Well as you all know, or should know, my man is now home! I was a wreck the last few days before his homecoming. I was stressing over the little things, and the what if's and the maybe nots. Well folks, none of that compares to what we have gone through these last few days.

this coming home thing is NO piece of cake. I don't know. He has changed, in so many ways. I love that man... but it is something that is keeping us from being as close as we were... I have yet to pinpoint just what!

For some reason, almost everything that he does ticks me off. And i'm sure vice versa. Things are just not the same. In a weird way. But we are still close as ever and are all cuddly with each other and still love each other. It's just weird.

Especially with him not having a car, and no license, and no job and being so far away from everyone that he knows. and it doesnt help that i work 12-15 hours a day, because when I am gone he is stuck. And when I come home I am so tired that all I can do is sleep. He doesnt like my attitude. Its not that I have a bad attitude on purpose, I don't know what it is.

It is hard for me to go in to detail because I'm not one to put OUR business out in the streets like that, but you can kind of catch my drift.

all i want to say is, best of luck to everyone whose loved one just came home or will be coming home. Go with your gut feeling. If something doesnt feel right, it probably isnt. :(
It is not worth killing yourself by stressing.

Awww MrsK, You are such a wonderful lady. I wish things were better for you. But he just got home. Maybe with time things will get better! Give it time.

Give things some time.....I hope things start to turn around for you! Thanks for the advice.

Mrs K...baby, like mrs Phil said...he just got here things can change. he is probably going thru alot of transitions that have nothing to do with you. he wants everything to be just perfect as well and as humans we all have these expectations that just cant possibly happen all at once even though we want them too. just give it a little bit. you BOTH have to do some adjuting. he needs to understand that. honey just take a deeeeeep breath and do lots of communicating. thiings will be ok. :) i am a pm away! ;) ~ash

Aww baby girl its okay!! Give it time he has only been home for 4 days and of corse he has a lot of adjusting to do! I believe that things will work out better!!!

If you need me sweetie just let me know!

Mrs K

From what I read on PTO, it's never a piece of cake after they are back home. I think you must give him some time to adjust, and also find the time to speak things over together.

(((HUGS)))

Phil

Give it some time and I'm SURE everything will be ok. I'm a little worried about this now too. My man is supposed to be home in less then a month and I've spent so much time missing him and wanting him home that I never really thought about how much things have changed in both of our lives since we were last together on the outs. We are both gonna have to do ALOT of adjusting, but I know everything will work because no matter what... we've still got love!!!!!! And love, that conquers all!!!!!! You will be fine, every time he starts to frustrate you, just remember that you love that man and name off the reasons why you love him in your head... that might make you feel better. That's what I've always done and it's helped me alot because my man sure does know how to push my buttons. Good luck to you and your family and may God bless you all!!!!!!:D

Honey, give it some time. He's getting used to being out again, and he just needs to get used to everything once more. You two just need to be patient with each other, but I'm sure ya'll will work. It's so obvious how much you two love each other (by what you've said)! :)

Keisha...
i wondered how you were doing babe.
Honestly all I have to say is, welcome to my world!!! LOL
Since my fiance has been home it has been a stuggle. The past week has been good, but only because I made him leave and get himself together and make some serious decisions. We are at each other's throats most days in the past. He also does not have his license (won't get it back until May) and lost his job about 2 months ago that he had when he first got out. His attitude plain out STINKS and he is so negative that I wanted to shake him silly most days. He dwells so much on the negative he doesn't even realize how much positive he has in his life.
It has NOT been even CLOSE to easy, in fact, it has been one of the most trying situations I have been through with him. I know if we can get through this that we will be together forever, but some days I honestly just want him to shut up and go away. Like I said, this week has been good, but he was gone for several days and I was honestly ready to tell him to stay gone until he could get a grip! We'll see how things go.

Hang in there sweetie. PM me anytime you need to and I'm going to send you my # since we live so close :)

Mrs K I do know how ya feel.The first few days Matt and I got irritated with each other but things have since improved and BELIEVE me I feel ya on the no car,no job,no license thing as well but those are things we are just tring to deal with the best we can.
I hope things improve sweetie! You deserve to be happy!
Love ya tons xoxo

Aww honey, give it time. Don't expect too much to soon. It could take a year or so to normalize. Sounds like you are stressing with responsibility. Give him chores around the house to do since he isn't working yet. Start out small.

I agree that things will change in time...Marc wont be home for another 3 years :( but I imagine there are going to be some major adjustments and growing pains...you have been so strong to make it this far I know you have the strength to see this one through....just give it some time sweetie and I am sure it will get better!!!!
~Katie

Hey Mrs K! Sorry to hear about things not going all that great..but I agree with everyone here..give it time. I hope he comes around soon. You really are such a wonderful lady and deserve the best. Hit me up if you need me! k? I will be praying for you and him! and you keep doing so.

Aww Keshia,
Honey I know how you feel. Speaking from current experience.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a lot of adjusting for the booth of you,
Keep in mind that he has not been home that long. I know all to well that especially when they have been down a while it takes some time, for them to stop treating people they come in to contact the same way the would inside.
Just as it takes time for us to adapt to not being alone, doing it on our own, and doing things are way. It can be very stressful when there not working and relying on you for everything. Even though we took care of them and us when they were in. It’s a little different felling when there physically around. Give you and him some time.
Love will prevail in Jesus name.
Blessings and I’m happy for your reunion.
Raechelle

Just remember to destress as much as possiable. I know right now you cant control a lot of the stressors, but just take some time to be by yourself.

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded! Reading your advice does help me keep things in perspective. I really appreciate it.

Keisha, Baby, you're preachin; to the choir on this one! I'm right there with ya girl!!
Lisa

Well as you all know, or should know, my man is now home! I was a wreck the last few days before his homecoming. I was stressing over the little things, and the what if's and the maybe nots. Well folks, none of that compares to what we have gone through these last few days.

this coming home thing is NO piece of cake. I don't know. He has changed, in so many ways. I love that man... but it is something that is keeping us from being as close as we were... I have yet to pinpoint just what!

For some reason, almost everything that he does ticks me off. And i'm sure vice versa. Things are just not the same. In a weird way. But we are still close as ever and are all cuddly with each other and still love each other. It's just weird.

Especially with him not having a car, and no license, and no job and being so far away from everyone that he knows. and it doesnt help that i work 12-15 hours a day, because when I am gone he is stuck. And when I come home I am so tired that all I can do is sleep. He doesnt like my attitude. Its not that I have a bad attitude on purpose, I don't know what it is.

It is hard for me to go in to detail because I'm not one to put OUR business out in the streets like that, but you can kind of catch my drift.

all i want to say is, best of luck to everyone whose loved one just came home or will be coming home. Go with your gut feeling. If something doesnt feel right, it probably isnt. :(
It is not worth killing yourself by stressing.

Keisha you need to get up out of my head and get back into your own :D

Girl this does not look good. Take it from a woman who knows... You and your honey need to COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!! I can't stress it enough. And you also need to know when to NOT communicate.

Bottom line: It is not worth killing yourself by stressing. :thumbsup: Daddy has upset me something crazy, but girl i am too blessed to be all stressed.

Mrs. K~ I am sorry things aren't going the way expected. They never do. Just keep having patience and everything will work out. I feel you on working all day and him not having a license, etc. etc. Same here. I had to talk to him about it. And it came to the conclusion that yeah when they get out they are so used to filling up there time that they feel they have to constantly be doing something. Just kind of let him know that it is ok to sit at home all day once in awhile. You have to take care of yourself. Give yourself time to relax after a hard days of work.

I also had to lose my attitude. But my attitude was the independant attitude. I had to realize that he was there to help too not just me doing everything for him like we were used to. It is rough but two strongs hearts will make it through it.

Good luck to you.
Salena

Your original post reminded me of when I first gave birth to my daughter. She could do nothing, completely helpless and the entire burden of caring for her and myself was on my shoulders. I didn't hate the baby or anything but I did feel a resentment that my life had changed so dramatically and that I was not "in control" of everything anymore. Maybe this is somewhat how you feel except

Try not to look at the "big picture", just take it one day at a time and this advice is for the both of you. I don't know the particulars of your life, but you mention that he is "stuck". Are you not in an area where public transportation is available? I'd encourage him to visit the library and get online to look for a job, have you introduced him to the Internet?

You're tired and stressed, I am sure he is stressing also. Just keep the lines of communication open...listen more than you talk. Good luck.

HEY HUN. YOU KNOW I AM LEARNING FROM WATCHING YOU AND C AND IT IS HELPING ME GET READY FOR WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME. IT LOOKS SO EASY WHEN YOU ARE ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN...BUT WHEN IT IS YOUR TIME...ITS A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL GAME AND REALITY SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE. YOU AND C NEED TO HAVE A GOOD SIT DOWN AND TALK. MISSONE IS RIGHT..COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. GO TO HIM AND TELL HIM WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE OF YOU BUT TELL HIM IN A WAY THAT WONT HURT HIS FEELINGS AND VICE VERSA. YOU ALREADY KNOW I PRAY EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST. WHATEVER HAPPENS I AM HERE FOR YOU AND WILL HELP YOU.

Keisha ~ I feel ya completely. I've posted alot about it so I won't bore everyone with the details yet again but suffice to say for us the first few days breezed by we were on cloud 9 but the stress of every day life, conditions of parole, etc. creeped in and smacked us in the face! Communication, patience and love have been key to seeing us through this difficult time. One day at a time...

Best of luck to you,
Patty

Hey Keisha, Girl give it to God and like Missone and Boo said communicate with him. If you don't feel you can talk it out write it down and give it to him. Most importantly PRAY. God will lead you. Love you girl, keep your head up and remember he's been without his freedom for a while and he needs to reacquaint himself with you and the world. Things will work out for the best no matter which way things turn. You know God predestined our lives and knows the outcome of every situation. God Bless you and your man Sweetie.


Shona`

Lemme add that your guy does not even have to be in prison for this to happen.

When I was married my man had to spend many months out of the country every year. I'd miss him like crazy while he first was gone, then I'd get used to it, and when he finally come home, I'd be like who IS this in my house???????

We went through that cycle I don't know how many times.

I think it's just natural to have a hard time when you suddenly go from NEVER being together to being together ALL THE TIME.

Thanks for the reality check, I hope it gets smoother...:)

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, Mrsk., because you're not. Bear in mind that while they are in jail, that is the focal point of everything. It is the obstacle keeping you apart, and that leads to the delusion that "if only they were out, everything would be O.K." Of course, it's not. No one's situation is ideal, and the prison experience just piles on its own set of challenges. They are dealing with readjusting to life outside, and you are readjusting to another person in your routine. They are frightened and frustrated, and not used to responsibility. You are used to your privacy, independence, and are feeling the let down from all the anticipation of an unrealistically romantic reunion. We think that it will be such a relief when they get out, and then we have to deal with job searches, parole officers, scheduling conflicts, SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION:mad: , etc. Every day I am more grateful for the halfway house system. I thought it was a pain in the ass (well, it was), but what a benefit. They eased him out of the prison routine, pressured him into finding a job, figuring out transportation, and got him used to reporting in and forking over his paycheck, and then delivered that delightfully reformed package to me!:) Yay! I would advise you to take it easy and do it one day at a time. You know you're glad he's not in jail, right? So focus on the good stuff. Workon things together. This is reality. He needs time to get used to the new situation, and so do you. You say you still feel the love, and that's good. I respect your reluctance to put your private business on the internet, so I have no idea of the specifics. The only word of caution I would give you is that if he was a drug addict and is showing signs of returning to his evil ways, be prepared. Been there and done that. Hope things are already better by the time you read this.

hey Mrs. K...you've bee given great advice...
and, you as well, have been doing your own thing..so there if mutual adjustment..

often married couples..they are so excited...but, when the finally live together...are shocked how difficult it can be...more so..because there expectations were so high..

i think that is what happens in our situations..

i am sure too, once he starts creating his life..he is going to be in a better mood, feel better about himself...

your hours are long too, so of course your going to be tired...and he is sitting home all day..that can get to a person..

it is a growing process...with G-d guiding you one day at a time!!!
you both are in my prayers!!
francis

Patty hit it right on the nail!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! That is exactly what my husband and I are going to do. I know it's a lot of adjusting that will take place with him as well as myself. However, if you can get through hanging in there while they are locked up, this too shall pass!! I wish you and yours the best, Keisha!!! :)



Keisha ~ I feel ya completely. I've posted alot about it so I won't bore everyone with the details yet again but suffice to say for us the first few days breezed by we were on cloud 9 but the stress of every day life, conditions of parole, etc. creeped in and smacked us in the face! Communication, patience and love have been key to seeing us through this difficult time. One day at a time...

Best of luck to you,
Patty

MrsK my prayers are with you. We spend all of this time wanting them to be home, we don't think about the reality of them being home. Like qwerty stated, it doesn't matter if they've been in prison or not, relationships are hard work. It is a constant give and take. Understanding that sometimes you give more than you take. It might be a good idea to write down all of the things you don't like and all of the things you do. Then break down the don't like list into things you can tolerate and things you absolutely cannot (those are the relationship breakers). He can do the same. I would pray about this before you do it and make sure that you are not full of emotion. You can each decide if the two of you are willing to work on the relationship breakers and determine if the good is worth the work. If it's all worth the work, then pray, communicate, pray, communicate, pray, communicate and pray some more. You said that you two are still closer than ever and still have a fire for each other. That is a good start. Having God in your relationship is the number one priority and ultimate success of it.

Stay faithful.

keisha i want an update on you!!

Hey Keisha!!!

After reading all of these responses I think you know where your answer lies! With the man upstairs!! As long as you communicate all will be well! I truley believe in that!

Let me know how you are!!!

MrsK:

Glad to hear your man's out! (So many never get out.)

Give each other room.

If you have a problem, come here to ask.

We are rooting for you both.

best

abner

I am sorry that things are not going the way that you planned. Give it some time and i am sure your love will see you thru happy and Together.


Jillian

...[snip]... They are dealing with readjusting to life outside, and you are readjusting to another person in your routine. They are frightened and frustrated, and not used to responsibility. You are used to your privacy, independence, and are feeling the let down from all the anticipation of an unrealistically romantic reunion. We think that it will be such a relief when they get out, and then we have to deal with job searches, parole officers, scheduling conflicts, SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION:mad: ....
I couldn't have said it better myself. I remember coming back from a long, hard day's work and my just-got-home-last-week-husband saying, "Oh, you shoulda have seen who was on Oprah today."

EXCUSE ME???:angry:

A lot of resentment builds up and you think "Damn, why am I busting my ass and you're still acting like you're locked up with no responsibilities?" To be fair to him, I grew quite aggravated very quickly...which I think is human nature. When you've been on your own, struggling to pay the bills, being there for that special phone call, dealing with the stress of having a spouse in jail, it's one thing....but if you're still doing it AND mean while there's a live, red-blooded healthy male sittin' on your couch watchin' Oprah STILL being a financial drain (parole, etc.) well, you kind of lose it. :( And don't think they don't know it, they realize you're pissed off and they react to that emotion. Gosh, it's hard....that happened YEARS ago and I've sinced remarried but I remember how mad, frustrated and hurt I was.

Be glad you still feel the love. Communication is the key. Without it, things go from bad to worse. There is still hope, so don't give up.