delay. He is playing silly games instead of working out the problem, which is a bad sign. Sounds like the goofy crap my boyfriend would pull and then wind up back in jail again. He needs to be thinking about facing real life responsibly instead of trying to find ways to squeak through the back door. He seems to communicate all right with her- if he has brought the child around, the mother must have allowed him to take him, even though she didn't realize it would be around you. If they get along that well, he should be able to speak to her. It has been 3 years-why is she still jealous? Is there any chance he's stringing her along, hoping to convince her to hold of on the paternity test? Also, I know how difficult it can be for ex-inmates to find work, but how anxious is he to find a job? Is he just concerned that this will force him to be employed when he would just as soon not? You need to ask yourself some hard questions about him, because you sound like you have an excellent attitude towards all this, and I don't believe he appreciates it. The first step is to insist on the test- that way you will know your path. If it isn't his case closed- why endure all this drama for nothing? I think the previous posters are right- you sound like you are already getting attached to this child and it may break your heart. If it is, get the paperwork done and lay the ground rules. You are his wife, you will be there when the child visits, period. No need for childish sneaking around. He needs to maintain employment because he is a grown man. He owes it to himself, to you, and to the child if it is his. If he is making a sincere effort and something beyond his control happens, they will stretch out the payments. They are not waiting to clap him into jail if he is trying. That child is already 3- he deserves to know who his father is and doesn't need the so-called adults in his life acting younger than he is!!!