:angry: Hi I haven't posted in awhile but things since he came home are really just starting to be too much for me to handle by myself. He's been home a little over 90 days now and things are getting awful, all we do is fight , he's been picked up for DWS and Habitual Violator two times and his idiot parole officer says he can't violate him because it's traffic one of those he's was picked up in another county and he didn't have premission to leave, he doesn't have a curfew so he's going out all the time with his boys, he's drinking because he says "that it won't show up when they ua him" and he's just being an asshole all around. I've told him to leave but he threatens to take our 8 month old with him mind you he was locked up when she was born and he left me out here with no place to go and I had to make a home for him to come home to . I've tried to talk to my po but she's just no help I called his and he's as much help as mine is . Now the really messed up thing is I take Ambien at night and it pretty much knocks me on my butt I have no memory of the 1st couple of hours after I take it . I've told him please don't touch me (we're not even sleeping in the same room haven't since a few weeks after he got out and I've told him sex is not an option) but what does he do like some kinda highschool guy waiting for the drunk girl at a party he waits until I take it and I'm asleep to have sex with me , he was pretty sneaky at first but then I started to notice things like my sleep pants were on inside out and things like that , just last night I told him I don't want to have sex with you when I'm awake please just touch me when I'm asleep and what's he do waits till I'm asleep, I've called him on this behavior I've told him it's bordering on rape weather I'm his wife or not and it scares me in a way because I have a 6 yr old and if does this to me knowing how I feel it just scares me. I just need some advice . Thanks for listening :) Tessa

it's supposed to say "please don't touch me when I'm asleep" sorry

I really don't know what to tell you.....you don't have anyone else that you can confide in and see if they can help you? Him having sex with you when you are not asleep isn't cool at all and if you are telling him no then it is rape. That is all there is to it. I understand it is hard for you to leave with him threatening you, but is there not anyway you can make him leave......you really need to tell someone that can help you. It sounds like this situation is only going to get worse. I wish I had more advice for you but I am at a loss right now. All I can say is try your best to get out of there or get him out!

It sounds like you have alot going on right now. The lack of respect is obvious and it's a shame that he has to have sex with someone who's incoherent because they won't let him touch them when they are awake. If your worried about your daughter get her to the doctor to be checked out. The most important thing is that you and your kids are safe. If you don't want him there, tell him to leave. If he dosen't, take it a step further and get a protection order and get him out that way. By you being stressed out, your kids will pick up on it quick. You need to be happy for yourself and them.

Having sex with someone who is passed out, regardless of your relationship, is rape. Clearly is is someone who cannot be supportive and loving, and cannot be a father to his daughter. I know it's hard, but you need to get away from his as soon as possible, for your safety and your childs. If this is what he's like after 90 days, he has the potential to be much worse over time. I wish you the best.

Quit taking Ambien. Fake as if you are asleep. If you notice that he is trying to have sex with you -- call the police and press charges.

You need to go to the nearest police station and file a protection order. What he is doing to you is RAPE!! There is no if's and's or but's about it. Get out now. Take your kids and let the police know what is happening. You can not continue to live like this, because if he is drinking and partying with his boys and you are knocked out cold then you are not going to know what is going on while you are sleeping. The kids could be in danger, heck he could be passing you to his friends for all that you know. Just please get out, get help from the police or go to the hospital. Something, anything!

Thats just terrible... What would make you believe he could take your daughter? Has he before or does he have a support system better then yours? Maybe its just talk.... I do agree with the other posted fake it or vidoe tape it or damn give him the sleeping pills!

Girl I am so sorry that you are going through this, I am sorry but your man sounds like a jerk, did he not learn anything after being away from his family? I am sorry to dog your husband but if you say no you dont want to have sex, him raping you when you take your pills is not right at all. Girl you need to find a way out of this, are there any type of homes for battered women out there for you to go to, he isn't gonna get better he will just get worse. If need someone to talk to feel free to email me. You will be in our prayers.

Thanks everyone so much for caring I knew I could trust you guys I'm going to have my mom take me to the police department I'll check in later on tonight ,Love you all , Tessa

What he is doing to you is rape. If you don't want to report it, and you have to take ambien at least put a lock on your door. At the least. Otherwise report him and get him out. Good luck

Forgot to say I am so sorry this whole situation in happening to you. I am sure you where hoping for the best when he got out.

First, get the protection order, then when he leaves, get the locks changed. If his PO and your PO won't help you, they have to have a supervisor -- keep going up the chain until you find someone who will listen and girl -- I'm telling you from experience -- that is rape and you need to file charges on him -- that will get him violated in a heart beat! Nothing is worth putting up with that. I'm not sure where you are, but call the local domestic violence shelter. He can't take your daughter -- he's just blowing smoke. Don't wait -- you don't want her raised by a stranger and if you aren't careful -- you will end up a murder statistic -- I don't want to scare you but that is exactly what is going to happen if you don't get out of there and do something!

Heya love I am so sorry to see your post. It had to be hard for you to put that out there for feed back. I can't imagine how you must feel having his child, being his wife sticking with him through all the being alone and other horrid things that come along with being an inmate's wife only to have this when he comes home. I am sure that you are disapointed, and wish that someone would intervene, but still a little ambivilant about what degree you feel is appropriate for you to seek legal interference because of all you have been through. What is even more screwed up is usually when we want the law to be on our side it usually fails us but is relentless to pursue us. Sweetie find the strength to get away from this guy either on your own or with the law. You might just pack up all your stuff and your babies and just leave re-locate while he is gone one day and let your po know ahead so your not introuble and that the info is not to be shared. I hope things work out for you and your children. If you need an ear or a set of eyes I am hear for you.
con amor
Rachel

Who is watching the kids when all this is going on? If you are out of it for that long of a period anything could happen to them. A stranger could take them or anything. I hope for everyones sake they are staying some place else while you are "sleeping".

I don't have any advice that you haven't already heard....I just wanted to say that I hope it all works out for you and the kids.
At the rate he's going it won't be long until he goes right back to jail. In the mean time get a restraining order against him....with those pills you take, what happens with the children if they wake up during the night? If you can't wake up when someone is violating you what is going to happen if one of the kids need you or the house catches on fire? Is there anyone who can stay with you or can you switch medication?

penwife

This is NO way to live. I hope you made it to the police station. If you don't do it for yourself do it for your daughter. Again, this is NO way to live. This makes me sad. I'm gonna be waiting to hear that you are okay...

Prayers sent your way honey,
Patty

Hi, tessa, you and I haven't talked in a while....but these women have all given you great advice. Be safe, and be strong for your children. And any sexual contact he initiates with you, that you do not want, is abusive--make no mistake about it.

He needs to be removed from the home until he can get himself together.

I'm not far from you at all, please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Hi again everybody just an update I just couldn't do the police department thing , his mother would just die if she knew what was going on . I did tell her all of the other stuff the threats and drinking she said he's not taking the baby anywhere. So I went to his po's boss and he will be gone in 24 hours if not sooner they are issusing a KDOC warrent on the traffic tickets because a violatioon is a violation and he'll be gone 90 at least . And he will not know that I went there they assured me of that and as messed up as they usually are this guy was awesome and just completly amazed that his po allowed this . As for the kids I only have the baby at home my older children 4 & 6 live with there dad on base I have them on weekends. The Ambiem is only on an as needed basis, for PTSD from childhood stuff . The baby does sleep through the night and really the Ambien helps me fall asleep pretty quick at that I have to be in bed before I take it the onset is 7-14 mins . After the first couple hours I'm easy to wake up and maybe it's just a mom thing but I've never not heard the baby EVER . Please don't think I'm a bad mom I'm not I've tried other meds either they are too strong or don't work . I can't not take something because of the PTSD it's just too much :) I'll check in with you all in the morning thank you so much :) Love tessa

Well I hope and pray for your sake and for the sleeping babies sake that it goes down as you say. I'm sorry but CHILDREN come first. I would have sex with someone all night long if it would keep my kids from knowing anything was wrong but TRUST THIS the minute the a**hole fell asleep I'd be all over gettin' him outta there. Honey you need some help, you hAve a strong level headed member in irisheyes66 real close to you, take her up on her offer to help you. I am really worried about where this is headed if he isn't out of there with a quickness!

Thinking of you,
Patty

Here are 2 sites that I hope can help.

http://www.kcsdv.org/
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/ksdv.shtml

Ok dear, I know it's hard to do, but allowing this to continue won't make it easier. My husband (now EX-husband) tried to rape me on 2 occasions. I was too humiliated to contact the police because I worked with them. I finally found the strength to call a hotline, and they helped me. I got an emergency order of protection to show the jerk I wasn't going to take it anymore. That was quite empowering.
Now, take a deep breath, and get your mind together. Don't bother with any more arguing--it's getting you nowhere. When he goes out with the boys, change the locks, and put his stuff outside. If he tries to break in, call the police. Or, threaten to charge him with rape. Tell him you "saved" the evidence. But, you have to stand your ground.
It takes alot of strength to do this, so you may not be up to it today. Or tomorrow. You will know when it's time.

Good luck, and keep us updated.

Sorry, I didn't read your post before I posted mine. But, still something to keep in mind if the PO doesn't come through as promised.

tessa:

Your loyalty is epic, and wonderful.

His loyalty to you is nonexistent.

Please leave him.

Let us know how it goes.

abner

It sounds like you need out. He wouldn't win if you took it to court to keep your child. You need to get away from him if he's making you feel like this. If it can't be worked out then you need to leave because that's not fair to you in any way! The having sex with you after you've taken Ambien is rape...if you say no (to a husband or otherwise) it means NO.

no it isn't borderline rape, it IS rape.

Oh Honey, I would never judge you in that way, or think that you are a bad mom....Your DR. prescribed you this medication because you need it. You should continue to use it as prescribed.......I was just worried about how it knocks you out.
I am very happy to hear that you went to the PO's boss.....now they can pick him up and you can get the peace you need and deserve. Take care and please don't think I was judging you!


penwife
Hi again everybody just an update I just couldn't do the police department thing , his mother would just die if she knew what was going on . I did tell her all of the other stuff the threats and drinking she said he's not taking the baby anywhere. So I went to his po's boss and he will be gone in 24 hours if not sooner they are issusing a KDOC warrent on the traffic tickets because a violatioon is a violation and he'll be gone 90 at least . And he will not know that I went there they assured me of that and as messed up as they usually are this guy was awesome and just completly amazed that his po allowed this . As for the kids I only have the baby at home my older children 4 & 6 live with there dad on base I have them on weekends. The Ambiem is only on an as needed basis, for PTSD from childhood stuff . The baby does sleep through the night and really the Ambien helps me fall asleep pretty quick at that I have to be in bed before I take it the onset is 7-14 mins . After the first couple hours I'm easy to wake up and maybe it's just a mom thing but I've never not heard the baby EVER . Please don't think I'm a bad mom I'm not I've tried other meds either they are too strong or don't work . I can't not take something because of the PTSD it's just too much :) I'll check in with you all in the morning thank you so much :) Love tessa