When you log onto PTO do you ever feel guilty that your loved one is home?

I do. It's one of the reasons I don't show up as often as I used to. When I read about the lonliness or the frustration or the fear... I don't know what to say. I'm afraid that anything I say will be misread as "rubbing it in" that he's home. That's the last thing I would ever want to do. I get the feeling that people think I don't understand anymore, and maybe I don't. But I do know that the months and months I spent as a prison wife were very real and very difficult and I have not forgotten what it was like.

My husband was granted an early release (which I thank God for), not because he really "deserved" it, but because the state of Alabama was so grossly overcrowded. He wasn't even supposed to come up for parole again until April 2005, yet was released in September 2003.

I love my husband and I love PTO. I just sort of feel torn...

Has anybody else ever felt this way?

My fiance has been home since June. I do not feel guilty at all because PTO is the reason I survived some very hard time while he was gone and I know that others who have loved ones coming home soon will be looking for others advice, information and experiences. And just because they are home does not mean things are perfect. My need for PTO is greater now than before at times. :) Not to mention I have developed many true friendships here and PTO gives me a lot of strength and inspiration every day!

mine is not home, but will be very soon. and let me say something, i live in the coming home forum and the "now that he is home" forum. i love hearing the stories of yall thats man is here, it helps me know what to expect. :) so ppppplease post your stories! we love it, and yes girl, you can still remember being a prison wife...who could forget!? ~ashtynn

PLEASE PLEASE, don't ever feel guilty because your loved one is home. My man does not go up for parole for at least another 3 years. And sure, sometimes when I read that someone is coming home I feel a little sad for me but know that I am so happy for any of you that can bring your loved one home. Phil and I will have our day one day. But enjoy every minute that you have your loved one home.

I felt like this when Ben came home and at the same time I wanted to share all of our news with eveyone here. No one understands our hurt like our family here and we are here for all with the good and bad. Now that Aaron is gone for 18 -40 years I feel happy for the other family whos loved one is coming home. Knowing one day my son will be coming home...

We are all so happy to hear one of our PTO family members loved one is home...My guy has a lot of years to go....nothing could make me happier than hearing of the success of others that are already home plus it gives us more dreams to create

I am so happy you posted this thread Danielle. Yes I have felt this way at times. And reading just what others are saying makes me feel better. I mainly post in this forum if I am posting something. I noticed latelly I have been staying away from some posts even though I have something to say. There are even some posts under the coming home forum or now that he is home forum that I don't post on because things are going so good for Phil and I. I don't want to brag and make it seem like it is all cake when they get home. It's not and we have had our problems but we work through them very quickly.

But yes I do feel like I shouldn't post at times. Again good thread:thumbsup:

I haven't been here but for about 4 or 5 months, but I'm sure I speak for many. Please don't stop posting. You were once in our shoes and I'm sure you have helped someone, if not many, through hard times. Yes, it's true, as someone else said, that I do get sad when I here someone's man is coming home or is home. I usually cry, but hey, I cry when I read a WHOLE LOT of posts. So please don't feel bad, because at the same time, I am so happy for you. I know how happy I will be when mine is home. I can understand that you may feel guilty but try not too. You were a shoulder for someone adn can still be. We need your happy-homecoming-stories so that we have something to look forward to, something to make us smile. Even if it is through someone else's life. We love all the support you can give, so please speak up when you have something to say. Oh, and good luck to you and your man!!!

Please try not to feel guilty.... All of you that have a loved one home can share with newcomers what you've been thru as well as share with the rest of us on what to look forward to... It gives us something to look forward to and it shares some of the potential problems when they come home....

Remember how in the beginning no one had had their loved one come home yet and when the first few did they disappeared from PTO? Some are still hanging around now and it's helped many people on PTO.....

Deb

When I was waiting for Sebastian to come home I ate up every word that I could find about others who had their men back with them. So now that I am one of those who are fortunate enough to have him here with me I share much and often. I don't think anyone thinks of it as bragging I think they appreciate a glimpse into what we are goint through, the good times, the bad times, the ordinary and extraordinary. I wish that everyone could have a great experience but I'm not gonna feel guilty, noone wants that from me or from you. We want to hear from you and even help if it's ever needed. We're here for you, trust that!

All the best all the time,
Patty

I do feel a little guilty, I must admit. I have also noticed that someone I used to talk with REGULARLY on PTO has totally fallen out of contact with me... ( YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...) and this person sent me an email stating that she was a little jealous, but I didn't think it would put a strain on a friendship. So, I choose to shy away from the all the forums I used to love to visit. I do feel like I'm rubbing it in so to speak. However, I will never leave PTO, you all have been my family and have helped me make it through the many, many lonely days. I am so thankful for PTO.

OK, let me tell you, as someone here who has a lifer inside, I have always loved reading and learning from those of you whose guys are out... i hope you don't feel bad about posting.

Sure, sometimes some of us with long stretches feel down seeing the happy-he's-home threads -- but I think that is more about us, not you.

But you also have to realize that just as often, someone's homecoming story will put a BIG old smile on our faces! We are all here to share happiness and sad times, all of it.

PTO is all about that sharing... so please don't hold back!

For those that feel guilty (even a little bit): The Now That Your Loved One Is Home forum wouldn't exist if this wasn't a part of the experience. I for one am grateful to all those that post about their homecomings and the little tidbits of their lives together in the free world and I would say that even if my man was still locked down. It is very helpful and inspiring, I truly believe that and I know I'm not alone. So please, please post, what you have to say can really be helpful to others.

Thanks,
Patty

Let me say please don't feel guilty, I have a little over three years to go till Matt is home, and i still LOVE hearing all the coming home stories.. right now I live thru others stories until mine is home.. it is awesome hearing all the stories and it reminds me that Matt will be home shortly and then I can join the he's coming home forum!! :)
so don't EVER feel bad.. I LOVE the post and pictures of those that have their men home....

Thanks so much for all of the responses!

I think a part of it stems from the fact that I felt a little jealous when others' loved ones came home before mine. I was happy for them, but still sad for my guy and me.

Heaven knows nothing has been really "easy." We've had our ups and downs and we had those before he went to prison, once he was there, and since he's been home. However, the worst down was the day he was shipped off to prison and nothing has ever compared to that moment.

I will stick around PTO - heck, I love this place! :) I just never wanted anything I said to be taken wrong.

Let me say that NO ONE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY for being happy! And- for having their loved one home with them...

and in turn, NO ONE SHOULD BE JEALOUS of that either, especially a friend!

I missed you danielle...and I personally enjoy reading what you all have to say, I come here quite often and have learned alot!

So Happy For you Danielle and all the ladies who have men that returned home!