Have your siblings' friends and family stuck by them or are they quickly losing interest? Do you feel you are the only one they can count on ??

My brother gets all of the support from his family especially our mom and me, but his wife on the other hand has not bothered to write him in almost 3 months and you know the thing is, I wouldn't be so bothered by this, but when this all started with him and his wife getting into trouble, my brother was the only one who went to prison and sometimes I don't understand it, but then again I don't understand how is wife can just forget about him, and I am trying to help him by not talking about her, but then again, it has been at least that long since I last talked to her myself....

Your brother is lucky to have you and your Mom supporting him. I'm sorry his wife isn't writing - were they living together when he went to prison? Have you asked her why she isn't keeping in touch with him?

I dont talk to him at all, but my father writes to my brother several times A DAY, EVERYDAY. He writes down everything from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed, and sends him books and magazines every month.

justanothergirl- I hope your brother appreciates how much your father is doing. Has he written to you yet wondering why you aren't writing anymore?

no DLM, he has never written me. He is angry with me and never answered the letters I did write him, bday card, pics and such. But, thats had time to settle in, and now Im not mad about that, I just dont really care except about how he affects my parents. Its unfortunate, but over time I am more and more ok with our estrangement.

As my brothers time sentence went by some of my family seemed to have forgotten he was there. As if they were ashamed to even have him as a family member. It may be hard on them to know he is in there but it is even harder on him to know they no longer want to know him at all. I see it as their lose, family is family no matter what happens to one another. My brother keeps his head up and tries not to let them bother him. My mother, younger sister and I are the only ones that go see him reguraly now. The others always come up with an excuse. But I know if it was them in his place they would want others to come and see them.

babykat- You sound like such a strong, supportive and loving sister - I am glad your brother has someone like you he can depend on. Blessings to you both! Looking forward to reading more of your posts so I hope you drop by often :)

I am the oldest, so naturally it's expected of me to pick up the slack. I have 1 sister, and 3 brothers below me (the youngest is down). To my knowledge it has been my parents, as well as myself who visit and write "regularly". My sister has not seen him since his arrest in 03, and my brothers have seen him twice. He is 17 now, and has 23 years to go....It really bothers me that my siblings are not sensitive to this issue.

I live in Southern California, and brother is Northern California (Stockton). I will fly there on the 19th for a visit, and turn around and fly right back home. I know that as long as I do what I need to do to support my brother, I will feel okay.

KevinsSister- That is such a shame that it all seems to be resting on your shoulders -seems like that happens in a lot of families in a lot of different situations. Do your other brothers and sister at least write to him? You too sound like such a wonderful sister - I hope you have a good visit and I am looking forward to hearing about it!

My brother in law has pretty much been deserted by his family.. his brother and I (mostly me ;) ) write to him 3 times or more a week - His wife is a 2 face and hasnt contacted him in about 6 months or more - also has not given her new address so he can write to his kids, I used to have them write every weekend when i lived in the same state, but i no longer live thier so he has not recieved anything from his kids - his ex-girlfriend & baby mama has slipped off the face of this earth - his dad takes calls and sends money pierodically (spell?) - his aunt only visits when the father is in town... and hopefully he has plenty of pen pals ... but i try and keep him connected with his brother and our family - pictures and drawings, cards and letters, lyrics and games - he has a bunch of sisters but as far as i know none are in constant if any contact... He got 6 at 85% and has been in since May 2002 .... I love him like a best friend .... :rolleyes: :yes: :beer:

D

I Love my brother, I will support him till the day I die!!!!!:thumbsup:

Hi...I just wanted to add my 2 cents worth.

My brother has been in and out of jail since he was 18...during this time my family and I always supported him. My mother passed away in 2000...since then its been only me supporting him and standing by him...until last year. My brother met a wonderful lady named Donna...(i'm sure u will see posts from her on PTO also ) (sbg1969)). Donna has been a godsend to us all...especially to Thomas my brother. She has stood by him for the past year....waiting patiently and visiting him EVERY visiting day that he gets. She wont miss one! She supports him financially..and emotionally ..she loves him very much and he has needed someone like her in his life for a long time. I think it took this last stint in jail for him to realize how much he does love her and need her by his side.
Donna has taken so much off my shoulders....emotionally and physically. I always know on the days i cant see him...she WILL be there and when I dont have much money to send to him...she WILL find it and get it mailed. She has been a rock thru this all..and I know its been so hard for her. I praise her for her strength and for her caring, compassionate ways.
If it werent for her...I would still be doing this alone.
God Bless You Donna....your one in a million!

Thanks for listening y'all
Just my 2 cents :)

Dixee

Dixee & all,
Thanks so much Dixee for your friendship and support. It means more to me than I can say. I love Thomas so much and want to be there for him. Its so hard the waiting, wondering if they are okay.

Thomas has a little over 10 months to go and I hope and pray that he will not do anything to go back in.

Donna (sbg1969)

Donna- After reading Dixee's praises you sound like such a wonderful person! I am glad you are here on PTO too -it's such a great place for support. Thomas is a lucky person to have both you and Dixee helping him- looking forward to reading more:)

Hi, I am new to this site and found the subject that has bothered me the most. I am the only one that stood at my brother's side through all this. My family puts no effort into contacting him. His friends just assume he was dead. It's very sad. He is serving 5 years. But what angers me is that inmates with much worse offenses are getting lesser sentances because they had lawyers and family behind them. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT...that his family abandoned him. Why does our system work like this? 5 years for a non violent robbery is too much in my eyes for someone that had never broke the law before. Now, they just transferred him to a supermax facility because he got into a fight with a inmate for stealing his daughter's picture...and this man was in prison for raping a baby!!!! I understand that he can not fight...but SUPERMAX???? I read that they are putting people with forgery checks in this place to keep it open. He has no human contact...no nothing! He went from a 17 year old happy go lucky kid to a 20 year old man that is now talking of suicide. He is losing his mind in a place he doesn't belong. He has no one but me. He was/is my best friend...growing up, we looked out for each other. I don't know what I will do if something happens to him. It just frustrates me to the fullest. If you have read this and can relate.....please let me know. I would be more than willing to write someone's sibling as extra support. I would like to find supportive pen-pals for my brother as well. THX for letting me vent!

My lil brother was in a MO prison(Pacific) for over a year . He had the support of me , our other brother ,& our parents . He got out for about 6 months and violated (sp?) parole , Plus got another charge added to that . He stayed in County Jail for the last 7 months & just got his sentence of 6 years(not sure hoe much he will serve) 3 weeks ago . He is in Bonne Terre , MO now awaiting transfer . His girlfriend (partner in crime )has only wrote him once since he has been backin . It is all up to us to take his daughter for visits & let him talk to her on the phone . She refuses always giveing excuse as why she cant visit or atleast write him . Makes me so friggin mad at her

Welcome to the PTO Siblings Forum 4mylilbrother - you will find lots of support and information here and I am so glad you found us. There are a lot of people who can relate to how you are feeling- the feeling of total helplessness, thinking and wondering and worrying about them and what might be happening to them and knowing there is nothing we can do about it. I am so glad he has you to support him.You mentioned you would like to find Pen Pals for him- please visit the Pen Pal Forum. Let us know how he is getting on and come here and vent as often as you want- really helps knowing you are not alone!

StormyGal -Welcome to the PTO Siblings Forum! I am sorry to hear about your brother's lack of support from his girlfriend- thank goodness he has you to help him keep in contact with his daughter. Please keep up us posted on how he's doing.

I too am the sister of an inmate. My situation is difficult, compounded by the fact that my brother is in California prison while mom is in PA, sis in MD and myself in NY. None of us have seen him in 5 years. I am so glad I stumbled onto this site. I have been able to put the whole thing a little more in perspective. He is awaiting transfer to reception center as far as we know right now and I am terrified for him. On the crime continuem, he is really low level but serving any time in state prison is not a good thing. For the last 9 months he has been serving time in 2 different county jails in CA. I have been so angry with him for getting himself into this that it has only be recently that I have even begun writing to him. He had a solid middle class christian upbringing...I don't even recognize this person he has become. Anyway, PTO has come into my life and I am so grateful. I am looking forward to the support and caring you all show each other...NO ONE who doesn't have a sibling or child or significant other in the prison system can ever understand the devastation it creates in our lives...

Welcome to the Siblings Forum kjac95- so glad you found us:)! You will find lots of support and information here-it helps so much just knowing you aren't going through this alone and so many of us know how you are feeling. If you haven't already, check out the California forum. If I can help you with anything just ask or PM me about anything.

Hi all,

My son got 10 yrs at 85% with 2 yrs time servered. He is the only family that I have, except for one sister that has totally turned her back on both of us. Which I hope that she is happy.
So the only support of any kind lies on my shoulders which are getting very weak. He has been in since 2000. I have tryed to find him pen-pals but to no avail.
But I love son with all my heart. The day he went into Prison I feel that I did too.

Thanks
stormie (Norma)

4mylilbrother....she is not alone as claimed....for I write him everyday from 1000 miles away.....and I just broke the bank to get him a lawyer to get him just alittle justice...god bless my daughter for being in the same state and seeing her brother more than I can but 3 years ago I offered him to come with me and he said no....and since then this....now I break the bank and try to save him from torture......I tried tough love, they promised programs and delivered torture.....I now provide a lawyer and a great many prayers...hope for the best and thank God his sister is there to do the "walking" when I can't....but he is not ever forgotten....he is apart of me and no one will treat my children with any less respect than God himself.....my son is loved and supported if only from a distance and letters and a check book......and God bless my daughter for the support she has shown....I have great pride in my children and the togetherness that must of been instilled somewhere....hmmmm...I wonder where....I Love you my babies......always....mom

The only one supporting my brother now is our mother. I was always there for him untill he beat me up a few years ago in a drug-induced rage. Now, he is in a halfway house somewhere. I'm hoping that he can stay clean and FINALLY get his life together but I'm not holding my breath. He has been in and out of prison and treatment centers since the age of 14 and hes 37 now. So, heres hoping!

I don't get it sometimes. At one point my parents supported my brother at another they didn't. but it didn't matter to him because he knows that i'm his number one fan and that i will be the one behind him every step of the way. all he needs is one person to be behind him screw the rest...lucky me i'm the one.

I have a female biological sibling in jail and evryone in my family supports "her" but me. She committed the most heinous crime known to man (in my eyes) and she disgusts me. Her and her husband are both in prison for it. I haven't spoken to my family in almost a year because of this so I have no one (except my Vin). I live 15 minutes away from my family and haven't seen them. They chose their daughter/sister and it wasn't me.

I am so sorry that you feel that way for to turn away from your sibling is to turn away from yourself. My brother got caught up in a heinous crime but to stop loving him because the word murderer is attatched to his being would only serve to stop loving a part of myself. We as siblings have the strangest of all relationships, we've lived each others lives, we know one another as no one else will ever know us. We can't change who we are by ignoring it and denouncing it. The reasons that you are disgusted really has nothing to do with your sister at all but your inability to cope with what heinousness may live inside you. We are all capable of heinous acts but few of us have this proven to us in our mirrored genetic image. It is best to know this part of ourselves, embrace it for what it is and learn from it the best that we can. We look like them, we think like them, we are in so many ways replicas of them and it is very difficult to understand and accept those things that we do not wish to see within ourselves. Once you make your peace within yourself peace with your sister will follow suit. Good luck to you...Gretta

I havent been on here since March I believe...I moved back to Texas to get closer to my brother..I used to live in Oklahoma and it was hard trying to find time to come down here for just a 4 hour visit. It seems that I am the only that supports my brother now...we are a big family and the support chains have gotten shorter the longer he has been in there..all though our grandparents still write to him I feel that it should be my mom writing to him more than I have..She says she doesnt have time...Well I am a single mom now with a son who is 2 and a baby girl who is 10 months...I find the time. No matter what or how big the situation is you should always stand by your family. It is hard not being able to have him home with us and I have to send him pics of my babies just to know what they look like. I know that since I was in high school I was the one that my brother depended on for help or money and I was ALWAYS there. If it gets to where I am the only that writes to him..and that is getting closer as each day goes by...I know in my heart and gods eyes that I am doing the best I can and no matter what he went in for..he will always be my brother and I will always be there for him just as he has been for me.

I wouldn't say that his friends have lost interest but their not as supportive as I thought they would be as far as visiting goes, As for my family and I, we will ALWAYS stick by my brother's side 100 percent.

Grettashouse, I'm not sure I agree with everything you're saying but I agree that "Yes, everyone has the capability of being a murderer or a pedophile but there's something VERY different in a person who chooses to act on those feelings and someone who does not. We are not mirror images of our siblings, by saying that you remove all individuality from people. I have coped to the best of my ability with what her and her husband have done; however, I DO NOT have to accept my families nonchalant attitude and cavalier reactions to their crime. They think it's hilarious to be dysfunctional and I don't. I'm not the most normal person either; however, I have never sexually molested or raped a CHILD. Murder is a more acceptable crime. Just my opinion. This thread asked if the "sibling was getting support from family". I was simply stating "Yes, but not from me!" Thank you.

My mom and I are the only ones that write or send $. He has not heard from his friends since he's been in. That's because they weren't real friends, just drug buddies and they always abandon you when it gets rough. Then your left with family again b/c they love you no matter what. I am proud of all of you for sticking by your sib. I do have a family member that i also refuse to stand by b/c he molested a child. I must agree that it is worse than murder in my opinion and i can't get over my disgust. I am sure it's not a problem with me. It's a problem I have with that particular crime. Everyone is differant and what some can handle, others cannot. Let's not judge or fight. :grouphug:

Everyone is differant and what some can handle, others cannot. Let's not judge or fight. :grouphug:
Well said katy bea ! :thumbsup:

For me and my family we support my brother through the whole thing and we still are here for him. We will never turn are backs on him. We are a very close family and nothing will ever break us up. So to who ever does turn there backs on there loveones in prison did not love them very much and is also not careing person. Because to turn your back on someone who needs you the most is not very supported to there family.

I am the only one who writes...weekly...if not more. My parents send money. I've often wondered what he actually appreciates more. Various forms of support are a good thing, I guess. I just hate the fact that nobody can find the time to pick up a pen and spend thirty-seven friggin' cents.

My brother is in prison for a violent crime. He is serving time now for bank robbery, but when he was out the last time he murdered a family member. No one in the family had anything to do with him for eight years. I have always thought of him, and missed him. I finally wrote to him recently and he wrote back. The sad thing is I had to tell him our father died two years ago. Also I can't tell my sister I am writing to him because I so fear her being angry with me. That is why this group is so important to me. I have no one to talk to, except my husband, and I know he doesn't want to hear about prison all the time because it is depressing. Don't get me wrong, he has been very supportive of me, but enough is enough.

Atalie- I am sorry to hear about your brother but I am glad you found us as it is important to be able to talk to someone about what's happening with our siblings. I know too that husbands or even other family members just don't want to listen too much to what we are going through or what we have been through. They find it depressing and also can't really relate to it-only we know how painful this is.Hopefully in the future you will be able to confide in your sister but if not then just keep coming here.

:grouphug:

Atalie - Your words took my breath away, and brought tears to my eyes. Stay strong.

Hi everyone,,since my last post 2 of my uncels have come to my brothers help in support and being there over all. They are not his full blood uncles but they are there. And it ticks me off that family that isnt his blood family can be there for him but his own blood family cannot. As for my mother..she has fallen into that trap as well. But I am thankful that me and my sister and the few others can be there for my brother ...being in there is hard enough..but being in there with no family support is harder than anything. I just hope that they realize he is still family by the time he gets out. Family is family no matter what anyone does.

My brother gets tons of support~my mom is there for both mentally and financially, as well as my sister and I. I don't know about my dad right now, I think he's going through that "it's his own fault", stage. It really makes me mad, but sooner or later I'm sure he will come around.

I am really the only person my brother has. My mother was not approved to see my brother and my father does go and see him once in a while. My brother did have a girlfriend and she was there in the beginning about a year and a half ago and then she stopped writing and we have not heard from her in about 3 months. I have two children and a husband and work full time but I manage to visit him every other week, write once a week, pay for his packages and put money on his books. I am big sister and I fill like this is my duty but he has five more years to go. I hope to hang in there.:thumbsup:

My brother was arrested for drugs in January of this year, and was sentenced to 5 years in September. I am the oldest child and only girl. I have 4 brothers. My brother is the youngest and is 12 years younger than me. I live 500 miles away from my brother, and the rest of my family lives even farther.

I kept contact with my brother. Against the family's verbalized opinions, my husband and I paid for a private attorney. I sent money monthly, letters, and accepted his calls. I ordered magazine subscriptions and books for him as well. I appeared in court on his behalf.

For the rest of my family: My aunt and uncle did put him on their monthly newsletter, another brother sent 1 card in the past 10 months. My 79 year old mother slipped me some money twice to send to him unbeknownst to my dad. She has been fighting breast cancer, and my dad does not want her disturbed by all of this. I pushed my dad to buy my brother a subscription to a magazine, and I bought the holiday package of food, underwear etc for my brother. When I asked my parents to pay half, they did. No one else will initiate anything, or write to him. If I "guilt" them into it, they will respond. I try to get them to stay connected, no matter how small it is. His daughter wrote him a letter, and told him she would attend his funeral but that is about it.

I know they are disappointed in him, but I am disappointed in them. I write to him about 4-5 days a week, send pictures, and try to keep him advised of family. It has been expensive both financially and emotionally to remain involved in his life, but I could not live with myself if I turned my back. I've tried to live my whole life in a principled way, and I continue to follow through with those convictions even when it is difficult and/or unpopular with others. I believe that is what unconditional love and acceptance is all about. I do set limits and boundaries with my brother. I have expectations for his behavior. I also love him, and will help him take the next right step to turn his life around.

I am so glad I found this support group. I had felt very alone in this process. It helps to know others have the same struggles and family issues, but can stay the course: remaining strong in their beliefs and committed to the path they have chosen for maintaining a continued relationship with their fallen loved one.

Marilyn

Have your siblings' friends and family stuck by them or are they quickly losing interest? Do you feel you are the only one they can count on ??
Our family is dysfunctional to say the least. There are six siblings ranging in age from 47 yo to 32 yo. I am the middle kid and like most middle children - the peace maker. None of my other siblings have communicated to my brother since he has been incarcerated. And one contributed directly to him being there. I am angry at them for their lack of support and my sister for her role in his incarceration, but at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to splinter the family any further. I am lucky; I have my mom who is very supportive but elderly and I worry about burdening her with my fears. I am in Dallas, TX and he is in Prairie Correctional Facility in Appleton, MN. My sister-in-law has been incredible through out this entire ordeal and is currently raising his 3 boys from his first marriage and 2 toddlers from their union. I have sent her info on Prison Talk and pray to god she finds the time to sue the support offered here.

Marilyn-I've tried to live my whole life in a principled way, and I continue to follow through with those convictions even when it is difficult and/or unpopular with others. I believe that is what unconditional love and acceptance is all about. I do set limits and boundaries with my brother. I have expectations for his behavior. I also love him, and will help him take the next right step to turn his life around. Good for you! Your brother is really lucky having you there for him:) .


Micki -Welcome to the Siblings Forum! That's a shame that you are the only one of your siblings helping your brother in any way. Thank goodness you both have your sister-in-law's support.I really hope she does come here -it will help her knowing there are lots of others going through the same thing. I also know how you feel about not wanting to burden your mother-she must be going through so much turmoil:( .Keep us posted please.

Babykat, I am so glad to hear your uncle's are standing by your brother. I am sorry to hear your mom has had second thoughts. I am sure your brother thanks God for you and your sister, and your uncles.