Well.. It's been about 3 weeks since he came home. Sorry for not posting but my thoughts and emotins seem to change every day and it's confusing enough for me to just sort through.
Things aren't perfect... I'm not even sure things are close to good...
He got out and started hanging out with the same guys as before.. I understand that these have been his friends since he was younger but.. all they want to do is drink and party...
There have been plenty of promices made.. and broken...
It started as "Drinking almost made me lose you... I don't want to drink at all"
that lasted 2 days... then it was "I'll only drink when your around to moniter my drinking" another 2 days...
He doesn't drink near as much as he used to... but, still... He's on parole until 2007.. He is NOT supposed to be drinking, period.
I try to get to the point where I just don't care.. he's a big boy... he can make his own choices... if he gets in trouble again.. I'm OUT...
I don't understand why beer is so damned important to him...
The baby's due in about 8 weeks... and I feel miserable WAY more then I feel like I should.
I've tried talking to him about this and just get more useless promises.
I've told him the promises don't mean shit to me anymore.
I've pushed our wedding date back.
I'm freaking exhausted...

I am sorry you have to go through this and with being so far pregnant that has to suck-sorry you probably already new that... It doesnt sound like her cares that much... I would try leaving him or at least threatning because you dont want him around if he doesnt care do you? It seems as if he is putting lost of un-needed stress on you and the unborn baby! Well I know this is easier said then done but hey you can try it and see if he straighens up!! Good luck and try not to stress so much!

sweetie i am sorry you are going thru this. alcohol is a hard addiction to quit. i know first hand. but you are right, is beer more important than you and the baby and his parole getting revoked? maybe some counseling would help if he would og. communication is key and i know you are frustrated baby, but just hang in there and talk talk talk. listen to what he has to say. thoughts are with you, ashtynn

I'm sorry things are sooo hard! I know you probably had expectations of how his "homecoming" would be, and now it is like, back to the same old routine. I agree, talk,talk, talk and then talk some more! ;) I hope everything works out, but more than anything, I hope you and the baby do well! Keep us posted on how you are doing and especially when the baby comes! :thumbsup:

Hang in there sweetie.
I know what you are going through. In one of my other posts a couple weeks ago I said that this whole experience is like a day at Six Flags... you get off one roller coaster (them being incarcerated) and jump on another (them coming home). My fiance has been home for 5 months now and some days I want to shake him silly. Others are ok. And the alcohol is a big problem with him as well. But he is doing better now that I practically had a nervous breakdown on him one night!

I just wanted to tell you to be strong and that we're all here for you!
((((hugs))))

Stay strong but prepare yourself for the baby. Talking is good but if he isn't ready to settle down talking isn't going to get you anywhere. I went through this 10 years ago with my husband and we just got married a year ago. The beer and partying were always more important than us. I finally had enough and moved on until he could grow up on his own. If you need anything, you can p.m. because it is a tough time to go through basically alone.

((((Hugs))))

Desert he will not stop until he wants to, it is not your fault and not in your control. The best liars in the world are alcoholics and I do believe it is not with the intent to hurt, in fact the exact opposite. He knows he is hurting you and is trying to protect you by making promises he cannot keep. I had al-anon suggested to me, but it was not my kind of thing, maybe it will work for you. At any rate, understand that he is the only one who can control his addiction and that you cannot help or cure him. Try to detatch your self from his addiction and focus on you and the baby. I've been down this road for the last five years so if you need someone to talk to I am just a pm away.

desertangel!!

so, sorry....
everything has been said..
it is his addiction..which is bigger then anything..love, baby, you, relationship...addicts/alcoholics mean their promises, but, they can't keep them..they need 12-step, and/or therapy, new playmates and new playground...people who are clean and sober...

take care of yourself and your baby..
i know how stressful it is..mine just got out..and due to his addiction just went back..
it hurts and is hard loving someone addicted~!!!!
You have to focus on you and your baby!!!

i send my best hope and prayers to you all!!!
francis

I hope things get better soon... Please consider going to Al-Anon if you aren't already going... It will really help you to remain more peaceful and sane dealing with his addiction.... ((hugs))

Deb

Hi Desertangel,
Thanks for stopping in and letting us know what's going on. I'm sorry about how its going for you! I don't have any advice to give about dealing with an alcoholic, but I do know pregnancy ;), and I know that you need these last few months to be as stress free as possible. Focus on your baby, figure out how you will care for him/her by yourself if it comes to that, get a support system in place that you can count on, in case your man goes back (or is merely occupied elsewhere) tune in and enjoy the miracle that is taking place inside you... and then if you have time and energy left over, work on your relationship. If you have no time and energy now, remind yourself that there is always the future, for him, but your baby is growing now and needs you now and you will not get your time with the baby back. You have to give him/her the best start possible, and you don't want to look back on this time and say "my man caused me to lose out and not give my baby what I could have." If your man is mature he will support your focus on the baby, if not...well...

I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time at one of the most exciting times of your life. That sucks...I have lots of first hand knowledge about addiction and it does sound like he has an issue with alcohol.

Unfortunately, people only change if they realize and acknowledge that their is a problem and no matter how bad we want it or how much we try, they must do the work. God bless you and your baby-to-be...

I'm really sorry you're going through this, especially being pregnant. Take care of yourself and do what you need to make yourself comfortable. I hope he can take hold soon, of what's really important.

You don't understand why the beer is so important to him? It's this crazy lil thing called addiction. I've dealt with it, different substance of choice but that's not important. An addict is an addict is an addict. It's not something he is doing to you but more of a way to self-medicate. By no means am I excusing such behavior, shoot I'd be the LAST freakin' person to do that.

We can get better and some of us truly put it behind us, however we can't (as much as we want to) do it for you or for our parents or for the kids, etc. We have to do it for ourselves. Until we are ready there is virtually nothing you can do except to save yourselves from us.

I know a man who loved an addict. The addict over the years messed with his mind immensely. She loved him and he loved she but the illness was all consuming. I know this because she was me and I made an awful mess of things before I got the help I needed to overcome the addiction. In my case a diagnosis (hereditary, keep that in mind) of clinical depression and agoraphobia with a side order of panic attacks and some really good interventions saved my life if not my marriage. That was so long ago and yet it seems like only yesterday.

He has problems. They are his problems. You can choose to allow those problems to dictate the rest of your life or you can do what you need to do for yourself and your child.

I hope he will come to his senses and value himself enough to seek assistance. I fear it is the only way he will re-recognize you and your value and the way his life COULD be if he would only make the effort.

I wish you and yours peace, happiness, love and success.

Stay Strong,
Patty

Well... I'm spending another evening Richard-less... it was my choice tonight though. Before I got pregnant I was on meds to curb anxiety and depression, after I found out I was pregnant they took me off cold turkey... It hasn't been fun. I can tell when I falling into a "funk" ... so I told him to go out for a while. I'd rather not have people suffer along with me... It's just easier to be "alone" and deal sometimes...
I know that he's drinking though... *sigh*
I asked him not to drink too much when I dropped him off... we'll see how that goes.
Everything you ladies said made complete sense to me... It's just so hard to sit back and watch him slink back into his old ways... But, I do understand that it is his choice... and only HE can make changes.
It's easy for me to understand that because like many others I too have my demons to battle... I have been battling anorexia and bulimia for the last 12 years... People have told me to "just stop" ...People have told me that's it's going to kill me... People have tried to intervine... But in the end it's just me versus MY demon.... no matter how much I love someone I can't "just stop" for them... It's never that easy... I guess maybe this is what he's going through too. It sucks. It r e a l l y sucks.
I sit here and think about the upcoming months... I am so scared.. I have 2 sons that I'm already raising on my own... The thought of caring for a baby exhausts me... the thought of doing it alone... AGAIN... terrifies me. But I'm a woman.. so it will get done(and probably not be as bad as I'm expecting)
I honestly don't know where this entry is going.. I'm just rambling... :broken:

Well Ican only say that it looks like he is on his way back to prison, onlyhe can make the choice to stop the drinking and until he decides no more it won't matter what you say or do. he willdo what he wants.Iguess he didn't have enough of the prison life. maybe the best thing he could do is go back. cause it only gets wose from here. one then another one then another. only he can stop his addiction. no one else. go seek help maybe he will go. but do it now. the longer you wait the worse it is going to be. an you have a baby on the way. try being rude to the people that are helping his addictions tell them not to come over anymore, do whatever it takes. before it is to late. good luck to you

Everything I wanted to say to you everyone has already said. So I will not repeat. I mainly want to tell you I am praying for you and that this all works out for you in the end. You sound like a very strong woman with a good head on her shoulders. Stay strong and healthy for you and all your kids.

Salena