Okay we all have to make compromises, I understand that. The thing is I've been pretty much able to make ALL my own decisions for some time now, a few years without fear of stepping on toes...

Here's the deal, THANKSGIVING. My sister (who was more like a mother to me, may they both RIP, Love you mama and Isabel) committed suicide on her 30th birthday (I was 14 and "idolized" her) which happened to be the night before Thanksgiving that year. Well lo and behold the date is the same this year (how does that why must that happen?) Clearly I have issues about this.

So fast forward to today, I mention to Sebastian that one of my close friends, they share Sunday dinners with us etc (he knows her and her husband) have invited us to dinner. I politely let her know that while we hadn 't discussed the day I was certain he would be tied up with family events. When I told him he says, " Oh Sherita and Tony, sounds nice we can go for a couple of hours". I understand that my kind and generous man WOULD do this for me. How do I make him understand that it is completely unnecessary? Ugh! So I told him well I don't want to interfere with whatever your mama has planned, she is cooking, right? He tells me she is and proceeds to tell me that while we can do that and my friends thing he was expecting me to make us a meal as well, (3 dinners now are you keeping up?). Okay so this doesn't even begin to broach the subject of my best friend who I would assume (and rightly so) expects we will spend the day together be it at her place or mine, sharing in the cooking duties, we haven't discussed this it needs no discussion.

I am feeling pulled in uh 4 (I think) directions. I don't mind doing the cooking or not. I don't mind visiting or not. What I mind is that this is a difficult time of the year for me and probably always will be. How do I turn it around? Any comments, questions, ideas are welcome... As for how we will spend Thanksgiving, I have decided to discuss the matter at length with him on our Saturday together. I could do it over the phone or during a quick lunch when I have to get back to work fast but I think Saturday face to face at home with time to spare is more appropriate...

Talk to me friends,
Patty

Umm, I'm going to give this a try. Emotionally I know it will be hard for you, because this will be my first holiday without my mother. Waiting and talking this out on saturday sounds like the best idea. When he realizes how you feel, he will want to do what is best for you. How about spending time between his moms and your best friends and while your in both places whip up a little extra for your private little Thanksgiving at home?

(((9huggsssss))))... it must be a very very painful time for u..but think about it "thanksgiving"..try to look at it positively, and be thankfull for wut u have now..him,ur great friends etc...i know it is easier said then done..but talk to him on saturday..i think face to face is the best..maybe not the easiest at times but the best..
as for ur plans..3/4 dinner thats alot !..talk it over with him and i'm sure maybe he will even have an idea how to work this all out..i'm sure he'll do wutever to make u happy..best of luck !

First off Patty- I am sorry that you have to go through this kind of pain on Thanksgiving.

Second- I agree with schnuckums: It is Thanksgiving and try to stay positive. You sound as if you have a wonderful boyfriend who adores you. He seems to be a guy who will do what he has to to make you happy. And very understanding. Talk with him on Saturday and I am sure this will all work out for you. Maybe even ask him if on your Saturday together after Thanksgiving you can cook for him. And you guys can have your Thanksgiving together then. Just a thought.

Good Luck Sweetie!

Salena

Patty, It is like you have told us many a times, turn into a positive reason. I lost my uncle who was like a dad to me three years ago, and he was buried two days before thanksgiving, I lost my grandmother last month, and Herb is in prison.

The way I see it your Aunt would want you to have the best day in the world since your man is home. She would also want your emotional support to come from Sebastain. Which once you sit and talk to him saturday and he will be there more than ever emotional for you. I know this is a hard time for you right now. But you have a very strong faith and a very strong man who is right there for you.
See I took your advice that you told me a long time ago, and I have a flight reservation and am flying out to spend thanksgiving with Herb. Also Monday is our anniversary(nov29th) and I know my granny is sitting up there in Heaven just smiling down on me because of what I am doing, just as your Aunt is you. Love Jeanne

****************************{Patty}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}why not tell him exactly what you just told us? how you're feeling, why, the whole 9? he's a grownup:) I think his first thought will be to help you have the easiest time possible with this.
having a man like that in your life, now THERE'S something to be thankful for!
love ya

(((Patty))) So sorry, what a sad way to loose some one you love. I know she will be with you this year, think of how happy she must be to see you with someone who you love and who loves you so much. I know you will talk with Sebastian, that goes with out saying, but your sister is still listening and watching over you too and I know she is happy for you.

Thanks everybody you all make perfect sense. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that I want the holidays to be wonderful for him and I know he wants the same for me. My fear is that we're running the risk of doing what the other one wants and if we keep on doing that perhaps a sense of resentment will set in? I don't feel that way at all at this time but I tend to over analyze things and so my mind has run "there". I don't want to resent or be resentful. If the truth be known I have Wednesday and Thursday off and wouldn't mind just being left alone but I know in my heart that is not an option. I will follow through and talk to him on Saturday. Thanks again for listening and responding :grouphug: I'll keep you posted.

Thanks,
Patty

like how many times have you told us, communication...no, I don't think you have a hope in He## of being left alone

Okay so here's the update: We talked about this on Saturday. He was kind and understanding as always. We have decided to politely decline all invitations although the door has been left open for us to drop in even if only for a short time at the homes of our friends and family. We are gonna just see how the day goes.

We are having a non-traditional dinner at home together. I picked up some gorgeous New York steaks and a bunch of other goodies. I think I'll make him his favorite banana pudding, a huge one so he can take it home and share with the family.

I'm still down because all my family is in California and because of my sister's death even after all these years is such a fresh memory to me but I know that in the end everything will work out.

Thanks again to everyone that responded, I really appreciate it and hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Much Love,
Patty

Xmas was difficult to me the first year after my son's death. (he was born on Xmas eve). The next Xmas I decided I was NOT going to have another miserable Xmas--ever! I stayed very busy, bought lots of gifts, played lots of xmas music, and guess what, I had a good xmas. I think we can miss our loved ones and still enjoy holidays. I think I felt like I was suppose to be sad that first year, so I wouldn't appear uncaring. I was truly devastated. Living is a challenge, God wants me to be happy, Satan wants me to be sad...I refuse to let Satan win. Enjoying your holidays does not diminish the love you have for a loved one who is no longer with you...So ENJOY! And if you just MUST continue grieving...choose to grieve on another day...maybe August 3 could be your designated grieving day...try that, it might help..
Happy Holidays Everyone.....Pipkin

What an interesting idea, a designated grieving day and August 3rd is usually hot and muggy anyways, the perfect day to get it all out! I know that I have to just pull myself together and get through it and I will because that's my way. I do so appreciate that you shared with us, I'm sorry for the loss of your son. Thanks for your kindness and for the idea.

Hugggz,
Patty

(((Patty))) Sebastian is such a beautiful match for you!! He's always so supportive & understand. He's a jewel. TWO Jewels attracted each other hmmm...Please have a blessed and joyful Thanksgiving. Love Ya ;) (((Pipkin))) thank you for sharing your story, that's a lovely way of getting by :thumbsup: I pray your holidays are joyous too. Sabrena

Thanks Sabrena ~ We're gonna do our best.

Happy Holidays,
Patty

Thanks Sabrena...and Happy Holidays to you as well.

Hi again, Ladies you are VERY Welcome ;) Thank you both!! Sabrena

Patty, my friend!!!!!!!!
sorry, i didn't see this thread, i havn't been around much..

i wish you and sebastian, a lovely holiday...maybe, this year will feel different being with sebastian..
i know your mother and sister are watching over you, and are happy you two found each other!!!!
much peace to you and sebastian
fondly,
francis

Thanks francis :grouphug: I hope you have a wonderful holiday too!

Your friend,
Patty

It turned out okay. Sebastian and I spent the day together that was awesome as always. I cooked he cleaned the kitchen. I love him! I got calls from the family back in Cali, everyone was sweet. None of my friends got hurt feelings cuz they understood where I was coming from and I scored 3 leftovers from 3 different places so I won't have to cook for a few days! LOL It wasn't perfect, I'm always gonna miss my sister and wonder about decisions from the past that I've had to make but I have to say my man really came through for me, friends and family too and y'all my PTO family as well. I appreciate all y'all so thanks.

Happy Holidays,
Patty