my doctor told me i needed a hysterectomy but he said he could put it off for awhile if i wanted to have a baby the prob is conjugal visits aint allowed in alabama.my question is seeing that im married to a inmate and no way i can wait for him to be released would they let him donate his sperm so doctors could inseminate me or would they let us try the natural way if it was doctor documented that i had to do it because of medical problems and cant wait for him to be released or would they say tough luck . i dont know if any one knows or can answer my question but im a little to embarrased to call the prison and ask them.

I am so sorry this situation. I think that you should get up the nerve and call! It seems like they should be able to work something out... Let us know how it goes! I'm praying for you!

I may be wrong about this, miner but...my doctor had told me once that if it is a medical condition or something..that the state can't deny you that right to have a child. He may have been wrong...who knows. I don't think it would be the "natural" (fun) way...I figure if it was possible...you would have to use artificial insemination (sp?). Like I said..I don't know how much truth there is to this...I'm just goin' by what my doctor told me (when I was goin' through all them tests to see what was wrong with me...). Hopefully someone who knows more about it will come along and answer your question (for sure)...but, if not...I would suggest calling the prison..or hey! Get your doctor to call and tell the warden (you know which one I'm talking about...the "good" one....LOL) and discuss it with him. Remember..no matter what...it doesn't hurt to "try"...okay? Keep us posted cause I'm curious to know if my doctor is right or not...and if he's not...I wanna tell him "thanks for gettin' my hopes up" (jk).

I'm sorry you're having to go through this though...I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers...okay? Keep your head up, hun!!!

(((huggs)))
Selena

Miner

I have some friends in the same situation back a few years ago. They also had documation from her doctor, which did them no good. She ended up hiring an lawyer, (susan James) and spent thousands of dollars with no success at all. In the end she went to another Doctor and had the surgery put off until her husband was released. They are now have a 1 1/2 year old, a 3 year old and one on the way. With all three she has had to have LOTS of bed rest but the two that are here are very health and she's doing great with the third one.

I would suggest you get a second opinion and see if there's a chance you could wait.

Good luck

DeniseJ

Yes get a second opinion. I was told to have a hysterectomy and I didn't want to. I had already had all the children I wanted so I didn't need my uterous. But when you have a hysterectomy you will never be the same. It changes many things...hormones and sex are just a couple. Doctors...mainly men...who diagnos this don't care. They just rip it out at will. What was the reason for this diagnosis? I don't know about getting a congical visit or anything but I would sure get a second opinion. I sure hope this works out for you. Don't give up! Good luck!

i was starting to wonder if anyone knew the answer to this one...allthough id love so much to say "yeah sure they will do whatever it takes to help you concieve" i cant cause i know that this law trumps that law and so forth.....in my mind theres just no way in the world that they are going to be obligated to help an inmate commit to the financial restraints of bringing a child in this world....and quite honestly if they did ALOT of taxpayers would rightfully be upset....if you think about it if they let one they have to let all....and i know the mentality of alot of inmates.....and so we let men donate their sperm to their wives, girlfriends or whoever and then what....what if the woman cant afford to take care of the child? the state has to cause they let it happen....i pray more than anything that YOU will find a way to do this (maybe you can be sneaky in some way not sure there ill be thinking)....but there is no way id (as a taxpayer) keep quiet if they were to let this happen all accross alabama, i just dont see it as a smart move for the MAJORITY of inmates

oh and btw, please dont listen to someone tell you that YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...thats just not true...i had one and im feeling GREAT. this choice saved my life, and im very thankful for my doctor (a dear friend as well) both her AND the oncologist tried several other treatments BEFORE jumping into the hysterectomy....please dont base your decision on such remarks that include the word never.....never is a pretty strong word and not very efficiant in this case.

no offense bubblebee just wanted to give her the other side....which there allways is one of

I had a complete hysterectomy at the age of 40. I was very unhappy and had to talk my doctor into it! After spending years on my couch, unable to even leave the house because I was ....well....lets just say 3 weeks out of every month was misery. I have no regrets, and the only drawback that I have experienced is dry skin, and a little more peach fuzz on the face. :)

Of course, I did already have my children...so that wasn't a problem. I wish you the best! Second opinions never hurt!

Kay

fire i didnt realize you were 40 yrs young! thats a great age to be and to have three kids to enjoy it with...BRAVO, young lady! btw, i have an ebook called the happy hysterectomy if youd like to take a look at it miner and also there is a place called hyster sisters out there that is a great source of info for anyone going through this...i think years ago before insurance companies had so much control that statement about them just yanking body parts out would have been close to accurate however we are now entering the year 2005 and with all the med malpractice lawsuits out there they really watch what they are doing these days....AND, if your doc is worth a hoot then the suggestion of having the hysterectomy should be immediately followed by the statement of "now im encouraging you to get a second opinion" ill keep you in my prayers!

Ragland....I was 40 years young about a million years ago! :) That is how old I was when I had my surgery. If I was 40 and lets see, Joey is 34....I must have been ????...nope..won't work!

:)
Kay

oh and btw, please dont listen to someone tell you that YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...thats just not true...i had one and im feeling GREAT. this choice saved my life, and im very thankful for my doctor (a dear friend as well) both her AND the oncologist tried several other treatments BEFORE jumping into the hysterectomy....please dont base your decision on such remarks that include the word never.....never is a pretty strong word and not very efficiant in this case.

no offense bubblebee just wanted to give her the other side....which there allways is one of
I have to agree. You can be the same. I had it done and it was the best thing for me. I needed some hormones for awhile but I am fine now.It only makes you feel less of a woman if you let it.

Before you do anything get a second opinion. I was told I had to have one and I'm 19, if I had had to have one that would have screwed things up for me big time. I went and got a second opinion and I don't need one, at least not as of right now, and I doubt I ever will. Before you talk to the prison get a second opinion because that's not something you want to mess with. Good luck, hon!

ive had a second opinion and both doctors came up with the same answer. i didnt tell the second doc anything i just went in as a new patient and both came to about the same conclusion.im only 28 years old and dont really want a hysterectomy but ive had the same problem for 5 years now and 3 surgerys to put off the hysterectomy and nothing has helped called prison and they said they was sorry for my situation but couldnt do nothing to help that the law wouldnt allow it.my hubby has said he aint worryied about having another kid as long as he has me and our 2 year old that hes happy and for me to get everything fixed so i guess thats what im going to do.wish me luck the surgery is going to be scheduled for next month.and the book that was mentioned yes i would like it

I guess what I was trying to say is that this is major surgery. Anytime you have things like this done there are risks. Just wanted her to be sure. I do know of a lot of people who do fine with it. Yes life can be normal for most but there are side affects from any surgery. If ovaries are romoved then thinning of the vaginal wall takes place, dryness,lower estrogen level which can cause ostoeperosis and brital bones over time if hormones supliments aren't taken. Then there are side effects from hormones. So I just wanted miner to know everything involved that's all. They wanted to perform one on me at 35 I said 'no'. I knew what was wrong but because of my age they wouldn't listen. I was in menopause at a very young age. I went to probably 8 different doctors and it wasn't until I was post menopausel that someone listen to me. I've been on hormones for 10 years I'm 48 now. There are side effects to hormones no matter which ones you take. I didn't take offense to any thing we are all here to help. I understand. I probably just didn't explain myself well. Seems evertime I turn around doctors want to yank something out of us....lol! I just wish that there was something else that would work for you miner. But you must do what's best for your health above all. And if this is it by all means do it. You have your son and your husband supports you. To bad he can't be with you through this. It must be very hard to deal with. Good for you getting a second opinion! Sometimes it is the only option. But not always.....that was my point. Good luck!

Miner I am so sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. I am here if you need to talk OK. God Bless you
Love
BRandi

Back to your original question about having a baby with a prisoner. I expect that each state is different. I can tell you how I arranged it here in Oregon. I consulted with a lawyer and put together an outline of all the constitutional laws that would support my right to have a child with my prisoner husband. I found a doctor who would go into the prison and collect my husband's sperm and freeze it (thereby eliminating any "security" concerns) and bring it out to his lab. (This was perhaps the most difficult part - finding a doctor who would do this.)

I then met with the warden of the prison (a maximum security penitentiary) in person and outlined my reasons for wanting to do it, how it would be arranged, that I would pay for the doctor's time and services, and included information which addressed the constitutional issues (we are married, it is part of our religious beliefs to have children, etc.) The warden then had to go to the governor and then granted permission. Then I had to pay the doctor to make six trips into the prison. This was about 18 years ago. We are the proud parents of a wonderful 15 year old boy. So - if you want to pursue it - go ahead. Just be organized about it and expect that they might say no. Especially in Alabama! But perhaps they'd say yes. Then, if they say no, you can consider whether you want to file something in Court. There have been a couple of court cases about prisoners and AI (artificial insemination) which have gone against the prisoner and wife - but they also weren't very well argued or constructed.

I would caution you strongly against following the suggestion in a previous post that you might be "sneaky" about smuggling out sperm. There are some federal prisoners who had guards smuggle in sperm kits to freeze sperm and then smuggled them back out. Another threw a tennis ball over the fence with the sperm inside. The prisoners AND their wives were prosecuted. Visits terminated. Now one wife can't even bring their child to visit.

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. Hope this information is helpful to you. Zelda

yeah that wasnt good advice i gave you to maybe be sneaky thats something you should reserve for the more seasoned sneaky folks like me...lol....

as far as the book goes, ill give it to you as a gift if youll pm me your address....I LIVE FOR HELPING FOLKS and you just gave me another good deed to do.....if you need to grill me about whats going to happen then let me know cause im fresh out of the hosp from it and all went great with me.....God bless you and your family