and I don't really care! Yeah I know some of you are taking a deep breath right about now. I understand that. Now exhale and read...

The truth is it's a combination of things. I'm tired, haven't been feeling well (chest cold again). Depsite that I put in a long long week at work. I ordered his Christmas present which they tell me may or may not be sent on December 27th :angry: and I am giving up seeing one of my favorite local bands with a girlfriend in order to babysit for another friend tonight. Plans change, just adjust, relax Patty, breathe.

Sebastian is down about lack of job opportunities and his family is going through some tough times right now, really messed up medical stuff and things that noone can control and yes of course I sympathize and would do anything in my power to assist but they aren't the kind of problems just anyone can fix so we have to wait and see how they are played out.

I suppose one could easily argue that I'm being self-centered, selfish even. To some degree I would have to agree with that point. I am feeling down about the holidays. That never helps and I have a pile of work to do at the office, that's never fun. But it's my life and the way I keep a roof over my head/food on the table. etc.

Sebastian and I will be fine, shoot we are fine but well uhhh I guess my point is that it is hard for me to know how to FULLY support and encourage him. I know Sebastian as this happy go lucky never let em see you sweat kinda guy who now must deal with the real world hardships he is facing. I want to be there for him but last night on the phone he spilled all this family drama on me and I didn't feel right telling him that I had a long day and was tired and I slipped on the ice and my bad knee hurts and I guess a teeny tiny part of me resents that he has a life now.

Oh my God even as I type that I want to take it back but it's the truth. How selfish does that make me? I'm under a lot of stress and I want to make everything alright for him and me and our families and our friends and I wanna change the world and yeah I know this is sooooooo unrealistic but I can't help feeling the way I feel sometimes.

He'll be here soon and we'll talk and I'll tell him how I'm feeling and he'll say and do all the right things and follow through on any promises made cuz he's an honorable man and everything will stay okay.

Sorry folks I"m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me, infact I don't want that at all but this is what's goin' on this week and I try to keep it real and let you know that even in the perfect world known as Sebasitian and Patty's Place, it ain't all a bed of roses or if it's close hey I've run into a few thorns.

I am proud of myself I must say for being able to cut through all the bs and understand that these are just emotions I am going through and will work on them because I want to be a better person every day.

So I thank you all for listening/reading and as you know I'll be fine because he wouldn't have it any other way.

Your friend,
Patty

Nobody's life/relationship is a bed of roses. It would be boring anyway, wouldn't it ???

Just relax and take a deep breathe sweety, and of course everything will be ok. :)

((((HUGS))))

Phil

Thanks Phil ~ You're right of course I know that.

I Love you now come to Illinois so I can fix you dinner damnit,
Patty

Hey, you are going through a rough time and you have the right to feel the way you do. You stuck by him and I believe you will do that even now that he is home. And I bet is is grateful for verything you have done. Don't feel bad about writing this and sharing your feelings. Things will ge better. And all of your friends here will be here for you.

(((MrsPhil)))) you are one of the reasons I love PTO. I feel better just saying it and having you acknowledge me. It means alot.

Thank you,
Patty

From one "Patty" to another...;) Hang in there! They say that the majority of people get depressed and down from T-giving through until New Years. Just keep things simple.

That's good that you are going to talk to him. Pretty mature of you to hold your hard times from him until there was a better time to talk. Most of us, after he told you his family issues, would have, "Oh yeah? I can top that!" :)

Take one day at a time. That's the biggest thing I'm working on with myself right now. I can only do myself and I can only do today.

Take care Patty!
:heart: Patty

You are so NOT being selfish! Patty my guy has only been home 5 days and I'm tired,feeling some of what you feel.I think it is understandable and natural to feel like this at times.I know you and I know you two will be fine,you will get through it!

Patty ~ Thanks Ohio girl I know you are right, I'm just feeling blue tomorrow I'll feel another color, LOL. I appreciate your kindness. One day at a time sometimes seems like a HUGE undertaking but I'm working on it =) Thanks for responding...

Cali ~ You have an exhausting schedule I don't see how you do it. But I do recall those first few days as being whirlwind. I'm headed towards major meltdown if I'm not careful so CAUTIOUS needs to be my keyword for the next few days. I don't want to let anyone down...

Hugggz to both of you,
Patty

Awww, Patty, hang in there girl. No you werent being selfish at all. In fact you seen like the most caring and loving person that i have ever come across. We all have our low times, when were feeling tired and stressed. Hang in there and remember that we are all here foir you, just like you have been here for us in the past. :thumbsup:

TIS the season!!! Patti, anything we feel is magnified and multiplied a thousand times at this time of year. I am glad to see you giving yourself credit for what we feel, denying those feelings only make it worse in the long run...yeah, you and sebastion are and will be fine...as long as you keep your priorities right... ya know? you cant take care of anyone else if you dont take care of yourself....hang tuff!! better days are coming!!!

Patty, girl it is okay to feel those feelings. You have been so postive towards the rest of us helping us make our transition better, that it is an honor to have you come to us for help. Like the rest have already stated alot of it being due to holiday stress upon all the other stress that being out of prison and having to deal with life on lifes terms.
Just take a deep breathe and relax. You don't have to be super woman and fix everyone's problems(even though I know you will give it your best shot because that is who you are), but it is okay for you to feel like you do. You have been under alot of pressure and it is okay to slow it down. In fact you need to. Everything doesn't have to be done today.....Take what you can do for today and that is it. Tomorrow will look better. Love Jeanne.

Hey HotL, thanks for the *reality* moment... it's always good to stay honest with yourself. I know I would be having a major meltdown after all those high emotions.

And besides there is just a little sadness in the air for no particular reason -- I got it, a lot of us got it.

I think you just caught the "Who Cares?" bug, it's going around and it's highly contagious! Well, I have the "I Give Up" bug, it's a related strain... LOL So it's not your fault and it's not selfish... You'll be cured soon, I know. :)

Thanks ladies I know you are all right and I'm gonna get there in my own time. He and I are fine now I just have to figure out how to align the rest of the world. I've got my work cut out for me, huh?

I appreciate your kindness it means alot to me.

Hugggz all around,
Patty

I think sometime when you give a lot of yourself and keep giving and giving you have to pull back and give some to yourself.

It's not a bad thing its a necessary thing. Just breath and take a long hot bath - take care of your knee and clear your mind - it will get better

You are not being selfish, we all need ME time....and not every relationship is pefect and or easy...I think what you are feeling is part of normal everyday life...
Me, myself, I need to take time for me too, lately I have not been focused on how I feel at all. a long bath sounds nice right about now..((hugs))

Well, I am so freakin glad I am not the only one feeling like I just don't care. I had a million things to do today, but instead I said screw it. It didn't get up until around 1:00 pm, and then I decided to take a nice hot bath. I haven't done anything all day long. I was feeling guilty, but after reading your thread I don't. We all need a break sometimes. And it's ok to have some ME time every once in a while as well.

Thanks everybody. Sebastian and I are both feeling down and yes alot of it has to do with the holidays, still there are certain things out of control that are hard to cope with. The one saving grace is that he and I remain solid regardless. Thanks again for posting, I appreciate you all so much.

Love,
Patty

Hey Patty! You keep staying solid mami! (((((((BIG HUGGS)))))and you know you will get through this time. you are definitely not being selfish..but human! girl even when you are going through, you always got something wonderful to say to the rest of us! I pray that all the brightness and laughter you bring here will be poured out on you both. I'm keeping you and Sebastian in my prayers.

Awwww honey thank you so much. I feel you every single dingle day. I would not go on without my PTO family. I just keep tryin' to be a better person because I know in the end that is what will lead me to my destiny.

Thank u Marjory,
Patty

Patty ~ I am sorry I am just now reading this. I wish I would have read this before. I am so glad you and Sebastian are doing good now. We all knew you would. I love reading your posts because your relationship really relates to me and Phils. Sometimes opposite, sometimes the exact same. I am praying for you and for your strength for this holiday season.

Salena

You are soo correct Patty!! How you doin?

thanks again saLena and Marjory =)

We had a rough couple of days. This is a stressful time and I think that it is for many people. I said things to him that I didn't mean, he got angry, I cried, we both admitted we felt like the other was trying to push away and it was hurtful and scary, we argued that point until we laughed about it. We're definitely on the same page, in love and always keepin' it real. We just gotta keep puttin' in the work. He woke me up as usual this morning and called me 3 times while I was at work today to make sure I was feeling alright (everything came to a head last night). We're okay, better than okay. Thanks everybody for being here for me.

Hugggz,
Patty

All the right things have been said, and I know you got it all working!

I just want to say a big THANKS for sharing the "not so good part, yet the so real part" of EVERY relationship! You serve it up straight...sometimes with a twist! LOL!!!

coolchik~ I can only do what I know and this is how I do it. I feel blessed and it is really great that for the most part I can share with you how wonderful this relationship is and how in love with this man I am and he with me. Reality steps in and we are dealing with it, so important. I am on a mission to get happy and stay happy for the most part and to share the ups and downs with others. PTO has been a godsend for me and I WILL keep it real with y'all even when it's not so pretty.

Thanks honey I appreciate you,
Patty

Patty I'm very happy to hear that. It makes it better when yall are on the same page. well I guess you would have to be?! LOL! I'm just talking and dont even know what I'm saying. but for real, thanks for keeping it real! I wish you blessed days ahead!! :)

Patty...
hang in there darlin. You know that I am also going through a hard spell with my fiance right now. Things happen. And I do not think you are being selfish hun. You have been through a lot and the holidays are hard for a lot of people. Being in these situations, dealing with these emotions and our men's emotions, only intensify it all.

Know that you are totally right and entitled to your feelings and that everything will be ok.

Love,
PJ

I agree with Phil and shoot everyone else on here! Its okay to say "Hey its me time now!"

One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, that's how we're gonna stay strong together...

Thanks ladies I appreciate you,
Patty

WE APPRECIATE YOU, PATTY!! :D

Patty thank you for posting and keeping it real!
I have been having a few days like that with my Husband lately.

Talk about stress I did a little self inventory and I’m not doing so hot.
I try to keep it together for everyone else’s sake, and it is really taking its toll on me mentally and physically.
I love my Husband with all my heart, but some times I fell like it’s been all about him since he left, now he’s been home almost 6 months and this is going to sound real bad but I want to scream OK LETS GET OVER IT AND ON WITH LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry but that felt real good, and I wanted to say I admire your raw honesty.
Not everyone can give it like that.
Sebastian is a lucky man to have such a special lady like you.
Blessings

Raechelle

hugggz to you marjory as always!

Raechelle ~ Get it out, let it out!!! I'm glad that made you feel better even if for only a short time. I can completely relate to your statement on keepin' it together for everyone else. Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves and I don't even mean in a big way but just a little time to breathe would be a good thing. I promise to remind you if you promise to remind me! Deal?

BREATHE,
Patty

It is exhausting... Change, even when it is good, brings stress and it is exhausting. As far as being selfish, you have had some major life changes. And although we all want our guys home, you lose some of your independence by having them back. If you have kids, that complicates things as you have to deal with them, their changes, etc... I think as women we dream about how wonderful things will be when they get home; this helps us get through the separation - gives us a goal to work for. Sometimes in our dreams we drift from reality and our hopes can be unreasonable. No one lives like the Cleavers - that is why they are on t.v. We don't dream or think about ordinary days - having him snoring next to you keeping you awake because you haven't had to listen to it for xx years...leaving the toilet seat up, little things can really get under your skin. Major communication is what you need to do. He needs to know how you feel and vice versa. However, you must be prepared to listen to what you don't want to hear. You must be able to ask the questions that need asked and handle the answers you get. One of the reasons our reintegration went so well was because they understood that I would have everyone's best in my mind. We communicate much better than we did before, but are mature enough to handle the negative aspects. When he missed his buddies and didn't have anyone to hang with, I didn't get upset because he should be happy being with me now...

I do have a hard question for you - are you still "taking care of him"? I got in the habit of doing things for bus because he couldn't, he was in prison and I was always the one who had to take care of things and hold them together. I became a good rescuer. Thank God for Aftercare! I came to realize that I was not his mother - his companion. I can't fix everything and was releaved when he didn't expect me to. Was very relieved that he didn't want me to be his mother too. That has a negative impact on your relationship with him.. He has been out of prison for 5 years and we are still working on some of the little things.... Keep at it and take one day at a time. He also should realize you are not superwoman - unless you have the suit and the invisible airplane...

ugh here's my second attempt at a response, I think my server has had it with me LOL, all that typing for NOTHING...

I think I had a pretty good idea what to expect from Sebastian when he came home. The fact is he has been even better to me than promised. Three months later and much ado about the holidays (clearly I have related issues) and the reality of his joining me in the real world and all that that entails and I'm emotionally drained at times. He and I will be fine, I realize this and yet it has it's difficulties. One thing I'm certain of ~ I love him and he loves me and we want to do this good bad and all TOGETHER.

Wow you've had him home for 5 years!!!! How wonderful for the both of you. I'm sure you have been through alot together. I appreciate your insight. Thanks so much for sharing with us.

Best wishes,
Patty

I promise to remind you if you promise to remind me! Deal?


Deal Patty

Honey, hang in there and you two are gonna be just fine! I hope it is all getting better for you now! :D

GOOD LUCK!! I hope you're feeling better.

Patty, I have the most faith in ya ever!! I know you will get through. (((HUGS)))

Thanks everybody... things are definitely getting back on track, wanna know the secret? It's nothing new... COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP!!!! He knows I'm wore out and he appreciates that I do what I gotta do to keep it together.

Most of you know that I do a big Sunday dinner EVERY single dingle Sunday well tomorrow he's ordering pizza so I can just lounge and enjoy. He even offered to tell the family we needed to be alone but I told him let the family stop by if they want. I believe in Sundays, family, and Sebastian ANd me...

Thanks for putting up with me (him and YOU all )

Love,
Patty

I guess sometimes even in the land of perfect there are kinks to get through. It's all a part of a healthy relationship. I am glad you have moved pass the mess Patty.;)

Thanks MsAkbar!!!

Sunday's pizza dinner with his dad and cousins was a nice relaxing way to end the weekend. We've done alot of talking and are committed to making the attempt to get through the end of the year without the negativity. Pretty much this means accepting that there are certain things we cannot change, therefore it is better for us to focus on the positives so that we can have a happy holiday season together.

We both know we will continue to struggle with the day to day frustrations that parole provides us and I have to say that this past 4 months has flown by now if only the next 20 months will move as quickly he will be finished and that mess will be behind us. Still it is difficult for him, dare I say more difficult than doing time was? It's true and a couple of times he's mentioned just going back and finishing the time off. Of course there's just certain things I'm simply not havin'!!!

I realize that there are others with much more pressing concerns and for those of you dealing with trying times my thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks for being here.

Much Love,
Patty

Patty - I have read and heard from others that it would be much easier to max out than to do parole because it is such a pain. Just be supportive and hang in there. Don't take it personal that he would rather be back in doing the rest of his time maxing out than being with you. It's just stressful for him.

Have realistic expectations about the holidays and don't over-do it. I'm sure everyone wants to cram all the lost time into this holiday for the one's that are already gone, but you don't want to end up exhausted, spent and worn out. PLEASE PROMISE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, PATTY!

:heart: Patty

Thanks Ohiogirl Patty ~ I'm gonna do my best to see that there is balance in my life at this time so I hear you loud and clear. He'll be here in a little while so we can have our private celebration for his birthday, Sunday is the surprise party, I'm really looking forward to it. Now don't you worry all my best girlfriends have rallied to help with food and decorations so I won't over do it. I feel very supported.

Thank you,
Patty

Patty when my husband comes home he will be monitered as well for a couple of years too. How is it? Is it really difficult? Or is it more just a pain in the butt? I always wondered, well no I didn't not till you mentioned it. I will be just damn happy when he is out and we can do what we want within their rules?:(

MsAkbar mostly it's just a pain in the butt. It also depends alot on the parole agent involved and of course how the parolee handles his/herself. Sebastian was given 3 weekdays out each week for the first two weeks. Now he is able to leave the house every day but must be at home during the evening. True, we cannot just pick up and go to a movie in the evening, true we still have to follow rules that we don't care for. I'd do this forever if I had to. He is more frustrated by it than I am obviously but the bottom line is it beats prison hands down!!!

We gotta take it one day at a time you and your man will too...

All the best,
Patty

Come and fix ME dinner. Forget Phil. :) I'm closer!

I'm proud of you, too. It's hard to admit that kind of stuff, but once you figure it out, it makes things feel just a little bit easier. Holidays are stressful, especially for those of us who struggle with depression issues (going out on a limb and guessing you're like most of us ;)). Even if you have what you want, still, the season isn't always easy. Sometimes we expect too much, I think.

hugs,
shannon

ahhh depression issues you hit it on the head, clinical depression with a side order of agoraphobia and throw in those nasty panic attacks over here. Have worked hard to get it together over the years feeling good about that but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it's scary to think that I'm slipping backwards after all this time. I keep reminding myself that even "normal" people would be stressed in my situation. The good news is that I have the most wonderful, grateful, patient, kind and loving thug of a man in my corner....

Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate YOU,
Patty

Patty darling I will never forget something I read on a barroom blackboard, it said "Normal people are the ones you don't know well enough." My 84 year old mom and I are contemplating going down to Rockefeeler Center and lighting the tree on fire as a gesture of protest against a season when the main bells that are supposed to be ringing are the cash registers. But I digress. I think in 5 years, you guys will look back on whatever problems you have right now and laugh. Because life being what it is, it will have handed you a whole NEW set of problems...(laughs insanely) but you guys will just keep outfoxing 'em as they come along...love to you, sister, you spread a GREAT deal of good in this world.

Big hugs to you girl. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said by others. I know when I get my phone time it is worth all the hassle, I hope for you that just having a few moments to be held and maybe even be quietly together will do you a world of good.

By the way, what part of Illinois?

Thanks haswtch ~ I'll be watching the news for word of you and your mom's protest!!! I like the 5 yrs from now part, I've often said these are our good ol' days...

Milady ~ you are so right the few stolen moments make a huge difference. I'm in Rockford.

Thanks friends,
Patty

If you decided to live together would it be hard to get his address changed to yours? Is he on house arrest? Or are these things just a part of conditional release? So he is not able to spend any nights out? So many darn rules. I guess you guys just have to go to the movies during the day. It does beat being in prison though!

MsAkbar mostly it's just a pain in the butt. It also depends alot on the parole agent involved and of course how the parolee handles his/herself. Sebastian was given 3 weekdays out each week for the first two weeks. Now he is able to leave the house every day but must be at home during the evening. True, we cannot just pick up and go to a movie in the evening, true we still have to follow rules that we don't care for. I'd do this forever if I had to. He is more frustrated by it than I am obviously but the bottom line is it beats prison hands down!!!

We gotta take it one day at a time you and your man will too...

All the best,
Patty

hey hey patty!! just holla'n at ya for a second. I thought about yall today..made me smile! :) I hope all is good. so is his bday party is tomorrow right?

If you decided to live together would it be hard to get his address changed to yours? Is he on house arrest? Or are these things just a part of conditional release? So he is not able to spend any nights out? So many darn rules. I guess you guys just have to go to the movies during the day. It does beat being in prison though!


It probably wouldn't be a problem to get his parole changed to my house as he has been a good boy. Yes he is on house arrest and he wears an ankle bracelet. He is allowed out until 3 pm daily and at other times (he just left here) by special request, again this depends on the parole agent you are dealing with.

Kobe his party is on Sunday, thanks for asking I am shopped out and now I've got to put the party food together...

patty

as always good to hear things are well :)
Have a great party tomorrow!!!!!

OK woman we want to know how the party was? :)

The party was great they just left (conditions of parole stuff) . He loved the cards from all the PTO'ers , thanks so much. I will post more once I get the pics developed assuming they turn out, none of us is a photographer LOL...

He loved his surprise party,
Patty

Glad to hear it went well and he was surpised :)
Can't wait to see pics!!

aww..YAY! I'm glad his party went well too. I cant wait to see the pics either! :)