Ok Ladies I need your help. The feeling I have been having lately with my husband may not be right but I don't know. We have been fighting all day because all I want to do is spend time with him on our days off. But he feels that if I don't tell him that I want to he is going to make his own plans. And that it is my fault. Now I feel like I am just being selfish and wanting him all to myself. I don't want him to go to his Uncles house and play cards. Even if there is nothing that we can do I would just like to be home spending it with him.

He always tells me I can talk to him but the minute I do I am crying. Or he says Here we go again. To where I feel like I can't tell him. I think that myabe I am feeling like this is because I am pregnant and it is just my emotions but I don't know.

So my question to you ladies is Have you felt this way since your man has been home. Like he should be spending all his time with you and not having to tell him you want to spend time with him. Or am I just being selfish and silly? Even when I read this now I am thinking Salena you have issues. But how do I stop feeling like this and get over it.

Help ladies I don't want to fight with him. I love this man so much I hate making him mad. Please let me know what you think. I hope this makes since I am just sitting here crying not even knowing if I am making any sense.

I would love to spend more time with Sebastian and he would love to spend more time with me but with my job and his endless job search, the terms of his parole, everyday errands and such we do what we can. I do not resent his spending time with other friends and family because I think it's healthy and because I have a great group of girlfriends here in Rockford that I want to be with as well. We take great care to schedule anything we can during times we cannot be together anyways. That's how we are dealing with our particular circumstances.

I do not think you are being selfish although since Sebastian has been home I've felt selfish at times in other ways. I posted about that in the He's on his way over thread if you care to read it.

If I could make a suggestion. Sundays are a day where we always do dinner. I love to cook but even if you aren't up to it you could do coldcuts or precooked chicken from your local grocery. The point of Sunday dinner is to bring our family and friends together. On this day we spend time with each other as well as with the important people in our lives. It is a tradition worth considering.

Best of luck to you,
Patty

In our marriage, neither one of us makes plans by ourselves. We are a couple and we do everything together!!!

And trust me when he gets home.....he WILL be spending all of his time with me!!! And then with his family with me right there with him!!!

And honey, you are not being selfish...you waited for him didn't you? And you should expect nothing but the best in return!!!

I don't think your are being selfish. I think that your feelings should be considered first above all other things. You are his wife, and you are carrying his child.

Selena you are not being selfish. I think what your feeling is pretty normal. R and I have already discussed this as I know me well enough to know I will want him all to myself and that will not be possible. Take a deep breath, try not to cry and just open your heart to him and tell him what you are feeling. Marriage is about compromise and both partners working together. You need more time with him and he also needs to spend time with others. Open communication will help you both come to a happy medium.

Thank you ladies for your opinion and advice. We have in the mean time talked and are doing much better. I haven't been pregnant for 5 years and forget how it is. As does he. I really do think it is just my emotions because I am mad at myself for being mad at him for something so silly. I don't want to be all controlling and tell him he can't go do something with his Uncle. Who by the way is very nice and we get along great. I know we need time apart. I just really need to learn how to control my emotions. Again thank you ladie for all your advice and opinions they mean a lot to me.

I do not think you are being selfish AT ALL...:)
but I do not think you need to spend all your time with him and that he needs to spend all his free time with you. It is not healthy. Yes you waited for him - Yes, you are his wife, and you are having a baby, and Yes, you should be a no.1 priority - but for anyone to expect to spend 100% of their time with their man, is not being realistic. It is good to get away and have a life besides being with your man. I think so. But, in saying this, I do not think your feelings are wrong at all. What you feel is normal, Patty had a good idea. Maybe you can schedule time alone, for just you two, besides, family, work, friends, etc etc...I want to be with my husband all the time too, honestly...but he will be living with me, so in a way, I will....but we all need time seperated from our mate, I think.
Good Luck :)

It is normal to want to spend your free time with him, but it really is *healthy* to spend time apart. Let him be with family and friends (as long as they aren't terribly bad influences). He needs this. You need it too. I think most women (myself included) tend to be a little possessive when it comes to our men, but men *need* a sense of freedom. Especially a guy who's been locked up for a while.... Just my opinion.

Thank you again ladies! It has been since Sunday since I have been on. We have worked everything out. I know now I wasn't being selfish especially because I forgot to mention that he had gone to his Uncle's the day before. And I don't mind going with him it just tends to get alittle boring. He does it quiet often.

Either way we worked it out. We realized it had a lot to do with my emotions of being pregnant. And with him still thinking he has to fill up his time during the day. He was so used to in prison having to fill the day up with things to do - like playing cards- that that is what he thought he had to do. In the end we both apologized and reminded one another how much we mean to eachother. And have agreed we need to have better communication with out getting so upset so easily.

And as for us spending time apart from eachother. I do know that that is needed in a relationship and that is what made me so mad at myself that I was acting like that. We had spent 4 hours away from eachother the day before and it felt good to miss him again. That is why I know I was just being an emotional basket case that day:)

You ladies are great and thank you so much for being there for me.

Salena