I know my brother does not get home until feb. but I am a little scared that he won't know how to adjust to being free after being locked up with no freedom for 2 years. I am scared that once he realizes he can do as he wants to that he might get wild and crazy. not in a bad way but those things like going out to the bar and stuff always lead him in the wrong direction. I don't know how to help him in the right direction. I just want him to focus on what is important and get his life back on the right track now that he will have a clean record. Does anyone else ever have these concerns? He tells me it is a different world behind bars and it is hard to adjust. i remember last time he got out, he had a hard time with everything from what time he woke up and went to bed to the things he ate. he just wanted to be back to his old self and went a little wild. i really want to help him prevent this again. he has never been away for this long so it is a very big concern for me.
Thanks for listening.
:confused:

I think we are all feeling the same way - how will our siblings adjust once they are out with all the obstacles in their way. Have you written to him and told him how you are feeling?

My younger brother spent about a year inside and went right back to his evil ways. I don't know how he's managed to avoid re-entry except that he got a P.O. that didn't care. I think if your brother's problems are at all related to substance abuse issues, he would benefit from attending AA or NA meetings regularly. He needs to learn new ways.

Your concern is a valid one.

You see, when you push down on a spring, and then suddenly let up, it NEVER just snaps back into place, it actually bounces MUCH higher for a while, and then calms down.

People are the same. When they are put under pressure, and that pressure is finally released, there maybe a period of time when they want to "let loose".

I know Sam did. He was in prison for 9 years, and when he got out, we hit a few bars, and we had some wild times.... however, he didn't do anything stupid. (Of course, I was there to "reel" him in, just in case!) LOL.

Good luck!

XStatikProcess - I like that analogy! :). (Was Sam on parole when he went to the bars?)

I did a 2 year bit myself, The first thing I did when I got home was be home by myself, ordered a pizza and took a bath. I ate the pizza IN the bath. I finally for the longest time had privacy. No on to watch my every move and got to relax in the hot water. Didn't even want my wife home while I did this.
I hadn't had a drink or lived the wild life for 4 or 5 years prior to incarceration so going out was never an issue. So I guess my pendulum swung way right after being way left for so long.
I can see XStatikprocess' scenerio in this. I guess the deal is keep it legal and safe what ever he does when he gets out. A bath for me was good clean fun at that time in my life.
The other part was just getting used to crowds. Didn't really like crowds too much. It was difficult my first day out on the way home to go to a store. Too many people and the stores had those darn cameras.

Thanks all of you. it makes me feel a lot better to get support. I plan to be there for him when he gets home, but he is so sneaky. I call him the Professional Con artist. He can get anyone to beleive anything. i think that is why he gets himself into trouble. he does not want to start from the bottom and work his way up he just wants to be at the top and it does not matter how he gets there. thats how he he gets himself into trouble.

Howdy,

I'm new to this site, but Im glad i found it. My brother started his term a year ago. It's ridiculous, they gave him 30 years for theft. I know he'll get less for good behavior. He really decided to turn his life around after his first month. He accepted God into his life and it really helped him. His friends and family all write him every week. I have another brother that we got to before he didn't anything really stupid. We sent him to a place in Galveston,TX called Seaborne Challenge Corps. It's a five month program that helps troubled teens finish high school before they decide to drop out. Kind of a military school. But now he is in the army, but every time he comes home he causin some kind of trouble again. I think prison is working better for my other brother caus' he never wants to go back. It's nice to meet some other people in my situation though.
God Bless,
littlesister24
P.S.-
Also when I write letters I add a stupid little puzzle I made up, or a madlib, just to make him laugh. I also add a scripture for him to look up to keep him looking in his Bible.

Hey all - I'm so glad I found this site. All of the recent posts sound just like me. My brother is currently at the Mineral Wells (Tx.) pre-parole facility on a two-year sentence. His current projected release date is 02/07/05 and I am SO nervous. Who knows though, he may not make it and may get a serve-all, which won't get him out for another year. But, I am very worried about his getting out - he was a meth head before going in and that's such a powerful thing, I worry he'll go right back to doing it. While he's been clean for the last year or so, the State has not provided any rehabilitative services to help him. They offer classes, but half the time the teachers don't even show up. The reality is, there is nothing we can do FOR them. It's all in their court once they get out. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Merry Christmas everybody.

littlesister24,- that is a good idea when you write your letters to add in a little something like that. we would write on the back of coloring pages and leave the other side blank so he could color, or we would write crazy things in every direction of the paper just to make it fun for him. i know he really enjoys it. It is the little things like that, that really seem to make a difference.
Merry Christmas and lets all keep our loved one close to us during this holiday season. close in our hearts. my family still has my brothers stocking hanging up and filled up. we are taking a picure of it and sending it to him that way he knows he is still a part of the christmas day. It is hard during the holiday but i know before we start opening gifs we all say a fav memeory or something to that sort of when my brother was there, we kinda do something special for him then we open our gifts and it helps us get through the holiday.

Welcome to the PTO Siblings Forum littlesister 24 and cbsister - so glad you found us- you will find lots of support here. Looking forward to reading more of your posts- helps so much to know we are not alone in dealing with this. Rick'sPooh - love your idea of making your brother feel part of Christmas by sending him a picture of his stocking and relating special memories of him :)

Hi, I know I don't write much here but I should; wanted to add what I could. I was locked away for almost 5 years, and I met a few hundred guys while in jail an prison who had those same ideas. Keep in mind, no one WANTS to do bad on purpose, but it happens. How do you change that? Is it even possible? Well, yeah it is possible.

I think that in order to change an inmate from what he used to do, there had to be a substitution. I don't believe that prison accomplishes what it is supposed to do simply by giving people time away from freedom...that is not enough to deter most people from doing wrong. I think prisons fail because they do not teach enough inmates something positive to substitute for the negative they were locked up for. But society also has to take some of that blame too. A guy can get a college degree while in prison, learn several trades and have every thought to do right when he gets out, but if no one will hire an EX-CON , then what is that guy supposed to do? Society expects inmates to come out of prison with wings and a halo, but it take a very special individual to come out of prison that way. I have not even mentioned what prisons themselves do to inmates in devaluing them by breaking constitutional laws over their heads. Prisons have failed in picking up these people, and society has failed in welcoming these people back into the fold. If those two groups fail, then the inmate will feel rejected and defeated. Nothing positive will come from that.

I have not forgotten that the inmate himself has much to do with this too. Not all the fault is to prisons and society. The inmate has to WANT to change, not just think about changing. The desire to change has to be strong in the inmate, or he will never change. I knew many inmates that did not want to change; they regretted only being caught. But I knew many that really wanted to change, but knew that they would never get that chance since they were now a felon. It is a very tricky issue to tackle, and each issue will be different with each inmate. How do you handle your situation? That first depends on what the inmate really wants. I mean, what he REALLY WANTS IN LIFE. It requires a soul search of one's self. Many inmates lost that ability because prisons and society have branded felons as absolute losers...that is not true. If you can convince your loved one that his life is not over, and his dreams can STILL be accomplished, even though he has strikes, then you have opened the door to hope. That is all you need, some hope. If a person is hopeless, it is near impossible to help him better himself....did you catch that...I said if a person is hopeless, it is NEAR impossible to help him. That means even in the worst of situations, there is still a chance. You have to believe that; he has to believe that. If he can, then you have already made the first step. That may well be the hardest step to make, but if made, makes all the other steps easier.

:angry: How angry I am that my brother is in prison. How angry I am that the other person involved in the very same crime got only a year because they had a better lawyer who actually seemed to give a s*** about THEM. My brother got seven years.

:confused: How much I think about his time in there. Wondering if he has been raped, beaten up, made to do things none of us want to think about. How much I think about him being angry at me and hating me since I am basically the one that started the ball rolling that landed him in there to begin with. How much guilt I have had to work through in going on with my life and being happy in my life knowing he was in there - probably suffering. What a s****y deal.

:( How sad that the choices in my brothers life have affected our family so dramatically. I have to remind myself of why he is there constantly. I have to remind myself of his choices and that I am not the one who made those choices so ultimately I am not the one that is responsible. How sad that his son (my nephew), who my parents have raised since seven months old (who is now 6 years old) will never know his father in the way I knew his father when growing up with him. He will never know or perhaps understand why he does not have parents of his own like his cousins - but rather a papa and a nana and of course Auntie. How sad it makes me to think of my brother being alone through each holiday and each birthday. Thinking I am sure that we don't care. Even when we all do. How sad it is that I can write a ten page letter with no problem - yet actually getting it in the mail is a daunting task - after all, I don't want to brag about my life. I just want him to feel a part still.

:blah: Also, who does he think he is to demand anything from us - and use guilt if we cannot afford to do the things for him that we want and that he wants. I would love to send him every book, every magazine subscription, pay off his medical/fines - but the bottom line is we just cannot. Hell, phone calls (and one call is never enough) are at least a hundred dollars a month (four calls at 15 minutes each). Sometimes I can only have him call once in a month, and sometimes not at all.............he doesnt understand that this is not rejection - but that my family out here and their needs have to come first. I have been married and had a baby since he has been in there. He was always supposed to play at my wedding when we grew up (he plays a beautiful piano) - but I cannot put myself - my life on hold. Sometimes I feel selfish. Sometimes I feel like if I don't write then I don't have to deal with it at all. But then I feel guilty for not writing. It's a vicious circle.

:cool: He gets out this summer! After 7 years ..........seven long years - he is finally getting out. I worry if he will get killed before he gets out........or for some odd reason get more time added onto his sentence. There is a small part of me that wonders if he will just do something stupid to stay in there. I am thousands of miles away and want to support him in his reentry to society - but am grasping at straws - I guess because I still see him as my little brother............but coloring and hugging him, and fixing him a cup of hot chocolate or making him mac and cheese just won't fix these boo-boo's. I don't know how to treat him. I don't know how to act. I don't know how to talk to him - because - truly - I DON"T KNOW HIM ANYMORE. I really don't. I am lost in the memories from our childhood and the past. I have him locked into a box that I don't know if he will ever allow himself to get out of. I am open minded and willing to love him no matter what - but what happens next I am afraid of - I don't even know if it is a good fear yet????!!!!

I am excited about his release. I am excited about his opportunity to live the rest of his life. I am his friend, I love him. I am his sister. Doesn't that mean anything to anyone?

Anyways enough of my ramblings - siblings are often the lost ones in these types of events I think......its like a death and I have been mourning for seven years...trying hard not to be lost here. 31 and feeling little.

Peace to all of you.
good2bemt

The inmate has to WANT to change, not just think about changing. The desire to change has to be strong in the inmate, or he will never change. I knew many inmates that did not want to change; they regretted only being caught. But I knew many that really wanted to change, but knew that they would never get that chance since they were now a felon. ... How do you handle your situation? That first depends on what the inmate really wants. I mean, what he REALLY WANTS IN LIFE. ... If a person is hopeless, it is near impossible to help him better himself......I said if a person is hopeless, it is NEAR impossible to help him. That means even in the worst of situations, there is still a chance. You have to believe that; he has to believe that. If he can, then you have already made the first step.
Once again Masonik4 you have provided so much insight and practical advice. I love reading your posts and I have learned so much from them. I do hope you will post often here.

Welcome to PTO good2bemt- I am so glad you found us - you will find lots of support here! I found so much in your post that reflected so much of what I am sure most of us are feeling and going through-
:( How sad that the choices in my brothers life have affected our family so dramatically. I have to remind myself of why he is there constantly. ... How sad it makes me to think of my brother being alone through each holiday and each birthday. : Sometimes I feel like if I don't write then I don't have to deal with it at all. But then I feel guilty for not writing. It's a vicious circle...
I am lost in the memories from our childhood and the past. .. siblings are often the lost ones in these types of events I think......its like a death and I have been mourning for seven years...good2bemt
I think each member of the sibling's family is affected in different ways but as you said siblings are 'the lost ones' and the memories from childhood come back to haunt us. And the feeling that by not writing you can escape the situation (although we know it's only temporary because of the guilt that occurs by not writing)...Please come back and post often- let us know what your plans are when your brother is released - and what his plans are.